


Crawling back to you

by grainipiot



Series: Modern AU I'll die writing [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, I'm telling you, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, lot of life struggle, rating will change later but for now it's pretty soft, still soft tho, this is the "omg they were roommates" AU, yes Yone is alive in this AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 06:55:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 71
Words: 94,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20810927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grainipiot/pseuds/grainipiot
Summary: After a terrible argument, Yasuo decides to leave home behind. No idea where to go or how to make it through but sometimes help happen in the most unexpected circumstances. Or how to find again a lost friend.Modern AU - yisuo - slow burn





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! First, thank you for trying xD I have been waiting so long to write this modern AU and like hell I won't give up!  
Second, this gonna be a really long series so be ready. Lot of good stuff, the ol' slow burn and mutual pining, you know the drill.
> 
> Have fun! And thank you! <3
> 
> Oh and hey, beware, the introduction really is heavy and different from the following updates. The story telling will change, this was mainly to explain backstory.

**[hi yi, it’s yasuo] **

**[hope u’re doing fine]**

**[i know it’s been a long time but i need ur help. like, really]**

**[can’t explain everything but got some problems at home. i left]**

**[atm i’m in the train to the city anddd idk where to go or stay]**

**[help me pls ? just information]**

**[and sry, for all this]**

There, it was sent. A bit rushed, out of nowhere but Yasuo hoped it would be heard. And answered. Calm, in appearance, despite the several emotions plaguing him as time passed. Really, it was peculiar to reach for Yi. How long since the last time ? Face to face, it had been years, no idea exactly how much. By messages, also years but a lot less.

A shame, really. To lose contact with a friend like this but sometimes it happened. Too far, too difficult to keep on conversations like before.

Now he felt bad, for bothering him like this. After years and years with merely a few words. But Yasuo had to. Such a difficult situation, not to know what to do then. Lost but it was his decision. Time to take responsibility, in several ways.

_What he is doing now ?_

Good question. Last time he asked, Yi had moved in another city to study but this was a long time ago. That same city he was going to. Yasuo hoped he was still in the area or truly he would have no anchor, starting point. Just him and his regrets.

More time went by and Yasuo started to think an answer would never come. Minute by minute, as landscape fled by the window and no other sign._ He won't answer ? _Too soon to say. Also it didn't take in count it had been years without talking. Maybe he wouldn't answer at all, too busy. _Or he forgot about me_. _Or doesn't care at all_.

Many possibilities and he wasn't ready for half of it. Too cruel, in such a sad time. Left with his thoughts, Yasuo felt again sadness well up. Nothing to distract him, save him from reality.

Alone. On his own. Indeed he could always find a way but now it really impacted him, to remember latest day, latest talk and all that happened. Too late to come back and anyway, he wouldn't. Determined to stay away for a time, let them be. It would hurt, as it did already but it had to be done.

Still, he hoped Yi would answer, give a few ideas to explore, where to go. This was already harsh enough for Yasuo. _Don't cry, don't cry_. It tied his voice, ready to spill but now wasn't the proper time. Would there be one anyway ? Maybe once he found a place to sleep. Not like it was the worst thing he had to endure. Life would go on, he would survive and his mother wouldn't have to struggle anymore.

Just, this would take time. To heal and to move on.

~

So arrived the end of a time in Yasuo’s life. Not really the end of childhood, it was already over for years. But rather the end of a cycle of struggles and difficult thoughts. It wouldn’t go away that easily but the decision made was in this aim. Stop the cycle and hope to get better.

Yasuo left his home behind. His mother and brother.

Heart heavy and merely two bags for a sort of adventure meant to be difficult from the start. One he chose, aware of the uncertainty, many outcomes of such decision. Pain weighed a lot too. So to say, it wasn’t easy to decide and follow.

Now came the question : why leave home ? Why under such stressful state of mind ? Why feel sad about it ?

It wasn’t a quick choice. On the contrary, this was the result of years, decades. Nothing happened without reason. It wouldn’t be a fast thing to explain such development.

Maybe some insight. What sparked such decision. That previous day, an argument went too far and some truths were left aloud in the rush. Many regrets too, after the outburst. For being a burden, for just a moment harming his brother, for making their life always so difficult. It struck so hard once he was left alone at home, while Yone and his mother went to the ER. So much silence, heavy judgement and loud thoughts.

The idea to leave wasn’t young, spent some time already thinking about it. Not so seriously, depending on the time and his state of self-hatred. Truly the best thing to let them be, let them have a tranquil life since he seemed such a danger. They just had an example.

But this wasn’t enough to explain. How could they get to such point ? No family was perfect, there was always some minor problem, skeletons in the basement. In their case, it was a matter of birth. Not truly an issue but right then it pushed to complex decisions, feelings of abandon and the path to problems.

If there was an origin for this decision of leaving, it would be found decades ago. Far indeed, for something of the sort yet it mattered. To be more accurate it was around twenty seven years ago, more or less.

And all returned to a happy couple.

Indeed they were, glad to have found each other, to believe in this one true love. Gentle couple, married a few years after they got the chance to meet. A modest woman and her sweet husband, the kind of union that wasn’t contested for they looked so happy.

Next point was their first child, after a year. A boy named Yone. And all love was given to their kid, merry life going on.

Till one day she lost her husband in a car accident. Life was cruel sometimes. She, who had been so happy, feeling like her best years in life were given, lost a part of this dream. Loss shattered her heart, crying till she couldn’t anymore. But all wasn’t lost, she still had their child. Dear Yone, hers and his. Still, pain was part of every day, reminding her that they were just two now. No longer three. Home felt empty and probably part of her died that day. Despite everything, she clung to life, resolute to give her kid nice memories, not tinted by sadness.

It was so difficult to keep on though. Do as if part of her life wasn’t missing. Even more difficult without the help from her husband. Still, her family helped.

Yone was barely one year old and half. So young, oblivious to the pain of his mother. She worked more, to afford living.

Some days, it was too much and she came to break. Hidding her pain would never have helped anyway. The world was cruel and so she ended up seeking comfort in someone’s arms. To be held again, forget the pain. Remember how it was to be loved. Yes she loved her husband but now he was gone, leaving her alone with a baby. What else could she do when the cliff was too close ? Jump wasn’t an option, she wouldn’t forgive herself. But sometimes the pain got so strong and she found a man to make her forget. Not even sure what she would do later.

That man wasn’t bad, something close to her lost husband’s kindness. The strenght used in an embrace, warmth of a smile. She was so low in this pit of sadness, she just needed to feel affection again. And so she did, for a time. It didn’t last long. Merely the time for her to see darkness leaving her thoughts and the ghost of her husband reminding it would never feel the same.

She couldn’t go on like this, too aware. And anyway, that man made the decision quickly. He disappeared, as quick as he came in her life. Just for a time of gentleness, gone before the begining of spring. Again, her heart bled a little but nothing as close than the loss of her true love. At least she got to feel some affection.

Then she realized she was pregnant.

Many emotions took her that day, fear for the family, worry about what would be the next choice. Keep it ? Or not ? No illusions, her husband’s family would never forgive her for ‘falling’ for another man, while freshly widowed. It would also intensify her struggle to make ends meet, already having a kid here, just for her to take care of.

All this on top of that old emptiness, to be alone again. Not truly, now. Two children. It would be difficult but she wanted to carry on, see what life would bring them later. See that other child. Her own family would probably pity her but she wanted to keep that child. Not out of contraint and else. Maybe she still hoped not to be alone in future years, that at least she would see her kids grow up.

About the father, she wouldn’t care. He was gone, on purpose and probably she would never hear of him ever again. However. Life had taken worse from her, nothing could make it feel more miserable than the loss of her husband. Now it was time to keep fighting, stay alive.

Time passed and her second child was born. A second boy, named Yasuo. Already far more lively than his brother, almost three years old at the time.

Indeed her in-laws sent her out of the family, claiming she had nothing to do with them. For all the love and respect she had to her husband, it meant nothing for them. More tears these days but now she had two kids, making sure she wouldn’t have some peace again. Which was appreciated at the time, she received tiny affection and she felt needed in this world, despite everything. Tiring but not alone.

Here was the base for this small family. A mother and two children, living as they could.

Circumstances of one’s birth should never have an impact on growth but right then it did. At least for Yasuo, a bit less for Yone. Two kids, same mother but different fathers.

Problems started at school – if it could be considered problems – quite early. At first both were targeted by other kids, made fun of for having no father. Life was cruel, children weren’t on purpose but it hurt all the same. Even as their mother did her best to educate them, help and give proper conditions of growth. It was difficult, quite poor and having no one but herself to make this happy family go. But she made it. The only difficulty was the outside world, perceptions by others and judgement.

Lying wasn’t her way so she never did. Anyway, how could they miss the presence of someone who never stayed here ? Yone’s father was dead and Yasuo’s was gone. She didn’t went into details, they were too young and couldn’t grasp this properly.

Instead, it hit later, when they were teenagers. Both boys knew they weren’t from the same father but whatever, they were from the same mother. Even if Yasuo kept the name of his mother, same for Yone. The problem started at school, with classmates. Again. All that implied, to have no father but ‘worse’, not to have the same. Rumors could run easily and kids never thought beyond. Mocking, else.

Yone was rather calm, seeming unbothered and he brushed everything off. Good student, it was easy to pick on him but not so much, he was still appreciated by most. Then few years later Yasuo would arrive at the same school and the fuss happened. He was smart, as much as his brother but he lacked the patience. His teachers would often say he had everything to be an excellent student except his behavior was an issue, sometimes disrespectful. Good grades, so not an easy target except for this fact, a second child from unknown father. Words ran and confronted several times, violence became his answer.

This was the visible reaction but innerly, it crushed him little by little. To hear that he was no one’s kid, many delicate ideas thrown by classmates. Till it went too far and implied the worst. Unwanted, mistake. If Yone was difficult to hate, Yasuo had this peculiar behavior able to annoy anyone. So he paid for it and suffered.

Kids never really meant what they said. He heard this often but it stung. Unwanted kid, unknown father. How to hide pain ? Return it physically. So went his troubles at school, excluded sometimes but in the end his grades still let him continue till highschool. Also they called his mother, at a few occasions. But he refused to mention his problems. It wasn’t fair for them, for his family but he kept it under silence. What if it was true ? Their mother still loved him a lot, as much than Yone.

Still, the gap grew wider. Yone, dear brother, the one sometimes defending him but so unaware of the depth of such torment. Yone, that he started to resent for the shadow cast. It was useless, he loved his brother but couldn’t help that empty feeling. To see the ‘real’ child of this family, the wanted one. Not the son of no one. And teachers were so proud of him, he was doing great. Surely he could study whatever he wanted, given his grades, a grant to be expected. This was fine, he was happy for him. And so went his sadness, anger for being the error here. Hated by half the people at school, mocked sometimes, reminded everytime of how perfect Yone was. How cruel again, to be so loved only by two persons.

Even once Yone was at highschool, leaving him alone for a time, rumors never gave up. He endured in silence, rude as ever and playing tough. Anyway, maybe he really deserved this.

Following year, he found his brother again, this time in their local highschool and things changed. Not as hard, rumors couldn’t be so effective and it was quite a big establishment, difficult to find again former classmates. Still, Yasuo couldn’t escape his own behavior but at least it stayed quiet for some time. Not so despicable to bear.

There was another reason for these calmer years in highschool. It was during this time that he met Yi. From the same year than Yone and also a rather good friend. Of course, Yone was friendly and almost everyone he knew liked him. Yasuo came to meet Yi because he stayed around Yone during breaks, when he could. Not a lot of people would stay with him for long so it wasn’t unusual to see him find Yone and spend some times when he could.

Here was Yi, even more quiet than his classmate, enough to think of him as the shy type. Kind, he came to learn later but not showing it often. Sometimes between classes it would just be the two brothers and Yi staying in a corner, under the stairs or else, chatting while he read.

Quiet, till they came to talk one time. It was nice, Yi never seemed to mind him. And strangely, it was soothing to be around someone so quiet. Especially for him, prompt to be loud, search problems and else. To sit still for some time was new, in complete silence. To be tolerated.

The year went and this became friendship. A peculiar one, that classmates pointed out but neither cared. At least it left Yasuo in a better mood. Also, he learned that he could have run into Yi earlier, since both of them practiced kendo at the time. Not on the same level but at the same place. Another point of conversation and sort of admiration. Maybe one of his first true friend in this difficult youth.

In comparison, this period wasn’t so bad, his grades stayed good despite the reminders given for his behavior. Though it improved, not so bullied in these years. Sadness arrived when Yone and Yi finished highschool, leaving him behind. Just like death waiting someone till the end, Yasuo knew it would happen. To be alone again, seeing his brother and friend go to study elsewhere. In fact, Yone wasn’t truly gone. He stayed home anyway and merely studied to university so it wasn’t too drastic. Just now Yasuo had no one to stay around quietly, increasing sadness as the year went.

About Yi, it was more difficult. He left to study in another city, the big one around two hours of driving from there. It was next step for him. So Yasuo gave his goodbyes, keeping his phone number and melancholia of previous years.

They texted sometimes, wishing birthdays and checking on each other but since then they couldn’t meet again. Till that day, contact was lost. No idea what Yi did of his life for the following years, if he finished a diploma, graduated or went to work fast. No idea. This situation of ignorance last till Yasuo seeked contact this day.

But let’s focus back on what himself did since highschool.

If this time was rather calm and peaceful, better than school regarding interactions with classmates, it changed again after he finished highschool. Oh of course he made it, good grades and all, despite the sceptic opinion from half of his teachers. Not a bad kid but he would have to get serious and stay respectful if he intended to study. Which he didn’t. Dropped studies as soon as he was free. Went on the usual cycle of kids his age, happy time of discovery and sociability. This was the difference since childhood, he could again return and do as his peers. Once eighteen, it was time to get wild, get lost and forget a little in the supposed spring of his life.

Going out late, coming back even later, able to live as he wanted. Their mother said nothing beyond her warnings, telling him not to go too far. The usual. At least only one of her kids was this social. Yone, not so much. First because he studied a lot, working hard but also because this wasn’t really his preference. Go out and drink, etc. Knowing Yasuo and his nature to find troubles, one was enough for this family.

Some would say these years went to waste, other would say he enjoyed the best thing in life. No care for late future, now he could be happy for a while. Drink, forget how he hated himself sometimes, how he wasn’t actually doing anything to help his poor mother. Clubs, dark rooms, temporary joy filling his heart to be drowned next morning. Also a time of intimate experiences. After finding himself too drunk to care, he found himself in men beds. Not truly a surprise, he rolled with it and so he could explore a bit. He was young, he could. His mother wouldn’t hear nor ask about his late activities outside anyway.

Morning were rougher on him, headaches and some regrets. It was in there instants that it hurt the most. Once the night was gone with its laughs and happy times. While he went outside, Yone worked for his future. Their mother worked so they could live. And morning came, he found the gap between them. Wished he was drunk again, not see his own failure there. Good, Yone was always so dedicated, serious. And he watched from afar, the distance between him and his brother. Sometimes resentment came back, snaking its way in his mind. Hateful, to feel this, as much for him than for Yone. It wasn’t fair, his brother did his best and he had no rights to be angry.

Maybe that was how it was meant to be. Yone succeeding and him staying behind. In his shadow.

Not a need of recognition here but deeper, a craving for love. Feel legitimate. Yasuo could have reached such point if he studied too but what was the point if anyway he wasn’t really loved. It would change nothing. This was partially why he gave up his studies. It wasn't worth it, all was already clear since his birth. No way to change how it was. Their mother already had a brilliant child, one to be proud of. Her ‘real’ child.

And so went bitterness, for his dear brother asking nothing. Not even aware of this, while time passed. Yasuo carried on his nightly habits, trying so hard to forget even for a time that he was alone. Why fight and wish for the best ? From the start he was the second.

Not a word to their mother. He knew it would do no good, she struggled enough just to give them a decent life. Along love, affection and care. Growing up made him realize how difficult it was for her, so present and radiant yet life was cruel to her. Yasuo knew and couldn’t find the right solution to lessen the burden.

Even more when he came to hate himself, to be the mistake of this small family. The reason their mother struggled so much. How despicable, to know she lost part of the other family just so she could keep him. A waste, truly. Ruined a little more. But not once she mentionned this, doing her best at raising her two sons.

Thinking about this, Yasuo’s heart ached. At least on of them wasn’t a waste of time and love.

Slowly this bitterness turned into anger. Against himself mainly, for not being able to help in any way. But against his mother, his brother. It wasn’t their fault, things just were this way but deeply he still cried to be the unwanted. Just good at finding and bringing troubles. All this was meant to explode one day, building up till he couldn’t hold back anymore. Horrible, to come to such point when he was the one unhelpful.

So it happened. Usual questions asked, what he would do later. If he was going to work or go on study again. Quiet questions because of course his mother was worried for him. Troubled kid, always coming back late or finding new reasons to quarel.

That one time, Yone took part in the discussion and everything went south. Lot of frustration coming up, tying his voice till he couldn’t keep any of this. Result of years indeed, anger redirected to his family because himself couldn’t contain it anymore.

Why were they expecting him to do better when Yone was already here? Wasn’t he enough ? He was everything their mother would want, a serious, respectful son, about to reach his dream and finish his studies. A son that never brought troubles. Her favorite.

Words escaped, got too loud and soon accusations. For being left aside, uncared even though she never said that. For being unwanted. Unfair, for the three of them but he was the one who had to carry this, endure as he had been mocked and laughed at.

It got so much under his skin, to hate himself for merely existing. So words hurt, shouted. And Yone, oh dear Yone, usually so composed yet this time he answered when the argument started. Violence was never a solution but Yasuo got to use it since childhood, going back on reflex. And so they fought, right there in their small flat.

He knew he deserved this, that Yone wouldn’t let him say this kind of thing. As if it was their mother’s fault. No, he knew the fault was his, for being a mistake but again he shouldn’t have said that to her. So it brought his brother to physically stop him. That moment went too fast, yet Yasuo was sure he heard their mother beg them to stop. But in a pit of abandon, so easy to forget and fight back, as if he was wrestling his own hate. It came to end quickly, when he pushed Yone to a wall and it was enough to knock him out. Some blood too. The sight made him sick of himself, as much than seeing their mother coming to help Yone, now on the floor.

Life was cruel and sure it made him too.

Even know he could watch this again, their mother taking Yone to ER, though no doubt he would be alright. Left alone again, with his sins and regrets. To cool down and realize that this time he went too far. Bottling up was enver the right answer but what else could he do ? Yasuo was never good to deal with his own problems and it led them to this. Having hurt his brother, shocked his mother and probably made them resent him a bit more.

Returned to his room after frozen minutes on his spot, reality coming back. Then he broke, for these years of pain. To be such a failure, enough to bring them more troubles than they already had. He shouldn’t have done that but it was too late.

Why was it so difficult ?

To make them understand that he was alone. That he had no one else and even within his own family it wasn’t equal.

Why did he had to exist if it was to endure this ? To bring them pain, misfortune.

Why even bother keeping a future child if it was to hurt like this later ?

Why why why ?

In this sort of instant, he wished he wasn’t there. Never or away. Possibly the only outcome where they wouldn’t suffer too much because of him. So leaving seemed right. Last chance to make at least one good decision, for them. It became more clear as hours went, alone with his thoughts and no more tears to pour.

It would hurt but it was already the case before. Now he could to something right, help. Let them be, as this family should have stayed.

Later he heard them return but he feared to go and check on his brother. Deeply scared of whatever their mother would say, sharp words and shaky disappoinment. It hurt, he went and saw. Indeed Yone was alright, merely a hard hit and light wound. Nothing to worry about. But now it was time to think about consequences. Yasuo fled to his room before a talk could even happen.

Staying there for the night, impossible to get enough sleep. Restless, sure of his decision, he gathered clothes and his small belonging in two bags. To leave next day. Better go away while he wanted to, no need to risk and coward. Then everything would be alright.

No plan for later, he would see once he was gone.

Next day, Yasuo waited till the other two were gone to work. It was sad, maybe disrespectful but he couldn’t bear to talk face to face after what he caused. A note left in the kitchen, explaining quickly then he hoped for the best. Regrets weren’t holding him back, rather pushing him forward. He had to go, to stop being a burden and failure there. Maybe he could start again somewhere else and do better.

Sadness still weighed over his heart, this was like leaving his younger self behind. At least it was right. Door locked, keys in the mailbox and good bye.

Easy no ? To leave one’s home, merely a glance behind. So ended his lost youth, on an agonizing yet oddly relieving note. No doubt it would hurt a lot more later. For now he just went on his way for this new adventure.

~

More time fled and Yasuo swung between determination and strong emotion at the limit of tears. It was difficult, he knew it wasn’t even the worst to come but if he distracted himself long enough, it would be alright. Just needed to focus on something else.

Yet he couldn’t help but imagine. How terrible they would react once they learn he left. Just a note, nothing more. Tonight he would break again, no doubt. A storm to come. At least he was sure she wouldn’t be able to actually change his mind. No way for her to come and search him, not if she stayed reasonable. Though stubborness sure was a family trait. Would she ? This was also why he decided to move to another city. Put enough distance.

Hoping they would accept his decision, some temporary sadness for a better future. Who knew ? Maybe he would come back once he settled somewhere, found a job or anything else. It was too far and uncertain to plan.

_ She will be sad… _

A bit pretentious from him to say that she always prefered Yone between her two sons, when he was aware of all the motherly love given. No doubt it would be hard for her at first, to understand and to move on. Just thinking about it, he could be sad again.

Yone, maybe less but they remained brother. He would understand his decision and would give a warm goodbye.

Suddenly, something ripped him out of his thoughts. Notification, a text received. Right on, his heart skipped a beat, checking hastily the message. _Yi ??_

**[Hello Yasuo, happy to hear from you. **

**My apologies, I couldn’t answer or even see your message earlier. **

**But I’d gladly help you. **

**Right now I’m working and I won’t be available before 6:30 PM. How about we meet downtown after work ? Tell me when you can.]**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!! Thanks for reading!!

_He answered !_

Part of him just wanted to cry again, after such positive news. Maybe he would have a starting point indeed, information on possible path to chose. It warmed his heart to read this message, again and again as to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. This day wasn’t so bad it would seem.

So Yi accepted to see him, give some insight. Time to realize he was about to meet him again after so many years. Things could change during this time, curious about what Yi did these days. _So he’s working_. Question, what was his job ? For later to ask, anyway.

In haste, Yasuo quickly typed a happy reply.

**[Damn thank you.]**

**[dw, i won’t bother you much]**

**[errr i think train arrives in 20 min, something like that]**

**[so i’ll wait at the train station, for when u can]**

**[again, sry, today’s a mess]**

Maybe he would recommend some place to stay, etc. Because really Yasuo had no idea where he was going, never stayed more than an afternoon in that city. Completely unknown territory. And he chose to flee there, well done. No time for regrets, it would send him in another wave of sadness and emotion difficult to hide. Bad idea to break down in the middle of the train.

For now it got better, thoughts focused on optimistic things. Yi. Still glad to be able to meet him again, one of his few dear friends.

Within the minute another text arrived, making him pay attention like never.

**[Very well. I’ll meet you here as soon as I can. As I said, probably around 6:30 PM. Now I’m sorry but I won’t be able to reply till then.]**

**[okay, see ya]**

_It’s fine_. Really, it came back quick to remind him of Yi’s kindness. Well concealed by politeness but deeply he cared for anyone. Today was another proof. Thinking of, Yasuo was happy to have him as friend, he knew he could count on him. No idea how Yi could tolerate him in return but still appreciated for what it was worth.

Trying hard to avoid thoughts about his family, too sensitive, he wondered a little. What could he do now ? Finding a job wouldn’t be the hardest part. No doubt he could do some delivery, find this kind of shit job paid low but easy to find. Innerly groaning for having to but it was a question of survival. Till he could find something more stable.

Most important thing, where to sleep ? Because this was the first thing to think about when travelling. Where to goddamn sleep. Yasuo sure was good at finding a way out but it also meant being good at stucking himself in ridiculous situations. Like running away from home in the afternoon with no actual plan to survive later.

No doubt he would find a way, somewhere to sleep but it wasn’t relaxing till he found it. Hotel and else were out from the start, too expensive. And he wouldn’t be able to stay there long anyway. About renting a place, a room, he had to search. Oh, so difficult. He genuinely hoped Yi had so ideas, secret plans.

At least for him to have his break down in a certain privacy, thank you.

_Oh no._ Again, sadness and horrible feeling like cold water. It would never leave him at peace, especially not so soon. Terrible thoughts, imagining the pain given this evening when they would come back to find no one. Such a paradox, to be convinced of being useless, unloved while too aware this was going to hurt them. Despite everything, they still cared about him and he felt guitly to bring such curse.

_Don’t think about this_. Negativity, always. It hit each time he was alone, be it truly or in thoughts. When messaging Yi, it was fairly diminished since he didn’t feel so lonely.

So focus on something else. Yi, as example. Good news for the day. Hope. Everything wasn’t so dark, he could make things better. Leaving was probably the hardest decision to take and now it would be easier to bear. Harsh but still better than this pure wrench. Hold on for now.

Life wasn’t over, it barely began. His turn to make the right decision, make life more quiet for his family.

Little by little as he fought back his sadness, his destination got closer. Till he arrived, almost oblivious to the passage of time when under such terrible train of thoughts. A real swing but maybe he could hope to hold on.

Looking at the time, he didn’t know what to do exactly. _4:17_. So at least two hours to wait. His habit and curiosity would push him to go outside and explore a little but he also knew himself, able to find troubles so fast. _Okay, just thirty minutes_. Then he would return and stay there quietly.

The city was no different from his home town. Not the same size of course but still he was used to this sort of urban life. Looking around the station for any interesting thing. Small shops, nothing particular. Still, it was always fun to discover a new place.

Very tempted to go further and walk around but he kept himself from doing so. No idea where he could end up and honestly he didn’t want any troubles yet. Like getting lost in this city, completely ignorant of how to situate himself once Yi was around.

As responsible as he could, he returned to the station and found somewhere to sit, bonus if he could find to charge up his laptop. Then he could lose his time. Half bored, half anxious about his situation. Really, it could be crap to be alone without a place to sleep.

And to remember at some point his mother would try to call, text, anything to know what he was doing. He wasn’t ready for this conversation neither. Always, his only good news was to wait for Yi and possible suggestions for the night.

Also spent some time searching on the internet, when wifi accepted to cooperate. Which wasn’t so often, to his annoyance. Well, he couldn’t hope much from a public service.

Glancing at the clock from time to time, till he couldn’t focus anymore. _Soon_. Strange day indeed, to bring him right there, sitting as he waited a long lost friend. Not sure if he would even recognize Yi. At least he hoped so, this would be tragic for his memory.

Slowly he got anxious again but for other reasons. A bit disrespectful to bother a friend like this, especially after so long. Indeed he needed help but it didn’t make this more valid to ask. Yi had a life too, reasons to be glad for the day to be over and he just asked him to stay out longer.

6:20. Sort of anticipation. Yasuo kept looking around sometimes, even though he knew the latter said he wouldn’t be there before half. To stay busy, he put his laptop back in his bag, ready to move as soon. Why feel so impacted ? It would be fine, nothing to fear. Maybe a bit of judgement but Yi wasn’t this type. He would help.

Fumbling with his stuff, he didn’t register another person stepping close, standing right in front of him. Just his gaze fell on a pair of docs, right before he was called.

« Yasuo ? »

Funny how he could lose any coherent thinking when pushed by fear, anxiety and many repressed emotions. He looked up fast, on reflex and once more this day his voice left, the second he laid a gaze on the man before him.

_Whaaaaaaat ? Yi ??_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup, sorry, rhythm is kinda shitty these days between uni, kinktober and THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I'M SO HYPE  
small update but aren't we all in this together? slow burn isn't to take easily
> 
> Also because i couldn't put it in the first introduction, i happen to have like the perfect song to fit Yasuo's latest years mood but i'm sad because it's in french but like lyrics fit so well and hhhhhhhhhhhh. anyway if you wanna try, it's "Fête de trop" - Eddy de Pretto


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i'm in the hype traiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin
> 
> thank you for reading!! <3

Expecting nothing yet he was still quite far from reality. How could he even imagine ? Years could do so much, especially in youth and still Yasuo took time to realize that man was actually his highschool friend. Thoughts gone, same for his voice. Merely staring back from his low level on the floor, wide gaze.

_Yi_.

Standing right there, head slightly tilted to a side in a sort of curiosity. Difficult but he could see through him the younger teenager met before. Yet so much had changed with these years.

First of many thoughts, piercings. Just that, and already Yasuo got stuck on it. Adorning the latter’s ears, several rings and rather discreet metal. _Wow_.

Maybe staying right there like a found kid wasn’t the best idea. Yasuo remembered he was called and returned to better thoughts, despite the start of fluster._ Why do I react like this ?_ Ridiculous, really yet he couldn’t helpt that.

Then he noticed the hand held out for him to stand, gingerly complying as his thoughts turned into a mess. So long, sadness, now it was just increasing confusion and rush of whatever that emotion was. _What’s happening ??_

Far more strenght than he expected to pull him up, it left him even more surprised by the second.

Now he truly faced Yi, gaze never leaving the latter. Looking for his words, unsure about what to say that would betray his immediate thoughts.

« Yi ? »

_So stupid, fucking damnit_. Of course it was Yi, why ask ? His brain went too slow to register and racing at the same time, many thoughts for what he noticed.

First – after the piercings – it was the latter’s height. Strange, in his memories he remembered Yi to be slightly shorter than him. Then he also remembered the type of shoes he wore right now and it explained a lot. Why cling to such details ? No idea but Yasuo was a bit drowning in these new informations. It never stopped, taking everything to engrave in his memory.

Dark clothing, mostly black and a few metal chains hanging. Long coat too, concealing well. Sure that was a change from what he knew Yi to wear back in highschool, as if before he tried to blend in. Now it took a whole new direction and if Yasuo was honest with himself, it was nice. _Really really nice_. It shouldn’t be allowed. Part of him still suspected that he was biaised from the start.

But what really struck him was how Yi himself had changed. Small beard, trimmed neatly. And now the latter had his hair way longer than before, let down freely under shoulder level. Really, it was like anything he remembered from his friend became even better after these blessed years. Good surprise.

Caughgt staring again, he averted his gaze shortly before looking back when Yi spoke.

« Hello Yasuo. At first I wasn’t sure I’d find you without a text but it seems I have some luck today. »

Yes, same voice. Although he didn’t hear him that much back in their days, he could remember it.

Then a smile. A goddamn smile. By the second it became clear Yasuo had a serious problem. For being so not impressed but rather touched like this. Because yes, if these years after highschool taught him something, it was that he was really gay. And if life wasn’t so well done, it just brought him to a very fine friend. He would laugh if he could, if there wasn’t more urgent like fucking answering Yi for once and stop that staring. _Fuck fuck fuck…_

« Errrrrrrrrrr… » Well this would be difficult indeed, if he wasn’t able to talk. _Please stop_. « Yeah, hi. Sorry for all this I…. this is a long day. » That sigh wasn’t planned but indeed he needed that.

At least Yi didn’t seem to notice his fluster or anything of the sort, quietly going on. Maybe he ignored it on purpose, not to embarass Yasuo further or just because he stayed oblivious.

« Well, I could understand that from your messages. Was your travel alright ? » Gentle, soothing. That calming aura that never missed once he got knew him better.

Truly a good thing to be friend with Yi.

« Huh ? It was fine. It could have gone worse I suppose. »

Not the most relaxing time or place to have a conversation. Yasuo could just feel it go awkward, no matter what he did.

« Maybe we should move somewhere else, to talk. You must be exhausted too. There is a café nearby, let’s go there. » Pointing faintly a direction as he looked at Yasuo.

Obviously Yi was done too with this day, not so exhausted but he would rather sit for a time.

« Erm I don’t have much money. Dunno if it’s a good idea, since iI have no idea where to go after. »

« Oh, don’t worry. I still owe you one or two coffees so this is the perfect occasion to pay it back. »

Kind laugh, not really loud so just him would hear. Right on Yi seemed to be dedicated for this round, stepping away with a small gesture for him to follow.

Really, Yasuo had no memories about who owed the other, it was such a long time ago and anyway he didn’t care. Unless he was the one having to pay back the coffee. But since Yi decided so, he could just go with him, lingering feeling for the temporary peace.

Strange, to find back a friend yet as quick it felt like these years apart were gone. Like nothing happened. It was nice. Still someone who cared about him. Flash of sadness, that he smothered fast, before it could hurt. Important not to break now, despite the rush of joy for being around Yi.

They went outside, both of them carrying their bags. Yi had one too, no idea what he carried in it but it took some space.

Shortly they indeed arrived at a café. Coming in, Yasuo guided inside before the latter. After ordering quickly, coffee and tea, silence settled again.

What to say, after so many years ? Yasuo could barely take his gaze away from the latter. Never done discovering a few more details. After such observation, he could state that indeed Yi was handsome and also he got it really bad to have found him right now. How nice from his luck, to balance his shitty days by giving a good eyeful of a gorgeous man. Karma wasn’t fair but some comfort was appreciated.

Could notice an equal stare from Yi, in the curious yet thoughtful kind. Probably about to ask. And indeed it arrived, quiet question.

« Tell me, what happened ? And what could I do to help you ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update probably following week end, sorry -__- at least i managed to fuck my sleep for tomorrow


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
Still trying min one update per week, that would be cool xd i need sleep tho
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3

_Good question_.

As quick emotion came up, violent wave after such quiet – almost happy – moment. It would never leave him alone, no doubt. Now came the struggle, to hide this before it could get obvious. Yi was allowed to ask, this was only polite for the man that tried to help. But not too far. Still very fresh wound over his heart, Yasuo couldn’t risk it. Also because it was quite personal, something that even his family didn’t know till that terrible argument.

So a short version would be given, the bare minimum to prevent more harm. The night would take charge to break his heart once more.

« Family drama, I guess. Quite ugly, won’t be able to go too far into details. » Even his tone grew heavy with regrets, unsure how to properly conceal this.

« This is why you left ? You were still living with your family ? I understand though, I won’t push you . »

It sounded so much like one of their talks, during lunch break. Hidding at peace under the stairs, discussing nothing and everything. Just now it was far more deeper, serious topic. Yi could feel it without a doubt, careful stance.

« Yup. Yesterday we sorta fought, Yone and I. » Deep sigh, exhale, making sure not to break. Memories came back, cruel.

For a time the latter stayed quiet. Yasuo didn’t dare to meet his gaze now, wandering instead around this café, finding great interest in his cup of coffee. Admitting violence was never nice, he still hated himself for simply using it, surrending for a mere time. And Yone was the target, collateral damage just like him since childhood.

Shame, staining. Impossible to forget. And pain, for hurting the only family he had. Would they even forgive him ?

Still, Yi spoke again, low and thoughtful : « My apologies but in all honesty, I can’t understand why you two did this. I’m aware this would be too much to ask. Yet I would have never expected to hear this. »

Logic, indeed. The latter still tried to piece things together, know what happened while staying careful. He wouldn’t dare to ask more. Yi was as much Yone’s friend than his, no doubt he would worry after such news.

« Problems in the family. I…I shouldn’t have done that. Don’t worry, Yone’s fine. » Getting more difficult as conversation went. Innerly Yasuo hoped it would change topic soon, before he broke down. That last part was the truth, all that mattered. Yone was alright and now wouldn’t fear any kind of harm from him.

« I thought you two got along. At least that was how I saw it, back in the days. »

Yi still tried to make sense out of this, quiet now.

« Yeah, you’re right, still like him. But ya know, life is a bitch and it’s difficult to do as if everything was cool. » Heavy heart, twisted by each thought and word. Dear Yone, who never did something wrong. « Listen, I don’t want to talk about it or Yone. It’s too much. »

There, pain seeping low like blood from a deep cut. Healing would take time and this was barely the first day.

« I’m sorry. I won’t bring this up. Instead, let’s talk about now. You still need a place to stay the night, don’t you ? »

Quick distraction offered, one Yasuo was glad for. _Thank you_. Could gaze back at Yi again, feeling the lurking sadness going low by the second. Still present but a reasonable level.

As he made eye contact, there was a small smile in return. Heart skipping a beat once more. Really, how could he feel so much hate and sadness then swing into the damned early signs of a crush. _No no no…_ This wasn’t the right time. As if there would be one though. But here he was, averting his gaze just for a few seconds the time to compose himself. _Just stop. Breathe_. Then he could hope to seem normal, after this mess going on.

Shaky nod, as he dared to look back again. This time it went better. « Haha yes, it would be nice to have a roof tonight. And a bed but I can’t hope much. That was why I bothered you in the first case, if you had any idea where to go. Please. »

Small pat of shame at the back of mind, for indeed going to such point to ask Yi. Now it was too late, it was done. But regrets wouldn’t stop following him for some time.

« Well, I have a couch at home. I know it’s not as good as a real bed though. »

_What_. _He’s offering to stay at his place ?? _

« Wait what ? Like, letting me stay at your place ?? »

A lot more than he asked. Yasuo didn’t know if he heard well. That would be awkward to misunderstand this. Not even able to imagine.

« Yes, if it’s alright for you. You seemed to need help and this is the minimum I can do. » Soft honesty, caring.

Of course he should have expected that. Yi was far too helpful to let him sleep outside. It sounded like it was even the first idea he got when Yasuo asked some help. While himself just thought of information.

« But but but you don’t have to ! I just need ideas of places to stay, don’t have to bother you at home, really ! » Struck by that strange feeling, sort of relief yet mixed with anxiety. Truly he refused to take advantage like this.

« You won’t bother me, Yasuo. Plus, I’d hate to know you’re all alone in town. You never came here, no ? »

« Errrr just once, when we were kids. But to be honest I don’t know anything here. »

« So another reason. Don’t feel like it’s a matter in itself, I can welcome you for a time. How long will you need ? »

Not even questionning whether he wanted or not, taking him in by safety. Truly, Yasuo didn’t know how to react. This was so nice to offer but at the same time he had been a jerk at coming around without warning. But it was Yi’s offer, something that sounded really good since he had no place yet. Temporary heaven.

New question indeed, how long this would take ?

« I don’t really know…Still have to find a real place to live, maybe rent and else. And to find a job. » Long sigh, for this wasn’t going to be easy. Sure a large demand in urban areas for housing.

« Then we shall see. At least let me offer you a place to sleep for these days, for my worry. No doubt you already have enough matters to deal with and carry. »

_Damn, he’s stubborn too…. _Then Yasuo couldn’t keep up. As much as he was tempted to fight on this offer, he still needed the safety to have a place to stay. This one was a true miracle he hadn’t yet accepted.

« You don’t have to ! But yeah it’s kinda rough today….Thank you. » Half leaning on the table, annoyed by his own ability to bother other people. But that bright feeling stayed, hope.

« Ah, just one thing, before I forget. I have a cat at home so I hope it won’t be much trouble for you. »

This was another slap of reality, to understand that indeed he was going to sleep at Yi’s place. What a day._ A cat ?_ Right then the cat person brain woke up, glad to have another good news for the day.

« Daaaaaamn, so cool. It’d been so long since I last pet a cat. »

« Glad to hear that though don’t be disappointed, she takes time to accept guests or even show up. Now it’s decided, you have a place to stay. »

« Fuck. Like, thank you so much but at the same this gonna take me so much coffees to pay back. »

« For now you won’t have to worry about this. You’ll be my guest, as dear friend. »

To finish on a small grin. Merely all it took to make Yasuo scream innerly and swear to whatever god that he wouldn’t fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like, i sure don't trust myself so maybe tomorrow night i'll write more, maybe not, maybe i'll die in hell because this is too fucking slwo and yet it's the point of a slow burn i can't even bear myself


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, i won't regret this in the morning, not at all xd  
morning gonna be rough!
> 
> thanks for reading, lovelies! <3

And now sadness was gone. Just for a moment but still gone. Good break, enjoyed to its fullest. Now they returned to talk about more trivial things, in a same mood than in their younger years. Really, always sweet to remember that Yi could talk more once it was in a comfortable context.

Yasuo learned this during highschool, after months of slow realization. The latter was always so quiet except when around him or Yone. At first, only with Yone, since they were classmates and friends before him. It took him some time hanging around to hear Yi more often. As in his initiative. Fine, maybe it was Yasuo’s fault because he was always so loud._ Fuck_.

So what a reminder, to hear him chat as if time never separated them.

Then came a sort of silence, not too awkward, just a topic finished. For a time Yi said nothing, though still gazing at him quietly. The kind of melancholia, soft wonder after years. It left Yasuo a bit startled, unsure about what to say, if the latter found out about whatever crossed his mind since he came. Why feel like this ? Like he was in fault, guilty ? Maybe there was still something. Making him blush faintly, for being observed like this. Another memory about Yi, how he was quite good at guessing his thoughts, his problems. Not so accurate but never really missed. Again, this was Yasuo’s fault for being so oblivious, open about everything. A miracle he never broke about his own pain during his childhood.

Growing flustered, Yasuo was unsure about his reaction. If he got to such point Yi would guess why he was staring like this. And he wasn’t ready to explain himself on that one. Fidgetting a little, he stood the latter’s gaze as he could though he could feel his own face heating up. _No….._

Light laugh, coming from Yi. Nothing mean, of course. Intead, kind amusement. « You know, you haven’t changed at all. Sorry for this but I can’t help remember. »

This could mean everything and the opposite, leaving Yasuo to panic all alone. A few seconds came, looking for anything to say but Yi continued.

« Oh, not in a bad sense ! But really it’s nice to see you exactly as I remember you. Except for that one scar. How did you even got it ? »

Light, innocent questions. See, no reason to fear. Yi was merely as happy than him to find a friend.

Explaining the reason behind such scar sure was going to make him laugh. Yasuo did too, in advance because that was the most ridiculous thing. How he came to ‘earn’ a scar right on the nose. _Well, let’s go_.

« Ah, okay I’ll tell you but please don’t judge me too hard. » He saw Yi paying attention, eyes full of interest. « I don’t remember. Like, I know when I probably got it but I have no memory. »

« Oh no, what did you do ? » A bit more serious, slight frown.

_Awww_. Worry, again. Normal, Yi knew he could be up to no good and so it meant looking for troubles.

« Hey, nothing bad I swear ! Just after one party quite drunk, I woke up with that. Looked like I even tried to clean it but here I am, it still scarred. »

« That’s not funny at all. How can you laugh from this ? It could have infected or anything of the sort. » There, clear worry for such recklessness.

« Mom said exactly the same. Relax, I’m still alive and now I look badass. »

Still sweet to hear, despite the stern tone.

« Mmmh indeed. But don’t forget to take care of yourself. Even such a small detail could get worse. »

« So you think I look badass ? » Why ask crap like this ? He couldn’t help it, grinning like an idiot.

« Alive. But yes, badass too. Just be aware you merely gave me another reason to worry. » If at first it came rather blank, it still had the warm tone between long-known friends.

« Thaaaaanks. And don’t worry for me, I’m used to it. Not so dumb. » It remained fun to play around, stay oblivious as if moments ago he wasn’t close to break. Many change of mood but this one was so good.

« I know this. You’re smart but you pass off as dumb very often. This is part of things that didn’t change. »

Direct, impossible to dodge, a good punch to the gut. _Aye, always so blunt_. Yasuo was very tempted to laugh again, despite the blow to his own intelligence.

« Ouch. You’re still pretty honest too. »

« I’m aware and I apologize. Though I don’t think less of you. You rush in but you still figure out a solution. »

This was his friend, telling things directly but still taking care not to be too mean. Usually he was right anyway and truth was always useful. Even when it hurt.

« So I never really changed, huh ? Still the same noisy guy from highschool ? » Nostalgia hit half-sentence. Again.

« Not so loud, to be honest. I remembered you to be so noisy half the people couldn’t bear to stay around for long. Now you seem…more quiet. »

« Eh, for the best. » Still, he didn’t know what to do of that statement. This was probably Yi’s first thought when he saw him and indeed it would come from his damned fluster.

« I disagree. » Again serious, low tone as if lost in his memories. Not even looking at him, gaze unfocused on his cup. « You were yourself, that was clear. Your own way of expression. I guess I grew fond of it, though it took me time to get used to it. »

For someone talking with honesty, it still took them years before talking things so personal. Yasuo froze for a short second, unsure about how to take this. Still nice to hear, that even as himself he was accepted. Like his family.

Nothing broke silence that followed, him looking for his words, Yi too far in this sort of nostalgia too.

« Thanks. For letting me stay, back then. It was nice. »

« You say this as if it was a sacrifice. I think you would have heard me complain if you were bothersome. »

New wave of feelings, unsure how to handle this. This became too deep for a joyful conversation. But it was alright. To hear he wasn’t so hated anymore. That in the end he could count on Yi.

« Still, thank you. It wasn’t easy at that time so I’m glad you let me. »

Probably he was far too dull, quiet now. So Yi made a move, hand reaching for him slowly, merely staying over his arm for a short time. Forgot how he used to get close to anyone before, tactile. Maybe Yi kept that in mind, remembering what used to be.

« Don’t worry about it. This is what friends are for. And I’m glad too, for the company. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouf, getting there little by little


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm tired and internet is being ....... so sorry
> 
> thank you for reading!!

It sounded sad, at first. And knowing how himself tried to convey the joy of having company too, Yasuo guessed the latter had some rough times too. That he never heard of, obviously. Solitude wasn’t nice.

Awkward as he grew since he just found Yi, he searched for another topic. If he was to go on this one, no doubt he would dig too deep and get sad too. _Better not._ Still, there was this gentle warmth to be accepted and know his presence brought the same comfort.

Short glance to Yi, before he fell again and stared like a teen. He looked calm, more than quiet after that last statement. Maybe sudden memories.

_What to ask ?_ There was still plenty of things to catch up on. Life, studies, anything. The cat. _Oh wait he’s working now._

« Hey, you said you work now ? What are you doing ? »

Touch of curiosity, since he knew Yi left specifically to study. Something that obviously wasn’t possible in their home town.

In any case, it shook him out of this pause, new interest awaken. Almost cute, to see him look up as if caught zoning out. _Don’t think like that_.

« Oh well, yes, I’m working now. Sorry, forgot about all this. I’m teaching kendo. » Tone going to soft joy, like someone asked about their hobbies and passions.

So indeed Yasuo was fucked, to observe tiny details and find even that worth attention. Then his brain worked and he registered the answer. _Wait, really ?_

« You’re teaching ?? Holy shit ! » Even better to hear, since they both trained at the same place back in the days. It sounded so cool, to know Yi managed to teach this, shared passion.

« Yes, but not for long. I still had to finish my studies, so I’m quite new to it. » All in innocence, modesty. Small grin.

_Sunshine_. Old nickname but now Yasuo refused to use it. The sense was the name but it became too heavy of meaning, now that he started to even consider men. Yet he saw this years ago, rare smiles that left him blinded innerly. Blessed be the one to see Yi smile, for it happened only in the right situation. Before it was a sort of joke between friends and it turned into something else.

_SHUT UP. STOP_. Thoughts getting too loud, too oriented for his taste. He shouldn’t think of him like this. It would be stupid to catch feelings like this. How quick, he barely found Yi less than a hour ago.

So he suffered in silence, sort of holding himself back. It was so nice to hear Yi so excited about his new work, to be able to practice kendo everyday. And Yasuo stayed there, hoping everything sacred that he didn’t seem awkward or obvious. That Yi wouldn’t notice the fluster.

More time went, as the conversation. Though his participation stayed more quiet now, Yasuo still tried to seem normal. Easier to pay attention to anything Yi had to say, telling what he did since their latest interactions.

As he presented it, it wasn’t that extraordinary. He arrived in town, young student it a new city and anxious about how it would go from there. Understandable. His studies went well, made a few friends so he wasn’t really alone there. Anyway, his parents sometimes paid a visit for a few days, checking on their son.

And he got all the qualifications to teach to students. Not a real surprise, for Yasuo. He was talented.

Life. Happy success in what he started. For now it was going well and Yi sounded glad for the past years. Touching moment when he talked about his cat. Lily. Adopted at a shelter. They helped each other in fighting solitude, as he joked. Yasuo smiled at this but there was the unsaid. Lonely.

Then Yi stopped himself after he realized it would be better to leave now, getting late. Also because they were almost kicked out of the café for its closing time. So they went on their way, small talk resuming while he followed the latter.

Truly, Yasuo had no idea where to go so he stayed by his side, curious to anything they came by. It wasn’t so late but he could tell night was coming.

Not just a walk. They had to take the bus and for some time. Yasuo didn’t really care, even though the latter apologized for the long trip. He didn’t live downtown but not so far from where he teached. So this explained the time to come.

This memory too would stay burned in his mind, the sort of routine in public transports in all quietness except right now he had company. Sitting in front of him, Yi was silent though he smiled when they got to eye contact. Which made Yasuo avert – not so fast – and look by the window, familiar feeling of being dragged there and there by life. Leaning to the window till it was too unpractical, paying attention to the lights of the city outside. Life. Still going on despite everything. His sure was a wreck right now but it could go a little further, thanks to Yi.

At some point he stood, gesturing him to follow. The walk wasn’t so long till the place Yi lived. Another hit, to register that not only he had a roof for the night but several after. Also that he would see Yi’s place. Strange information but thrilling nonetheless.

There, the two of them carrying their bags to the building, and its too small elevator. Still managed to get everything in. Second floor. Lost like a kid at the mall, Yasuo looked around and stayed behind, see where they were going.

Just the most usual place, like any corridor. Once they reached the doorstep, Yi looked for his keys and gave a last warning.

« Alright. Usually, Lily will try to rush so be careful. She’s not allowed to get out of the flat. » Though he chuckled, surely him too was glad to be home and find his cat.

« Oh, okay. » So Yasuo would be ready. _A cat !!_ Anticipation at the idea of seeing one.

Door opened, both went quickly inside so they could lock it fast. And indeed, here she came. Loud meow the second they stepped in.

Yasuo barely had the time to see the cat before she ran away, like death was chasing her.

« Wait… »

« Haha, I told you she didn’t like strangers. For her, at least. But don’t worry, she will come around at some point. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, nto much for now but soon i'll be able to focus on this series, i swear!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small update sneaked!! at this my internet problems allow me to write
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Still, Yasuo pouted a bit, for not being able to greet the first cat in quite some time.

« Come on… » Heartbroken, gazing at the direction Lily took the second she noticed an intruder.

_Not now then_.

« I apologize for her though you know cats. Some take time to get used to new people. She’s like this and I’m sure you’re gonna be friends soon enough. » Patient hope while Yi got on his routine. Taking off coat and docs, making himself at ease after what was probably a long day.

For a time Yasuo didn’t know what to do. Instead he looked around, taking as many details as he could of this new place. Yi’s home. Funny how he never knew much of his friend’s life, before. And now he was wandering in that too small corridor leading to the rest of the flat.

First impression, it was indeed small and cosy. Not as suffocating than a student room, there was still enough place to have a living room, visible from where he stood awkwardly. Yi went there following habits, keys left and bag down. Then he looked at him.

« Ah, come in, don’t worry ! Make yourself at home. »

« Okay okay. » In a bit of a rush, he went and sat on the couch there, taking off his shoes since it seemed required.

Peculiar mood, like indeed intruding but not so much. This was Yi’s familiar place, after all. Privacy. Still stuck in that quiet observation, like a kid. Quite well kept, in order though it was clear someone lived there everyday. A few posters on the walls as decoration. In a corner of the living room he noticed a cat tree, right by the window. _Sight must be nice_.

Sigh, for not having met the cat yet. It would take time, he knew it. So better not chase Lily around, it would just make things worse.

Just as he got lost in thoughts, Yi returned in the room and it caught his attention, called too.

« Hey, look ! » Cheerful tone and indeed it was fitting. Right there, Yi came in quickly carrying his cat in his arms.

_Oh_.

Indeed a cutie and a cutie. Yasuo got another spike of feelings for such smile, before smothering it furiously. Focus on Lily, fluffy ball in the latter’s arms. She seemed to grow alarmed once there so not long before she escaped and jumped out in a graceful move. Then she ran away. _Ahhhhhh_.

Not so shocked, Yi turned in the direction she took : « Sorry, my lady. » And he joined Yasuo on the couch, sitting not far : « Yes, I knew she wouldn’t like that much. But I wanted you to see her, even so shortly. »

« Aw thanks. But no need to bother her now. Will see later if she wants to hate me or not. » Laughing but he hoped the contrary. Nothing more sad than being avoided by a cat on purpose.

« We’re quite alike so if I got used to you, she will. Anyway she still prefers company over solitude. »

« You do too ? » Quiet question, since it came back often.

A sort of pause came and it made Yasuo regret his question. No doubt it was too much to ask, even for them. But sometimes he still got an answer to his most spontaneous questions.

« We don’t always chose but yes, I still prefer to have people around. Even though it’s difficult to find some that aren’t exhausting. »

It seemed far for him, all this. Yasuo didn’t like solitude neither but this was why he seeked other people. At night, in crowded places. Social life sure was nice to follow when surrounded of other careless ones, so free.

In their short years in highschool, it wasn’t so obvious Yi had many friends. A few ‘chosen’ ones. Not alone but surely not like Yone, who seemed to draw anyone to him with that clear friendliness. So maybe this was all he needed to know. Another way of seeking company though only approved with time.

« Nah, sorry. I guess I fall in the exhausting category. » Chuckle yet Yasuo wasn’t so sure about this statement. But it was clear he wasn’t a quiet one, difficult to get along with at first.

Why did they fall in such topic ? This was his fault but now he didn’t know how to make it stop before it could go deep. For now it wasn’t uncomfortable at least.

« Of course you’re not. I thought it was obvious. » Yi gazed at him like he said something stupid. « It’s not a question of being noisy but rather the whole impression around. You’re very honest in everything, even if you don’t mean to. »

If that wouldn’t make him blush like an idiot. Yasuo fought himself not to turn away, hide any potential reaction though it was hard. He couldn’t understand at all this reasoning, it sounded contradictory. _Fuck_.

And as his silence went, so did the mood slipping to awkwardness.

« Ah, sorry sorry ! I didn’t mean to be rude or anything. This was merely my opinion, don’t feel like you’re a bother. » Yi was fast to move on, apologizing even though he wasn’t the one at fault here.

« It’s fine ! Just…I don’t understand at all, it’s kinda strange. Well, I guess it makes sense for you. »

« Yes, I suppose it’s another point of view, for someone so sociable. In any case to be around people is tiring but some less than others. »

« Uhuh. To be honest, I just see if people are annoying or not. Maybe it’s the same thinking. »

_Someone so sociable ??_ There it was Yi’s opinion, as if he considered them on different level. It could be true but he didn’t know the latter to be so ‘behind’.

« Probably you get it. » Discreet smile, for an equally quiet mood. « But it would require a full conversation to make it clear. Not now, I guess you’re hungry. »

_Food !_ Sudden thought, catching completely the previous mood. Yasuo could just agree, it had been quite a long day.

« Yes ! »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear soon i'll be able to write real updates, with more content xD  
also, warning, some angst shall come hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye!!  
kinktober is over so here i should update more often!!
> 
> thanks for your patience!

So went the evening, nothing really planned. Yasuo was so far from his routine, each minutes was a completely new feeling, setting to explore.

Since Yi suggested to have dinner, they got on the idea. Merry mood in the small kitchen. Even though in the end Yasuo was far too out of his element to be really useful. He did his best but couldn't do much.

Looking around, handing whatever Yi asked him to find with some quick indications. While it was cooking, the later stayed near the stove, chatting in that happy mood. For all the evening Yasuo felt like his young self, merely able to bother his mom while she made food for this small family. Sitting on the only chair there, he tried to go on the conversation.

Quite easy, this was what he was best at. Being loud, cheerful about any new information on Yi's life.

The big event was when Lily accepted to pay a visit despite the big new threat in her territory. Careful steps in the kitchen, she still came to Yi and meowed loudly for attention. Or food.

« No, dear. I know it's hard to resist but you've nearly done it. Tomorrow. » Kneeling so he could pet her gently, provide some happiness despite the harsh reality.

On Yasuo's part, he wished he could get her attention like this but unsure if she would just run away. _Gonna try, gonna try ! _Yes he was aware this could backfire. But one had to try.

So gingerly he reached for the cat, letting his open hand to her in questionning wait. To be accepted or not.

If at first Lily didn't seem so convinced by letting that one stranger here, she still came slightly closer. Maybe by mere curiosity.

« Hey. I swear I'm nice. Ask Yi if ya want. » Whispered, as scared she would bite or dodge any attempt at petting.

In the end he ended up sitting on the floor, almost holding his breath as he watched the cat judge him silently.

« I confirm, my lady. He's very nice, I'm sure you'll like him too. » While he kept some attention on their food, Yi petted her, encouraging.

Within seconds Yasuo kicked down the new feeling, before it could impact him too much. To focus instead on Lily and potential friendship to find. He really had no use for another blush right now so full attention on the cat.

Tentatively he lifted his hand to pet her head softly. First victory for the day, she let him do. But everything was short lived, Lily probably decided she would never get her food right now and walked away, slipping under his hand. Last memory of fluffy fur before she was gone.

Both looked at the missing cat's direction, equal sigh breaking silence.

« Sorry, it will take time to fully convince her. »

Quite amusing to hear Yi so sad about this. To be honest, Yasuo would get over this. Not like Lily hated him, she even accepted some petting. So no reasons to apologize at all.

« Nah, don't worry. You took your time too. » Chuckle, thinking of old times.

Yet for this seemingly innocent joke there was only silence as answer. Yi gazed nowhere, attention on their food cooking but it was obvious he was lost in thoughts.

_Okkkkk_. Yasuo shouldn't have said that, instant regret.

« But that's alright. Everything takes time. »

« Hmm ? Oh, yes. Indeed. » Again taken out of this, kind apology while he resumed. Then he gazed intently at Yasuo. « Yet you persist in saying it was tiresome and annoying to stay around you. Are you alright ? »

Too serious, all of sudden. _Shit_. Really he shouldn't say things before thinking. It always brought him to moments like these, when someone actually stopped on his words or noticed any emphasis. _Nooooooooooo_. How to give all attention to some personal issues, with someone who probably didn't care.

That wasn't true, Yi would care. In honest amount. But he couldn't really understand or help on that. It was over for years.

« Fine !! Really ! Just checking, 'cuz I always thought everyone was done with me. » Quick to brush off everything, pass as dumb and careless as he could and maybe it could do the trick. It did at home, at highschool, why not now ?

Fail. Yi looked at him with quizzical eyes, thoughtful. Not a good sign. Right now Yasuo had this lost memory, of being transparent, letting everything to see in his stance and expression. The latter knew something was different, or off.

At least he could stay appeased because it was far too deep for Yi to guess it exactly. Too complex. _Leave it, please_.

Before anything could be asked, Yasuo caught his attention on something else. « Wait, the food. » He stood and went to check, by Yi's side. Overall this attempt was rather clumsy but it still managed to dodge awkward questions.

« Ah ! » Indeed he focused back on the pan and got busy, leaving the latest topic to die by itself.

As quick Yasuo helped, for their plates to be filled and served. Things going one after the other, they went to eat since it was ready.

Just Yi looking for another chair in his flat, coming back shortly and then they could eat indeed.

Merry mood coming back, as he took at heart to devour his plate. Indeed some time since he left and it got him hungry. Conversation resumed too, since nothing could really shut him up.

At that moment, Yasuo innerly stated that he risked nothing anymore about uncomfortable questions. Successful escape.

It almost went well for the evening. Almost.

Because a few moments later, while they half-chatted, half-finished their plates, Yasuo's phone rang. A call.

At first he didn't pay this a lot of attention, quickly looking at whoever the fuck might call him right now then it stabbed him with little gentleness. His mother was calling him.

_No_.

All returned to him, fresh memories and wounding words. Agonizing, to live that again when he could have forgotten. Well, no way for him to forget, it would have struck back at some point. But the later, the better.

Ice piercing his chest, real pain as he couldn't take his eyes off his phone. Still buzzing, for he hadn't answered. So far from his actual situation, when he and Yi were happily eating in that small kitchen.

How could a mere action shatter a man's heart ? Even for such a short time, he felt safe. He felt welcome. And now came the reminder of his deeds, that he didn't really deserve to forget and be innocently happy.

« Yasuo ? »

Nothing in that tone, maybe slight worry for Yi must have seen him freeze as he stared at his phone. Not picking it up. And so went the call, unanswered. He wasn't ready for this.

It brought him back to reality, clutching at anything to get out of this new spiral of negative thoughts. It hurt so much, just to remember, to feel the weight of his guilt.

Then the call ended, having taken too long to answer. As if he was ready. Never.

_No, not now.._.

If for a few seconds he felt slightly better, once the emergency of calling back and 'facing' his mother, it disappeared fast. Not even the time to breathe, she called again. Breaking the silence between them.

In a rush for self-protection, Yasuo refused the call. Muted his phone so he wouldn't hear if she was to try again. She would, without a doubt. And it ripped his heart apart to even be aware of that. His mother would want to know, hear what was wrong, why he left so suddenly. A note couldn't nearly be enough to explain.

Not so calm he put his phone away on the table, turned down. And silence ruled the kitchen. Yasuo could feel that gaze, settled on him after such peculiar instant from an outsider's point of view. Yi couldn't understand what was happening in that same moment, how painful it dug but he did notice the odd behavior.

So he finished by asking quietly, clear worry in that tone : « What's wrong ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy some feels


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need sleep
> 
> thanks for reading! chu! <3

_Don’t ask, don’t ask…_

A mere call and now Yasuo lived these hateful memories again and again, never left in peace. The last time he saw his mother, or Yone. The last time he used violence and the most despicable.

It hurt and it felt cold, as if there was no bright future now. All returned to his actions.

And Yi asked what was wrong. Everything. It didn’t even start with his own birth, too many things that brought him there.

The latter wouldn’t understand. Maybe try his best but he couldn’t possibly find reasons in that mess. He would judge, like everyone did before.

Yasuo did his best, to bottle up till there was nothing left to see.

« Nothing. » Quick, direct. Praying everything that he wouldn’t push further. Phone put away, so he could focus on anything else. Yasuo returned to finish his food, busy his mind.

No fast reply but he could still feel Yi’s gaze on him. Still, quiet, looking at him as if it would answer his questions. Heavy to bear, to know he was the target of such deep thoughts.

Would there be any kind of peace one day ? For him ? Was it even allowed ? Every time it felt like he would chose the best he could – for himself and everyone else – but it failed and made the situation worse.

Even right now, after running away for his family’s safety. It was supposed to be the best decision yet it got so difficult to carry on. Pain was always there. At least he wouldn’t truly regret that choice, escape or not they heard everything he tried to hide.

A sigh came up. Given the silence between them, it turned out rather loud. Yasuo braced himself for anything, in no way it could be good.

« By now, I would have hoped we were perfectly honest wiht each other. It seems that I was mistaken. » A bit sharp but to be expected. Yi couldn’t be fooled so easily. Still, he spoke softly : « Tell me, is it about your family ? »

It never changed, Yasuo couldn’t lie about the most personal things. Not when it hurt him that bad, impossible to seem normal.

« I don’t want to talk about it. » Only thing he could get out before his voice broke. What a shit show it would be, to have the incoming break down right here. It was meant to happen but not here. Not for Yi to witness.

Far from happy. Neither could do much right now. Yasuo was that close to let go and the latter couldn’t really help or anything. A bit unfair for them. Because Yi respected that, the need to avoid certain topics and he wouldn’t force him. But it was so obvious it wasn’t alright.

Confirmed by the following minute. Nothing said, just silent acknowledgment of this pain. Yi knew enough, about his reasons to leave, the fight. Just this, nothing too deep.

Yasuo wanted to be left alone, at least to have a door between him and anyone else. As much as he was glad to have a roof and place to sleep, pain became too much.

He stood and went to clean his plate, wash the dishes before indeed finding safety. By pure habit and urge not to bother his host, he did all he could, be it in small tasks like this.

« Wait, I can take care of it. »

Yasuo would have answered no but he feared for any emotion to slip in the tone. No need to make the latter more worried than he was. So he merely stayed there, cleaning all that was left in the sink.

No way for Yi to directly meet his gaze, that was for the best. He merely came back once to get the latter’s plate and resumed in heavy silence.

That time, Yi stood and joined him. He could hear, as he tried to keep his back to him. Faintly hidding, without much hope. _Say nothing, please_.

Instead, he was gently nudged to move aside, allowing Yi to take his place.

« Really. Let me. » Nothing harsh in his voice, all so calm compared to Yasuo’s thoughts.

No way to fight him in his own home, he let Yi do as he wished. Light warmth of an instant, for the small gesture. Gone as quick.

Without focus at all, Yasuo stayed there, by the latter’s side and caught himself before it could even become something else. New wave of sadness, suffocating emotion. With quick steps he went out, not even sure where he could go.

On reflex he finished in the living room, strange state of conciousness where everything hurt so it seemed distant. Like watching himself from afar. Empty yet overwhelmed by negativity. No light for now. Yasuo came to wonder how he could have felt safe or even happy during the day.

Now it was a long fall and he feared the instant he would meet the ground. The most painful. Right then he came so close already.

Distance was enough for now. He hoped he could take a bit more before surrending, once the day was over and Yi went to bed. _Too early_. They barely had dinner and some time remained no matter if the latter went to sleep early or not.

Sitting on the couch, he did nothing. But in his mind many things happened at once. Lingering sadness, fluctuating, like waves hitting the cliff. It never stopped.

_Why did she call ?_ The last thing he wanted in this world but at the same time, it was logical. Yasuo remained one of her kids, she would worry or be angry, whatever. Of course she would call. But he hated this, to have to admit once more his problems. To voice his pain that took care to gnaw him over the years.

Part of him wanted to be angry at her, for even trying to reach. Because it still meant he mattered. Not matter his actions, no matter their struggle. No matter what he inflicted to them.

All this was supposed to be left behind the second he walked away, closed the door. Going forward. Yet past still clung to him and it would never leave him at peace. It was for the best, why did she struggle to understand that ? It was for their own good.

« You forgot your phone on the table. »

Sudden as it yanked him out of his thoughts. Yasuo registered the latter’s presence, missed till he made himself known. How could he have so low awareness ?

Something in his stance or expression must have been too telling, open, since Yi froze too.

« Ah, sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. » Soothing gestures, as if to calm any possible threat he represented. But it was so far from what he thought.

At least it calmed Yasuo a little, to see his friend despite his fear of showing anything. At the same time, that reaction meant he failed. Yi saw him, maybe vulnerable, maybe angry. It didn’t matter.

« No, don’t worry. » It was so difficult to say this, risking his tone to betray anything. _Shit_. Now words made sense. « Err I’ll go get it later. »

No need to fuel his sadness, especially now that it got a little more calm, low. Maybe he trusted Yi enough to be safe, slightly relaxed. But it didn’t lessen the pain, still clawing his heart open. To look for his phone would be like self-harm, too tempting to just see if any message was received.

Funny how he came to forget about it for a time, as if his mind tried to help protect a little.

The mood got slightly better, while Yi came to sit on the couch too. Not so far. Short contact for a time, meant to soothe and it nearly made Yasuo jump. A hand on his shoulder, comforting as it could be.

« It’s alright. » Quiet, maybe seeking for the best word in this kind of tense moments. « Just let me apologize for earlier. I won’t bother you with that unless you wish to talk. Now the topic is closed. »

Nothing else to add. Even less since Yasuo didn’t want to go this way. So it was for the best, the latter making it clear he didn’t have to share anything. And that gesture told too that he wanted to help. All he could ask.

~

The evening went a little better since that incident, for Yasuo’s relief. Doing his best to forget or at least put aside any thoughts about what was happening at his former home.

Yi seemed to take at heart to provide a distraction, in the limits of what he had around. Many movies to watch, though the selection wasn’t so large to his own taste. Yasuo thought it was fine.

Not his habit to stay quietly ‘at home’ for a saturday night but this was a whole new place. No way to know where he could go out. And it wasn’t really correct, he still had to find a more stable situation before thinking about his nightly habits.

So they settled for a movie, since Yi as he explained didn’t work next day. He could stay up later.

It was almost nice. To be right here, focusing on more happy things. For now he had a place to sleep and even be welcome by a friend. That same day he had been crushed by anxiety for the uncertaincy of his situation but it got better. Beyond what he expected.

It led him there, to be comfortably sitting on a couch, worries calmed for a few days.

Yasuo could maybe hope for the best. Until he was alone again for sleep time, after Yi resumed his routine and wished him a good night. Then silence, darkness.

He wasn’t complaining, he had a blanket, a pillow and the dear hope to be paid a late visit by Lily. All would be alright.

The only mistake was to check his phone. Several messages and missed calls. From his mother and Yone.

~

_He’s crying ?_

Faint noises heard, in the too silent flat. Yet he was sure. It couldn’t be something else.

Once more, worry struck back but there was nothing to do. His heart ached as he returned to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YEAH, LET'S SWAP POV


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, internet is down in evening/night so i couldn't post once it was written --'
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Yet he couldn’t fall asleep, as much as he changed sides in bed. It just wouldn’t come. Yi lied on his back, sighing for this bad luck. At least he didn’t need to wake up early next day.

Maybe what kept him awake was his thoughts.

Still paying attention to any noise in the flat. Usually he could tell if Lily was having a crazy time or not, depending on the rare noises. His bedroom’s door was always open in case she wanted to come here and sleep. Also because she would meow till the door was open otherwise.

Right then, it was nothing like a cat that caught his attention. So small, muffled. It couldn’t be Lily so the source could only be Yasuo.

Yi had been about to go back to rest but it didn’t sound right. Not the kind of noises in one’s sleep.

Sobs, in the middle of the night. When he realized, it hurt a little like a start of panic.

_What’s wrong ?_

There was so much he didn’t know though he guessed it was linked to this ‘family drama’, as Yasuo called it. Who knew how deep it was ? It couldn’t be a mere matter, to bring his friend to this.

_Don’t cry, please_.

Sitting in bed, Yi did nothing. Powerless. It must have been so painful or sad for Yasuo yet he couldn’t help at all. He promised he wouldn’t bother him on this topic.

As if he could ignore the muffled noises nearby. Really, it was meant to be discreet but he heard it. In return, sadness touched him too. To see or feel someone aching to that point was difficult for people like him, he received part of it.

Maybe Lily could bring some support, if she happened to be awake at the moment and willing to wander in the living room. Ridiculous idea but as long as it helped where he couldn’t, why not.

There was something deeply cold in being unable to act, to provide some comfort as small as it could be. Yasuo would probably be mad at him or extremely ashamed if he came to see him and ask. Bound to stay silent.

Restless yet nothing to do. Since sleep refused to take him, Yi’s thoughts ran a bit. Or maybe this was why he couldn’t sleep. Thoughtful, about Yasuo.

Since he met again his highschool friend, he noticed how much changed through the years. Strange to say but Yasuo was still his very self yet with some nuances, too stark details.

First, he was far less noisy. Joking around the fact that it was better for everyone including himself but it didn’t sit well with Yi. For him, he just behaved like a lively kid violently scolded who wouldn’t dare to speak like before. Or maybe he needed time around someone to get used to it and return to his usual self.

Yi came to remember these years, gone for long. That one guy looking for troubles but in fact he was just unlucky, a real magnet. Background noise during his and Yone’s breaks. Indeed it took him time to realize it wasn’t bothering.

Take care of this memory, the bold youngster shut fast from a mere word. Now he was quietly crying, as if he could hide from the world.

So far from what he knew of Yasuo but did he really know him ? Good question. For all the time he believed the two brothers to deeply care about each other, it took one afternoon to learn they fought. And Yasuo left their home. Maybe the reason he was in such state, far from his home and family. Homesick.

He knew that too well, the solitude from distance. Emptiness when left alone, without no one to chat with or anything. At least he had Lily. Yasuo had no one here. Except him. It stung and it warmed his heart slightly to notice that. As long as he could help him in some way. This was a reason Yi looked after him, when he heard his problems. Not to leave him alone in a new city.

Something else was at work too, easy to tell. Not just the fact of leaving family behind. It would have hurt just a little if Yasuo left them on good terms, to study or else. But right then he left after a fight. Yi doubted he told them. Possibly he ran away when they weren’t there to hold him back. Or before they came back home.

Asking details was impossible, the latter would never tell him.

The result was here, with some thinking. They tried to call him when they were eating. Small hypothesis because nothing else could explain such utter fear from having to answer a call. Again Yasuo had refused to talk about it.

What a difficult situation. No way out except waiting for a better day, which wouldn’t help that much. Yi had to stay silent on this, no matter what. But it hurt, as echo for his friend’s pain. If he wanted to talk of course he would be here and ready to listen. He still doubted Yasuo would let him.

Furthermore, no idea how these days would go. For now he had a guest and he would stay the time to find a proper place to live in. Difficult to achieve in a few days.

Yi considered this. It would do for now, it was still a form of help to keep the latter here. At least he knew he wasn’t freezing in the street.

Out there, silence came back. He paid attention but nothing seemed to come anymore. _Ah, good_. Small relief to know that Yasuo found sleep or maybe just felt better.

Now both could hope for some rest, worry soothed.

Though Yi would have to wait a little bit more. Struggling to sleep, even as he had his peace of mind back. It really didn’t want to help tonight. _Please…_

Slow wondering, as his thoughts came back to his guest. _Well, I hope he’ll be fine_. Next morning he would see how Yasuo do but potentially nothing of the night event would remain. He saw that several times, the latter trying to cover any ‘vulnerability’. One of the easiest person to read through but it got more difficult since he found him again. The years mustn’t have been nice to him, especially if it brought him to violence recently.

Little by little he felt sleep holding him. So he welcomed it gladly, last thoughts about next day to make it better for Yasuo. At least give him a distraction, like this evening.

~

Special waking of the day offered by Lily stepping in his bed without care and even walking on him. Good way to wake up indeed.

« Mmmpf. Hello, my lady. » Softly said, not so aware of what time it could be or anything. Just, the sun was up and a quite busy cat was living her life even if it bothered Yi’s sleep.

Blindly he grabbed his phone and looked at the time, while trying to keep Lily in bed. She didn’t complain and flopped on the blanket.

_10:12_. Later than usual but it was alright. Now it was time to see if Yasuo was up already or not. Honestly, Yi expected him to sleep till noon at least, for he knew the man to be in a quite awful state in the morning. Oh dear memories.

_Do I have some coffee left ?_

To Lily’s chagrin, he had to get out of bed, at least to go to the bathroom. A sad meow answered the move but she stayed in bed. At the occasion Yi put the blanket to cover her, see if she would like that.

After this quick passage, he checked on his guest. Quiet as he could just in case, Yi went at the door of the living room. Bingo, Yasuo was still sleeping. Not a really quiet rest, he would say. Snoring lightly, limbs tangled in the blanket and no care for this world.

He lingered on this sight, realizing he never saw the latter in such setting. Well, there was a time for everything. Yi left him at peace while taking care not to close the door. This would be such an outrage for Lily.

Now he had little to do. His living room was reserved for a time and it was sunday morning. For such day his routine wasn’t really important. So Yi returned in his bedroom, got back to bed. Lily purred loudly when he sat down and took her in his lap to pet her.

Quiet time, for a quiet sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, by now i should alternate POV chapter by chapter


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! guess what? i'm tired! Worlds begins in less than 11h! hype!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

All this felt like a far dream. Soft blur around his thoughts and moves, as sleep abandoned Yasuo. _Mmmh_. It was nice for now, unable to think properly. All that mattered was to curl into the blanket as he could without falling off the couch and hopefully go back to sleep.

After some time, he realized he couldn’t anymore. No obvious reason, maybe he got his rest already. Without looking around he could tell the sun was up, lighting nicely the living room in the way of a beautiful day.

Sighing, Yasuo rolled over to lie on his back, enjoying this peace while he could.

_Oh shit_.

Yes, he wasn’t at home. Could have forgot that, thanks to the sweet embrace of sleep. Eyes blinking open, he could just confirm he was somewhere else. Yi’s place. With that information came back emotions, suffocating.

Morning couldn’t eraze everything he felt during the night. It still shook him just to remember. _No…_ Many messages, pleading for an answer, for explanations, for anything. Sudden spike of pain, Yasuo decided to completely ignore that topic and focus on anything else.

Really a big effort but he somehow succeeded. Instead, his thoughts stayed stuck on the direct environment. Yi. Gaze wandering in the room, registering any detail that he hadn’t noticed yet. So this was where his friend lived. It wasn’t magical, merely someone’s home and this gentle atmosphere of a lively place clung to its walls. Calming, as strange as it could sound. What someone called home really said a lot about this person. Comfy, the minimum of disorder to keep it familiar.

No doubt he wasn’t falling asleep again. Yasuo stated this innerly as the time of waking, while he reached for his phone._ Oh, not yet noon_. A bit of a relief, he knew his sleep rhythm to be quite delayed compared to other people so this risked to bother Yi. No mention at all of the several messages waiting for him, he was resolute not to think about this.

He paid attention to any noise in the flat, to see if the latter was awake already. Chances he was, he remembered from highschool himself suffered greatly of the ungodly hour of first classes while Yi took it quite well.

Yet not a single noise._ Maybe he went outside ? I don’t know_.

Yasuo knew nothing of the latter’s habits. Probably awake at that time, going on his routine or else. So he had to move soon. Obviously Yi would do his best not to bother his sleep by avoiding the living room and staying overly quiet. Even in his own flat.

_Oh ! _

While he was gathering his strenghts to get up, he spotted Lily. Right there, in the room, comfortably settled on her cat tree, she looked down on him.

« Well, hello cutie ! » Small joy translated in his tone, for the presence of the cat even though she stared at him like he was an intruder. Partially true.

This would help a lot to get up, now that he had motivation. Though he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to rush and try to pet her. In any case, he got out of ‘bed’ and walked in happy steps to the cat tree.

His mind was so focused on not scaring the poor Lily and still getting as close as possible that he didn’t hear the new presence in the room.

« And hello to you, Yasuo. I see that you got some appreciated visit. »

Gazing back, indeed Yi was there, standing at the door of the living room before joining him.

_Oh…_

Thoughts gone for a few seconds, stuck on the sight of the latter. Indeed in a rather private setting. Yi wasn’t as disheveled as him, surely he got up earlier and did some cleaning up but there was still this specific mood of finding him in his peaceful home. Clothing a bit loose, hair down without care.

The time Yi made it to the cat tree, Yasuo had to suppress any voiced reaction. _Good lord…_

« Hi. » Just to get that out was difficult, trying not to seem moved at all.

So now he returned his attention on Lily, to prevent being caught eyeing the latter. _Stop stop stop_.

Meanwhile, Yi reached gently for the cat, petting her despite her high position above them. She took it well, purring under the touch.

Yasuo felt his heart melt a little, also hoping she would let him.

« Awwww, she’s adorable. » Maybe he said it already too many times but it was true. Such tiny furry ball, staying there for the attention given.

« Yes she is. Hear that, my lady ? Beautiful. » It was obvious how much he loved Lily, such affection.

After a good minute spent watching this simple yet entertaining show, Yi took his hand away.

« Tell me, do you want some coffee ? I think it’s too late for breakfast but I’ll make us lunch instead. »

By mere mention of food, Yasuo felt hungry. « Damn yes, that would be nice. Let’s go ! »

With renewed energy he followed Yi to the kitchen, as long as his thoughts got a new focus. Now it was time for this same cheerful mood, getting a bit noisy while they prepared food.

It was easy and it was a good distraction. Very glad to have a warm cup of coffee handed not long after, along a small smile. That one detail meant nothing, Yasuo took a sip to mask the fluster but he just managed to almost burn himself. _Ouch_.

« So, did you sleep well ? Lily didn’t bother you ? »

This was only polite to ask, Yi’s tone giving that same kindness he used to before. But nonetheless it reminded Yasuo of the night, the breakdown he feared so much. It happened in private, at least.

_Shit shit shit…_

« Erm, it was fine, don’t worry. And she’s too cute to be a bother, really. » Flashing the brightest grin he could, to hide the nightly pain. Yi would worry for nothing if he learned about it.

« I’m glad to hear that. » Yet everything in the tone and the latter’s expression showed it wasn’t so much. Soft pain, worry, however that emotion could be called.

It had Yasuo meeting his gaze and he regretted it as quick. Yi knew. Or maybe he guessed everything wasn’t alright. _No…_ He could guess a lot from his reactions, stance, probably this gave him out.

Gaze averted at once, burning shame at the back of his mind. Whether Yi heard or guessed, it changed nothing.

_Don’t mention it, please_. Prayed all he could. It would hurt intensely if the topic came back. Yasuo stayed there, very tense all of sudden with no escape.

But Yi said nothing. He merely sighed after seconds went, that same lingering sadness then he paid attention to what he was doing.

It didn’t take long before a whole new topic was found and a sort of happy chatting resumed.

Innerly, Yasuo was so glad, even as it squeezed his heart to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay now i'll have to think about next step xD


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grrrrrrrrr internet down once more
> 
> thank you for reading!!

_As expected_.

This whole topic made Yi sigh every time. Innerly though, he wouldn’t let his concern to show. Truly a closed door. Yasuo did as if everything was fine yet it was so obvious in in voice and expression that the opposite happened. And he understood Yi knew too, for that ashamed gaze just after.

Now it followed him, not so peaceful. Difficult to stay passive like that when he knew his friend had some serious issues but he had no other way.

Along the pain Yasuo must bear all day there was also his own, very faint but present. The latter wouldn’t tell him about it, probably because he couldn’t trust that much. It wasn’t so nice to realize that friendship could dull over time or maybe it was merely not that deep. Yasuo had spoken of his problems on rare occasions but it was nothing too serious. Never. And now he stayed silent.

Well, not exactly silent since he was still himself. The only time he seemed to go a little more quiet was when Lily came around, trying not to scare her.

After lunch and a not gloomy at all washing, they were free for the afternoon. To do nothing. Really, Yi almost forgot what he used to do when alone on sundays. To have a guest was really changing, even if it meant searching for privacy sometimes. Not too harsh, at least.

But he found an activity for the afternoon, to keep Yasuo busy. Maybe that way he would be less sad and get tired enough for that night to fall asleep in no time. Funny thought, about planning this like for a kid. _No, just joking_.

It led them to this, sitting in the living room, mug of tea nearby. Since Yasuo had planned nothing for his ‘escape’ in another city, he had to see what he needed now, what he forgot at home and wouldn’t try to take back.

Actually, it was Yi’s idea to sit down and take time to make lists. Secretly it was for his own worry. What a risk to go in a new city with barely a bag of clothes for a week or two. At least Yasuo’s priorities came to make him grab the ‘essential’, laptop, phone and toothbrush.

_He wouldn’t go far with only that_.

Another sigh came up, from Yasuo again.

« I know it’s boring but it’s also very important. » He reminded him, insisting on that last point.

« Yeah, yeah… »

Sprawled on the couch with little care, Yasuo had his laptop nearby. This was Yi’s suggestion to have a list and keep it for later.

For now they were thinking about what he needed right now, that Yi could potentially lend if he had it available. Like towels.

« I think you’ll need more clothes. At least something for when you go outside. Winter isn’t over yet. »

Small chuckle answering this. It had Yi looking up, to find the latter grinning.

« Ya know I don’t feel the cold ? I don’t need that. » Smiling like the idiot he was sometimes. An idiot that couldn’t get sick, as he said.

« I remember this very well but I keep my opinion. I did my part, now if you catch a cold it will be your own fault. »

« Aww, you worry for me ? »

What about that look ? Yi gave up, it wasn’t his place to force the latter. _He’s warned_.

And yes, he worried.

« Yes but for more serious reasons. Your current situation isn’t really stable. »

Unexpected effect, it had Yasuo to go quiet, sitting up on the couch. When he met his gaze, there was indeed something else, meant to be burried deep but he was that good at this. _Is that wrong to say ?_

Maybe it reminded the latter that indeed he just ran away from home and so he thought about his family. _Maybe_. Yi berated himself innerly for not being careful enough, if that was the issue.

« I’m sorry, for all this. You don’t need to worry for me, I’ll survive. » Not as loud, just thoughtful.

In fact Yi was wrong, it wasn’t exactly what he thought. Yasuo averted his gaze, looking by the window as sort of distraction. This was the new side, what he never really noticed before. The fluster, on some occasions. It also happened on this topic, about Yi’s help.

Peculiar, to see Yasuo trying to focus on anything else. It would seem like a lie but there was nothing said, just honesty.

« You know I worry for everyone close to me so it’s useless to tell me that. I understand your situation and I just want you to avoid the problems I faced. »

It didn’t help a lot, Yasuo still averted his gaze, a bit tense. This was where it led to have a nice conversation turning deep without knowing why or how. It just happened. Probably it was because the latter lived that situation right now, it was an actual matter.

« Thank you. » It sounded really shy, something rare coming from Yasuo but it came back often since they met.

Just before he was so confident and playful, where did that go ? Yi wondered quietly. This was what he meant by ‘less loud’. Sometimes Yasuo got stuck in instants like this one and it just made it more obvious. Truthful.

« No problem. Again, this is what friends are for. »

« I know but really, thank you. I had nowhere to go and you let me stay. »

This time Yasuo was looking at him, not so relaxed but he seemed to make an effort to be normal. Such a different side of the troubled youngster, the part that was lost and seeked attention. All this time Yi thought he knew him enough but a part remained hidden before.

What could he answer to this ? It was really soft to say, in repressed desperation for anything.

« In a similar situation you would have done the same for me. There is nothing wrong in seeking help. »

« We would never know. But yeah, I’d help as much if I could. »

Still sweet to hear. They maybe never went to discuss difficult topics but they could count on each other. Yi thought how much it would have helped to know someone when he moved in this new city. Again, it was useless to dwell on the past, it would change nothing.

Then the topic went dead, after talking quite honestly. Silence settled while both focused on their task.

« I have a scarf. Promise me to wear at least that when it’s cold outside. »

Out of nowhere but since he was lingering on this, might as well close the question. The gaze he directed to Yasuo was meant to be determined, no way around.

« Okay, okay, I won’t fight you on that, you’re too stubborn. »

That laugh came back and it filled nicely the room. Yi prefered it this way, when Yasuo didn’t look or sound too sad.

_Better_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, i hate morning too


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! sorry, week end was difficult
> 
> thanks for reading, ilu <3

A whole day went since he arrived at Yi's place and he wasn't even close to know everything. There were several good points : he had a roof, a scarf and a chance to be approached by Lily without scaring her. She still looked at him quite warily but at least she didn't run away. If Yi was around, he could use the occasion to pet her a little thanks to the distraction.

The latter wasn't always with him, sometimes leaving him alone or maybe he seeked peace for a time. Yasuo wasn't blaming him, it could be exhausting to have a guest staying all the time at home without break. If really there was an urgent matter, he could ask him but otherwise, he left him to his tranquility.

Even knowing that, Yi spent a good part of his time not far, keeping company till the evening settled. This afternoon had been somehow useful, now he had a long list of things to buy later. But it would have to wait a little, useless as long as he stayed here.

After some time trying to get Lily to cuddle – and almost all these failed attempts – Yasuo went to take a shower. This was the only time he seemed to make react the cat, as she meowed behind the door.

« What’s wrong ? » He went at the door once he was done, looking curiously at Lily for all this noise.

What he found was indeed a very restless cat, rushing inside the bathroom as soon as he opened the door. _Ow shit_.

The fluff ball sneaked beyond him, dodging the obstacle and ran to the shower where she sat expectantly.

« What you want, cutie cutie ? »

Yasuo followed her, greatly happy to have an occasion to be approached. Still, when he reached gently for her, Lily kept moving, turning under the shower as if she could command it by will.

« She wants to play. » Once more, a voice from behind.

Surely alerted by the noise Yi came around to check or just explain.

« Oh ? » He felt the latter joining him quietly, standing while himself was crouching by the shower.

« Look. » The tone was soft, like one would use to show a funny trick or something interesting.

As if oblivious to the persistant meowing, Yi took the showerhead and changed it for a small spray before running the water.

The result was immediate, Lily rushed to where the spray met the tiles, just like a cat would with a lazer dot on a wall. Really impressive how quick she was, looking very invested in that game.

Yasuo watched this, really amused. Even more because he saw how Yi tried to make it more difficult for the cat, pointing elsewhere fast. Lily had good reflexes though.

Then it was over, Yi stopping water and putting everything back. Lily kept meowing for more but it would change nothing. It made Yasuo laugh to see this so fluffy cat now a bit soaked, ridiculous look.

« Awww sorry, it’s over. »

« Yes, it’s not always I do that and never for too long, it still waste some water. Now you will understand why I don’t let her often. Close the door quickly. »

« Huh ? Okay. » Quick to comply, sensing the urgence. So he went to close the bathroom door.

When he turned back, he saw Yi reaching to grab a towel on the pile up there.

« Thank you. »

This would start to scare Yasuo, to hear such serious tone along an equal stance.

« Oh wait, maybe it would help if you tried too. » Yi handed him another towel as everythig seemed clear, this was going to be exhausting.

Still screaming for the game to start again, Lily saw Yi come closer with a towel open as to hold her. As he probably expected, she dodged and ran in the bathroom, dripping water wherever she went.

_Ah. OK_.

« I’m sorry, my lady but we have to or you’ll just ruin our home. »

And so Yi tried to catch her but that one was quick and agile, jumping around.

On Yasuo’s side, he understood the situation and did his best to help but even in such small room the cat could escape easily.

« Hey hey hey, come here ! »

The worst – or funniest – was how she made a mess of the bathroom, they had to be careful not to slip.

Big sigh from Yi, standing there as he looked deep in thoughts. « I think I have an idea. Try to chase her around till he goes in the shower. Then block the exit with the towel held open. »

« Gotcha. » He didn’t care so much about the risk, this was quite fun to do. Maybe he would change his mind later, when they would have to clean up the bathroom.

Without waiting he followed the order, acting all scary so Lily would run away exactly where they wanted her.

Till he made it, closing the access as he could while he crouched again. Then it was time for Yi to proceed carefully. Since Lily had no real escape, he tried to pick her up with the towel, just as she was cornered.

All this looked like something else and Yasuo got into a fit of laughing at the thought. _Oh fuck_.

« What ? You’re having fun running after her ? I can let you two in the bathroom to play but you will take charge for the cleaning later. » Still pretty serious, enough to doubt if he meant it.

« No, no, I swear ! Just, this reminds me so much of these machines at arcades, when you try to grab a plushie or a toy and fail most of times. Sorry... » He was still chuckling from this.

Yi looked back at him for a time, definitely not mad or anything like the previous tone could have left to guess.

« Oh, indeed. Then the reward would be a fluffy cat. If she agrees to let us do. » He focused back on his task, leaning till he was almost in reach. « Please, my lady. »

Lily sure wasn’t having fun, probably panicking a bit for being grabbed by a towel. There, it was done. Threat neutralized.

Yi rolled her in the towel while making sure she wouldn’t squirm out of it and escape.

« There, you’re arrested for terrible crimes. I sentence you to a long and agonizing drying time, with cuddles. » So fond tone while he held her in his arms. Now Lily wasn’t so much trying to flee, no doubt she accepted her fate.

Yasuo stood there, heart filled with affection after this small scene. _Nawwwww so cute !!_ Useless to say he thought that as much for the cat than for Yi. Oh feelings could be cruel sometimes. Now maybe he would be able to pet her a little.

So went several minutes as Yi did his best to dry her up with the towel without making it uncomfortable for her. This would have been better if they sat down but it wasn’t possible till they cleaned up. After a small successful attempt at petting Lily, Yasuo decided to carry on and clean as he could.

« Thank you, Yasuo. I’m almost done, then I’ll be able to help. »

He went to the bathroom door and released Lily, beautiful fur as she jumped to freedom.

« There, good job. You’re free now. »

Quick to return to Yasuo, dry everything in the bathroom. It wasn’t that chaotic after the run at least.

« Damn, that was fun. But exhausting too. » Large grin to Yi when they were done.

« Now you understand why I can’t play with her like this every day. She’s difficult to cooperate with once it’s time to dry. »

« Yeah, I get that. » Genuine laugh, this was too understandable.

Now they were free too, for the evening.

~

Dinner went well, a little happier than the latest and first. Also because Yasuo enjoyed the latter’s cooking, nice to have real food.

This time the change was that Yi worked next day so he explained during their meal what was important not to forget, what he could do during the day.

If really Yasuo wanted to get some fresh air, there was a park not so far. Small shops were available too not too far neither. A small research on the internet and he would know where to go.

Yi would let him the second key of the flat, the one left in case he lost or broke his. That way he was free to go outside without having to wait for the latter’s return.

And if really he was bored, he could go downtown though it took some time with transports.

Many indications and advices given. Only a few tasks for him. Yi asked him to check on the cat’s bowl of water and food. If it was empty, he could refill it.

Most important, Yi would get up really early – compared to him – so there was a risk to be awaken around that time. Yasuo didn’t care, this was Yi’s home and he was no one to complain.

With all this in mind, he was left alone. Indeed the latter didn’t stay up too late.

Maybe that night would be more gentle with him. Small hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! a bit early but internet is trash -__-
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Quiet time, before he went to sleep. This wasn’t Yi’s favorite hour to get some rest but he had no choice. The ghost of monday lurked nearby, impossible to forget. He would sigh a lot just thinking about it.

After going a little on the internet, he settled went on his nightly routine. Once he was ready, he made sure the door wasn’t closed and his alarm set.

This time Lily was already napping in his bedroom on a corner of the bed.

« Hey, it’s sleep time for me too. Give me some blanket. » Whispered as he gently moved her closer.

A very plaintive noise answered this but in this lazy instant, Lily wasn’t too annoyed. She sat then curled again to sleep against Yi, a small ball of warmth really appreciated in winter.

« Good night, my lady. »

Light switched off, he could hope to find rest as easily than the cat.

Last thought of the day was for Yasuo. This sunday was still useful, he could help him a little. First day far from home and he didn’t look really depressed. _Let’s keep going_.

With dear hopes for his friend, Yi found sleep little by little, soothed by Lily’s presence.

~

Morning was a whole new story. After so many years, Yi couldn’t tell if he was a morning person or not. Every time it stung hatefully to be waken up by the alarm, knowing he had to get up. Innerly grumbling, he fumbled for the light switch then his phone.

A weight kept him from moving. _Oh ?_ Indeed, in her great kindness, Lily had decided to sleep in a ball on him. From here he could see her head, resting quietly there like it was the most comfortable spot of the flat. Cute indeed, but Yi had to move.

« I’m sorry, Lily but I have to. »

So started this small process of extraction and move to a better place, with a lot of focus and precision. All this sort of backfired when Lily woke up and meowed her annoyance for such despicable act. Then she got to her feets and walked away with a certain mark of huffed disdain. What a crime against her majesty.

To forgive himself, Yi took a minute to hold her and pet her gently. She wouldn’t be mad for too long. Indeed, in the end she purred loudly and jumped out of bed when he got on his routine.

There begin the usual cycle. It was time for breakfast so he went to the kitchen and Lily rushed in his way with obvious impatience. _Don’t break my heart, it’s useless…_ Yet she never learned. She meowed urgently for her favorite food but it wasn’t the right day.

« You had it yesterday. Be strong. » So sad for her but there was nothing he could do. This was the rule, only on sundays.

Small thought aside, about the noise she was making. It could potentially bother Yasuo so he closed the kitchen door – though enough for Lily to sneak out. _Hope she won’t wake him up_. This wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, to hear a cat complaining too early.

« Shhhhhhhh. Our guest is sleeping. » Softly said while he poured the water for his tea.

It did nothing to calm her down, as usual. Yi knew he would have to wait for his tea, listening to the lament of the saddest cat alive. Sad maybe but healthy. As distraction he picked her up, holding her in his arms with faint hope she would give up for today.

« You know it’s for your own good. » Small peck left on her head before he let Lily jump out.

Now he took his breakfast not so quietly. It eventually got better after a few minutes, when she deemed it wasn’t available today. So a small exit, leaving Yi alone.

« Good day. See you next time. » Pure habit to make her conversation, since he was a bit lonely here.

Yet not so much now. Reminder at the back of his mind, he had a guest. Yasuo, no doubt snoring like the dead in this good old couch.

Speaking of the devil, he paid a small visit less than a minute after Lily left. It almost surprised Yi to have a human here, not that he would forget but solitude sure hit where it hurt most.

« Hey. » So so heavy with sleep, deep tone.

« Hello. I suppose she woke you up. Or maybe me ? »

Yasuo looked like shit, mind the language. _It didn’t change_. Not comment on his visual state, it wouldn’t be flattering. Yi still glanced as he could, this wasn’t often he could see him like this. Worse than any highschool morning, since right now he barely got out of bed for a minute or two.

Without waiting the latter made it to the other chair and flopped on it, half resting on the table.

« What are you doing so early ? You can sleep more, you know ? »

He hadn’t been answered yet, merely a gaze and muffled sound.

If he wasn’t sure to be a morning person, at least he knew Yasuo was definitely not one. A little more and he would be back to sleep on the kitchen table.

Still, an answer came, though a little difficult to hear : « Am fine. Perfect. » Thumb up, small gesture that wasn’t convincing at all.

« Really ? »

Yi wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe Yasuo had a nightmare or anything related to his drama and asking more questions could hurt.

« Nah, I’m so tired. Just I heard Lily and guessed you were awake. This is too damn earlyyyyy… »

Oh then it was alright. Nothing too serious. Although Yi prefered him to go back to sleep, it hurt to see.

« Then go to sleep. Nothing forces you to stay up right now. I’m sorry to tell you this but you look miserable. »

A good laugh took Yasuo, shaking gently his frame as he agonized on his chair. « Suppose you’re right. Okay okay, I get it, you can’t stand to see me in the morning. » Too playful to be meant.

« It’s always a pleasure to see you but I’d rather to see you awake. Not dead like right now. »

« Yeah, I sure feel like it. Still, I got to see you before leaving so it’s worth. Good luck for today. » On this Yasuo stood although the effort was obvious. Once he made it, he dragged himself to the kitchen door before adressing a last time : « See yaaaaa… »

Small waving, that Yi mirrored : « Take care of yourself, Yasuo. See you tonight. »

Then he was alone again. Short flash of pain, smothered as quick. It never left, to his sadness. Instead Yi focused on this unexpected conversation, exactly what he enjoyed in the morning. Alright, it was also slightly amusing to see Yasuo barely able to stand at such hour. Without coffee that man could do nothing. But he still got the motivation to check on Yi before he left so this attention warmed him a little.

Morning would be less terrible for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very very slow but it gonna speed up soon~


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmh good thing with these long shortages is that i can write more
> 
> thanks for reading!! glad to see many of you!

_Bed…_

His whole body screamed to get more rest as Yasuo made his way in this not yet so familiar flat. Within seconds he was back to his cozy couch and fell there, ready to sleep.

A small thought for Yi, since he was part of the reason he got up. A touch of sadness. At his waking he would probably be gone for some time. Yasuo sighed, curling into the blanket with dear hope that everything would go well for both of them.

However, life didn’t always go as asked. Despite his great exhaustion, he failed to fall asleep, kept near the edge. By Lily.

_What…. ?_

A bit annoying, given how close he was to rest but the persistent noise was too bothering. She was meowing without interruption, somewhere in the flat. There was also the noise of the shower running so Yasuo guessed this was her habit every time someone closed the bathroom. _Fuck this_.

The magical solution of rolling over didn’t work, sadly. No matter how he settled on the couch or kept his eyes closed, nothing worked. Just this cat asking for attention or whatever and making sure everyone knew it.

Not too long after, a miracle happened and she went quiet. Glad, Yasuo was so ready to get some sleep. Noises nearby, from the corridor. Sometimes he could catch bits of conversation, whenever Yi adressed some soft words to the cat. Right now, he must have finished his shower and gone on his routine.

The last thing Yasuo remembered, dim room and light from the corridor. Then he truly fell asleep.

~

Back to reality, thanks to another noise. Half awake Yasuo grumbled lowly and turned to see where this came from. It was in the living room without a doubt but he had trouble finding its source.

In fact, it was just Lily. Again. Even knowing how bothersome she had been before, Yasuo couldn’t help but feeling a small rush of affection when his gaze fell on that fluffy cat. Busy ‘killing’ a toy like the famous hunter she was supposed to be. So this was the reason of so much noise. _Okay_.

« Hey. » Small greeting, to catch her attention.

It somehow worked. Lily glared at him shortly before coming back to bite this poor toy. At least it seemed able to resist such violence.

« Is that a threat ? Wanna try to kill me too ? » He really doubted that but taunting was fun, given Lily’s ‘enthusiasm’ since he arrived here.

Even though he wanted to try and pet her, Yasuo wasn’t sure this was a good idea. Right now she looked in a serious mood, as if she took as mission to gut that toy. _Not planning on losing a hand, thanks_.

So for some time he watched her quietly from his spot slightly above the floor. Nothing to think about. Then he looked for his phone, to check the time.

Indeed it was quite late in the morning, the sun was high in the sky. Also, a few messages waited for him, not so gentle reminder of these latest days. _No…_ Yasuo put his phone away as to avoid these thoughts but it didn’t work. Soon he would have to face the issue, and quickly.

Deep sigh, like every time this topic struck back. It was far from unexpected, he hadn’t given a sign of life yet so they wouldn’t stop worrying. Yasuo felt bad again, it stung too much. But compared to the first day it was slightly better.

Trying to escape any thoughts about his family, he redirected his attention on Lily. At least she had no problem of the sort. How lucky.

« Why were you screaming this morning ? You wanted to play ? »

After noticing another toy not far, Yasuo decided to get out of bed and try to play a little. See if she really refused any business with a stranger or not.

That one was a small mice, making noise when shaken. He tossed it in Lily’s direction to see if she would react.

No. But she did turn to look at it with a wide gaze. _Hmm_. Not really convincing.

« That’s not your favorite one ? »

Instead he tried to grab the first toy she spent time nibbling. This time she kept her attention on it even as it was taken away. When Yasuo threw it in another direction, she rushed after it and returned to play. _Ooooh_.

Experiments were fun but now he was hungry. Lily looked like she was plenty happy with that stuffed toy so no problem on this side.

_Breakfast !_ Or lunch, since it was a bit late for that.

Had he merely passed the door than Lily followed closely, all attention on her toy lost. Curious Yasuo let her do, glad to have some company as he went to the kitchen. Maybe this was the reason she came too. Yi told him she would always try to have her favorite food although it was reserved only for sundays. So as heartbreaking as it could get, he was not to surrender to her cuteness and resist.

« Nah. Yi said no so I won’t neither. Yeah, life is unfair. »

Yes it was but sometimes it got sweeter thanks to small details. Like this note left on the kitchen table. It was nice to even, despite the piercing pain at the memory of a similar note he left at home. Put back in the closet, to be dealt with later.

Noisy cat turning around him, Yasuo read the small note. There wasn’t even anything important to say, just Yi wishing him a good day and hoping Lily wasn’t too bothering. _Ah, yes_. He indicated the time around when he would get back home, in case he forgot.

An urge came up, to text Yi a small thank you or else. But in the end it was completely useless, nothing to say. Yasuo stopped himself and got his attention back on finding something to eat.

The latter said he could take whatever he wanted in the fridge, as long as he let him know if he finished something. But he still found himself hesitant, like a thief. No idea what he better not eat, in case Yi was looking forward to keep it for himself. His home, after all. _Arg_.

In the end Yasuo cooked some eggs since there was a whole box available. At the same time he realized that Lily had left some time ago, new silence around him. Not a tragedy, she was stuck with him for all day.

After this short but filling meal, he did the dishes and cleaned as he could so there was no problem for Yi later. Then it was time.

Already it weighed on his mind, at the limit of crushing him but Yasuo had to. Not really eager, he returned to the couch and sat there, phone in hand.

To catch up with everything wasn’t fun at all, it hurt a lot as he read message after message. Most of them were from his mother, the others from Yone.

As soon sadness came up to make him regret doing this. Not the whole thing of leaving and else, this had a good reason. But rather to keep track of any attempt at reaching for him.

Their mother was really worried, she called so many times and when it was clear he wouldn’t reply, she texted him. Incredibly painful. Of course she said it wasn’t correct to fight as they did but she was quick to come to the point. Another reminder that he said almost everything, all he had to bear since his childhood.

Several times he had to put his phone away, at least to take a deep breath and prevent any risk of tears. It was so quick to overwhelm him, especially when the mood was sad. Good thing he did this while Yi was away.

There were apologies, many questions about things that happened but most of all the need to know where he was.

How nice of him, to leave with merely a note and nothing more. No indication on where he was going, what he was going to do. She was his mother, she couldn’t go on her day at peace knowing one of her kids was god knows where, alone.

It hurt also to see that she never saw how deep the issue was. She knew he was the one seeking problems, that there was a potential reason for this beyond their understanding but not once she could have imagined he had to endure this. Lurking anger, for being ‘forgotten’ even partially. _Not her fault_. It was his, after all. She wouldn’t be there if he didn’t exist.

A few tears escaped so he stopped reading her messages. He had enough for the day.

Yet he had to do something, at least to feel a little better. In a last effort he sent a few messages to Yone. No way to directly talk to their mother, it would make him break again. Time was still needed.

Restless, Yasuo typed quickly.

**[yon?]**

**[i’m sry]**

**[can’t call, really but dw]**

**[i’m fine, i found somewhere to sleep]**

Deep sigh, to fight the violent emotions plaguing him. _Breathe…_

**[i’m at yi’s place]**

**[u know, city where he left to study]**

**[gonna be fine, no need to worry for me]**

**[sry for u2, never wanted to hurt]**

There, it was done. He hoped this would be enough for them not to worry too much. It was the most important, no ? He had somewhere to sleep. Yone knew Yi, he would understand this was safe.

Now he put his phone away for the day. Strong fear that his brother would try to call him despite the request. Or just text him. In any case, Yasuo had given enough for the day and refused to hurt himself by waiting for a reply. It would happen in due time.

Heart a little lighter after that nonetheless, he lied down on the couch. _Shit…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at that pace they're still be pining in two years goddamnit  
i'm tired


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i need sleep now xd
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Many things that day could compete with the flash of pain he felt when Yone called him. It happened not so long after he sent a few messages, fumbling to explain his situation without giving too much. Maybe ten minutes later, something like that. And it hurt a lot.

Vibrating for a time that felt like an eternity, his phone was impossible to ignore. In reach on the small table nearby yet so far. _No_. It had to be Yone, no one else would try, except their mother. In any case this was beyond his strenghts of the day, heart not fully healed yet. So Yasuo let it ring.

At the second attempt, he pulled the scarf from where it was left on the couch’s backrest and burried his face in it to muffle a not so silent cry. The pillow was too far, the scarf was closer. With slight hope he wouldn’t hear his phone anymore. Dumb indeed, he could very well mute it again. Why did he have to put sound on by reflex ? Questions without answer.

_No_.

Sadly, this wasn’t enough to muffle the sound. In a last resort before another breaking, he took his phone and muted it for good. What a stab to see indeed it was Yone calling him. Yasuo stood and put his phone far, out of reach then returned on the couch. Smothering his pain and anger into the scarf.

It took some time to relax at last, feel the seizing grasp around his heart let go little by little. Able to breathe again. Difficult to forget but he could hope.

What really distracted his mind was to register this latest move. Half hidden in the scarf, soft to the touch. His attention went to its smell, just like the whole place but concentrated. Home, for someone.

_Yi_.

Of course, this was his scarf, kindly given to him because it was still cold outside. Yasuo had literally no use for it except seeking some peace of mind after that difficult moment.

_Oh shit._ Realization hit without mercy. Not smart or correct to do, far from it. Yasuo took it off as quick, soft blush. _Why did I do that ??_

At first it was merely a need to vent but this held too much meaning once he remembered who’s scarf it was. _Don’t even think about it_.

Everything reminded him of Yi and it burned his cheeks before he knew it. In a small attempt at being reasonable, he put it back on the backrest and looked for the pillow instead, that wouldn’t be such a matter.

Good distraction, so to say. Not over what he did, Yasuo lied on the couch, gaze stuck on the wall without focus and hands holding the pillow. Yes, lack of contact started to be felt. _No… I don’t need that_. This wasn’t his fault, he liked contact and people. After some time without real hug or anything of the sort, it grew heavy on him.

What could he do then ? The solution would be to go out and seek some fun, company but was he really in the right moment to do so ? Had he just found a temporary roof that he thought about nightly fun. Really disrespectful.

Deep sigh in that otherwise dead silent living room. At least he wasn’t thinking anymore about his family problems. Well, he had more than these. Like finding a real place to stay, without bothering Yi.

And again, thoughts fell on his friend, after a happy loop. Another sigh came out but for different reasons. It would be better not to bother him at home for too long so he had to look seriously for availables places.

Determined, Yasuo stood and took his laptop in his bag, ready to work on this as much as he could. But already he feared it wasn’t going to be easy, far from that. Everyone knew finding a flat or just a small room was difficult in a big city and it would be even worse for someone without a stable job or a lot of money. Perfect plan, to run away from home. So brilliant. Each time he wanted to slap himself for this idea but he had no choice.

So started his researchs, in a not so joyfull mood. Instead he focused on the useful part of such task.

~

The afternoon went so slowly, it was almost painful. Without Yi around, the place felt even more dead.

Still, Lily gave him the honor of a few visits, fluffy happiness in the room. These were the occasion for Yasuo to take a break, gently going after the cat to see if she would let him pet her. She did but not for very long. This was fine, he was glad to be accepted little by little.

About his research, he found nothing. All seemed doomed. There weren’t a lot of places to rent, especially for someone so poor at the moment. Once he almost choke when there was a seemingly cheap offer but in fact the rent showed was per week and not month. _Bastards._

So to say, he spent a lot of time sighing and grumbling against capitalism and gentrification.

Lily revealed herself to be a great distraction too. Sometimes she would play alone with the few toys on the floor then she would rush to the door when there was a noise from outside the flat. This caught Yasuo’s attention, probably she thought it was Yi coming back home. Sadly, each time it was way too early.

Until the afternoon finished and the right hour arrived. After he found himself procrastinating Yasuo registered the time. The good news of the day, he did what he could but he had no luck concerning his search for a place. Struck by despair, he ended up in a ridiculous position on the couch, half sprawled.

This was how Yi found him at his return. Which was very noticed by Lily, welcoming him quite noisily.

« Hello, hello ! How was your day ? »

If he hadn’t been paying attention, Yasuo would have answered. In fact, Yi was softly talking to the cat, giving small affection for this merry time.

Himself watched from his spot on the couch, or what he could. Equal joy to see his friend come back, even if it wasn’t so friendly friendly the way he was glad.

It was nice to see Yi like this, petting Lily barely after closing the door. No time yet to take off his coat, anything. Yasuo lingered on this sight despite himself.

To be caught soon enough, if it was really a reason to feel like intruding. The latter looked back at him and that kind expression remained. Even a smile offered. _Shhhh don’t think about that_. He kicked that feeling before it could get too strong and obvious.

« And you ? Everything is fine ? She didn’t bother you too much ? »

Same tone, Yasuo felt blessed. On reflex he sat up properly, to have some composure and not show too much.

« It was great ! Don’t worry, she’s too cute to cause troubles. »

« I think you’ll learn the truth soon enough, don’t be fooled. » More of a playful smile now. Yi went on his routine, coat and shoes off. Of course Lily wasn’t far, still meowing for attention.

Then the evening could truly start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik, in 100 chapters we'll still be here looking at them pinning xD but i'm having fun


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
i'm tired but everything's fine!
> 
> thanks for reading, ilu <3

What a soft feeling, to have someone back home. Well, it wasn’t exactly the case, not definitely but there was someone. Lily was already a good reason to wish to return fast but the mere fact to know he had a friend to talk with repaired what lasting winter did. Never alone.

So it was a strange moment when he walked to his flat, increasing joy. There was no real change except this. It struck the second he stepped inside, Lily giving her noisy welcome as usual. Cute sight he had been looking forward to all day. Then he had looked into the lightened living room and indeed there was Yasuo. As if to check if these latest days weren’t imagined.

_He’s here_.

Mere statement but quite a relief to know. At least his friend wasn’t lost somewhere in the city. If Yi was really honest with himself, there wasn’t just the appeasement of Yasuo but also the relaxing thought of knowing him near.

After all these years there weren’t a lot of people he knew like that so any friendly interaction was good to take. Espcially from him.

All this made easier to bear the return at home, new silence. This place wouldn’t be quiet anymore since Lily claimed it anyway. Heart lighter, Yi got on his routine then joined the latter in the living room.

This busy fluff ball was quick to follow him around, seeking his specific attention after a day without it. Yi picked her up and sat on the couch, holding her in his lap. Exhale.

_Home_.

Yasuo was quick to move a little, enough to leave him enough space to sit. Then he still came closer to play with Lily, while she was quite approachable.

He watched him do, quite amused. The cat didn’t seem really scared, just a little annoyed by this intruder but she wasn’t trying to bite him.

« Hey hey hey. » Small attempt at catching her attention, Yasuo petted her gently.

Definitely entertaining, from Yi’s point of view. Himself kept his hand over Lily, burried in fur to appreciate the soft touch.

« You’re quite loved, my lady. » All too fond but could he really help it ? She knew nothing was refused to her – except wet food – and it meant lot of attention. Yi looked at the latter to ask : « Would you like to hold her ? »

Not so immediate answer, Yasuo wasn’t sure : « Errrr I don’t think she’ll like that. I mean, I’d die just for a cuddle but looks like she’s just going to bite and jump away. »

_Maybe_.

« I don’t think she would be so violent but you’re still right. Maybe it’s better to try another time. »

_A cuddle_. His mind paused on this, among everything. It was true, having Lily here and ready for any kind of affection was a good occasion to hug her. For this, he was sad Yasuo could’t try it yet.

It also brought back a small memory, fleeting thought. Yes, Yasuo was quite the tactile guy, always keeping any kind of contact with whoever was his friend back in highschool.

Yi remembered that and how now it was completely gone. Was it truly ? Could it be just held down as much as Yasuo could ? It didn’t make a lot of sense knowing that man from highschool but given all he had to go through, a change was possible.

When Yasuo hummed quietly, along a curious gaze, it took him out of his thoughts.

« Oh, sorry. »

« What’s wrong ? » He didn’t sound really worried, probably he merely found him rather silent for too long.

« Nothing, really. » Would that be useful to point out ? Potentially Yasuo had said that without thinking it. But since he was already there, he might as well give what he could.

To keep himself from zoning out again to find a answer in this mess of thoughts, Yi followed his instinct and sort of embraced the latter. Merely an arm over his back to take him closer and nothing else just in case. There was barely no space between them before since Yasuo had come to pet Lily.

Paying attention to any reaction, Yi stayed there and resumed his small affection to his cat. Nothing unusual.

On the latter’s side, there was not a single noise. Maybe a little tense though.

« Yi… ? » It happened, so low compared to what Yasuo could prove.

« Yes ? Do you want me to stop ? » Playing oblivious was tempting but not very smart. If the latter really changed his habits since highschool then this could be uncomfortable.

Trying to look at him, he only found Yasuo averting his gaze, stuck on Lily instead.

« No, no ! It’s fine. Just… errrr no, nothing. »

_Alright_. Then he didn’t have to overthink this. Maybe all that was a simple reflex since they were both men but as he remembered, Yasuo did that so often back in the days.

They could stay like this forever, nothing would bother them.

At some point Lily decided to go, stretching a little after ending up napping in Yi’s lap. Quick departure for the corridor, probably she wanted to eat or anything else.

« Good bye. » Softly said when she left them, pure habit.

Yet not once they moved from this, still holding Yasuo close. He didn’t seem tense anymore but looking away all the same. Since he said nothing nor tried to get out, Yi guessed this was fine and he indeed needed that. Yasuo’s family trouble could be to blame for this, no doubt it played on his peace of mind.

Without seeing it coming, Yi heard it again. That first night, when his friend cried and there was nothing to do for him. It was that deep. The memory had him coax Yasuo slightly closer.

« I remember you used to do this very often before. Although you didn’t initiate it once since you arrived. »

It was his way to check and know what was true or not. If all this time he believed something wrong.

« What are you talking about ? » It didn’t sound as relax as Yasuo must have tried. That man knew perfectly what he mentionned.

« About your habit for contact. I thought I had imagined that in our highschool years but no, you were naturally tactile. »

Heavy silence was his answer, enough to make him search Yasuo’s gaze. He kept it down with great stubborness. _Bingo_. This was as good answer as saying yes.

« It’s alright, you know. I don’t mind, just like it never bothered me back then. »

« Ok, ok. Yeah, I missed that kinda stuff. But didn’t know if that was too much to ask. » Still quite shy, far from his usual self but at least he wasn’t too put off or embarrassed.

« As long as you ask or I offer, it’s not a problem. You had to go through a lot of trouble, so I do my best. »

If really Yasuo needed his dose of contact then he would give it. Arms open for him, the choice was given. After all, he still had time on the evening.

« Come here. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes?   
i'm not answering for my choices xD  
he needed that one


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
i like that cycle of updates tho it would be nice to sneak a fourth fic in that
> 
> thank you for reading!!

_Right now ?? AHHHH !_

This had been going on in his mind since Yi initiated contact and not once it calmed down. Already a miracle that Yasuo didn’t move on reflex but maybe that was true, his body still relished whatever contact he may find.

Nothing serious, merely an arm taking him closer and staying there. Yet he couldn’t let this pass easily.

_Calm down, calm down damnit._

Now Yi made a large gesture to invite him. He even voiced the offer, with a tone difficult to get except a hint of kindness possibly.

Yasuo froze on the spot, loud thoughts making a fuss while the latter waited for an answer, whatever.

Why react like this ? It was just a hug. _Just a hug !_ And already too much. Maybe because it was Yi who offered or because of the whole topic he didn’t know existed.

_Naturally tactile ?_ Yasuo understood what he meant and could tell it was true. This sort of yearning never stopped, always pushing to reach for anyone close. By close, familiar. Friends for a night would do, for that specific kind of contact but anything worked for him otherwise.

To realize how clingy he could get had been quite a fall when he was younger. Suddenly he was hyper aware of any sort of touch, reaching he initiated and seeked without knowing it.

So his friend had noticed that too, back in their years. Impossible to know if that was too obvious or even incorrect. But as Yi said, it didn’t bother him back then. Good thing to know, at least he wasn’t much the disaster he thought to be.

It meant everything and nothing at the same time. Accepted. The latest words still bounced in his mind along old memories, looking for a time he could have slipped or whatever. Yasuo prayed hard he never got too far. But indeed he would remember it.

Time fled without an occasion to stop it and Yasuo had a start of panick for his own lack of answer. What did he want ? Yes or no ? Of course yes but would it bother Yi ? He wouldn’t offer if it was annoying. This debate threatened to be heard.

And Yasuo stayed there, overly tense and gaze stuck down there. _Answer !_

« We don’t have to, if that’s not— »

The second he saw Yi start to withdraw, Yasuo let whatever stupid thoughts he had aside and rushed, embracing him quickly. Not even the time for the latter to take his offer down or finish his sentence. Now he had a rather flustered Yasuo in his arms, trying his best to hide his face.

Here came the aftershock. Usually when he acted on reflex, he was sure to regret it as soon as the rush was over. It left him in a great mix of embarrassment, panick and small joy for still finding contact.

Because it was good. Very very good. Part of him relaxed instantly despite being a little tense for this awkwardness he displayed.

Heart skipping a beat the instant Yi recovered a little from the sudden move and welcomed him closer. Why did he hesitate ? It didn’t make sense now that he could bask into contact. Although Yasuo made sure not to be seen, face hidden from the latter. It was already mortifying enough to be offered a hug because his friend remembered he worked that way. _Ah…_ Shame could beat him down at night, this wasn’t meant to last long.

_How long ??_

No idea. Maybe it was just polite and it would be better to let go very soon. For the best, really. It would be a shame to read to much in that invitation.

And Yi said nothing, at all. For this there was a certain relief, he wasn’t ready to face reality. To acknowledge outloud how clingy he was.

In the end, it last about one minute then Yasuo parted by himself, embrace going loose till he sat back on his previous spot. It was important to point out the effort made to seem casual, like this was perfectly normal. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact yet.

« Thank you. » Not it was said, he could do as if he was actually touch starved and pretend to be normal again.

« No problem, really. I guess it’s nice to have sometimes. » It sounded light, rather innocent on this topic.

So nothing to worry about. Yasuo hoped this would stay this way, keeping this under silence.

For once he wasn’t able to talk and make conversation. Words were gone, busy burrying his shame and yearning side by side. Completely silent, Yasuo stayed on the couch in what would look like zoning out. But he was still here.

In any case it didn’t seem to faze Yi to see him so muted. With enough luck he understood such topic wasn’t the easiest. And he let it happen, not questionning further.

That was what Yasuo thought until the latter asked lowly.

« If you need another time, tell me. » It came out too soft to be like a joke or anything like this. No doubt Yi meant it.

Before Yasuo could answer, the latter stood after patting his shoulder. Last contact. Then Yi left quietly, probably he still had things to do. After all, he barely came back from his day of work.

Slowly the latest gesture was registered. Good thing the latter left him alone, he wouldn’t have to hide that very light blush. A sigh escaped him, tension gone. _Goodbye_. What a rollercoaster indeed. And now that it was over, Yasuo felt like craving again that short contact. Have a taste and die till the next one. If he could hope for it. Well, Yi said he could ask but would he ? No, for now.

_Come on_. To seem so affected would be bad so he fought whatever he was feeling in the instant. It became urgent to get busy.

~

Quite a peculiar start for an evening but it could have gone worse. That was what Yasuo thought, finding whatever distraction he could to avoid his inner scream. It would have to wait sleep time.

The good part, it completely made him forget his own family troubles, too focused on his fucked up need for contact. That one would follow him till the grave.

After dinner and its rather normal conversation, the routine started again and he was getting used to it. Take a shower, hear Lily meowing behind the door, playing time in the living room. Life. Yi would stay in the room too, spending his free time on the internet till he had to go to bed.

That moment was gentle, when he gave his goodnight to Lily since she looked like staying here for now. Happy cuddle, that Yasuo saw silently. A fresh memory indeed of what he received that same day.

Then he and Lily were left there. Yasuo wished him good night too then he was alone with that cat. Not his bed time yet, he could still stay up. But it wasn’t exactly the same. One person less and the room seemed colder. He wouldn’t cry on this, it was better to know Yi would have his sleep.

So went his evening and night, on the internet and sometimes playing with Lily when she had too much energy for this time.

Soon he felt tired too and moved the couch for sleep time.

It was time to remember the day and die of shame again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooops time to move!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!
> 
> thank you for reading <3

One day after another, till it made a whole week. Indeed a new routine took place, for the three of them. Lily, not as much as her human roommates, since it merely added a second person in the flat. For everyone it remained a time of adaptation.

Yi did as usual, left to work in the morning and came back at the end of the day. Though having a guest changed a few things. Obviously, food was fast to disappear since they were now two. Also, he could count on privacy only in his own bedroom – or bathroom. Not the first thing he thought about when he invited Yasuo to stay but he would work with that.

Because on the other side, he had company. Negative and positive. Someone waited for him at home but he would have to sacrifice a little of his privacy. Not a real problem for now.

It also meant preventing more noise in the morning, when he got ready for work. Before, he didn’t have that problem. But again, Yasuo made it clear he shouldn’t worry about his sleep. After all, he could very well nap in the afternoon, not the one who got it worse.

All remained peaceful. At night he would wish goodnight to his guest then go to bed, sometimes paid a visit by Lily. That strange feeling didn’t leace since the beginning, sort of joy for having a friend at home just like a kid organizing a sleepover. Childish maybe but he was glad. It reminded him a little of when he was younger, taking breakfast with his parents before school.

He could almost settle in this new routine as if it was meant to last. But sometimes he remembered that Yasuo would leave once he found a better place. Sad indeed, it meant finding again a piece of solitude he didn’t miss. Resolute to stay positive, he looked the other way. It meant his friend had at last a stable situation, that he didn’t risk more problems than he already had. And not once it would put an end to their friendship, they would still be able to meet.

He hoped.

Was that really important to think about that so soon ? It was barely a week since Yasuo barged into his life. Unless to be extremely wealthy and motivated, it was impossible to find a flat so fast. Even less for the latter, since he had close to nothing in this new city.

He thought about it because that saturday evening, Yasuo looked quite defeated when he came back home. And it followed till dinner so it pushed Yi to ask him.

« What’s wrong ? »

Proof that the latter wasn’t so noisy like every day, that question broke silence. They were both in the kitchen, busy with their pizza. That was Yi’s idea, having no idea what to cook and also because it could make Yasuo happier.

As answer he found a small confused gaze, when the latter looked up from staring at his plate. Just a second to reply : « What do you mean ? I’m perfectly fine. »

That attempt at grinning was noticed but it wasn’t so convincing. Yasuo still looked anxious, even so lightly. Yi doubted he wasn’t aware of the mood he showed but he wouldn’t blame him too hard for trying to hide that.

« I found you like this since I returned and it didn’t change. » Merely pointing this out, since it was evident. « Just, if it’s about your family, I won’t ask more. »

« Oh. No, no. Not about them. » Each answer lacked the usual spark, if that was a way to present it. Yasuo sounded impacted by god knew what.

_So there is something_.

« Then what ? Do you need to share or no ? »

Not a single noise in that kitchen otherwise, Lily had already left when she saw they hated her and refused to give her special food. So no distraction at all. But if Yasuo didn’t want to talk about that, he would let him.

It took maybe half a minute for the latter to find his words or the courage to talk about something sensitive : « It’s just…I can’t find a place to sleep. I’ve been looking all the week and there is nothing. »

_Oh. That_. Indeed it was linked to Yasuo’s current situation so it could explain his level of worry.

« But you don’t have to worry about it. I know it takes time to find and I’m not planning to kick you out. »

Heavy silence followed and it had Yi to pause._ Really ?_ Yasuo looked so bothered right now, fidgeting a little. Where did that behavior come from ? It seemed so unreal, compared to how he behaved in ‘public’.

« You thought I would ? » Sort of disbelief, because not once Yi thought about this. Of course it would be better to plan what he would do later but no way he let Yasuo alone without guaranty of a safe place.

Light laugh in return, obviously unsure : « I don’t know. Maybe not, you’re nice but who knows ? I can’t stay here forever. »

It would happen at some point indeed but Yi wasn’t really fond of the idea right now. He barely sheltered him for a week and already Yasuo got worried about being thrown out.

« We can’t predict. But please don’t think like that. As long as you need a roof, you’ll be welcome here. »

« Yeah, I get it. But you can’t say I make your life easier. At some point you’ll prefer to be alone so I better search already. »

There was some truth in that point of view indeed but Yi didn’t care about it. No doubt he would feel worse if Yasuo was sleeping outside instead of being safe here.

« I will tell you if one day it’s truly a matter. But I doubt it will happen. Don’t worry. »

Yasuo seemed a little better but no doubt this wouldn’t leave so soon. It was difficult indeed to calm one’s anxiety, especially in such situation. This was why Yi kept his door open for him, at least he had one thing assured.

Nothing else to say, the latter resumed eating his slice of pizza. Let him rest, he had so much to endure so far.

And so Yi had another issue to consider. He had done his part so far : as long as Yasuo needed it, he would have a place to sleep. But he could do nothing to reduce this sort of fear, maybe urge to pay back everything offered.

Friends were here to help each other and no doubt Yasuo felt like he had to go as soon as he could to lessen the ‘burden’.

Added to all he learned about the latter, it was a lot of register. But Yi was patient, each thing in due time. Maybe he would help too with that, looking for a flat or room to rent. If that could help Yasuo relax a little.

_It will get better_. It always did, at least for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moving moving~


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry sorry, internet cut again -__-
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Effort appreciated. Yasuo was still very glad to have him as friend, in that special time far from home. Yes he was aware that he cost Yi some peace and money just by staying here. But against such calm acceptance, what else could he do ? It seemed that refusing his help would be worse than taking it. And elso because it would make the latter worry for him.

So this blessed situation was fine, for now. Even as it gave him more and more guilt after each day. Yasuo was thankful for the gesture.

That evening, he got the routine in place and they settled for a movie. What a nice setting and company. It felt like his childhood, with his small family trying to find a comfortable spot on the couch to watch series. Right now, it had barely changed, a friend and a cat instead.

Lily was responsible for his happy mood most of time. Even if at first she didn’t seem to like him, she let Yasuo closer little by little. Soon maybe he would hope to carry her without any annoyed reaction.

_Small cutie_.

In the end, Yasuo didn’t really focus on the movie itself, other things in mind. Like Lily, comfortably sitting in a fluff ball in Yi’s lap. He could pet her a little and she purred loudly all the evening.

The other thing in his mind was far less innocent. Really, how could he still seem normal ? In such moment he often failed to keep control and not relax and linger closer to the latter. It would be easy, they were sitting next to each other and shared the blanket in this not so warm season. _No no no_. Here was the same yearning for contact. It could be so vicious with him, urging to seek someone else’s presence.

_I can’t_.

Yi’s offer was still very loud in his mind, persistent memory but he refused to act on it. It wasn’t the right moment nor the right reason. That latest time he merely suggested because he knew him to be a little not depressed but surely struck the low mood.

Nothing like what he really needed. Probably if Yi realized what he wanted, he would take the offer back. And Yasuo wouldn’t be mad at him, used to a craving difficult to fulfil.

Now he lost track of the plot of the movie, thoughts following someone instead. If he wasn’t pathetic enough, he started to envy Lily for being cuddled whenever she asked. Stupid indeed, she had all right to be loved and paid attention to. But sometimes wouldn’t be easier for him if he was a cat instead ? Yasuo laughed innerly, really that was dumb to think about. _Not that desperate_. Yet he was still here, longing for an embrace impossible to get.

_I need to go out_. Find someone outside, live a little. At least to distract him from his problems and the increasing pull toward someone that asked nothing. Yi didn’t deserve such troubles.

Terrible, wasn’t it ? To enjoy someone’s company until it became clear it wasn’t for the same reasons anymore. Something new blossomed since then, that would likely die by itself soon enough.

_Forget, forget_.

No use in hoping and dreaming. Yet it killed Yasuo softly to catch himself staring when the latter gave his goodnight, when he called Lily with affection, when he merely noticed him and grinned. Very sad yet incredibly gentle feeling.

How did this place start to feel like home in such short time ?

Alone in his head yet he had good company, sitting there on ‘his’ couch as Yi said. Lingering on memories of old times, when he didn’t consider this otherwise than friendship. It was a lot more easier, no problem for him. But at that time, he didn’t know where his preference lied yet. _Stop thinking about that_.

Far too useless. Just like this sort of crush that developped in no time. It would be a shame to catch feelings for someone impossible to get, huh ? _Mom did raise a fool_.

And all this happened without Yi hearing of it. If he was discreet enough. _Shit_. No need to get caught, that would be the worse.

Once the movie was over – without Yasuo giving it much thoughts – Yi stayed with him in the living room to go on the internet. So still some time before he left him alone.

Himself was quick to find a distraction before his thoughts could slip again. No need for that. So he played with Lily instead, still finding some joy in watching her rush after a toy. Light chuckle each time she jumped to catch it with more or less grace.

One time though, after a really impressive race finished on a jump, he heard a similar laugh from behind, making him look back. Yi too found this entertaining, showing a kind expression. Yasuo focused back quickly on Lily, not to betray the so slight fluster. _Fuck. Handsome_.

Exactly what he shouldn’t be thinking when glancing at his friend. But would his heart shut up ?

Peace came back only after Yi went to bed, and it still was a bit later. Looking for Lily to hug her goodnight, then wishing Yasuo all the same with the same smile and soft tone when exhaustion weighed. He couldn’t show too much, he waved back gingerly and watched him go indeed.

Alone, again. Truly, after such thoughts, maybe it was for the best. At least he could calm down a little and pretend to be an adult, master of his emotions. For better effect, he went went outside on the small balcony and stayed in the definitely not hot temperature. If Yi caught him there, he would be kicked back inside and wrapped in blanket and scarf. But the latter was gone to sleep, he wouldn’t come back unless for urgent matters.

Crazy how late they were, almost in spring but it remained chilly. Yasuo didn’t complain, this wasn’t a matter for him. Leaning against the rail, he observed the street and any kind of person walking by at that time.

_Saturday…._

Indeed he could have gone out and enjoyed some fun. But again, he didn’t want to pass as an asshole looking for entertainment while bothering Yi at home.

There, back to thinking about his friend. Deep sigh in the night, he wasn’t happy with himself for that. Soon he would need to find some comfort outside, to forget a little. Who knows ? Maybe he just projected on Yi because he was present. _I hope_. If at least he could fall for someone into men, that would be great.

All this train of thoughts was interrupted by a curious meow, Lily making her way quickly to the door to the balcony. _SHIT NO_.

So in urgency Yasuo ran back inside and locked the door shut before she could sneak outside. Then he relaxed, despite the lament down there of a indoor cat kept from exploring the world.

« I’m sorry…I forgot you weren’t allowed. » Sharing her sadness, Yasuo joined her on the floor and tried to hug her as much as he could.

Lily still cried her missed occasion but let him do. Then she made a move to leave again, hopes broken to pieces.

« Goodnight. » Whispered in the living room right before she left.

Completely off his previous mood, Yasuo pushed himself to prepare the couch. Once it was done, he lied down and stared at the ceiling, thoughts silent without reason. _Ok ok_. He looked for what he was thinking before but again, it joined Yi and a light blush took over.

_Shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear it's going somewhere xD


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
huge exam week incoming so be merciful with me please T__T
> 
> thanks for reading!

Without even feeling it, more time passed until a second week was completed then another one. Although, Yi still felt part of this new change in life when the month ended and with it came the time to pay the rent.

So it brought him to this quiet sunday, the usual moment he used to fill the tab and follow where his money went. Habits, like always. If his parents taught him something when he left on his own, it was to keep track of any spending to balance it better. In case he had to sacrifice some entertainment or anything like that. Until now, it was going quite well for him, considering his salary from teaching.

Yet he had a guest now and since Yasuo was here, it made someone more to feed at home. Not to say that the latter was a dead weight on this previously stable budget but it was still important to consider.

By the way, Yasuo was here too, doing his own search for a room to rent. This was Yi’s idea, since he was already to sit and count for at least one hour. They might as well share their boredom and keep each other company. Anyway, it was raining like hell outside, no reason to go there. Quietly it reminded Yi of their revision days back in highschool, to have the latter sit still to work even though this wasn’t his strong suit. He was good, yes but patience had yet to be learned.

If he looked up from his laptop from time to time, he could see Yasuo making a face of deep frustration in what he supposed to be an endless stream of unhelpful offers. At least it was funny to see but he felt a little sorry for him. _It will be fine_. This topic was serious for the latter, he already confessed how stressful it was not to find anything.

At some point, when Lily stretched after the end of her nap on Yi’s lap, he reached for a ball on the floor and threw it carefully in Yasuo’s direction. _Go on, my lady. Help him_. This wouldn’t be really useful but she had an incredible ability to make everyone’s day better.

It was more or less a coinflip. Either she was indeed in a play mood and she would run after the ball or she wasn’t in the mood and would simply watch it go with typical disdain. Today Yi was lucky, she deemed it was time to have fun and rushed to catch the toy.

Then it caught Yasuo’s attention, probably it wasn’t interesting to see overpriced flats. He looked curiously at the source of that noise and so his gaze fell on Lily, already busy torturing that poor toy.

« Holy shit, someone’s on a killer mood. » He sounded a lot happier than minutes ago.

From his spot Yi saw him assess the situation, as if he wanted to pet the cat. In the end he didn’t, gauging the risk to lose an arm too high for what it was worth. It made Yi laugh softly, glad to have succeeded in providing a short distraction.

Then Yasuo looked at him with that same curiosity and something hinted. Difficult to say what but it didn’t seem negative. A small grin appeared, before the latter focused back on the beast. Yet Yi lingered a little on this kind of interaction. It never last long but each time he sensed something, a bit like years ago but nuanced. It was still worth it to make Yasuo smile, this never changed.

_Okay, let’s focus_. All this was really nice but he hadn’t finished yet. As much as it overjoyed him to count bills, he had to take care of this for the month. Deep breath then he got back to it.

Overall, it wasn’t so terrible. Just making sure he didn’t make any mistake, checking totals and the few incomes of money. There was no need but quite often his grandparents gave him some money because ‘life isn’t easy’. At least Yi managed to make them understand he wasn’t dying of hunger here, no need to help him monthly but they were stubborn. _They won’t stop_.

So much it made him sigh, enough for Yasuo to notice and look at him despite his own task at hand. When he stared for a good minute without a word, Yi was about to meet his gaze and ask but the latter did it first.

« What are you doing ? It sounds as funny as what I do. »

Because yes, he joined Yasuo in the living room a little later after he settled there for his helpless search. So chances were he had no idea what Yi was doing except it was meant to be long since he got his glasses.

« Doing the budget and counting this month’s bills. Indeed it’s extremely entertaining, I would love to do this as job. » All said with a straight face, looking back at the latter.

This always made Yasuo laugh, to hear him use sarcasm with such serious because half of the time Yi was so convincing. Some of his classmates slightly feared this ability to seem so truthful while giving a blatant lie and it was always priceless to break it afterward. In any case, he was quick to tell the truth to avoid any sad consequences but the fun was present.

Right then, it worked and the latter at first cracked a smile then couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

« Oh boy I’m sorry, this must be boring as fuck. » Said during his fit.

Yi sighed again but it was lot kinder, appreciating the light mood. « You tell me. At least I don’t have to do it often. »

Slowly the latter calmed down, only the smile stayed after this other break. Yet he didn’t seem to go back to ‘work’, rather deep in thoughts.

When the smile disappeared Yi got a little worried. All this for nothing ? He had hoped to distract Yasuo from his thin results in his search.

Himself didn’t return to his tab, since the mood fell again in appearance. Wondering if he should ask or not, since he saw with time that Yasuo had topics he didn’t wish to talk about and some already mentioned.

Silence settled, even Lily had decided to lie on the floor like a lizard after such intense hunt.

« Yi ? » Compared to their previous laugh, this was too quiet.

« Yes ? What’s wrong ? » What he had been waiting to ask since now he had an occasion.

« You’ll tell me if it’s too expensive to welcome me here ? Or if there is anything I have to pay, to make it easier ? »

_Oh_. Not exactly what he imagined but it was serious too. No doubt Yasuo thought about it since he mentioned the budget and so the sudden quietness.

So many things that bothered him, it would seem. From the place to stay to money. Yi should have thought about it, it was obvious Yasuo would worry.

« It’s fine though. I’m not that poor. » Truthful.

« I suppose you’re better informed than me. Just, I’ve been thinking about it. Since I can’t find another place yet, maybe I should look for a job. »

All came in full circle. Worry for a roof, for food and for not being a burden. Yi guessed he couldn’t stop him from that, since it was directly impacting his guilt. If that could help Yasuo feel better about staying there.

« You do what you wish. To be honest, I have no way to know if in several months – considering you’re still here – you’ll indeed be expensive for me. »

Maybe not the smartest thing to tell Yasuo but it was the truth. It was impossible to know what would happen.

The latter had such conflicted expression.

« That’s why I want to work. Probably not full time but a shit job, the kind easy to find for students. Since I am to bother you till god knows when, might as well pay you back. »

It sounded quite thought, planned, no doubt it had been worrying Yasuo for some time already.

« You don’t have to pay me back for basic hospitality. But if it can help you feel less guilty, do it. Find a job. »

« Thank you. I don’t know where I’d be without you. »

How could they still find sincere moments like this one. It became so often that Yasuo talked his heart out, so honest compared to his young bravado.

Now it sounded like he would never thank him enough, a life debt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day this will make sense


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
just like my other series, this might be the last update before some time since the holidays are coming!! but max 3 jan~ i might come back
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Not the most comfortable situation but it would do for now. Yasuo had so little for himself and it took a lit more time than he thought just to get a proper place to stay. With each new day and its lack of results in his search, it left him more and more distressed. Not to the point of showing it, of course but it was heavy on his mind.

Too expensive, every time. Or already taken. He visited some places a few times but it was never concluding. Yet he remembered it was crucial to go soon. Yi wouldn’t shelter him forever, no matter how kind he was and the guaranty to keep him as long as he needed. To bother a friend for so long impacted his guilt, at first lightly then it increased.

So in last resort he decided to go looking for a job, to at least have some money. It would allow him to pay Yi back partially, maybe buy groceries while he stayed there. The rest would be kept for latter, when he would have to rent a room. If he found one. _Please…_

When he had left home it wasn’t in the aim to depend on someone else. He merely wanted to go on his own and bother no one anymore.

This sunday afternoon, he learned several things. First, he would indeed need a job. Yi was taking care of his bills and seemed perfectly fine with having a guest for now. And he accepted that Yasuo would need a job, to appease his worries.

Second, he had no idea how long he would last before the latter noticed his behavior. Yasuo swore he had been found out but not yet. He wasn’t so obvious but no doubt one day Yi would catch him staring for too long. Soon. _He’s too smart for this. Or I’m too dumb_.

There was a certain effort from his side to seem normal and act like a fucking decent person. Yet he was sure at least once a day he would find himself blushing so lightly for the most stupid reasons. _I really need to go out_. To find someone consenting would be nice, instead of this lame reaction he had when he overthought this. Either he caught himself lingering for a few seconds too long or he completely ignored the latter. Not to the point of playing asshole to him but he looked elsewhere, did as if he wasn’t falling hard for Yi. The latter had no right to be so kind with him, no matter what shitty excuses like being friends in highschool.

Only one thing could busy his thoughts and distract him, his family. A distraction indeed but not a happy one. Make a good choice : depression or useless longing ? Either one or the other, Yasuo had to chose. For him, it would be smarter to remember his deeds and calm down thinking about their mother.

So there were some nights going like this, lying down on the couch and loud thoughts making it impossible for him to get some rest. What were they doing ? It would almost make a whole month since he left home. Probably not enough to get used to it but he hoped they accepted it. Were they mad at him ? Was she still wounded by what he had said ?

It would be too useful to think about it and at last make a move. Because all this time he hadn’t dared to reply yet. Not a single word since he sent a quick message to Yone then closed himself to any reaching. Yes it was dumb. He was dumb. By doing this he stopped pain for a time but he was aware it wouldn’t solve the matter. Time could soothe lightly the burn but they wouldn’t forget.

Yet was he ready to face it ? To face them ? It hurt just to think about it. At least by now they would have fallen in a new routine, one person less at home. To realize that and imagine tied his emotions, still too sensitive. They would adapt, just like he started to do in this temporary home.

Well done, now he was closer to tears. This was the price for peace of mind and more serious thoughts rather than the ones following Yi. Sad, agonizing but it helped him to forget his yearning for contact.

Deeply, Yasuo knew this situation wouldn't last. At some point he would have to stop coward and at last explain himself, if possible calmly. Maybe take some time, when the latter was at work, to call either Yone or their mom. Before anything happened to force him. He knew, they were stubborn and wouldn’t give up so easily. They cared.

Deep breath, face burried in the pillow to choke these depressing emotions as well as himself. Yasuo changed side and kept his mind purposely empty, trying so hard to avoid anything. Next day would be better. Next day he would see Lily, hear her complain for wet food. Next day he would see Yi like every day.

~

Next day happened sooner than Yasuo expected, woken up without clear reason to. It happened sometimes, rarely. Maybe it was Lily, like the one time she came and stepped on him as if this was new territory. But no, right now there was no trace of her around. _Mmmh sleep…_

He felt quite tired and without opening his eyes it was clear the sun wasn’t really up. Early morning, too early for him. He grumbled and settled to sleep more. Sadly, he couldn’t. If Lily wasn’t directly here to bother him, she was instead meowing somewhere in the flat. It just took him time to register this annoying noise.

_Whaaaaaat… ?_

Then he started thinking and remembered. Lily was used to cry in front of the door of the bathroom when it was closed. It just didn’t happen much he got to hear it from the other side, since most mornings he was dead asleep. A miracle, considering how loud she was in her lament. _What the fuck_. Easy to guess Yi was taking his shower and it was far too early to deal with that kind of crap.

No way to fall asleep again, at least not with such background noise. A bit grumpy, Yasuo got out of ‘bed’ and stepped into the corridor, looking for the source of that fuss. Indeed here was Lily, far too innocent looking while she probably awoke more than one person in the building.

« Quiet, tiny peanut ! There are people sleeping, even when you’re not. » Really he tried to be angry at her but all he could do was in the tone, nothing in his gestures when he joined her on the floor.

As small vengeance, he petted her for a good moment, grumbling his lost patience to a cat that was far too fluffy to be in wrong.

Maybe he looked ridiculous too, sitting on the goddamn floor in front of the bathroom door at such hour but as long as she meowed, he couldn’t rest. Might as well make her life ‘hell’ and get a distraction.

It wasn’t effective. Lily let him pet her but she resumed quickly her sad pleas for her closed territory. So Yasuo sighed, defeated. At least he found small joy in this cute session.

Soon enough he was taken out of his thoughts when the door opened and Lily rushed per habit into the bathroom. _Goodbye_. There she went with her inspection.

« Ah. Hello Yasuo. It’s not often I got to see you at that time. »

Yi was right there, in front of him. Of course, he was taking his shower and a little responsible for Lily’s ‘song’. It had Yasuo looking up, getting to his feet within seconds since he was on the latter’s way.

« Hey. Yeah, Lily woke me up and I tried to calm her a little. Didn’t work though. » Almost laughing, because this was funny when thinking again. Then Yasuo went quiet as soon as he took a good look at the latter.

_Oh_. Nothing else could explain better his reaction.

Because Yi just got out of the bathroom, merely wearing trousers. No shirt. That would have been enough for Yasuo to call it a day and turn around as quick to avoid ‘these thoughts’ but no. _He got tattoos ???_ Life was really trying to fuck with him, this was the ultimate proof.

Impossible to miss, dark ink ornated Yi’s shoulders, almost reaching his upper arms. As soon it made him wonder it there were any on other places. But no way he could ask, this was already too long since he replied.

« Yasuo ? »

Clear, direct, it made him slap himself innerly and focus on the situation, gazing back at Yi. _Oh shit. Oh fuck_.

« Y-Yeah ? It’s fine, gonna go back to bed now that she’s quiet. Have a good day ! »

Before he could completely lose it, he left and returned to his couch. Like this, not even daring to wait for Yi’s reaction or goodbye. Door pushed but not closed, he hoped that was a clear enough message not to ask further. Really impolite to leave like this but he had to, for them both. It could have gone awkward or worse, Yi could have understood what he thought about.

_Shiiiiiiiiiit_.

How unfair for him, to catch such a glimpse then be forced to deny himself any reaction. He shouldn’t, this wasn’t correct. Lying in bed, too tense, Yasuo replayed the scene again and again till he couldn’t feel his own face, too hot. The need to scream was strong.

With that in mind, no way to sleep again. But he would play dead for a moment, not to face the latter so soon. Yasuo doubted he was found out but it could seem suspicious.

On the other hand, he was screwed. No way to forget this, how gorgeous Yi was. Sometimes life gave nice things, a good eyeful was appreciated but now it was time to guilt over this forever. _Don’t think about him like that….._

Now mornings would take a whole new meaning. And possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> this series is just a mix of thirst, cat time and depression


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!  
sorry, this one series was the one taking the bullet for the others T__T but now i'm back to update everything like always!
> 
> thank you for reading!!

It was with a light heart and happy mood that Yi went to work on this fine day. Nice indeed, without more reason than the mere encounter in the morning. Usually Yasuo was asleep at that time but today he wasn’t. This was how he found the latter on the floor of the corridor, playing with Lily while she asked for the door.

Yes Yasuo left shortly after that but it was still nice to have some company. Just to remember he wasn’t truly alone now.

About what he saw in the latter’s reaction, Yi had no idea how to take it. There was an obvious sign of something but he wasn’t sure how to consider this. Yasuo had sometimes a strange behavior. Nothing bad, just odd. It never last long, he was quick to focus again or whatever was happening in his head. Just, Yi noticed as it happened again. And this time it took another sense.

_He was staring_.

Not for very long but this was difficult to explain otherwise. Yasuo’s attention was lower, for sure. As short as it was. Yi didn’t know how to feel about that. Of course he took his shower in the morning and his habit was to finish dressing up in his bedroom. So this explained why he was in that state.

What to feel about being quickly checked out ? He didn’t even know if Yasuo meant it, probably his gaze just wandered for a time. Then why that reaction ?

All this didn’t matter. It merely picked Yi’s attention, like any phenomenon occuring on several occasions. Now he would pay attention if it was to happen again.

The other odd thing was how he felt about it, a few hours later. It merely left the memory of failed instants, details meant to be forgotten because useless. Although he would remember, no doubt. About his feeling, it wasn’t so familiar. What if indeed it was a simple reaction to seeing him ? It would mean there was something worth a glance, so a soft hue colored his cheeks at the thought.

Would he change his habit in the future ? No. There was no harm, no problem and almost no chance to see Yasuo awake at such hour again. No need to think about it.

Easy to say but he still lingered on this ‘incident’ during the day. Probably there was nothing as interesting at the moment. Until he was proved wrong at one of his short breaks between classes. A message received.

_Yasuo ?_

Quickly he saw he was mistaken. It wasn’t from Yasuo but from an old friend, Yone. _Oh…_ Times ago he wouldn’t have any idea for the reasons of a text but with his new guest at home for a good month, there was a reason. Maybe it wasn’t linked though Yi doubted it.

Only way to know, he read the long message.

**[Hello Yi, I hope you still have my number. In case not, it’s Yone. I apologize for bothering you directly but I have no idea how Yasuo is doing. The last thing I heard was from him, saying he was staying at your place. Is he gone elsewhere?]**

Bingo, all was linked. This text wasn’t exactly recent, from earlier in the afternoon. It was only now that Yi could read it and it wasn’t even the right time to reply. So he sent a quick answer and returned to classes.

**[He’s alright, at my home. I have to return to work so I’ll inform you later.]**

There, he had now a whole topic to think about for the end of his day of work. And not the easiest. Several things could be guessed from Yone’s message. Obviously Yasuo hadn’t reached for his family for quite some time, although he couldn’t know exactly how much. It wasn’t really surprising. From what Yi understood, what happened between the brothers was serious, it couldn’t be a mere argument.

So his family had no idea of his whereabouts. If Yone took so long to text, it must have been because he had no other options and Yasuo wouldn’t reply. What a complex situation. Yi remained thoughtful, this wasn’t going well for the latter. First he was so anxious about staying at his place, the endless search for a room to rent and money to be found. No need to add family problems to the pile.

He kept thinking about it till he was free to go. Once he returned home, in public transports, Yi took time to text Yone and see if he could learn more. There was again an old reply, from the other.

**[I’m glad to hear that. I’ll wait then.]**

**[Hi, I’m available for now. Yasuo is fine, he’s been staying at my place for about a month, when he left your town.]**

**[Thank you, for letting him stay. I doubt he had planned anything.]**

**[Don’t worry about that. I prefer to look after him, it’s not a good idea to wander alone, even less in his situation. Yone, what happened ?]**

All he wanted to know. There wasn’t a lot he managed to hear from Yasuo because it was too much to ask so maybe he would hear more from his brother. Yi was genuinely curious and slightly anxious. It wasn’t a small matter.

**[Yasuo said nothing ? I suppose it’s normal, it wasn’t pretty.]**

**[He just said you two fought and he had to leave. It seemed painful enough not to ask again. Why did you fight ? I thought it was fine between you two ?]**

Next answer took a little more time to receive.

**[Yes we fought, it surprised me too. Just, at the moment, I couldn’t let this pass. Yasuo said terrible things to our mom and I couldn’t let him. Listen, it’s not easy to explain.]**

It still helped. A piece of the puzzle. Yi couldn’t really imagine his guest insulting their mother though, there were things he needed to know. But how far could he ? This was highly personal to this family. _I can still ask_. If Yone refused, he wouldn’t push.

**[I understand but I see how bad Yasuo feels since he left. I don’t think he’s over it.]**

**[Not a surprise. I’m sure he regrets it but it must have been true, even now.]**

**[What did he say?]**

Probably the most important thing, since it pushed Yasuo to leave his home. Yi was so focused on the conversation that he almost missed his station. Once he was outside, he checked for any message.

**[All he had to bottle up, I suppose. It was really painful to hear. I don’t know how to explain this to you, there is still a part quite sensitive and I’m not the one who should tell you. So I’ll explain the bare minimum : Yasuo was bullied at school. It still follows him to this day.]**

_What_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch, angst


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!  
sorry, that week was full of new stuff so the usual rhythm is a little changed xD but i'm going back on!!
> 
> thank you for reading!!

Long day and Yasuo couldn’t forget yet. What was that ? Just one awkward moment in his life ? No need to linger on this, probably Yi already forgot. Simple but he couldn’t.

The morning went so slowly. After the ‘incident’, he returned on his couch and tried to fall asleep again but again, he had no luck. He stayed aware of any noises in the flat, listening to the latter till he would go to work.

Lily was awake too, obviously. She kept meowing after Yi then at some point it was enough and she went quiet. Probably she went to sleep. Lucky.

When he heard Yi lock the door as he left, he felt like breathing again. Not that he truly feared his friend but for now he couldn’t face him yet. Or it would remind both of them that specific instant.

Ridiculous, yes. But Yasuo couldn’t find another way. He would deal with it later during the day, find a solution.

It didn’t happen though. He just did nothing, staring at the wall when his thoughts became too loud. Really, this wasn’t worth th fuss but he couldn’t control that.

Sometimes he found a distraction, went on the internet, whatever he could find. Then without missing his mind returned on the latest interaction with Yi. Just to remind him that he was dumb. _Please…_

The rest of the time, some nice pictures came back to his mind. To be smothered as quick, this wasn’t the time nor the place and even less the person to give such thoughts on. But Yasuo could remember this so well, enough to make him blush for a time. _Fuck. What’s wrong with me ?_ A mere eyeful and now he was barely able to think about something else.

It didn’t make sense, he had already seen a lot more from his occasional times with other guys, why did this make his life hell suddenly ? The only explanation was that the person mattered, which he blocked immediately because he didn’t like that. Was Yi different from anyone ?

To explore that thought would kill him on the spot, too aware of how terribly he reacted at their first meeting after so many years. No need to explore that. He already knew he was falling for him, to know the depth was useless.

Calm, he came to consider this new piece of information. Yi took his shower in the morning, that he already knew. The new thing was that he could catch a glimpse if he was up around that time, on this short window. Shameful thought indeed, he blamed himself for the next thirty minutes. Yet it was true, there was a possibility. _No_. He wouldn’t.

After such inner torture, Yasuo had no way to calm himself properly. In last resort, he went outside for a walk, to get some fresh air. Lily was difficult to convince to stay inside the flat but at last he managed to close the door without her escaping.

In more than a month, he had already become a bit more familiar with the surroundings of the flat. Not really downtown, more like residencial area. So it left him a lot to walk at peace, except sometimes getting a jumpscare because of a dog behind a fence.

Silently, that was a chance to escape his thoughts for a time. Yet it wasn’t so merciful, he couldn’t escape it. Sighing like always, about his need to see someone. Soon or he risked to project more and more his urges on Yi, which wasn’t really correct nor fair.

Maybe once he got a small job he would be more peaceful about going out at night. This would be really for the best. No reason to eye at Yi, no reason to feel so bothered after a tiny incident. _That’s it, I’m horny ?_ Too long since last time, maybe. He would still survive but on the long run it might not be the best.

With all his problems in mind, Yasuo didn’t see time go until he looked at his phone. _Ooops_. It was so late that Yi was probably home, to find no one there.

Quickly he made it back home too, not wanting to delay dinner by arriving late. Expecially because it was his turn to cook.

However once he arrived in the building everything from the day slapped him in the face. _Ah, yes_. How could he forget that ? Impossible. It had been so difficult this morning that he had to avoid Yi. And now he would see him again. _Shit_.

He had to go back anyway. No way to didge this. And if he acted normal, the incident would never be brought up again. Why was he even freaking out about it ? It was going to be fine, Yi would have already forgotten.

Yasuo swore, the second he put his key to unlock the door, he heard Lily meowing on the other side. _How ??_ Like a super sense for any opportunity to escape.

Sort of panick, he feared she would sneak out and run away in the corridor. So he stayed right there, considering his options.

Before he even chose to play it quick, Lily got quiet. _Oh ?_

« It’s fine, I got her. » Yi’s voice, from inside the flat.

Then it was fine. Yasuo stayed cautious as he came inside and closed the door but indeed the fluffy cat was in the latter’s arms.

« Hey. How was your day ? » Yi stood there, petting Lily gently as he kept his attention on his guest.

« Mmmh ? Fine, fine. Like usual. » It struck Yasuo, after all he did not to think about it. He faced Yi but it was difficult, remembering later that same day. His only hope was for not blushing.

To busy himself, he took off his shoes and went to the living room. _Come on. Be strong and don’t fuck up_.

Just, Yi followed and took the cat with him as he sat on the couch. Lily seemed fine like that, getting the attention she was kept from for a few hours. Loud purring filled the room, distracting Yasuo. He joined them and petted Lily gently.

« Yasuo, I have something to tell you. Yone texted me about you. » Quiet tone, that betrayed nothing. Yi still met his gaze as he told this, seeking his attention.

_Oh no_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, small update but i hope to explain a bit more in next one (Yi's POV!!!)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
pom pom pom small update!!
> 
> thanks for staying!! <3

Of course this was going to be difficult. Yi knew it well before anouncing this to the latter but he had to. It didn’t mean though that he would go too deep in the topic. Just this, Yone texted him to know where was his brother. Nothing else.

From his typical confidence, Yasuo’s expression changed suddenly to worry, something a bit vulnerable. The effort to hide this was obvious and he still succeeded somehow. Yet Yi wanted to apologize for mentioning this.

It wouldn’t even change anything, that his family knew where he was. They wouldn’t come and force him back home. The topic remained serious, this wasn’t happy for Yasuo.

Maybe it was the wrong way to get to the point. If only there was a peaceful way. Since he had none, Yi directly told him after the latter came back, probably from a walk. Maybe too blunt.

_No need to hide the truth. Yasuo would want to know that, it’s about him_.

It was important not to make him worry too much, so he decided to make this quick.

« It’s alright, Yasuo. He just wanted to know if you were still here. I answered so. » Quiet tone yet enough to be clear. Since it was in the latter’s ways of communication, he put his hand over his knee, barely to reassure.

A start of fear. It was too obvious and he disliked himself for causing this. But quickly it eased down, Yasuo didn’t look distressed or anything. Just a bit displeased to hear his family mentionned. It couldn’t have gone worse.

_He thought it was for something else_. For this, Yi wouldn’t ask. There was no need to make him say things that cost him his peace of mind.

Since she was no longer petted or paid attention to, Lily jumped down and left in a huff. Just the time to see her go. But the topic was too taking, none went after her. She would get her hug quota later anyway. Yi’s attention came back on the latter, averting his gaze at the moment. The floor seemed a lot more interesting.

« He just wanted that ? » Always fidgetting in these stressful moments.

Easy to find what he asked there. Yone might have said more, on too painful topics. Just to keep up with his whereabouts wasn’t expected. All this Yi could guess in his tense stance, obviously paying attention even though he looked elsewhere.

« Yes, just this. My apologies, I shouldn’t have made this sound so serious. »

« It’s fine, it’s fine. Dunno what I expected, it’s not easy. » Quiet honesty, far from his bravado of young years.

« I merely wanted to tell you, since it’s about you. Now, case closed. Let’s think about dinner. » A bit of determination there, to show they wouldn’t talk more about it. Sometimes it would be enough to get Yasuo back on hsi usual cheerfulness.

« Oh, alright. Errrr I have no idea what to cook. Will see what we got in the frigde. »

Already he could sense how the latter felt better. His family drama and heavy guilt might be bothering but for now the distraction worked.

Yi leaned a bit, trying to meet his gaze where it had stayed low for a moment. When he found him gazing back, he spoke : « Pizza tonight. Sounds good ? »

« Damn yes ! But you sure ? It’s not saturday yet and…what will peanut say if we can’t follow the rules ourselves ? »

« You got a solid point there. Alright, let’s see what vegetables are left in the fridge. »

Oh this was funny to play along. At first he wanted to give something nice to Yasuo but the pretext given was far too good to be left aside. It was true, Lily could only have her tiny special food on sunday. To break so easily their own habits would be a bad message.

Yi got up, following his words. That smile was impossible to repress. Never Yasuo would refuse an occasion to have pizza yet he just turned it down. _He will regret it~_

« No, please ! I’m joking ! Please let’s have pizza… »

Pointing out what Yasuo himself said just before about Lily and her rules would be mean, he wasn’t. Still to see the latter jumping after him as to stop him from indeed checking what they had in the fridge. It was decided, no cooking tonight.

Quickly caught, arms around him to stop him physically but also beg to have pizza indeed. Exactly the same thing Yi had to endure each morning, when the cat followed him around for her food. Almost clinging to his leg in a last hope.

This time was different, it wasn’t a cat that clung to him in probably feigned despair. So Yi stood there, a practically dead weight struggling to hold him back. This wouldn’t be enough, he was stronger than that.

« Alright, you win. Even though you wouldn’t be able to stop me. »

It wasn’t a victory, Yi offered this first. Still, it was endearing to have such stubborness for pizzas.

« Is that a challenge ? »

Oh that one sounded so bold now. A relief to hear, after such fall of the mood. Yi was glad to see he completely recovered in appearance.

« It would be tempting to try and see if you can but I won’t risk it. Too much furniture around, plus the neighbors wouldn’t like the noise. »

« You’re just scared to lose against me ! »

No wonder how he got in such troubles before. Truly it was almost laughable to see Yasuo so ready to prove his worth.

Just to give a proper reason for respect, Yi wrestled him to pick him up then let him fall on the couch. Still he made sure not to be too violent or noisy, this was merely for the show.

« So ? » This would give Yasuo some time to think again. Still proud of himself, Yi let him stand again, hand held out. « That was fun. Now your mission is to chose which pizza you want. I give you five minutes then it’s Lily who’ll do it. »

Yasuo got slightly red in the face, that was still nice to see. Probably the rush of adrenalin and slight sting of shame. He would survive, they had already sparred in the past when they trained at the same place.

Though his latest words completely obliterated the recent ‘fight’, the latter running to find the menu on the fridge.

« Alright ! »

No need to tell twice. Then he would have a bit of peace before making the order.

_Success. He’s happy now_.

The evening wasn’t lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW, I LEFT EVERYONE ON A CLIFFHANGER FOR YI AND YONE'S CONVERSATION  
you know what? i'll probably break my rule of alternate chapters, jsut to keep on Yi's POV next update and give the end of the conversation. because i'm here to toss some angst


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!  
i fear this is the last update before i get back to uni T__T then it will become more rare... maybe just once per week
> 
> thank you for reading!!

Overall, that day went well. Yasuo looked happier than when he came back and dinner was the place of a few laughs. All that Yi would hope for. Because on the other hand, he had some new information and not the most positive.

Now it was bed time. After wishing good night to the latter and inviting Lily to go to sleep, he went to his bedroom and finished his night routine. Another day. How could time be so slow and quick ? Each day had seemed the same before, the only difference now was the presence of his guest. Hearing about some drama and less fun thoughts still made days less boring. Although this wasn’t the kind of thing to treat lightly.

Lying in bed, Yi had time to think. Just to put the alarm for later and shift a little in bed for the cat then it was time.

_Yone_.

First he wasn’t expecting a text from his former classmate. It had been long since they stopped chatting, as time went. In a similar way than with Yasuo but shorter maybe. That wasn’t the matter.

To need information about his brother’s whereabouts, that was normal. Yi already spent some time thinking about this. It changed nothing, Yone said nothing could convince Yasuo to come back.

_It’s that deep_.

Of course it was. They had fought and Yone ended up at the hospital, no less. What mattered was the reason. At last Yi could start to understand, even if some pieces of the puzzle missed.

_He was bullied…_

It was surprising to learn, he didn’t expect that. To know that Yasuo, all loud and insolent, had to endure this. The way Yone described it, it wasn’t innocent cheild games. They were both bullied when younger but he resisted better than his younger brother.

Now it might explain his behavior, approach to violence. Yi knew he got in troubles sometimes. He even fought Yone. Violence could be a replica of the one he endured.

To think about this wasn’t helpful, it was done and nothing would change it. Most of all, he couldn’t offer his help to Yasuo, not about this specific topic. It was far too personal.

It hurt to imagine this, to have only violence as solution. Life could be cruel sometimes. Yet Yi wondered about what he hadn’t seen before in the latter’s behavior. He thought he could easily guess his problems when he had some, when they talked quietly under the stairs. And now he had the proof he was wrong, Yasuo suffered greatly and he couldn’t see it.

Either it didn’t hurt anymore or he got good at hidding it. Since Yasuo had left family’s house in a clatter, it could only mean it still hurt him.

How sad to see someone going normally every day, joking and else while in fact his past clung to him. A smile could hide so much. He knew it well but it was always painful to see it from a friend.

Yone had refused to go too far into details. He understood, it wasn’t easy and this was Yasuo’s life. His reasons to leave, his pain, his anger.

Elusive as possible, he said it wasn’t much the bullying that pushed Yasuo to such decisions. The real issue was the reason of such bullying, not the fact. Because there was a reason, that Yone didn’t give. Something strictly personal to their family. He might have said what if it hadn’t caused such troubles for Yasuo already.

No idea what this was about. Yi could only make hypothesis and even with the information he got, it was too wide to find what.

_What happened ?_ Was there an accident ? Something that would push a family to stay silent over it. Everyone got a few skeletons in the closet, that was quite normal. Yet Yi wondered.

What could be a ‘valid’ reason to be bullied ?

It had to be serious or they wouldn’t be keeping it under silence like this. Families often had the most weird or horrifying stories, Yi thought he had no chance to find out by himself. It’s not my business. He merely wanted to help Yasuo and digging into his past wasn’t useful.

No one would tell him but the latter, the one directly concerned. If it was to never happen then so be it. Yi was ready to live his life peacefully, offering help to his friend as much as he could and no questions asked.

_Can’t sleep_. Really, that was all he deserved for looking into people’s business. Too much thinking wasn’t recomended before sleeping.

Changing side in bed didn’t do much, except making Lily meow for being bothered. Thoughts busy, Yi welcomed her when she moved to sleep in a fluffy ball nearby. It was still soothing to pet her.

« Good night, my lady. Hope you will find sleep faster than me. »

The purring machine was on. _Alright_. It made him smile, glad to have company here.

Though again he couldn’t find sleep. That was really frustrating, to be ready to rest and having to quickly because he still had to work next morning.

Looking at the door, faint light went through, a sign that Yasuo was still up. Quite normal, he had a different rhythm than him.

All brought him back on the topic, even though he knew it was useless. In the most unexpected possibility, if he found indeed the reason, he wouldn’t be able to check. Some things were meant to stay in the past.

_But it still hurts him_.

Resolutely Yi decided to stop thinking about it. To then finish making hypothesis again. That was a bad time for his mind, there was nothing to do except focusing on the latest interesting thing.

Lying in bed as if waiting for death to catch him next morning, he stayed there. Deep sigh.

A problem in their family. Horrible things said to their mother. Yone had mentionned this was something they didn’t see coming. It was something Yasuo had bottled up for so long. Something that didn’t touch his brother as much.

All Yi hoped was that there was no abuse. This would be terrible indeed. But to hurt someone so young, there were many ways.

_Someone died in the family ?_

Piecing together all he knew from that small family was difficult. Yi knew a few things but nothing too helpful. Beyond, it was private.

Soon he had explored what he could and of course no result. The good news there was that at last sleep came to find him. Slow feeling, numbing his mind bit by bit. Maybe another day he would hear the whole story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not today~


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
again, connexion went off in the evening -__-
> 
> thanks for reading!

_Yone, damn you_.

Life was already not so perfect, Yasuo didn’t need more problems. In fact, this was a matter he had from before but each time he could hope to forget and put it in his past, it came back to kick him. It was coming, he knew it. No way that his family stopped worrying, even after a good month.

Oh by now they surely got in a new routine, only for two. _How it was meant to be_. Bitterness never left then it turned to sadness again and Yasuo had to choke it fast.

The good news was that he just asked Yi where he was. Just. This was already quite a lot said but could he really blame them ? The minimum to know. The less fun part was to know he reached for Yi. If there were things to be asked and said, he would rather hear about it yet at the same time he refused to answer any message. In his position, Yasuo couldn’t hope to be left unbothered. Immature. Probably back ‘home’ their mother was still sad about this. _Don’t think about it_.

There were many things he prefered not to think about. Most about his past, be it a decade or a month ago. Not once it would leave him at peace.

At least that day finished better. He could see Yi’s effort to distract him and cheer him up. It was quite sweet when he realized later during the night, how he wasn’t think too hard on his problems. It worked.

Good time to remember, as heartbreaking it was to hear Lily crying for her food in the kitchen. Yi looked so sad for her and did his best to make her understand but again, what a lament. Yasuo felt it too though he was still very glad to have pizza. _Sorry not sorry_.

After a small rollercoaster, now it was rather quiet. Just night time, while Yi was gone to sleep. The flat was his kingdom for a small time.

Until he got no reason to stay up, mind focusing on the small happy things of the day. It was better this way.

~

Life went on like a river, impossible to stop if one tried. It would be easy to get lost in that stream of days, one after the other. Unless one had serious matters that refused to leave, like Yasuo.

Difficult not to see time going since he was still living at Yi’s place without a way to pay back. The feeling of being an intruder stayed. Accepted maybe but he couldn’t feel at peace.

So it was a great news for him when he found a small job in the following weeks. It was worth nothing, barely the minimum wage but he would still earn something.

Alright, delivery wasn’t exactly his dream job. This was going to be a pain to do but the positive aspect weighed more. This was the price of his peace of mind and probably his stay at Yi’s place.

Now he wouldn’t feel so guilty to stay here, since he would be able to pay back for the trouble. Oh Yi didn’t accept that at first, saying it was normal to shelter a friend when times were rough. After a short and not so serious argument, Yasuo managed to convince him to accept his ‘contribution’, as thin as it could be compared to the latter’s salary. It was still some help and his conscience got better.

On the other side, it was hell again. Yasuo didn’t like that work, sometimes finishing very late. Or just working in general, like everyone else. It was so tiring and even worse when the weather was bad.

In these hard moments, he reminded himself that at least he would have some money. Because otherwise, there was no reaosn to endure this.

Luck couldn’t be found in everything. About his search for a room to rent, again there was nothing. Barely no new offers and the few ones were too expensive. In his free time he just scrolled through it, pissed as ever and enclined to grumble for the end of the day.

At night it was again something else. For each of these evenings where Yasuo looked up when Yi wished him goodnight with a tone nuanced by the day – from soft to tired. These times he replied equally, watching him go to his room indeed, gaze lingering on the partially closed door.

Quiet ideas, quiet thoughts making their way in his mind. It was easy to linger around the latter, to simply feel something to smother next second. It hadn’t left yet. Would it one day ? In these nightly moments, he couldn’t think, merely able to enjoy it while it last.

For now he had a home. Yi’s place. He did his best not to bother too much but letting these feelings grow over time wasn’t going to help. Was there even a place for it ? A second month had passed since he arrived here and it wasn’t gone yet. With time he learned to hide it better, like many thing he had already learned to hide about his past. Only a glance sometimes, when he was sure Yi wasn’t looking. Enjoy the crumbs while it last. This was the closest he would even get in his life.

Every day though his heart would find a reason to beat a little faster, just for a time. Like waking up and finding a small note from the latter on the kitchen’s table. Merely a few words, wishing good day and possibly giving instructions about laundry or dinner. Or when he came back late because of his job and Yi was still waiting for him before having dinner. Tiny moments that kept the flame alive. As if it needed any encouragement. It was already doing so well on its own. At night he would try to forget and play this down, not to get useless hopes but the memories stayed.

So this was a new routine that settled, between his changing work hours and Yi’s already fixed rhythm. Not very surprisingly, it went well – barely the need to adjust for dinner time sometimes. It was fine, Yasuo found a rather stable point so far and he did a great job at ignoring whatever text his brother may have sent him. For now.

Between his family issues and growing feelings, soon he would have no time to think. Especially now that the longing got quite physical. It would be truly a shame if Yi found out.

For now, playing cool would have to do, before he gave up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't like this kind of update, not having much to say  
it will get better later


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!  
small update there!!
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Two months_.

He barely felt it. When one had a stable job and good rhythm of life, time had almsot no grasp. It had been two months since he welcomed Yasuo in his modest flat.

When he realized that, he wasn’t so shocked or anything. It was a mere fact. Maybe yes he was still surprised to see time go so fast yet he knew things happened since then.

Quietly going back home after a day of teaching, he often had this time to think, sitting in transports. It was good, now it was still rather sunny outside when he got back from work. As much as he liked winter, it was still depressing to leave and return at night.

It wouldn’t be the same thing anymore though. Leaving early in the morning had changed, now he had a guest. Indeed usually he didn’t see Yasuo at that time except on rare occasions. The fact remained, he had someone at home and he would always remember because he tried not to make too much noise as he got ready. Lily, that was another issue, she would make a fuss no matter what.

Still, he had someone there, even if the flat seemed so quiet. Trivial but he liked to know that. He wasn’t truly alone.

_One day, he will leave though_. To forget about it was stupid. This was how it was supposed to go. Once Yasuo got a room or anything correct to rent, he would go on his own. Yi had no idea how he felt about it. It wasn’t positive, as if hollow, empty. For someone having already accepted a certain dayly solitude, it was quite a stretch to feel sad about a guest leaving. Maybe it depended on the person, after all. Maybe instinctively he considered Yasuo a good enough friend to feel at ease around. Anyway, his flat would seem empty once he would be gone, just like a part of his heart. Lily was good company but having another person nearby was also a comfort.

For now he pushed that thought away, he didn’t need to feel sad for no real reason. Furthermore, it was going to happen so soon. He had seen Yasuo several time complaining about the price of flats and rooms in the city and this wasn’t going to be solved in a few days.

What was that ? Relief ? _No, of course no_. He would never wish that kind of things. For the latter this was already quite stressful to be sheltered like this without any kind of compensation or payment. They had talked about it and it was obvious, Yasuo didn’t like to be a burden. Yi wondered why he felt this to such point, there was no need but maybe a personal reason.

Each day seemed to impact a bit more the latter, as if there was a limit in time before he was kicked out, with or without results. _I wouldn’t_. Although this didn’t lessen one’s concerns.

One time of inattention and he could have missed his station. Walking back home, Yi’s thoughts lingered on this issue.

If he was asked, he would say it wasn’t a real problem. At the beginning he would have expected to be at least a little bothered by the presence of someone else in his home – no matter what level of acquaintance and frienship. However it didn’t happen or in such faint level that he didn’t noticed. Again, surely it depended on who he welcomed in his flat. Yasuo was nice enough not to be a bother of any kind, however he considered himself.

Now it made two months and he wasn’t waiting for the end of it. It was fine, he got used to it and even liked the company. Given the latter’s chance to find a correct place to live, in his budget, he would still need his roof for a few more months, if not more.

_And now he’s paying_. Yi couldn’t believe he let him do that. Adamant to give his help, he had first refused any attempt to pay from Yasuo. He knew that his friend never had a lot of money, no need to make his situation worse. That stubborn idiot seeked a job just for that.

The reason why he surrended and accepted a ‘contribution’ was Yasuo’s peace of mind. He made it clear, he disliked being here just to bother and eat his food – both statements being wrong. So Yi accepted. If he could help the latter feel at bit better then he would do it. Not that they really needed it, his salary was more than enough and that didn’t take in count the money received sometimes from family. Yes, they still kept doing it.

Long sigh. At least this wasn’t a real issue. At the end of the month he would check the bills and everything and prove to Yasuo that it was fine anyway. He still understood this need to participate, not being useless.

At last he reached the building. Checking the mailbox, there was nothing. Either Yasuo went down to take it or there was none for this day. In merry haste, he made it to the door and unlocked it.

As expected, Lily was fast to meow behind the door. Welcome home. It made him smile like many days, glad to find her.

« Hey ! »

« No ! Stay here ! » Urgent shout from Yasuo, just as he caught the cat before she could escape.

So this was his return home, to this happy scene. Lily, struggling a bit in Yasuo’s arms, soon about to bite him. Indeed a few seconds later he dropped her, swearing lowly. Upset, she left the corridor since the occasion was over.

« Damnit. » Both looked in the direction taken by the cat, before focusing back. « Hey, how was your day ? »

« Exhausting, nothing new. And you ? »

« Napped all I could. Really, going back to work is horrible. »

« Indeed. Welcome to adult life. » Sly smile, as he took off coat and docs. Now it was time to relax.

« I knooooooow… Oh wait, I went for groceries, gonna try something good. »

It was Yasuo’s turn to cook tonight and it wasn’t contested. Yi was glad not to have to take care of it this time, a bit too tired.

By reflex he sat on the couch, not far of Lily’s spot. Oh dear feeling when she looked up and came closer to be petted, already purring. _Hello hello my lady_.

« Yi ? » Still in the corridor, surely he was going to the kitchen after that question.

« Yes ? »

« I’m going out tonight. Just so you know. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinking that angst might be coming sooner than i thought XD


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
morning me gonna deck me but i'm finally caught internet!
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Merely some information. Yasuo didn’t even have to explain or give reasons, he just prefered to tell that he was going out.

As expected, Yi had simply nodded.

It didn’t mean though he was dodging his turn to cook. He made sure to have dinner without any rush with the latter. Like always, Lily stayed in the kitchen for all the time he was there, meowing as loud as she could and staying on his path all the time. It would be cute if she didn’t risk to make him fall if he didn’t pay enough attention.

At some point Yi came around and sat down quietly, picking her up. Indeed it was more like catsitting but he didn’t mind, far too happy to pet her non-stop. For Yasuo, this was one risk left and they could chat while he cooked.

So went dinner time, a rather noisy time between Yi’s day and any topic Yasuo could find. He still indulged a few times, gaze lingering a bit longer than innocence would require when he was sure it wouldn’t be noticed. Was it incorrect ? He was still human and simply to have dinner while Yi retold his day was the nicest thing. Oh yes that was a good indicator on how bad he got it but with time, Yasuo started to get used to that. As long as he wasn’t found out. Would he really be blamed for looking one more second ?

Then it was over. He still stayed in the kitchen while Yi did the dishes, at least to keep him company. This was a silent deal. Unless one of them was too tired, they tried as much to stick around during this last task to chat a little. It never went really far, usually so exhausted by the day. Sometimes Lily came back hoping for a treat and she found nothing but despair and hatred against her beautiful self. To make it up to her, Yasuo took her in his arms and kept her there as long as she tolerated, a bit like a baby.

One of the improvements of these two months, Lily had grown used to him and let him hold her – even for a short time. Now he could enjoy the fluffy experience, face burried in her fur while he could. Soon enough she meowed to be let down.

The time after was quite new. Indeed the first time he allowed himself to go out that ‘late’, since at last he felt relaxed enough to go without guilt. But oh he really needed that, to see people around and have a drink.

So he got ready. A last goodbye to Yi who wasn’t getting ready to sleep yet, barely starting his free time. The sight remained in his mind for some time after he left : Yi peaceful settled on the couch with his blanket and an infusion on the near table. The way he looked up when Yasuo wished him a good evening was really really cute, even if it wasn’t intended, just like the small waving back.

That picture lingered for a time, as he took public transports to downtown. What a joke, to go out at last and still stay stuck on a glimpse of his friend smiling. Only another proof that finding someone to spend the night with would be great. To help him forget and still find some comfort.

Nothing new.

Like a moth attracted to a lamp, he finished in a bar. Always looking for the places where people were. People, to talk with, to stay around.

It felt like ages since the last time he got out but at the same time, it was maybe barely a few months. Not really long. Just for now he would have to find the places he prefered, discover a bit. No wonder why so many students went to this city, it had quite a busy life at night. Yasuo felt at home again, so many lights around and a lot of noise.

~

What never change over these few months was that he was still bad at guessing how much he could still take before it became a bad idea. Alcohol, a door opened to many things.

After going from one bar to another in that same lively street in town and finding some people around his age to chat, he could tell he had enough.

It was late, more than when he arrived around. There were still some public transports but so rare, he had to wait a bit at the station.

Not bad for a first night in that new city but surely he would find better next time. Still, it was nice. He found some other idiots like him looking for a good time and the alcohol did its things, blurring any problems for a while. Quite a good mood.

Alright, he still struggled to walk straight but he could pretend to have a bit of composure. The return home wouldn’t be too difficult.

Still, if it hadn’t been for his reflexes, he would have missed their building and continued in the quiet street until he realized he was probably lost.

Good thing his steps automatically led him to the front door of the building. After a cautious walk till the door to Yi’s flat, he looked for his keys. Difficult, in the dark. More fumbling with his smartphone for a good minute.

When at last he unlocked the door and got inside, he was so glad to be home.

« Hey Yi I’m home… » Not too loud because he was tired then he simply remembered the latter was gone to bed already. Instantly he shut up, trying to be quiet but still failing that this basic task.

_Shit_.

It was still funny to try to walk. Gingerly he switched the light on in the living room and made it to the couch – already prepared for him to sleep. _Oh…_ Yi did it. During daytime the couch was used for its usual purpose but when it was late Yasuo would shift it for sleep time. Right then, the latter probably made it to save him some time and prevent more noise without a doubt.

_Yi…._ Sweet thought. He wasn’t able to think straight but he still got nice thoughts for his friend. That was thoughtful to get his ‘bed’ ready. Unaware, Yasuo sat there smiling like an idiot. Yes, a happy idiot.

Then he flopped back on the couch, lingering unconsciously on this topic. _Don’t wake him up, dumbass. He works early. _

What time was it ? Too late or fucking early, depending on the way it was seen.

A noise caught his attention, shifting lazily to look at the source. It was just Lily jumping on the couch to join him, sort of investigating this guy making such noise at that time.

« Shhhhhh be quiet… » He was one to talk.

The cat didn’t seemed fazed or anything and merely went to settle on Yasuo’s pillow.

« Hey no, move. Mine. » Careful but greatly uncordinated, he pulled the pillow until Lily fell slowly on the side, now on the couch. Maybe a bit upset but she stayed right there as for the full night.

_Alright_.

He wanted to sleep too but several things had to be taken care of. First, he had to switch the light off, impossible to sleep otherwise. Then take off his shoes, at least that. The rest, he didn’t care.

After gathering all his courage, Yasuo stood, stumbled a little and managed to light down. Now he was in complete darkness, eyes used to light. _Fuck_.

Blindly he returned to the couch even though it still took him some time to be quiet. Shoes chucked off and left near the couch, he was free to collapse in bed.

Good thing he didn’t fall on Lily by accident, she would have been more than angry. Phone left aside, Yasuo grabbed the pillow and went to sleep.

Without surprise, it didn’t take long. Just a merry mood and the comforting thought of seeing Yi next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me waiting for The Good Shit to happen


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
still alive but tireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
> 
> thanks for reading, cuties!! <3

_He’s noisy_.

Just a fact that woke Yi up in the middle of the night. It was nothing too violent or anything yet it still took him out of sleep. Face turned slightly, he indeed saw some light streaming by the small door gap.

Deep sigh, he changed side and settled to get more sleep. Not need to check the time, it was useful and he prefered to rest as much as he could. At least to know it was Yasuo meant he still had a lot of time before the alarm.

_He’s home_. There was still a positive part, pushing aside this short interruption of his needed sleep. Now Yi knew the latter made it back home in one piece. If there was any serious matter he would have called, or tried to solve it.

Good to know, at least for his peace of mind.

When Yasuo had told him he was going out, he didn’t know what to think about it. Visibly, nothing wrong happened, he was sober enough to find his way back. No reason to worry.

It was still something new, to see him go out on the evening. Yi guessed it was part of his habits, it just took some time for him to go back on it.

The noise went on outside his bedroom but nothing too bothering. Just it was a bit funny to hear Yasuo since usually when it was late he would be so silent to prevent any problem. _How drunk is he ?_ Not enough to bump into each wall, that was clear. Nothing less discreet that someone completely wasted.

_Wait, what is that ? _

Yasuo complained quietly after Lily, even though it was still hearable in the flat. _Awww_. Indeed this was part of life with a cat. She always did her life and sometimes it meant bothering the closest awake person around.

Maybe Lily was going to sleep in the living room this night. In any case, she was free to do as she wished.

Little by little complete silence ruled the flat. Yi wasn’t trying that much to pay attention to it, simply he wasn’t falling asleep as soon as he wanted. During the wait, geting drowsy, he thought about Yasuo and the pitiful condition that would find him next morning. _Good luck_. Without a doubt he knew what he was getting into, he would survive.

~

Next morning was indeed a bit out of the habits. First because during breakfast, Yi got some visit from his guest. More like a zombie than an actual functioning human being. After collapsing on the other chair, silence came back.

_Alright_.

« Hello Yasuo. I see you had fun yesterday. »

It was a bit strange to be right there eating quietly and making conversation to someone who looked half dead. Yasuo was leaning on the table, face hidden and barely a grumble as reaction.

To be alone would have been the same, given the lack of response. Yi didn’t push, while still getting a glass of water for him.

« Hey. Water. I think you’ll need it. » Soft tone despite the lack of use for it. He couldn’t help it in moments like these.

« Mmh. » Half muffled, nothing coherent. Best guess was that he tried to say nothing, just acknowledgement.

« You know, I’m sure the couch is still a lot more comfortable than the table. »

« Too tired to move… »

Ridiculous yet it made him smile fondly. Was that normal ? Yasuo was just being lazy, nothing to be endeared over.

« Shall I carry you to bed ? Would that help ? »

Not sure if he was serious while suggesting that. Maybe just a joke. Meanwhile, time was going and although he still had some left, Yi would have to move soon.

« Nah am fine. »

How could someone have the energy to go in another room then suddenly stop caring ? It was still some company, Yi appreciated that.

Standing, he went to do the dishes, sometimes glancing at Yasuo. Really tired, it would seem. That was a mood he understood and felt at such early hour. Just he couldn’t understand why the latter didn’t stay in bed even though he was awake.

« I have to take my shower and get ready. Go back to sleep. » Fair warning that now Yasuo would be alone in the kitchen.

No answer came, making Yi think he possibly fell asleep right there. _It gonna hurt_. For now he left this issue aside and prefered to take care of it once he was ready to leave.

Maybe later Yasuo would come back to his couch as easily as he joined him in the kitchen. _I hope so_.

Like always, Lily made her little concerto in meow minor behind the bathroom door. It would never change. Yi listened to her faintly, hoping honestly that she wouldn’t wake anyone in the building. For now he never got some complaints but better stay careful.

Another surprise after his shower, he found Yasuo at the exact same spot he left him just before. Same position. _Please, respect your back a little_.

Joining him, Yi was mixed between being gentle and shaking him out of this slumber because in no way he would feel better afterward.

In the end, he chose both and moved Yasuo gently to get his attention.

« Hey. Still here ? »

Slow move from the latter, head turning to look at him. Oh he looked a bit miserable right then, all sleepy like this. Rather cute. Nothing else came to Yi’s mind to describe this moment so he stayed on ‘cute’, it was enough.

This was a good sign of life nonetheless.

« Alright. Can you move ? If you don’t, I can’t guaranty you a good day. This is for you. »

« I know, I know. Just wanna sleep… »

« I get it. Now hold on to me, I’ll carry you to bed. »

Was he really doing it ? It seemed less of a joke right now. As long as he could help, Yi would do it.

After a small nod from Yasuo, he came closer and helped him to stand. The latter still supported himself a lot on him, with little grace as expected.

Unsure about Yasuo’s state of waking, he decided simply to pick him and directly carry him. This was going to take a few decades otherwise.

A rather surprised sound came out of the latter after being completely lifted, clinging to Yi by pure reflex.

« Owww shit… » Words from a sleepy man carried from the kitchen to the living room with the dignity of a sack of potatoes. Both exhaustion and alcohol could be blamed for his reaction, a bit out of it yet still able to react with some delay.

For the short time it last before he put Yasuo on the couch, Yi liked that sort of embrace. It had nearly nothing of it except the way the latter held him as scared to fall._ A bit of trust, thank you_.

Now back in bed, Yasuo didn’t move a lot, merely gazing back at him with that typical far look of someone close to drift away.

« There you go. Good night. » Smiling for that funny situation. He didnt’ expect to carry Yasuo back to bed but now he knew.

Thinking a bit, Yi returned to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. No doubt the latter was going to need that next time he woke up and since now he struggled already, he wouldn’t go far.

Leaving the bottle on the floor just in Yasuo’s reach, he stayed there for a short time, looking at him. That idiot wasn’t asleep yet, still able to pay a bit of attention to his surroundings. Right now he returned his gaze and a soft grin appeared.

« Hey. You’re right, it’s better. »

« Of course. I wouldn’t bother you like this for nothing. »

Soon he would have to leave. Yi stood and at the same moment, Yasuo managed to grab lazily his sleeve. Just to catch his attention.

« Thanks. See ya tonight. »

_Oh_.

« Good day to you. Take care of yourself. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going somewhere, i swear


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!  
first, sorry for short silence, i had a busy day then next evening head hurt too much  
second, BEWARE KIDS, NOW IT'S NSFW you're warned now
> 
> thanks for reading!!!

_Owww…. _

Awake, vision a bit blurry but soon it would get better. Yasuo lied on the couch, moves a bit slugish. Too bright. The sun was up and shining this day, flooding the living room. On reflex he changed side even if it didn’t help a lot. Sleep was no longer an option.

_What time is it ?_

Since there was such light from out there, he supposed it was a bit late in the morning, advanced hour. No way for him to fall alseep again, he felt too awake already.

Looking around for his phone, Yasuo also found the water bottle left there. _Oh, yes_. He didn’t remember a lot from the morning except a few things like Yi carrying him to bed or that smile before he left.

Playing a bit with the bottle, he let his thoughts wander a little. Nice attention from him. Indeed he wouldn’t have to get up just for some water – although he would still do it later to eat. Sitting up, Yasuo drank a bit from it. Only after downing a good half of the bottle he realized how thirsty he had been till then. It helped to wake up.

After putting it back on the floor where it was, Yasuo did nothing. Lost in thoughts, not really focused on anything. _Yi_. It was really nice of the latter to bring him this. Or nice in general. He liked these small occasions, Yi being thoughtful when it wasn’t even needed. Now that he thought about it, yeah, Yasuo would have been quite bothered to wake up still sitting on a chair.

There was no real reason for him to move like this in the morning. Just he was awake for a moment and he noticed the latter was up too, in the kitchen. Surely Lily woke him up, like sometimes. So instead of drowning into sleep as quick, Yasuo had the reflex to get up and drag himself to the kitchen. There was noise there, and Yi. Several reasons to come here and sit.

Indeed it must have been quite ridiculous in itself, to see him chuffle to the kitchen and show so little life sign. _Okay that was stupid_. Thankfully his back didn’t suffer since Yi decided to get him back to a more comfortable sleep spot.

All alone, Yasuo chuckled to himself. He would have indeed laughed for a long time if he had seen someone in such pitiful state. _I wasn’t so drunk last night_. He had been rather reasonable and indeed now it didn’t hurt much. Light headache, nothing more. He would still check and ask Yi if he made too much noise when he came back.

_Oh, maybe he left another note !_

With this new rush of cheer anticipation, Yasuo stood and went to the kitchen, looking indeed for any note left by his friend. Today there was one so this was going to be a good day.

_[Hey. I hope you remember this morning – if not, don’t panick, it was fine. There are leftovers from yesterday you can eat, I suppose you won’t want to cook. Have a good day and hug Lily for me.]_

A bit longer than usual and as many reasons to be on a good mood. He liked finding a note after he woke up, it was left just for him. And it was from Yi. _Would rather hug him than Lily but fine, can do it_. Silent thoughts that would never be voiced, too private.

Speaking of the devil, he wondered where was Lily. Probably napping somewhere, since he didn’t see her in the living room and he didn’t hear her lately.

« Where are you peanut ? » Going around the flat in that typically disheveled state following waking, Yasuo went on the quest for the cat. It would be a shame if all that time she was breaking stuff or anything bad.

After checking bathroom, kitchen and living room, Yasuo ran out of options. _Uhh…_ Last possibility was Yi’s room, one of the most likely. However this was forbidden territory. _Nope_. Not that he had been actually asked to avoid it but this was basic politeness. Yi’s private life was there, he refused to do anything with that. If indeed Lily was in there napping – which she was probably – then good for her, Yasuo would never go check. Instead he turned away and returned to the living room.

This was one of his days off, he would still find a good use to it. If possible, not spend it thinking about Yi, he did that enough on most days.

_Can’t wait for tonight though_.

~

What a sweetest defeat than failing one’s decision. With no work to do to distract himself, Yasuo’s thoughts always returned to his friend, to his chagrin. He couldn’t fight it, too strong.

Maybe it got a little worse and better when Yi came back from his day of work, a smile on his face as he arrived in the flat. Exactly what his heart didn’t need but it was always given like a treat. Another reason to faintly turn away and hide that blush. Was he really getting better at hiding his reactions ? In these moments he still felt like a teenager avoiding his crush.

The rest of the day went rather good, at least. Yi took his turn to cook and Yasuo stayed in the kitchen to bask innocently in the latter’s presence. Taking his laptop to browse and else was purely an excuse to stay here.

Oh sometimes it got really powerful, the need to join Yi and hug him. If he was confident enough, maybe he could manage to make it pass as a friendly thing. Just being his usual tactile self. Except that around the latter, Yasuo feared it might be too obvious and he freaked out innerly. He didn’t need to make Yi resent him, or even get kicked out of the flat.

So he stayed right there, at the chair both agreed was his, sometimes gazing discreetly at his friend. As long as he wasn’t too obvious, it would be fine. Just play it cool.

These feelings wouldn’t stay forever. Would it ?

Easy to convince himself but when sleep time arrived for Yi and he left him alone, it stung a bit. The sweet sting of solitude dulled by a gentle goodnight. Yasuo was weak to it, he knew it well.

Day by day, week by week, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Would there even be an end to this ? Was he condemned to endure it ? His heart beat loudly in his chest, traitorious evidence he wasn’t out of the woods yet.

~

Warm. Close. Dark. No thoughts at the moment, simply able to feel.

Good.

Yasuo couldn’t say more about this, about what he felt. No words to describe it. Glimpses from time to time, like memories flickering. Was it true ? It felt good nonetheless.

Warmth rolling in waves through him, sweet feeling. He followed it by reflex, rocking back. Fog in his mind, difficult to focus. A gasp broke out of him, echoing a little.

Then he truly registered it, hands over him. Hot to the touch, low fever that made him crave anything. He loved it, that hand lingering over his chest, solid anchor. No way for him not to feel the other hand, stroking him slowly.

More moans, spilling freely as Yasuo bucked into that sweet grasp. Press a little more, go closer, cling.

« Shhhhh… »

Someone was here. Of course, there was someone. He knew him, far too well. Clinging a little harder, Yasuo looked up. He wanted so much and everything was in reach. Hold him closer, till he could moan his pleasure against his neck.

It got a little faster, rhythm punctuated by slick noises and his soft pleas. It was so good, a bit obscene in the way he seeked relief but shame would be for another time. Yasuo heard it, his name spoken gently, right next to his ear while he keened softly.

Not enough. He craved more. Hands burried in dark locks, catching his attention as well as a blessed sight. Then Yasuo urged him down into a kiss, hoping to muffle his own pleasure. How could a kiss taste that good ? His soul ached for it.

That hand never stopped the attention provided to his cock, taking him closer little by little.

Until Yasuo couldn’t take it anymore, breaking the kiss to cry out. A name so loved.

« Yi… »

Only in dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehe sorry not sorry


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
sorry, it's a bit late, no internet yesterday!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

Another day, another occasion to grumble after the alarm for ringing too early. This was life, slapping him awake for a new day. _I hate this_. But never Yi would get late by staying in bed for ‘just a few more minutes’, this was the devil speaking.

So he got up despite the strong urge just to lie down and sleep. Come on, just one day. Then it would be week end and with it his free time of the week. Thinking about sleeping a bit late wasn’t a good idea right now, not when it stung that much just to get up.

After sitting up Yi looked for Lily. Maybe she spent the night here, since she was there when he went to bed. No direct contact so she wasn’t in bed. For further research, he needed to switch on the light.

Indeed that time he could spot Lily on one of her baskets, napping quietly in a corner of his room.

_Aww, there she is_.

There was no use in waking her up, especially not at that time. Yi went on his routine and went to the kitchen. This really was the worst time of the day but it would get better little by little. Just needed some coffee.

After some time and a warm cup of coffee, Lily joined him in the kitchen like some days. Then he complaint could start once she realized the only food available was the same, boring usual.

« Tomorrow, my lady. You will have some tomorrow. » Really he was sad for her, disclipline wasn’t her strong suit.

It got extremely difficult to resist from that point, as she meowed insistently while rubbing her head against him in search for attention, wet food, anything. No…

If it hadn’t worked yet for years then it wouldn’t work right now. Yi held, although petting her as he could. This was a far too small compensation for this pain.

« Shhhh, you will wake the neighbors or our guest. »

Thinking about Yasuo, he wondered if he would see him this morning. Yi doubted it greatly, it wasn’t really often and yesterday was more like an exception. Still no explanation for this early ‘visit’ in his humble kitchen after some drunk night but it didn’t really matter.

Last night he wished him goodnight but it told nothing of the time when Yasuo actually went to sleep. Does he work today ? Maybe not as easly as him but it was still a possibility. This could explain how lazy he was yesterday, if it was indeed his day off.

Quiet thoughts. _I suppose he will go out more often now_. This was what Yasuo’s kind did, enjoying late night and people’s company. Not Yi’s first choice to busy his free time but who was he to judge ? Everyone did what they pleased.

Since it was saturday, it meant movie night, either at home or theater. So far he didn’t went so often, it was nice to watch a movie at home with Lily to hug. And Yasuo now. Really, this evening was a good start for his weekend.

This sort of small thoughts kept him distracted of the harsh morning. It wasn’t the best time for many reasons among which being alone. It wasn’t new and he had Lily ready to ask for attention no matter at what time. Yesterday had this gentle mood of a sweet surprise. It was good for once.

Breakfast over, Yi did the few dishes quickly before going on next step of the routine. The cat was still here, keeping her hopes but it was meant to stay unfulfilled. He picked Lily up and carried her to the bedroom. There he left her on his blanket, giving a somfy spot of her next nap.

_Shower_.

Back in the corridor, he made sure to be quiet since one of the doors led to the living room where Yasuo was surely asleep. Or maybe not.

_Mmh ?_

There was a noise, Yi was sure about it. Less as time went but almost certain. It wasn’t Lily, it came from the living room. _He’s awake ?_

Yi was about to check, opening slightly more the door but he didn’t came in. Frozen on the spot. Another noise made him stop in his tracks, behind the door. _What_. Yasuo wasn’t awake, still deeply asleep at first guess. The thing that made his stop was the turn taken. A moan. So faint but no doubt about it.

As to confirm, it happened again and again. Breathy sounds without any misunderstanding on the context. Yi realized. _He’s… ?_

Just the time to smother that thought, keep it from being completed. It wouldn’t help, far from it. I should leave. This was none of his business.

Just, from where he stood he could make out a few things in the darkness of the living room. Yasuo on the couch, lying on his front. Only when he realized how undressed the latter was except for the sheet Yi moved in a hurry. _Stop_.

Go to the bathroom quietly, think about something else. Anything but that. _Alright alright_. Once he got there and switched the light on, he could see that very light blush in the mirror. Really there was nothing to feel so moved about. It was just Yasuo. Maybe he got a pleasant dream or anything. _Don’t think about that_. Really, what was this fuss about ?

To distract his thoughts Yi went and took his shower, at least to get this done. Time never stopped, he still had to go to work soon.

At last he relaxed a little. It was stupid to overthing like this, stay stuck on one trivia event. It was nothing. And beyond that, there was no wrong. It happened to everyone. Was it because it was about Yasuo that he got so confused ? _No no_. Just an incident. No need to mention that later, this was private.

Why isn’t he wearing a shirt ?? Again, useless question. But now he thought about it, since he noticed that detail and his thoughts wouldn’t stop being loud. Really, just a bit more movement in Yasuo’s sleep then he would be just in pants on the couch and sheet fallen on the floor. When he said he always felt too warm, he hoped it wasn’t in that meaning. _Stop this. Now_.

A friend shouldn’t overthink like that. This wasn’t correct. Especially not over Yasuo.

Noises from outside caught Yi’s attention and this time it was quite familiar. _Ah, it’s time_. Right on clue, meow behind the door. Honestly he wondered if one of their neighbors was bothered by this rigorous lament always at the same hour.

At least it gave him a distraction right when he needed it. A lot more innocent. Instead he would worry about waking anyone in the building. _Great_. Sadly, he had no solution for this. Locking Lily in another room was useless, she would complain all the same. The only chance was that she was asleep by the time he took his shower, which wasn’t often.

End of the shower, drying then he got ready to get out to get his clothes for the day in his bedroom. As soon as the bathroom door opened, Lily rushed inside with a small noise, to be disappointed right away.

« Sorry, sorry. It’s not the right time. »

Yi was too busy with his other towel to properly dry his hair that he didn’t notice quickly the other presence in the corridor.

Indeed, Yasuo stood there, a fair amount of surprise written on his face, as if he was going somewhere but got found out.

_Ah_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayayayaya


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
no internet yesterday, time for update!!
> 
> thanks for reading~

_OH NO_

First, it was already shitty to wake up after a wet dream but not once it would have warned him. It never did. And now Yasuo stood in the corridor, spotted. Really, why did he got up already ? Nothing came to his mind about it, far too shocked and flustered and this wasn’t the place he should be.

Time froze. _Fuck fuck fuck-_ Yi stood there, freshly out of the shower as his routine asked, looking at him with equal surprise. But in no way he could know. That merely minutes ago Yasuo deep into a dream, something so familiar like every day and it made him so aroused. He still felt it right now.

_Move ! Go away ! Run, idiot !_

He couldn’t stay there doing nothing. Soon Yi would notice something was wrong with him, that he was behaving weirdly, that he was fucking stuck in that corridor with a really hot friend. A bit of understanding please.

Time ran out. He had to say something or in the worst case, just go away. For the best. _Ahhhh…._

In a terrible attempt at seeming casual, Yasuo spoke : « H-Hey, funny seeing you here. Sorry, gotta move, still tired. » Ridiculous indeed. With barely more confidence than a kid, he stepped back to where he came from and closed the door of the living room in haste : « Have a good day ! »

What a disaster. Sometimes Yasuo wished he wasn’t able to talk, no doubt it would stop him from saying dumb things. Actually, right now what he said wasn’t the issue but rather the whole situation. How could someone have such negative luck ? This was the worst timing ever.

Waking up from a damned dream about his friend, only to get up for a useless reason and kindof run into him as he got out of the shower. All too gorgeous, bare chest and still not completely dry. It would be enough under normal time to give Yasuo bad thoughts.

Because since he woke up, he had a boner. It wouldn’t go away and surely not after this incident. He saw Yi, it was too late. _Cannot unsee_. Even with the whole shameful encounter and the risk to be found out craving. The true opposite of seeing something cursed but this wasn’t what he needed at the time. What he needed was a glass of icy water, just to cool off.

Oh maybe that was why he first got up and made that awful move, to simply get some water and splash his face a little. Now he slapped himself for this. _My fault_.

There wasn’t a single noise from the other side of the door. At the same time, Yi never was really noisy, a real cat. The one who made a fuss was Lily and now he got also the reason for such waking. A real mess.

On reflex he returned to the couch, under the blanket, half hiding under it. Maybe if he did that long enough he would wake up and it was just a bad dream after a nice dream. A nightmare. However it didn’t work. He stayed there, so tense it might hurt, hyperaware of any noise in the flat. Gone, sleep. Now it was just shame and arousal, fear and fluster.

At some point he heard Lily meowing but the door muffled a bit the sound. He didn’t dare to move from there, pretending to sleep but this was too obvious. Only time could save him.

A few times he had to stop himself from whatever reflex his body followed, short relief found in friction. _No !_ It was vicious because it wouldn’t leave him at peace. It felt like his hand trailed down by itself, against his will. Another reason to stay closed like this, tense.

Time went by and that was some good news. Indeed he heard Yi in the corridor, the noise of shoes steps then a door opened and closed. The signal for his freedom was the typical sound from keys locking a door. That was it, Yi was gone. He didn’t know one day he would feel glad for it but this was different. Yasuo would rather not meet him so fast. Their work day would hopefully be enough to forget everything.

Lily cried outside. Ah, yes. She was sad Yi was gone. Yasuo understood her, every day he felt the same, at the only difference he couldn’t voice it like her.

Since the latter was gone, he could now do a sneaky exit. Unless he waited for a long time, he wouldn’t feel exactly at peace before doing something. _I have to go_. Get in the shower, make it quick. Or maybe not, he wouldn’t be bothered.

Quick steps in the flat, he made it to the bathroom. Lily wasn’t in the corridor anymore, probably she had given up and returned to nap. Yasuo hoped to do that too, once that taken care of.

In the bathroom, he relaxed a bit more despite this whole mess. Really, how unlucky he was so far. Yasuo refused to think about the wet dream but it still haunted him, pleasant warmth in his chest. Boxers off, he got a rough reminder of the pleasure found by the stained spot. Only making his face more red than it was before.

Yeah he felt bad for still being so dumbly aroused. Dreams were good at using exactly what one craved, be it known or not. It forced him to recognize that fact. From this day he couldn’t deny that he felt not only emotional attraction for his friend but also sexual desire. What a shitty morning.

For a moment he wondered if it was a good idea to already run the water, even if it wasn’t really needed. It could be a bit of waste. In no way Yasuo could stay still, he chose to jerk off quickly before taking time to clean up.

Before even touching himself he knew he wouldn’t last, precum leaking a little. It was unfair to feel so much and have no other option than doing this. Leaning against the cold tile, he gave up any semblance of control and stroked himself. As soon he moaned lowly, half aware that he could indeed voice it even in shy measures. No one would hear.

It was too much. Everything brought him to think about Yi, from the not so chilly temperature of the bathroom after someone’s passage to the crude ‘memories’ of his night. How could he imagine such a thing ? He knew it, it was Yi in his dream. And they made out, and him touched him intimately. Not even thinking Yasuo repeated that same touch, firm grasp around his cock while he fought not to think about the latter.

_I s__h__ouldn’t…_ It wasn’t correct. What would Yi think of it ? Surely disgust or at least disappointment. Yet it was too strong, Yasuo could just give up. Face to the tile, seeking the slight cold to calm himself. His hand went faster, while the other took support against the wall. Bent, as if under the weight of his arousal and sins.

The dream was so vivid, playing with sensations. Not so soft touch over his cock and lips against his cheek. This was what brought Yasuo to his knees, the fact that he kissed him. Was he so desperate ? Cry out, bucking into his hand. He could replay it as much as he wanted in his mind but would he ? Lips claiming his, devouring his words and pleas. His soul for a kiss.

Yasuo wanted this to be already over. It was impossible not to think about Yi, not after such vulgar dream. Instead he would make quick work of this and then forget about it. Burry it with his shame.

In last resort, he became quite harsh on himself but it worked nonetheless. Tight grasp, tightening around the head. A few more strokes then he spilled, a sob falling without chance to take it back.

It was good, no matter how sick with himself he was for that. It numbed gently his guilt, for a time. Without true support he slided down the tile and finished sitting in the shower, breath short.

_Oh…_ Now everything came back, the best and the worst. It burned his cheeks. _I’m so screwed…_ It had been already enough to have a crush but this was making his life so difficult. Little by little he lost hope that this would go away. It was becoming out of control.

_I’m sorry, Yi_. He didn’t deserve any of this. With a bit of luck the latter saw nothing of his arousal and sad behavior. Yasuo doubted he would talk about it, if it was the case. Potentially this evening Yi would ask if he was alright – because he still ran away to hide after a mere encounter in the corridor – and he would reply that everything was fine.

With resolution he stood and let the water warm up a bit. It was nice to use the shower after someone else, it wouldn’t take long to have the right temperature. With increasing emptiness in his chest and gnawing guilt, Yasuo stayed there under the spray. Hoping it would wash away his errors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, this is far from being over
> 
> oh and hey, since i'm a dumbass too, tonight i'll write an alternate chapter to this one: someone asked how it would go if they fucked rn so we will see~


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
so, last night i got to bed at 23 so i couldn't post it for this day xD
> 
> thanks for reading! <3

_What a morning_.

At least these small events made the day a bit different than any other. Though Yi was still a bit puzzled by all this.

By now he was quietly going on his day of work, taking his lunch break before he would return to classes for the afternoon. If he still thought about it, either his life was really boring or this event was too interesting.

_Why am I still thinking about it ?_ It was a bit useless, just a short encounter in the corridor. Alright, maybe the whole thing about hearing his friend in the middle of a sexy dream wasn’t helping. But it was fine, they could both go on their lifes and do as if it didn’t happen. Why would it, anyway ?

Yet he still thought about it, no matter how much he tried to distract himself with any triviality around. It wouldn’t work.

It annoyed Yi a bit to realize how it ‘bothered’ him. Not the incident itself of course, none of them could have seen it coming and honestly Yasuo didn’t deserve this. He just disliked the way it made him react so far. Fixated on something, a short event. Yi wouldn’t have minded if it didn’t involve his friend, especially not his privacy.

No doubt why Yasuo escaped the situation as soon as he could. He could imagine this wasn’t exactly dignified or even relaxing to go and be found out aroused by a friend. He would apologize, even if that was a bit stupid from him. None could be blamed, it just happened.

_Stop this. It’s over and for the best_. In no universe he would dare to bring it up to the latter, he sensed it wasn’t a topic to joke on. So the best decision was to forget. _It’s not difficult_.

Stay more on this topic and he would think he was being weird to even be concerned. No need for that.

Sadly, it didn’t go that easily. Probably because that day was really long to bear since it was the last before weekend and kids could be very noisy sometimes. At least classes would be too taking to think about naything else.

~

The afternoon hopefully ended. _Thanks_. That was a relief, now he was free to have his evening, movie and cute cat to pet. Yasuo was still working until a certain hour but then they would be quietly enjoying the evening.

No matter how long it could take sometimes, Yi was a bit happy while commuting. He was going back home, free for a day. Although he knew he wouldn’t find Yasuo at home – since he was working – he was glad to come back knowing he would find him later.

Then the damned topic returned. _Ah shit. What should I do ?_ He wasn’t exactly ready to, he had to think about it. But it was quite simple, no ? The most easy way would be just not to alk about it. _Why am I even questioning this ?_ Sometimes overthinking was stupid. Yi sighed.

The real question was about how this would go. He couldn’t predict Yasuo’s reaction. The most likely would be they both go on their lifes and pretend it didn’t happen. At least not the part when Yasuo got a good look at him before running away.

Yi didn’t wish for any awkward pause, even if it could happen. He had seen the latter fall in a sort of pit of embarrassment and it didn’t seem happy. If he could avoid this kind of scene then it would be better.

Really, why did they have to deal with that ? It sounded a bit ridiculous to overthink about something like this. _We’re adults, damnit_.

When he made it to their building, indeed there was no light up to be seen by the window of the living room. With rather happy steps Yi made it to the flat, more than delighted to find Lily after a long day at work.

Barely the time to turn his key into the lock and already the cat meowed loudly behind the door. Quickly Yi went inside and closed the door behind him, a very affectionate Lily purring against him.

« Hello hello my lady ! How was your day ? »

Oh what a good feeling to go back home and find a lovely cat. Yi kneeled to play with her shortly, relishing the fluffy fur under his hands. _So cute_. Lily lied on the floor to be petted, visibly enjoying the attention she hadn’t received all day.

They stayed there for maybe five good minutes. It was so much fun and even after the few years he was still as happy to find her after work. Lily gave it back cheerfully, purring like crazy. Soft words said to her, for the joy brought in this flat.

« I guess you felt lonely too ? It’s saturday, you know what that means. » People could say whatever they wanted about talking so kindly to a cat but he didn’t care, Lily was the damned poltergeist of this flat, keeping the place alive no matter the time.

« Alright, let’s move. »

After picking her up, Yi carried her to the couch and left her on the pillow reserved to her. Lily didn’t settle on it though and prefered to lie by his side for more petting when he was busy taking his shoes off. Risky business while having a rather happy cat but he managed to complete it. Even when he got up to take care of his coat and shoes Lily hopped behind and followed, tiny affection magnet.

He was free, he could do whatever he wanted for the evening so he decided to go back on the couch and pet Lily enough for a whole week. During this soft moment Yi still took care of texting Yasuo, small question to ask about the evening.

**[Hey, I hope you’re doing fine since this morning. Tell me, when do you finish tonight?]**

His attention returned to Lily, especially because she saw the focus was on something else than her, what a crime. For this she went on his lap and settled in a ball, just as he finished his message.

« I’m here, I’m here. Just checking on Yasuo. »

The reply would take some time. After all, the latter was working and it could be quite taking. Yi understood, patient.

**[not yet]**

**[in 2h i think]**

**[but ill bring pizza!]**

**[Oh, alright. You’ll tell me the price, to repay at least half of it. **

**See you later, take care.]**

The evening was all planned. He would wait for Yasuo’s return and pizzas then they would chill for their weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy you have no idea what's coming


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
big update cuz no internet for most of the day -__-
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Weekend !!_

Definitely in a merry mood, Yasuo returned back home with their food. Really, what a nice time. The best of the week. The time he hadn’t been working, there was no real difference between each day except for the few events but now he could feel it. The same relief to be free after work or school.

Not to delve too deep but he was also quite happy to see Yi again, despite the ‘incident’ in the morning. At least his work helped him to focus on something else and not get too worked up about something both won’t mention ever again. Because that was the most likely. The latter wouldn’t talk about it again, he respected privacy and that was taking in count that he found out. It was just an instant in the morning, at a hateful time, in the corridor. It didn’t even last and that was too short to guess anything.

So Yasuo was rather appeased about this topic, in the limits possible. He would always worry for the impossible but it brought no good, just more anxiety for something stupid. _Better move on_.

That incident aside, he could think about the evening. It was saturday, not too late in the evening so they still had time to eat. _I want to go out_. This was his plan, slowly thought during his work. Since he was back into real life, he could indulge a little and drink.

Yi wouldn’t mind, he supposed. They lived their lifes as they wished. Plus, he was bringing pizza, they would still have some time to share before he left. Oh without a doubt sunday he was just going to sleep till noon and later but he wanted to have fun, no matter how tired he could get.

So to say he was really proud of himself for bringing pizza home. Now he entered the building and almost ran to the elevator, humming his joy for the weekend. _He wants to pay me back though_. Yi mentioned that in his message and he didn’t know what to think of it. He wasn’t a kid anymore, he could pay some stuff like food now that he had a bit of money. This was the whole point of working.

Yasuo knew they would ‘fight’ a bit over the bill for pizzas but it wouldn’t be violent, just both of them trying to be a decent human being. _Alright, let’s see_.

Key in hand, he made it to the flat’s door. Home sweet home. Weekend could start properly. Right on cue, Lily meowed behind the door, as if she had nothing better to do in her life. Still, Yasuo enjoyed it, this was like a nice welcome.

« Heyyyy ! Did you miss me peanut ? » Obvious joy to be back home.

Reality dawned on him like a lightning. With the pizzas he wasn’t able to crouch and pet Lily, while she was in this rare moment of affection, rubbing her head against his leg. _Nooooooo…._ Tragedy.

« Hello ! How was your day ? » Not long after Yi arrived, in a similar relaxed mood. That was heartwarming.

Instead of lingering enough to be caught on that gentle sight of his smiling friend, Yasuo focused back on any of the two pretexts at hand, pizza and Lily.

« Help me, she’s so cute right now and I can’t pet her… »

« Oh ! Give it to me. » Already Yi was reaching for the pizza box, taking it once he let him.

As soon as he could Yasuo went to pet the cat, very glad to see that after some time she finished by liking him. After joining Lily on the floor, he stayed there and enjoyed the moment while it last. It wasn’t always she let him pet her so much.

Hunger was difficult to forget though. Yasuo took his shoes off then stood, getting on the small evening routine. All this was a bit more difficult to bear because the whole flat smelled of pizza, guiding him to the kitchen where Yi was busy.

As soon as he arrived, the latter made a gesture as to give him something and Yasuo reached on reflex. Only to realize that it was some money for the pizzas indeed.

« Hell no. I get to buy food too. » Nothing mean, quite the opposite.

Both sat down, they had waited enough for dinner. This joke of argument went on during their meal.

« I know but we’re both eating right now. It would only be fair. » Dear smile, that almsot made Yasuo avert in order to dodge.

_Unfair_.

« I work specifically for that. Let me use my money. » Sulking a little like a child, though they both knew this was the joke going on.

« Alright, alright. So I’ll just pay for half of it, my part. »

The incriminated money stayed on the table and Yi pushed indeed half of it to him, taking the rest back.

It went as predicted. Yasuo wouldn’t be too mad, he had tried his best. Maybe another time he would succeed to invite Yi or else. _Wait no_. It sounded too much like a date and he completely refused to even think of this path. How could he even come up with that ?

Yasuo decided to shut for once and busied himself with a new slice of pizza. He earned it, that day was long and started so bad. With a bit of luck he would forget about everything awkward he did in his life.

There was still something he had to say and it offered a great distraction.

« Oh, I’m going out after that, if you don’t mind. » Merely to ask, because otherwise Yi didn’t have to monitor his life.

« You don’t have to ask. I’ll stay here and watch a movie with Lily so it’s no problem. »

_See ? Nothing to worry about_. It was strange to even ask because when he was still living with his family, he didn’t really ask his mother if he could. He told her when he went out but no authorization.

This was going to be a good evening, no matter how loud Lily cried for some food at their feet.

~ Yi ~

_Farewell_.

Now Yasuo was gone for his evening, a bit in a hurry because he had looked for next bus going dowtown and it was very soon. Yi had seen him getting ready in no time, barely thinking about taking his wallet then gone in the night.

The rare dishes were done, the kitchen clean – although pizzas had the clear pros of not needing much cleaning – so it was time for movie night.

« So, it’s you and me tonight, my lady. »

Lily was busy sulking on Yi’s bed, surely upset for not having her special food while they enjoyed pizza. Yes, life was unfair.

Since he came here to take his blanket to the couch, he also took the cat for the ride. She didn’t budge at all, only an angry look at him. Once he made it to the living room, he put the blanket and its temporary visitor down on the couch.

After changing for more comfy clothes, Yi went to the kitchen to make himself an infusion. Then the night would be good. For seeing Lily so displeased, he took a little cat treat for her, something that he didn’t give her too often but surely it would be nice. As soon as she heard the typical noise of the package, she ran to the kitchen with an innocent look.

« Not here, come with me. » With his mug and a very happy cat Yi returned to the living room for good.

It was really funny to see such enthusiasm from Lily, even though he knew she was more after that treat than him at the moment. Light chuckle as she tried to get as close as possible by jumping on the couch and coming.

After putting the mug away to safety, Yi finally gave her the small treat.

« There, you deserve one. For staying strong and patient. » He avoided petting Lily while he ate, this was a no-no. Soon enough she was all purring and happy, sitting on the blanket on his lap.

A bit more arrangement to get the movie playing then they were good.

~

_Mmmh. What should I do ?_

It wasn’t that late, before midnight. By now Yi had finished his movie and Lily was napping on his lap after staying there the whole time.

It was fairly tempting to watch another movie. He was a bit tired but at some point Yasuo would come back and if he was really drunk, he risked to wake him up at his return. Yi would rather be awake and peaceful.

The latest time the latter went out, he didn’t return that late – compared to the worst hours so typical of youth.

_Alright, let’s do it_. It was his home, he did what he wanted. Just, before playing another movie he made a short bathroom break, bothering Lily at the same time when he moved.

At his return, she was back to nap in a ball, on the pillow specially for her on the couch. Yi also brought his mug to be washed in the kitchen then he could resume his movie night.

Yet sometimes it was good to be patient.

Not even an hour later, some noise caught his attention and indeed Yasuo arrived in the flat after gloriously fumbling with his keys.

« Hey. Am back. »

« Good evening. Did you have fun ? » He paused the movie, looking at Yasuo.

The latter didn’t look so bad, maybe a bit drunk but nothing too dangerous. For now he was in the corridor, looking at him as he supported himself a bit against the wall.

« Yeah, it was good. Quite lively at night in this city. I like it. »

Shoes chucked off and left without much care at its place, Yasuo joined him in the living room.

« Do you still have your wallet ? Just in case. » Maybe it wasn’t his role to look after him but he prefered to be sure he didn’t forget it.

« Yup, still here. And my phone too. I’m not dumb, ya know. Not so much. » As proof he took it to attention before leaving it on the table. The words may seem annoyed but in fact he was more of the happy drunk, smiling gently for this.

Yi lingered shortly on this sight before focusing a bit. « Good. Do you want to sleep now ? I can go to bed. »

Flopping on the couch without grace, Yasuo kind of woke Lily up with the sudden move. She made a small complaint then moved away.

« Oh, sorry ‘lady. » Clumsy but he obviously regretted bothering the cat. Yasuo still put himself at ease on the couch, paying attention to the screen. « Mmm ? No, you can finish your movie. I don’t mind. »

_Alright._ He prefered to ask because Yasuo looked a bit tired. Although for now he seemed interested in watching the movie with him. _Not a problem_.

So he pressed play and the movie resumed.

Time went and even while he followed the movie, Yi paid some attention to the latter discreetly.

« Are you sure ? I can finish it another time. »

« Naw, it’s fine. »

After this exchange, there wasn’t a word said, only the noise and dialogs of the movie. At some point Lily came back from what looked like a short visit to her bowl and crossed the living room to climb her cat tree, makign a show of her beauty. It would have been admired if it wasn’t a bit dark in the living room, only a small light kept not to lose eyesight on this.

So Yi gave his full attention to the movie, until he was brought back to reality by a slow move. Little by little Yasuo ended up leaning against him, face resting to his shoulder while they watched. _Oh ?_ He wasn’t sure if the latter was awake, h couldn’t check without making it obvious. _Guess yes_.

It wasn’t a matter, he knew Yasuo was a bit tired and drunk, not the most reactive person there.

Next move was when Yasuo basically gave up and lied on the couch, head falling on Yi’s lap. There was still his blanket there, making every comfortable but now he had a sleepy Yasuo on his lap instead of a cat. _Alright. He must be really tired_. He let him do. After all, the latter let him finish his move before sleep, he was the one keeping him from properly sleeping.

Yi still checked the time remaining, because he wouldn’t cause his friend any problems just for a movie. A bit less than ten minutes. Since they wouldn’t probably change position, Yi pulled some of his blanket to cover the latter. Pure habit. Lily liked that too.

The time of realization was a bit later, when he found his hand in Yasuo’s hair. _Ah_. Habit going too far. Usually indeed he had Lily on his lap and he would pet her without thinking. And now this. When he realized what he was doing, he stopped completely but it felt more odd not to do it than the habit itself.

Now he was sure Yasuo was too drunk or asleep or he would have felt it.

Once the movie was over Yi dared to move. Indeed the latter was a bit too far, since he had to shake him out of this light slumber.

« Hey. I’m going to open the couch for you so you have to move. Just for a minute then you’ll be free to sleep. »

Some difficulties to focus but Yasuo still nodded after a time, moving slowly to get down the couch and sit on the floor, clinging to the blanket in a sort of sleepy reflex. It made Yi a bit endeared but he pushed that aside, it wasn’t helpful.

A bit of noise then it was done, Yasuo had his bed ready. Yi took care to give him his blanket to get his own back, a sort of exchange.

« There, it’s good. Do you need anything ? » He doubted the latter needed something, except sleep.

Indeed Yasuo merely replied no, so softly, before standing and collapsing back on his couch for the night.

« Mmh thanks. Good night Yi. » Mumbled low, probably half asleep. It wouldn’t take long.

« Good night. »

Himself was quite tired, after such long day. _I’d love to sleep for a day_. Good thing it was weeked, he was free to be lazy and snuggle in his blanket for the afternoon. However he knew himself, he always ended up awake too early to his taste and unable to relish his time in bed.

Teeth, pajama, water bottle for Yasuo then he waved gently at Lily from the door of the living as sign that he was going to bed. She would decide to join him or not.

Once in bed, it didn’t take long to feel sleep coming. That was the good point of exhaustion, it made rest a lot easier.

In the end, it was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly getting there~


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
so rn i'm in holiday back home so i'm not sure if i'll be able to update so often
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Fuck...._

So started Yasuo's day, swearing lowly after waking up with a headache. Really, he should have seen that coming but no once he learned. He still enjoyed going out at night and drinking enough not to feel bad. This was back in the days, now he drank just to be social and have fun. It had been a while since he thought about his family drama but it was for the best, he didn't need that.

All led him to this familiar moment, struggling to keep his eyes open as he regained awareness. It hurt less but it still bothered him a bit. _Water..._ Thirst was quick to get him. Yet he gave up as quick, not enough faith to get up and go drink in the kitchen. For now he just wanted to curl into his blanket and forget about everything.

_What time is it ?_

Since he was waking up bit by bit, he was curious about the time. Finding his phone was a small challenge but he still succeeded and managed to see the time. A bit after noon. It wasn't so late, that was a relief. As much as he liked having free time to sleep, he wasn't fond of losing all the day to it.

Next to his phone he found a water bottle and rarely in life he got that grateful. _Oh fuck yes_. So to say he enjoyed it greatly and almost finished it. One good thing done.

Then his thoughts went to the reasons for that. _Yi_. Of course it was the latter, because Yasuo knew himself enough to forget about taking a damned water bottle before sleep. Especially when rather drunk. It wasn't the first time and it hit his heart all the same. Yi was so nice and thoughtful around him, how nice. It would give someone the wrong message. _Stop, stop_. It was just a small attention from a friend, no need to overthink that.

More time went by, while Yasuo let his thoughts wander frighteningly from one topic to another. Almost all of it was linked to Yi, no matter how hard he tried not to linger on that. He remembered most of the night, he hadn't drank that much – mind you, he wanted to go back home at some point.

So he remembered his return, finding Yi still watching a movie. That was new but at the same time, the latest and only time he went out Yi worked next day, so he wouldn't have stayed up too late. Yasuo's memories started to blur later, probably because he was too exhausted and fell alseep a few time. One thing stayed on his mind and now it left him too restless to find peace again. He remembered leaning against the latter, until he was mainly supporting himself on him.

Time to explain how much he regretted this, in two ways. First he wished he had more reason in that moment, that would have prevented this. It was still quite light and innocent so Yasuo wouldn't blame himself too hard. Second, he wished he could have done this again, less drunk and more aware. Even if it meant being aware enough to avoid that kind of contact. He still secretly craved to know how it was. _Don't_. To think about that would only make it worse for him. He didn't need to know.

This inner debate was interrupted by a good smell flooding the flat, food without a doubt. Now he indeed registered some noise from the kitchen, something he should have noticed earlier but seemingly his quiet conflicts were too taking.

Yi was cooking and by the smell, it had to be really good. Putting his debates and useless thoughts aside, Yasuo got out of bed and sneaked in the kitchen with curiosity. Hunger awaken.

Just the time to look from behind the kitchen door, Yasuo was spotted.

« Hello. Glad to see the trick worked. » Yi turned from the stove to look at him, laughing lightly in what seemed to be a really good mood.

« What ? » A bit at loss, all of sudden. He felt like a kid found out snooping around.

« Oh, don't worry. I was just checking if cooking lunch could help you to get up or not. Mmmh maybe the noise woke you up, though, I'm sorry. » It went from quite happy to soft worry as he gazed at Yasuo, maybe for an answer.

« It's fine ! I woke up a bit ago. By the way, thanks for the bottle, you saved me again. » Hungry, he came closer until he could eye what Yi was cooking. Obviously he was doing lunch for both of them, not just for himself.

Yi would have any rights to make himself lunch, since Yasuo was busy sleeping in the living room. And yet he decided to cook for both of them. In these two months, usually Yasuo tried to be awake before the latter got to work in the kitchen and sometimes he flat out didn't move from the couch till it was too late for him. Now he tried to make an effort to see Yi and help if needed.

Since the latter got on the task of making lunch for them, all Yasuo could do was put on the table and do the dishes when they would be finished.

Just when Yi served food, Lily barged into the kitchen like the beautiful beast she was, ready to cry for her food.

« Not yet, my lady. Tonight. » Yi petted her a little then went to eat, certain attention to this cat vigorously giving her opinion.

« Stay strong peanut. I know, life is unfair. » He still tried to get her attention but she stayed next to Yi, asked her due.

« She will be alright, just need to wait a little more. And you, how are you doing ? »

« Uh ? Fine. Head hurts a bit but nothing awful. I survived worst. » Grinning shortly to show indeed he was doing well. No reason to worry for him.

That was still understandable, since Yi was very awake and sober when Yasuo got back home. He could have seen things. Maybe. For a short second he doubted himself, in case he had said or done something stupid again. _I hope no_. He kept eating, fingers crossed about the night.

« Tell me if you need some painkillers. Otherwise I'm glad to hear that, last night you seemed really exhausted and drunk. More tired, I would say. »

Always that faint worry, warming Yasuo's chest. It was sweet to hear but he had to remind himself that he wouldn't get over this crush if he thought like this. If only it could go faster.

« Yeah, I know I was a bit out before going to bed. Hope I didn't bother you too much. » There was still an attempt at playing it lightly with a laugh but Yasuo was sincere in his implied question.

« Never. You fell asleep on me for a time then you probably remember when we moved to get your bed ready. You still let me finish the movie, so I must thank you for your patience. »

« Oh. It's fine, really. It's your home, after all. »

« And you're my guest. The least I can do is make sure you get what you need. »

Quiet conversation during lunch, one that he hadn't seen coming. It was alright, nothing too serious.

_Wait, what does he mean by 'fell asleep on him' ?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little by little~


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
ahhhhhhhh i'm tired but here is the update!!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

So went another week with this new habit. It didn’t take long for Yi to understand it. Some evenings Yasuo went out but not every night of the week. He seemed to take care of not destroying his sleep schedule further and this was really reasonable. Anyway, Yi wouldn’t judge him or limit him, he wasn’t his parent.

Just he guess now it would become something more regular. After two long months rather calm, Yasuo would go out when he had the occasion. This could be one of the reasons he wanted to work and earn some money.

_It’s not a problem_.

So far, he never really bothered Yi. Maybe once or twice he had woken him up by accident but he knew better than go complain , it wasn’t useful and he could just go back to sleep as quick. Plus he knew that Yasuo made an effort not to be too noisy, just sometimes he was still a bit clumsy because of alcohol. Next day he always checked if he had bothered Yi or not.

Not once it would be a matter. They just different uses of their free time and did their best not to interfere with each other.

All this led to this day, next saturday. Waking up was horrible like always but Yi still did it, not ready to get late by laziness.

To come back home at the end of the afternoon was as liberating as every time, even more to find Lily waiting for him.

Since the routine took shape little by little, now Yasuo worked saturday late afternoon till a certain time of the evening. So they managed around it, having dinner a bit later. Then he would get ready and leave again. Habits.

This was the moment after his departure, leaving Yi to his quiet movie night. _All good_. Already Yasuo had offered him to go with him one time, if he wanted to see a movie or just have a drink somewhere. Yi would think about it, far from his peaceful habits. Why not for a movie but going from clubs to bars, it wasn’t much to his preference. He left that to his and Yasuo’s kind, as long as they could enjoy their free time.

Still, he would keep the idea for another time. Although it wasn’t always possible for him, he had to work most of the week and get up too early next day. If they were to get out, it would be a saturday like this one. And planned at least a few days ago, because he prefered to know when he would have to get ready and see some people outside. For now his saturdays were planned with a movie and a good cup of infusion whi he was preparing at the moment.

It wasn’t even for financial reasons that he didn’t go out that often. Just he didn’t want to. Maybe soon when there would be a good movie he would plan to go out and take Yasuo with him, if he wanted. Watching a movie alone at the theater was possible but not the most fun thing in the universe. He might as well invite a friend.

_Another time. I’ll ask him_. Not right now, they both had better to do.

Like any evening, Lily hadn’t left his side, always staying on his path for attention. By now he was quite used to it so he knew how to avoid tripping on her but it was still something to be careful about.

« Alright, it’s ready. Let’s go, my lady. »

Carrying his mug with caution, Yi made it to the living room and of course a lively cat following him closely. She jumped on the couch before he even came to it, finding a nice spot on the blanket. However, Yi would still take the blanket to use it so she would have to move soon.

« Sorry sorry. Just a second. » Sitting on the couch, he put himself at ease and snuggled a bit in the blanket. This was some quality comfort. As soon as she could Lily went on his lap and stayed there with intention.

The evening could go, the movie was on.

Time passed a bit, mug empty by now and a sleepy Lily on his lap. He checked the time shortly, jsut in case. Yasuo had left a bit later than last time so either he would come back later or it meant just one movie for the night.

Following the movie, Yi still thought about latest saturday. It was peculiar to remember this, to see Yasuo a bit drunk all so peaceful when he came back and flopped on the couch. He wondered if this was how it would go every saturday. The latter coming back late, both of them finishing the movie until they went to sleep.

_It was…_He wouldn’t finish this sentence. Maybe it wasn’t really normal. Just he remembered the way Yasuo acted when all drunk and it was far from bad. It seemed that it made him happier but not exactly in the noisy side, just peacefully cheerful. _Alright, it’s cute_. Just a fact. Yi’s thoughts came to wander a little, if he was to go out with Yasuo one of these evenings. Maybe he would see him like this indeed. Not to make fun of him or anything like that, just he found it rather interesting to see Yasuo so chill, at the limit of adorable.

_Focus_.

So he returned his full attention to the movie and petted Lily from time to time.

~

Midnight came. The time of questions. It was still quite early for a return home so Yi guessed the latter wasn’t close to go back. It left him time for another movie or an episode of a series. Maybe the episode was better, he remembered that last time Yasuo had come back when the movie wasn’t over and he had to wait a little. An episode would be shorter than a full movie. _Let’s do that instead_.

However, it didn’t go like Yi expected. Less than an hour later, he finished his episode and Yasuo wasn’t home yet. _Later, then_. Again, it wasn’t an issue. This was purely Yi’s choice to stay up until he saw him back home, to be sure he met no problems.

After another episode, short petting session with Lily and a glass of water, Yi didn’t know what to do. It was half past one, almost two of the morning. The latest Yasuo had been, when sometimes he happened to wake him up by accident.

_Maybe he’s staying a bit longer this time_.

Just in case, he sent a short message to be sure Yasuo didn’t need help out there. Many things could happen at night, like forgetting a wallet, a bag or any kind of trouble. This message was merely to soothe his worries, awaken at the smallest risk.

**[Hey, is everything fine ? I’m just checking, it’s late.]**

Even if he was still rather calm because panicking wasn’t useful, Yi wondered what could happen. Really, it would be stupid if he had to find Yasuo at the police station because he had been found too drunk or anything like that. This was the worst case, of course his thoughts would stay on this. Or maybe nothing of this was happening and he just missed the last tram to go back. _It will be fine_.

So Yi watched another episode, while checking his phone from time to time. Nothing happened, not a call or text and most of all, no drunk Yasuo tumbling into the flat with his usual discretion.

_I’m tired_.

It was weekend but it didn’t mean he was immune to exhaustion after a certain time. It was three in the morning and no idea what Yasuo was doing. Lily had since moved to a side of the couch after his first worried pacing, oblivious to the new tension around. So he sent another text.

**[Yasuo?]**

**[Did anything happen ? Or are you coming back?]**

He didn’t mean to insist like this but he had no other choice. _Answer, please_. At least just to know everything was fine. It was late, he was tired and there was a Yasuo on the loose out there.

Not even in the mood for another episode. Yi sat on the couch, rolled in the blanket and waited. The room had barely some light from the small lamp, because it was better when watching a movie. All this would make him fall asleep if he didn’t pay enough attention.

More time went and it became increasingly difficult to stay awake. _Fuck_. Looking at Lily wasn’t a good idea, he wished he could just go to bed. But worry was too strong, he couldn’t ignore that. At the same time, Yi couldn’t bring himself to call him. It couldn’t be that bad. If anything happened, Yasuo had his phone number.

**[Yasuo ? Answer me, please. Soon I’ll have to go to bed.]**

It was a bit stupid to get to that point because Yasuo wasn’t responsible for his loss of sleep time. He never asked him to be up when he came back, that was Yi’s decision and now it hurt a bit to stay awake. At least now he knew sometimes the latter would come back really late and so it wasn’t needed to stay up.

Still he waited more and more. It would be really dumb to go to bed and a few minutes later be awaken by a phone call or a text. So he stayed there, fighting the urge to lie down.

_Just a bit more_.

Indeed that was all he could take before he fell asleep, right there, on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fufufufu the plot moving~


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
alright, let's go :3
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Mmmpf. Oh it’s morning_.

Or noon. There was no way to guess the exact time without checking. All that Yasuo knew was that the day was up and sun light flooded the bedroom. Surely this would wake him up bit by bit, not even thinking about it. _No, a bit more sleep_.

It would be really nice just to stay there and sleep for a few more hours. However his inner clock seemed to have another opinion, as he slowly woke up.

Now he registered a few things and indeed memories from the night came back. Anyway, it wasn’t difficult to see that he was in a far too unfamiliar place, room that he didn’t know. _Ah yes_.

Good sign, it meant he hadn’t drank a lot last night. Just enough to have fun and not too much to the point of forgetting that he found a one night stand. _At last_. Even without paying too much attention he knew the other guy was still here, in bed, an arm slung over him in his sleep. First night after a few months.

Yasuo was more than glad, he got some sweet time after a long wait. The real intent behind was also to distract himself. Seeing Yi every day didn’t help his case and the ‘incident’ the previous week made it clear that he needed to get laid before he got into more troubles. Now he could breathe, this was going to solve everything. No risk to get these damned dreams again. _I hope_. It should work, it was just a stupid crush. Nothing serious.

Delicious train of thought, wasn’t it ? Exactly who he shouldn’t think about. Not that he tried to forget his friend but that was exactly what he was, a friend. Not someone to see in a wet dream because he can’t control his crush.

Hopefully all this was potentially over. He couldn’t wait any longer. Now he was able to see and find some people to sleep at night, all the better for the two of them. A bit more and it would have turned awkward at home.

_Home…_

How quick to call it home. More than two months and he considered it like his second home. Shit, still gonna have to move. Yet each time he had looked up for any place to rent, it was still extremely expensive. Not the time to move yet.

Did he really want to ? _I don’t know_. He enjoyed being around Yi, no matter how terribly he reacted around him sometimes. But Yasuo was also reluctant to be a burden for his friend, he was still bothering him at his own home.

_Don’t think about that now_. It wasn’t really happy and he didn’t need that mood right now. Instead he stretched and curled into the blanket, enjoying this peaceful morning as he could.

Sleep was definitely gone. After something like ten minutes – as he felt it – Yasuo got bored and looked for his phone. Good for him, it was in reach not far. _What time is it ?_

It became a very secondary concern the second he found several texts from Yi. _What ?_

**[Hey, is everything fine ? I’m just checking, it’s late.]**

**[Yasuo?]**

**[Did anything happen ? Or are you coming back?]**

**[Yasuo ? Answer me, please. Soon I’ll have to go to bed.]**

All these messages weren’t received at the same time, around one hour or less between each. Yasuo couldn’t think anymore, worry kicking in._ Oh no_. Yi had been trying to contact him, surely because he was worried and didn’t see him come back.

He read it over and over again, checking if it wasn’t his mind making things up. _Shit_. It seemed that he didn’t notice the texts and judging from the time, surely he was too drunk or already with that guy. Busy.

His thoughts raced, an agonizing trip between light peace for be cared about and serious worry because it actually looked like Yi stayed up until four in the morning waiting. For him. Like, Yasuo remembered last saturday, the latter had stayed up until he came back, which was around maybe one in the morning. It was too new, no way to know if this was a habit or not. Most likely, Yi did it on purpose because he could go to bed later that night.

What stayed in his mind was crushing guilt. No one died but he felt bad for knowing that his friend had waited for his return, texted him when he seemed late and worried.

**[hey, i’m fine!]**

**[sry, slept outside]**

**[nothing bad, i swear]**

**[just found some guy and slept at his place]**

**[i’m coming back home]**

It was quite rushed but he had no other way. He wanted to make sure that Yi knew he was alright, nothing happened.

The awful feeling didn’t leave, settling in his chest. It wasn’t a betrayal or anything of the sort yet he falt bad for this. Yi was far too nice with him and now it made him stay awake too late for nothing. How could a friend just cut any contact on accident the time of the night ? Plus, he knew the latter always tried to look after him, even lightly.

Unable to stay still, he got up and looked for his clothes. On reflex he wanted to go back home, at least to explain himself and apologize. Looking around and seeing that man he slept with, Yasuo could just feel worse. Having fun, oblivious to the fact that Yi was waiting for him. It only made him go faster, putting on quickly his clothes.

« Leaving ? » Deep voice, still heavy with sleep.

Yasuo barely turned to the other, too busy in taking his things and going away.

« Yeah, sorry. Something happened, gotta go. » He really really hoped he didn’t look or sounded panicked, this was the least thing he wanted.

« Oh, alright. See ya, I guess. » Small move to look at him but that man stayed in bed, obviously too close to fall alseep again and far too uncaring about the world.

Quick nod as he grabbed his phone and few important things, before leaving for good. Not a single look behind. That was how it usually went with his one night stand, good fuck, nice goodbye but the silent promise not to meet again. He didn’t want to, he didn’t need to. Yasuo just ran out of the flat, in the stairs and did his best to remember where he was in the city.

Then came the time of worry, checking his phone every minute. No reply from Yi. It made him scared, probably the latter was mad at him for this, even if he never really held a grudge against anyone for long. Yasuo wanted to be home to explain everything. _I’m sorry_.

~

After what felt like the longest time he ever spent in public transports, Yasuo at last made it to their familiar neighborhood. Half running, he went inside their building, waited for the elevator in impatience and reached their door.

Right there he gathered that small courage he had, ready for the storm incoming. It wouldn’t be too harsh, he knew Yi but he felt so bad, as if he disappointed him. _Relax, do it_.

As if to show nothing was like normal, Lily didn’t rush to try to escape as soon as he opened the door. Nowhere to be seen or heard. _Where is she ?_

Yasuo closed the door and locked. Just when he was about to call for Yi, he found him. On the couch. Asleep.

Oh…

That was too much, he was breathless from the run, clawed by guilt and now he just found out his friend was so tired he merely fell asleep on the couch. Not even open like for sleep time. His strenghts abandoned him and he simply slided down the door, recovering slowly, gaze stuck on this peaceful view of the living room.

_He’s here…_

It was so bittersweet because it looked very quiet and cozy like a sunday yet he was too aware of the reasons for all this. Yi fell asleep there waiting for him, he was even snuggled in his blanket, after probably finishing lying down on the couch. _Cute_. Too cute for his heart and Yasuo was supposed just to forget. How could he succeed if everything became an obstacle ?

The last detail that killed him was Lily. At first he didn’t see her then suddenly yes. She was sleeping in a ball, in that small space under Yi’s arm. Snuggled there. Obviously she went there by herself while he was sleeping and she had found the perfect nap spot. Yasuo wanted to take a picture, this was far too adorable. However the idea might not be good, he would hate to wake Yi up.

For now he could breathe but soon they would have to talk. He stayed there, unwilling to move, gazing at his quiet scene. His guilt was a bit decreased but no doubt he wouldn’t forget about that night.

_I’ll be careful next time_.

In the end, he still got up and quietly made himself at ease without bothering the two sleepy cuties. Instead, he started to think about what to cook for lunch. This would still be a way to be forgiven, for the trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA BE READY


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
damn it's late xD let's keep this moving!
> 
> thanks for reading!

_Yasuo ?_

Suddenly awake, Yi opened his eyes. _Oh, I fell asleep_. Obviously. Now he found himself lying on the couch, still rolled in his blanket. It wasn’t the best position to sleep in, already he started to regret it. A bit stiff, that kind of light bother.

Anyway, his thoughts weren’t much about his condition at the moment but on a more pressing issue. _Where is he ?_

It would be a lie to say panick wasn’t getting to him slowly. Yi sat up on the couch, despite being so short after sleep. His phone had fallen nearby on the couch, in reach. What really worried him was time. The sun was up, clear in the sky. It could only mean he had slept a lot.

In a hurry he checked the time and his messages. It was a bit around noon, nothing too late but compared to his usual sleep schedule this was too far. Several texts waited for him, from Yasuo. It was from a bit earlier, maybe an hour or so.

Within seconds Yi relaxed. It was fine. _He slept outside_. Not a possibility he was aware of but it was still a lot better than learning he spent the night at the police station or in the street. Or simply no news from him. Yes, it could have ended far worse and he was glad it didn’t.

Now that his worry was calmed down Yi registered several things. The rush was gone, only leaving him a bit slow in his moves because indeed he just woke up. It was only now that he noticed what probably caused such waking, Lily. She wasn’t in the living – if she was no doubt it would have woken him up faster. No, she was somewhere in the flat, crying for attention. Other noise typical from cooking came from the kitchen so now Yi had all the clues to guess the situation at hands.

_Aww she’s hungry_.

Last guess, Yasuo was back and had started making lunch for them. This was some really good news for Yi, one thing less to do. Also because even with some sleep, he felt a bit tired. Surely that night wasn’t so good in his usual rhythm. Oh next night wasn’t going to be easy, since he would have to return to this hateful sleep schedule.

Everything was fine. He stayed there, on the couch, thoughts wandering a little since the emergency was over. Really, all this time he worried for nothing. He shouldn’t have waited that much, Yi could only blame himself for this decision. Yet no way for him to know that Yasuo was sleeping somewhere else.

_Wait_. It meant that when he texted him, he was probably busy. A completely reasonable explanation. _Ah crap_. This wasn’t his business, he had no way to know but he still felt bad for keep asking the latter when he had far better to do. At now he knew, if he didn’t see him come back, he was probably out there.

_Sleeping outside…_

Well, that was normal. Everyone got a life and Yasuo wouldn’t stop his because he stayed here. Yi would just keep this as far away from his thoughts as possible. No need to give thoughts to people’s sexual life, including friends. _He said ‘some guy’_. That was still some news. He didn’t know what to do with that information, especially because of the train of thought explained just before. So he left it there and went on his life.

It started to smell really good in the flat, pushing him to realize he was really hungry. After all, no breakfast. Plus he had to give a sign of life. Probably Yasuo got home in the hour and found him on his couch. _Should have moved before falling asleep…_ Yet again, he couldn’t have predicted that. Now it was too late, no way to change how it went.

Curious steps led him to the kitchen, where indeed he found a loud Lily turning around Yasuo while he seemed quite busy. The table was already done for lunch. Yi came closer until he could pick up the cat and make it easier for the latter. As soon Yasuo noticed his presence, turning around with a shortly surprised look.

« Oh, hey ! Sorry about peanut, she’s been screaming since I started making food. »

He looked genuinely bothered by all this but Yi could see it wasn’t just because of the loud presence of Lily. There was something else.

« It’s alright, I had to wake up anyway. I’m glad to see you made it back home safely. » After shortly looking at what Yasuo was cooking, he went to sit and Lily asked to be left down. This was looking good.

The pause wasn’t exactly expected though. Yi noticed it but said nothing, waiting for what would happen. Both had responsibilities about the night, even if he would rather take the blame fully on him for the small miscommunication.

« Sorry about that too. I fucked up. » Yasuo wasn’t looking at him, attention on what he was cooking in the pan. There was still tension in his stance, a bit tense.

_Mmmh_. Of course he would say something like that.

« It’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you I’d wait for your return so it’s fully in me. Plus, nothing bad happened. »

« Still, I should have texted you or something. »

It was obvious that Yasuo was bothering himself over this, at least for a time. Now their food was ready, he served them and so they started eating. In the background Lily kept meowing in complete despair.

« Shhhh. » He still tried to calm her but it would go like always, loud complaint till she understood there was no use. His attention returned to Yasuo. « Everything is fine. Now I’ll know better than waiting for your return. »

Indeed everything was alright. No need to make a fuss for a mere matter. Still, Yasuo was a bit more quiet than usual, more busy eating his food and looking elsewhere.

After a hurried departure like a drama queen, Lily left them alone to this peculiar conversation.

« I’ll text you next time, when I sleep outside. I don’t know how many time though, it’s not for every night. »

Yi wanted to ask about his choice. About this preference for men. It had simply picked his attention and now he wondered since when. When they were in highschool he didn’t remember that so it must have come later. Although this curiosity wasn’t really correct. He had no valid reason to even ask beside acknowledging this aloud. It didn’t matter, they both lived their lifes as they wanted. Just it was funny to learn they revealed to be gay later in life. _It’s not useful, stay quiet_.

« It’s your life, do as you wish. You don’t owe me anything. » A smile went, at the idea of parenting him. It wasn’t his role, even if all this time back in the days he looked after Yasuo just in case. The fact that he had come to him when he needed help wasn’t without reasons.

« Thanks. I mean, for letting me go out like I want. »

Why did he sound so ‘far’ ? There was no real matter. In any case Yi wouldn’t push.

« Hey, I’m not your dad. Because you’re staying there doesn’t mean you’re not free. » He tried to make it seem light, even though he really meant it. Sometimes everything seemed a big deal to Yasuo while it wasn’t so serious. As if he expected him to be strict.

Silence fell after that. _What ?_ Really, Yi was getting worried. _Was that wrong to say ?_ There was almost a short reflex, whatever that was and now Yasuo averted his gaze. Only another reason to sigh innerly. Well done.

He hoped what he caused wasn’t too bad. A few words could do so much damage and Yi started to really fear he might have caused something. Yet he couldn’t ask. It was like in the first days, he couldn’t force Yasuo to speak of things he didn’t want.

_Tell me… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feels take time but get ready, there will be a shit ton of angst soon


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
let's go!!
> 
> thank you for reading!

Even in the afternoon and the rest of the day that sad mood didn’t leave. It wasn’t completely unbearable but painful enough to be the only thing Yasuo could think about.

He repeated himself several times it wasn’t Yi’s fault. He didn’t mean anything and this was merely him being his kind self. There was no way he would know.

Light words indeed. The latter wanted to say he was still free and he wouldn’t stop him from doing naything. Like a parent would. _‘Dad’_. Someone he never had. It stung but Yasuo would think after more than two decades, he was probably over it. Visibly no.

The word itself was too foreign. He practically never used it, even less to call someone since that someone was never here for him or their mom. It was a stranger, a ghost that could be dead, it would change nothing. No wonder why he was used to tell whoever made him was dead. Or maybe to pretend that he was like Yone. Anyway.

Thinking about this nonexistant father made him think about his family, about his brother and mother. Basically his day was fucked. He couldn’t escape these thoughts, slowly but surely overwhelming him. _No…_

Thankfully or not, he didn’t see much Yi during the day. The latter had gone on his routine, took care of Lily in whatever task and attention it required. For now he was in his bedroom and Yasuo would never dare to bother him. This gave him some peace, no matter how harsh his thoughts were.

_Stop, stop_.

It wasn’t Yi’s fault, he never meant that. However now it was too late and he couldn’t escape that terrible train of thoughts. It even definitely pushed aside the latest events and guilt from not texting Yi back in time. In the end, this wasn’t so important compared to life long troubles and sad thoughts.

It reminded him nothing was healed and the wound had been staying opened for months. Less than three months, still rather short but time had passed and it didn’t change anything. Just he could pretend sometimes that he wasn’t feeling hollow and that his family was doing perfectly well.

Only, he knew it wasn’t the case. They hadn’t talked since that day and he completely refused any kind of contact. With time texts and calls became more rare, until it simply ended. Yasuo felt bad whatever he did, unable to answer but also feeling so awful for not talking to them. So he did nothing and remorse ate him bit by bit. Most of days it was easy, he could do as if he wasn’t hurting and he swore some days he didn’t even think about it. These days were good. Better off worrying about his crush over Yi than deep matters like the pain inflicted to his family.

_I still have to call them_.

Still here, never gone. Pain and fear remained. Yet it was so comfortable right now, to pretend to see and feel nothing about them and go on his day to worry on useless stuff. Just wake up, go to work, see Yi in his daily life, do as if it didn’t make his whole day. It was better to focus on things close to him. Maybe if he did like his family didn’t exist, his pain would disappear too. This was stupid and he was too for believing so, it wouldn’t work.

Following this painful fall into sorrow, he thought also about what he couldn’t ignore forever. He still had to find a place to sleep definitely, or at least not to bother Yi anymore. Really, everything came to slap him in the face as soon as the door to his problems was opened. He hated it genuinely, it hurt too much.

Why couldn’t he just to go on his life and do as if nothing was wrong ? This was useless too, Yasuo was aware so far the latter hadn’t said anything but soon a day would come he would ask him to leave. Yi was so kind, he let him stay that long but maybe one day he would just be done with him. So many things to consider, so little time and so faint hope for the future. This was exactly why he tried to ignore it.

How could he feel so careless every day ? Right now it felt as if there was no good solution, only pain in the instant and for later.

In this urge to at least clear his guilt even so slightly, Yasuo looked for his laptop and started looking for a place to rent. Again. It was ridiculous, if he wanted to feel better he would rather have to call his mother or solve any matter. Not just looking at expensive offers, knowing very well he wasn’t going to find anything. What he earned as money wasn’t enough, he would have to work a lot harder than that.

Everything stung, without rest. Really, he was glad Yi had decided to stay away from him, even without any intentions. Maybe the latter wanted some time alone without another person around. He wouldn’t blame him, this was his exact situation right now. It hurt to the point he wasn’t sure if he seemed very composed. Not exactly like crying but closer to the edge than usual. It was so horrible to feel so sensitive to any negativity, his mind couldn’t focus on anything else.

Why ? Why feel like this ?

Just a few words and now he was reduced to this. It couldn’t be Yi’s fault, surely it was just his own fears and problems that build up when he ignored it. A simple word and now it let everything to spill. So to say, he had a hard time trying to hold everything back, clearing his mind from anything. But like every time, when he wasn’t thinking about his need to find a place, he thought about his mother.

It wasn’t unbearable but slowly it hurt really bad. It was getting worse. Resolute, Yasuo kept his eyes on the screen, desperately trying to find something and hoping his life could only get better.

Really, something must have been going on because he didn’t think he would fall to this so quickly. He thought it was fine even just after the conversation at lunch. And now it hurt.

_It won’t stop… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i dropped the angst all over the place T__T dw, it will get a bit better THEN IT WILL GO HARD ON HIM


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
sorry, no internet when i finished writing this so here it comes!
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Hmm_.

Yi didn’t know what to think about this day. It had started in such a rush and now everything was quiet. This was the scary part. Yasuo was too quiet and he didn’t know what to do to help him.

Peculiar day indeed because he had woken up rather late compared to any Sunday morning and there was a good reason for this. Right now he felt the consequences as he tried to fall asleep for Monday. It wouldn’t go so easily. Another sigh escaped him, breaking silence in his bedroom.

It was more than fifteen minutes since he went to bed and usually it was more than enough to fall asleep. Tonight it didn’t seem so.

_Shit._

He knew he had it coming, getting up too late would cause this, too awake for the time. For now he was doing fine but Yi knew next morning was going to kick him without mercy. He shouldn’t have waited for Yasuo’s return, now he paid the price. However it wasn’t too high for his peace of mind, he was still glad the latter came home safely afterward. But yes next time it would be really nice to know in advance if he could go to bed or if Yasuo was coming back ‘early’.

_Yasuo…_ He was really worried about his friend, in a different way than that previous night. It wasn’t about safety but rather his mood. Yi could just notice the change since lunch, after their conversation. It was dumb but he really felt like he said something wrong. Beyond that and what he potentially caused, he was worried what might make Yasuo react this way.

Their talk wasn’t so fresh in his memories but he didn’t think he had said anything offensive or mean. He would never dare. So it left the risk of saying something wrong while he didn’t know about it.

After that the latter had completely gone quiet till the end of lunch and after, starting to do the dishes before Yi asked to let him. It wasn’t his turn, both knew it so why do it on reflex anyway ? Several things showed it wasn’t going so well. Yasuo wasn’t doing too bad but the effort to remain casual was so obvious, it almost hurt.

Yi didn’t like that, to cause harm without knowing it. There had to be something wrong in what he said or did, nothing else could explain such change of behavior.

Unable to find the issue, Yi had prefered to stay in his room for some time. He still have a free afternoon to spend as he wished and going peacefully on his habits was what he wanted. However, he wasn’t truly at piece. The reason for this choice was that Yasuo didn’t have ‘his’ own place in his flat, no bedroom to have some privacy. He didn’t feel like staying in the living room, knowing very well the latter would be here and too quiet.

So this was how the afternoon had passed and later, the evening in a similar way. It wasn’t too horrible, just that hollow feeling when the flat was too quiet. Yi didn’t like that neither, it reminded him of his childhood house and that was a bit cold.

Right now it was fine, Lily was lying next to him over the blanket, maybe sleeping maybe not. Gently Yi petted her and she stretched before yawning. Then the purr was on, soft noise to lulle him to sleep. It wasn’t so efficient but it still helped to hear some noise.

« Sleep well, peanut. » Fondness was present in his tone, thinking immediately about that name Yasuo used for her sometimes. It was cute and approved by Yi. Idly he petted her more, eyes stuck on the dark ceiling.

Again this led him to think about his guest. Curious, he looked at his door, just enough open to let a cat go if needed. There was still some light in the living room, from what he could see. It was a bit reassuring to know someone was still up, a bit like a kid yes but it still gave him some comfort since Yasuo had arrived here.

It was more than normal for the latter to be awake. Yi was the one getting up early and Yasuo didn’t have such rough horary. They worked on different sleep cycles, that was all.

_Go to sleep, tomorrow will be hell_. He knew that too well but sleep didn’t come for now, to his increasing frustration.

So he did his best, kept his eyes closed and lied on his side while taking care not to bother Lily. As quick his thoughts returned to Yasuo, the issue wouldn’t leave him at peace. _Really…_ It was important, he knew it but why did it have to bother him like this ?

Several times through the day he had passed in the corridor and seen Yasuo. He hadn’t moved a lot, not matter the time he was always on his lapton, sitting on ‘his’ couch. Always deep in thoughts it would seem, another reason not to push and bother him. Yi never lingered long in moments like these, it gave a faint reminder of tumbling on Yasuo’s privacy and he tried to forget since them. But still, it hurt a little not to hear much from his friend, too closed on himself for now.

Dinner had been a bit better. First because Lily got her treat of the week, her favorite wet food and it made her so happy, it stuck with them just by seeing her. By the end of their meal Yasuo wasn’t fully back to his usual talkative self but he did speak sometimes, attention on the cat.

That was good, Yi was glad to see it got slightly better. This was far too unnatural on Yasuo to be silent for so long, almost retreated from anything. It reminded him too much of the first days after he had welcomed him home, too quiet compared to his loud self on msot days. _It could be that_. But Yi was rather sure they didn’t come accross the topic of his mother and brother, it probably was a whole new issue.

_Wish I could ask_. He really wanted to help, genuinely. His friend was hurting in silence and he could do nothing about it except have a sad gaze to him when he was sure Yasuo wasn’t looking.

What a difficult position. He couldn’t really go to the latter and ask, this was only going to end bad or just lead to another quiet day like this one.

Anyway, this wasn’t helping. It only made him overthink and lose more sleep. Instead, Yi changed side and returned to pet Lily slowly, just to relish the soft feeling of fur under his hand. _If only I could sleep as much_. To be a cat would be really nice.

This rather sweet train of thoughts last a little, as long as he could distract his mind from the tension during the day. It would get better, he hoped.

Sleep still caught him, only a bit later than usual. Yi welcomed it gladly when it came.

~

He wasn’t wrong, the following days weren’t exactly dead of noise in the flat but there was still a sort of doubt floating around. It faded away little by little, until Yasuo was really back to business being loud and cheerful when he was home. That was nice, all that Yi asked. He never liked seeing his friend beaten down by whatever bad thoughts he had.

Almost as if nothing happened. It was still a bit strange to see these ‘low’ episodes in Yasuo’s life and then he would act as normal as usual. Always this hollow feeling to know he never saw the latter’s pain before and it could still be happening right now. So Yi looked after him sometimes, quiet glances and small attention to make his day easier. Nothing to be noticed but it would help.

During the week Yasuo went out another time after telling him. This time they knew, if he was to stay outside he would text Yi, even if at that hour he was likely to be asleep. He would see the message when waking up and then no reason to worry.

Indeed, he hadn’t heard Yasuo come back this night but it was for a good reason, he was really tired and slept like the dead. This explained why he didn’t hear him but in fact, Yi found him snorring on ‘his’ couch like so many morning before so no problem. Instead it was a certain relief to see him home.

At peace, he could go on his day. Everything was getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear, some troubles soon


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
sorry in advance, I may have gone a bit far on angst xD
> 
> thanks for reading!

Basically Yasuo’s day was already fucked before it even started. Right now it was a bit past one in the afternoon, the perfectly normal time to wake up. Really, he blamed himself a little for staying up late last night but he needed that energy. It was saturday.

The reason why he felt like shit just at the waking was a message. Just a small notification on his phone for a text received earlier. From his mother. _No…_

After such difficult weekend and week, he didn’t need that. Life wasn’t too bad but right then he didn’t feel so fine about certain topics. So to received a text from his mother wasn’t exactly relaxing. He remembered what he had done to her, to them and it still haunted him harshly. Just when he had tried to forget after it came up in the week.

There he was, lying on the couch and all energy left as soon as he saw the message. Yasuo didn’t feel good, about it and about everything going on in his life since the beginning. He wondered why it would always come back to kick him.

_Why ?_

On the other hand, Yasuo knew too well that he couldn’t flee forward forever. At some point he would have to apologize and talk, no matter how painful it was going to be. No matter the outcome. It was like opening a cupboard knowing very well that half of the dishes would fall and break. Better push it for later to prevent pain but it wasn’t sustainable. _I can’t… _

Yet a move was needed. Almost three months had passed since he had left ‘home’ and not once he gave a proper goodbye, an explanation for all this. His mother deserved to know. Yasuo couldn’t avoid this. Since she had made another attempt at reaching for him, it was an occasion to talk.

_I don’t want to_. It felt like survival instinct kicking in to prevent more harm. That dread day had been horrible and he wasn’t ready to live something similar. Yet he had to.

For now he ignored it, lying in bed as if it would solve all his problems. It wouldn’t. Fleeing wasn’t a solution. Eyes closed, he tried to fall back to sleep but failed. Anxiety was there and kept him awake. Innerly he couldn’t avoid the fact that his mother had messaged him. It impacted him physically, ache within his body that had no reason to be there otherwise. It hurt.

After maybe ten minutes struggling to ignore the burning topic, he gave up for a time and got up to eat. He was still hungry but frighteningly not as much as he was supposed to be after a full night. Still, he went in the kitchen to grab something quick to eat.

Right there he found Lily, seemingly busy with her own food. That peaceful scene didn’t make Yasuo more cheerful though.

After he sat down and ate, the cat came to push against his lef for attention, meowing loudly.

« Sorry peanut, not in the mood. Go back to sleep. » Even to humor her was difficult, he couldn’t forget about the text and what he had to do. Eventually he would do it, he knew it. Every minute was heavy on his mind.

All this was a distraction to buy himself more time. It was stupid, if really he didn’t want to do it he could coward and put it for another day. Yet he was half-way through the process, merely trying to avoid this goddamn task. Yasuo even went to clean the flat a little to keep himself busy, unwilling to think about it. However thoughts remained focused on his mother.

What was she doing ? How was Yone ? Was everything fine now that he was gone ? Or maybe the opposite ? One person left was still good, especially because he never truly contributed to rent or bills before.

Until there was no other way around. He sat there, on the closed couch, staring at his phone as if it could self-destruct to save him the trouble. This wasn’t likely. It hurt even more, ache squeezing his heart viciously. The only good side would be that after a single call, he would feel better. He hoped it would.

_Do it. Fucking do it. Now._

Just a call then he would have accomplished more than in two whole months and half.

Taking a deep breath, Yasuo kicked this fear down and grabbed his phone, actually doing it. His heart was beating too loudly, he feared it might even stop him from that. Number typed then it was done, he was calling her. Then he was already feeling like about to die.

Panick hit. The reflex was to stop the call as quick, before it would ever be picked up. He stayed there, frozen on the spot, tense. Fear was too strong, he didn’t move from that. Then his mother took the call.

**« ** **Yasuo ? »**

How since the last time he heard her voice ? Yasuo could still recognize it despite the call and already it hurt to sense this urgence when saying his name. Worry was too clear.

« Mom ? » It hurt even more to say it. Was that even needed ? Of course it was her, he couldn’t be calling someone else. His brain needed to realize.

What followed wasn’t exactly a pause, it was too short but still enough to register the time to feel and gather courage.

**« How are you doing ? »** It was rather normal to ask, as someone would when checking on relatives and close family. In their exact situation, it was still strange.

Yasuo didn’t know how to react right now, he hadn’t planned anything about what would happen once he called. So he did the most simple thing and answered truthfully.

« I-I’m fine, I’m fine. And you ? » _And Yone ?_ He feared to ask about his brother, so far the conversation wasn’t on their problems.

**« ****A bit tired, I suppose. Are you…are you still living at your friend’s place ? »** Something in her tone was screaming kindness, an attempt at doing like always. As if their family wasn’t torn apart because of him.

It was already too much, he couldn’t pretend for so long. Yasuo was trembling lightly, trying hard not to get overwhelmed with sadness, anger and fear. Too many things bubbled up but none of it was useful.

« Yup. Still there. Yi’s very nice, he let me stay as long as I need. Don’t worry, I found a small job to pay him back. » No way not to justify himself, it sounded quite selfish to say a dear friend sheltered him for so long without anything in return.

**« Good. »**

Again a pause arrived, this time a bit longer. Yasuo panicked again, he wasn’t expecting small talk like this. This was supposed to hurt and the worst hadn’t passed yet, like having to disinfect an large wound. This was still to happen and he feared he might break at the occasion.

His mother remained silent, obviously they were both struggling. _Say it, tell her_. Just a few words and maybe he would sleep better at night.

« M-Mom ? » His voice did it again, at the limit of cracking. He couldn’t bear that, to be rendered to this by his own actions.

**« ****Yes ? »** Low, worried.

« I’m sorry… » There came pain, almost suffocating. At last he said it.

Before he knew it, tears made his vision blurry and fell as he looked down. _No…_ The same pain for inflicting such a thing to her. No one deserved that and yet he had lashed out at her, let this burning anger take over. Pain had caused so much.

**« ****It’s not your fault. »** Probably she senses his sadness or maybe because he sobbed without realizing it. In any case her tone was gentle, like so many nights when he was a kid and needed help.

« No, I…I’m sorry for everything…you two didn’t deserve that shit, I should have stayed quiet… » Every word hurt because it was his truth, he was genuinely apologizing for causing this mess.

**« ****Yasuo. I’m the one who is sorry, you shouldn’t have gone through this alone. I…parents should protect their children and obviously I failed to do that. Why didn’t you tell me ? »** It was heartbreaking to hear, surely equally to say.

The tears didn’t stop, more pouring as little by little he closed himself. It hurt to hear that so much, he knew the matter was deeper than that. He shouldn’t have existed at all.

« Couldn’t…To tell you what ? That they all talked shit about you ? That you’d be better off without me… ? »

It was so unfair to endure this, for him, for her, for Yone. All three of them had to go through pain and insults because of a single fact.

Yasuo wanted to stop the call, it was too much already. Nothing really new for them, both knew how wounded he was because of his childhood, no need to explain further.

**« Yasuo please…It’s not true and anyway this never was your fault in the first place. They told you that… ? » **

Nothing could stop his sadness in this instant, sobbing as quietly as he could but it was still heard. Yasuo didn’t want to remember all this, even though he lived in the past because of it.

« Dunno…Maybe not exactly but being called a mistake didn’t help neither. » There came his lost anger, his last resort not to break apart to the very last bit. It was easy to be angry but he knew it never helped. His sudden departure months ago was because of it, because he couldn’t control it.

Silence welcomed this, making him realize how mean it was to tell her. It was his anger, his sadness, his pain but it didn’t mean he could throw it at her face. A way to reflect what hurt him so much.

« I’m sorry, I’m sorry…Please…I never wanted to hurt you… » It felt like he would apologize forever for this. Normally he always stood his ground but this was about his mother, her who had raised two kids on her own despite the whole world trying to stop her. He couldn’t stop.

**« I know, little cub, I know… I just wish I could prevent all you two had to endure. And before you correct me, I’m aware you weren’t treated like Yone, he explained his own side. »**

As if it wasn’t clear before. The whole incident in the family was caused by this, his pain for feeling like the only one bullied. Yasuo knew his brother had to endure it too but as he thought, it wasn’t in the same proportions. Innerly he wished they could have talked about it, instead of fighting each other in their damned flat. Maybe it wasn’t too late, even though the harm was done.

On the other hand, it made him want to cry more to hear her. A nickname so used before but he hadn’t heard it for a long time. Could they just go back to that time before school when there was nothing to fear about people ?

« I know… Still, he was the wanted child. Not me. » Some bitterness remained, for all these years under the shadow cast by his brother. There was no mean to hurt but things were like this.

**« No, that’s not true. You were both wanted, even if the circumstances sadly weren’t good. I chose to keep both of you. » **

There was a real effort to make this clear, Yasuo could feel it. Not once he would take her words as lies, this had to be true for her. Yet it still hurt. No matter her intentions and decision to raise two sons, the world was cruel and Yasuo had paid for it.

« Right. Then I shouldn’t have taken the bullying so seriously. » The tears were definitely gone but instead he was angry again. Against himself mostly because no matter what his mother said, he was deeply convinced he wasn’t equal to Yone.

Life was unfair and he was being unfair in return. This conversation wasn’t helping, he was just running in circles for nothing, bringing up his several issues that were already known. It was too heavy and now he was getting tired of this, of hearing all the same.

**« Yasuo, that’s not what I mean, please… I understand this had been awful to live, I should have paid more attention. »**

_You’re damn right_.

He wanted to reply but it would have been cruel. Something stopped him from saying that, Yasuo never meant to hurt his only family. So he bit down his bitterness and held back as the tears threatened to come back. Always the same struggle, difficult path between sharing his sadness and pain and digging into anger. _Stop, don’t hurt her_.

Nothing could change the way he considered his troubled childhood, nothing could give it back to him. Even his mother. Before he would do anything drastic, Yasuo took no risk and hung up. This was too brutal but in such difficult state of mind he couldn’t afford to repeat the same errors of that day. His mother didn’t deserve any of this, nothing of her bastard son dealing with self-hatred and anger.

Yes it was stupid and rude to do but his heart couldn’t take more. Crying of frustration, he put his phone away on the couch and lied down.

Why was it so difficult ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw, it will still get better at some point


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy   
none of you are ready
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Too quiet. Something must be wrong_.

This thought lingered in Yi’s mind since dinner. Like a few saturdays for some time, they would have pizza after Yasuo was done working in the evening. That part didn’t change except that the latter was really silent during their meal. Even with politeness and not talking while eating, there were still plenty of occasions to chat but this time no. Yi could have dinned with Lily sitting on the other chair, it would have given a more interesting conversation.

It didn’t even change after that. Yi had been washing the very few things used but again, as if to show nothing was fine, Yasuo hadn’t stayed in the kitchen. This was what they usually did, when one was washing, the other stayed to keep company and chat. _Obviously not_. It didn’t even count that it was saturday evening and that Yasuo would go out. Even when he did, he would stay a little in the kitchen and wait the end of Yi’s task before getting ready to go out.

All this led to this moment, Yi getting ready for his movie night while the latter had long been gone. _Really_. Just a short goodbye then poof, gone. Himself never paid attention to this, it wasn’t his place to be annoyed to see such lack of attention but Yi noticed the hurried departure. Well, this wouldn’t ruin his evening.

The only matter was the reason for all this. He remembered from latest weekend and the beginning of the week, Yasuo had been rather quiet and gloomy. It looked like a relapse, in worse. Yi was too worried because last time was a bit his fault, even if he didn’t know exactly how. Right now the latter was back on a similar silent mood, visibly sad about something and there was no explanation. So he guessed it was something from outside, that didn’t concern them every day. Still, he wished to help and like everytime he thought about that, he had to remind himself it was too personal to ask.

A long sigh went while he carried his blanket to the couch. Lily was on her cat tree, deeming this interesting enough to watch closely the operations. Without a doubt she would join him in time, possibly when he would make his infusion because for her it was a window to get her treat.

It didn’t miss. Yi paid attention as he took the direction of the kitchen and indeed she got down of the cat tree and rushed to arrive there before him.

« Hey, careful my lady. I don’t want to hurt you. » Of course he was cautious when he saw her running on his path but even with that, Lily could be difficult to predict.

There he found her, sitting on Yasuo’s chair and meowing with insistence. He indugled a little and pet her since she was at a good height for that. A bit of purring and Yi was happier already.

« Beautiful… But no, you know it’s not sunday yet. Be patient. »

The sound Lily made when he walked away to make his infusion was heartbreaking. How could she seem so sad ? _Unfair_. Still, she followed him to ask more petting or possibly her favorite food. It wouldn’t work but Yi was about to break.

« Alright, alright, since it’s saturday, you’ll have a small treat. But don’t get used to it. » Kneeling on the floor, he petted Lily gently and a lot of affection went.

To make it count, Yi waited for his infusion to be ready and then to go back to the living room before giving her a treat. As soon as she saw him take the small packet, Lily got so enthusiast it could be heard, meowing urgently. _Yes, soon_.

Mug put on the table by the tv, Yi gave her a small treat and as quick she got so happy, enjoying it greatly. Meanwhile he put the other treats back in its storage, one was enough and if he kept it on the table Lily would try to snoop and steal some. _Better take no risk_. He didn’t want his infusion to be knocked over.

Movie time. At his return, he found the cat comfortably sitting on the blanket, looking at him.

« Ah, sorry I’ll have to move you a little. »

Another dangerous move but he did it, lifting Lily with the blanket until he could let her rest on his lap. She didn’t seem so bothered, letting him do as he wished. Perfect. Now they could watch their movie in peace.

~

It seemed that every saturday night would give him a surprise. After maybe one hour, Yi heard some noise from the door of the flat, keys unlocking it. _Already ?_

So to say, he had good reasons to be surprised by Yasuo’s return. So far he hadn’t seen or heard him come back before midnight, this was a first. Even considering the fact that they had eaten rather late compared to every other day of the week, this was early.

There came Yasuo, tumbling a bit noisily in the flat. Just in case Yi put the movie on pause, to check if there was any issues. Especially because he remembered the latter’s state before, so quiet. All this showed there was a matter, it was too many things changing at once. _What happened ?_

When the door was finally locked, Yasuo looked at him on accident and what he found there wasn’t promising. Depressed wasn’t the right word but obviously his friend had to deal with some crap and it showed. Now he averted his gaze, taking his shoes off.

« You’re back early. Did you run into troubles ? »

Yi prefered to ask, in case it was really serious. At the moment he saw Yasuo join him in the living room to then sit on the couch. As quick he pulled the blanket so the latter could make himself at ease there. _Oh wait, maybe he will want to sleep._

« Nah. Just didn’t feel like staying too long. » Nothing too shocking, it would seem. Yasuo looked at the screen : « You can continue your movie, didn’t mean to stop you. »

« Alright then. »

So he complied, resuming the movie where he left it. Really the mood was strange. Yi couldn’t say if the latter had drank a lot or not at all, he seemed a bit inhibited which was rare. The only times he saw Yasuo like that was when he had troubles with his family so it didn’t give much hope to find out what happened.

All this wouldn’t help so Yi focused on the movie instead. Once over he would let Yasuo to his privacy, since for now he seemed to let him stay. Lily was sleeping on the other side of the couch, oblivious to the temporary noise.

For a time it went well, following the story happening. Yi could have completely forgotten the obvious issues but then something caught his attention. Curious he glanced at Yasuo and he didn’t expect to see actual tears falling down his cheeks. As soon as he made a move, the latter noticed and hid partially his face with his hand but a sob escaped, betraying his situation. _Oh…_

« Yasuo ? What’s wrong ? » There must be a matter, because the only time he remembered Yasuo crying, he wasn’t even able to see it because it was at night, both gone to bed the first night he sheltered him. Worry came up, quickly.

On reflex he paused the movie to focus on the issue at hand, facing Yasuo.

« It’s nothing, really. » Yet the tone was filled with tears too. He tried to face another direction, brushing everything off but it was impossible, soon it seemed to overwhelm him.

Quickly Yi came closer, making small contact to reassure and keep his attention at the same time : « Hey, it’s alright. Tell me, what happened ? Are you hurt or anything ? »

Obviously it wasn’t a physical wound but worry pushed to make sure of everything. Yi was a bit lost, he had never seen Yasuo like this, so open and vulnerable. It reminded him of the first day.

No reply, just a few muffled sobs while the latter made an attempt at calming everything. It failed.

« Please, I want to help. Is it about your family ? »

This was the only possibility because otherwise Yi knew nothing of his problems. This one was something he had heard about and the very reason he gave him a place to stay.

A reaction came and not once he would have been ready to see this. Yasuo looked at him, so frightened and greatly helpless. This was true. It involved his family drama. Yi’s thoughts raced while he tried to soothe him as he could, gentle gestures. What could have happened ? _They talked, maybe_. This was very likely, to see him so low and bothered, knowing his state of distress about the topic.

Several times Yasuo looked like he wanted to say something but it was too painful. In vain. He burried his face in his hands, hiding as he could. Screaming truth and sadness.

So Yi did what felt right and took him in his arms, a sort of embrace to calm whatever hell of thought he was enduring. It was so worrying to feel Yasuo shake under the touch, crying lowly.

There was still a good side, he seemed to accept this and even came shyly closer, returning the hug. Then he was completely leaning against Yi’s shoulder, more vulnerable than ever.

_ Please… _

« I understand, this must be painful but I think talking will help you. If you want to. »

_What could hurt him like this ?_ Yi was aware the wound was deep since it was the reason of Yasuo’s presence in his life right now. More than ever he wanted to know what happened at the beginning. Even Yone couldn’t tell him.

A good minute went, only punctuated by the few sobs and tightening in the embrace. Yi would give it as long as needed, this seemed important.

Then Yasuo spoke, voice shaking lightly : « I-I called them. »

« Who ? Your family ? » This was the more likely but Yi wanted to be sure. Innerly he was glad to hear him dare to speak. Maybe there was hope. In return he held Yasuo closer, to distract him from his problems.

A light nod, still felt in their embrace.

« Yeah. M-Mom. » If for a time the crying seemed to decrease now it came back.

Yi waited for this wave to end, rubbing his back gently. As long as it could help. Then it seemed enough for Yasuo to continue.

« I-I tried to apologize. I did…but it hurts… »

« It’s alright. It’s already good that you could apologize. » Indeed Yasuo couldn’t have spoken to them for such time, this was the first contact and obviously it hurt him. Yi knew he regretted everything, this was good to know he could do it.

« No ! I hurt her again…I always hurt them… »

Could that be self-loathing ? Yi wasn’t sure but it sounded more and more like he inflicted himself every blame that could be made. It even hurt to hear that. _What happened ?_ He knew they had fought, Yasuo and Yone. But what led to this ? _Yone talked about bullying_. So this was something in the past, probably. Such a mess, nothing made sense without information.

« No, Yasuo. Don’t. I know you have hurt them but you regret it. You’re trying not to do it again, that’s why you’re here. »

Difficult to reassure him properly, Yi feared he might be wrong or miss something important. Yet this was true, Yasuo had left his home clearly with the intent to protect them and himself.

« I… » Weak, struggling to express something but it seemed to be too painful.

« Why are you here then ? Why did you leave ? » He tried to seem sure of himself, to be strong when Yasuo needed it.

« To protect them…They don’t need me, I’m just a burden… »

For a time Yi was glad the latter couldn’t see his face because his composure failed for a moment. This was so unfair for Yasuo, to believe and say such a thing. It hurt.

« No, it’s not true. You’re not a burden, they care about you. Yone reached out for you, your mother reached out for you. They care. You’ll never be a burden. »

Clinging to him, Yasuo broke again. The long cry of someone needing help. Yi kept him right there, trying to help as much as he could. But in a moment like this, despair was too clear.

What could cause such pain ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S NOT OVER  
let's enjoy that while it last


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
the feels aren't over~
> 
> thank you for reading!!

Little by little that spike of sadness decreased. Of course it would linger for some time but there was a real effort from Yi to soothe him. Yasuo focused on that instead, hands still clinging to the fabric of Yi’s shirt. He couldn’t particularly help that, trembling even after that worst, it simply didn’t end.

A burden. This wouldn’t be erazed so easily.

« Shhhh… » Always there, still holding him through that.

At least Yi didn’t push him to talk or anything, he was merely helping for a time. For this Yasuo was thankful. It was already hard enough to break in the latter’s presence, no need to put more salt on the wound.

With time he got more distracted from his pain and sadness, thoughts empty as if it had ran dry like his tears. Not more to give this day, it was over at last. _Thanks…_ It still helped to cry his feelings sometimes, even if it stung.

On the other hand, he became too aware of the situation he was in, which was to put it simply, hugging Yi tightly. There wasn’t a single point of contact missed, what a move. And there he was, tears drying over his cheeks as he kept hiding against Yi’s shoulder.

_Ahhhh…._

For real, couldn’t he have a break ? If it wasn’t his family drama then it was the constant reminder of a crush. To be fair, he asked nothing of it and merely accepted what Yi gave in this urgent time. At least Yasuo’s guilt wouldn’t be too harsh on him.

But still, it burned at the back of his mind now that he had ignored any bad thoughts about his family. The rush was over but he was left with the consequences. Yi holding him gently after witnessing his breakdown. It wasn’t pretty to say the least. _Shit_.

Would Yasuo move from this ? Not yet. It was dumb but now he felt frozen right there, still touched by all that pent-up sadness but most of all hyperaware of their situation. _Can’t move…_ Too tense, too scared of having even for a time taken advantage of that, too emotional to think properly. To blame alcohol would be too easy, he barely had some and it didn’t change much.

_He will realize…_

Soon Yi would put an end to this, it had to happen. Maybe once he realized it wasn’t needed anymore. Was it ever ? To deny it would be a lie, Yasuo still appreciated the gesture but he acted on reflex under such pain. Not exactly touch-starved but certainly having not enough contact for some time. Yet he didn’t want to fully admit the extent of such gesture, aware of his joke of feelings. _Don’t._

So he decided to move and retreat, since the episode of tears was over. A bit suddenly Yasuo rose, enough not to be in front contact anymore. It might have surprised Yi but it didn’t show, still holding him despite the move.

Only when Yasuo moved away and returned to sit tensely over his previous spot did the latter get the message and parted too. _Fuck_. He wasn’t good at planning his moves. Right then, Yasuo regretted a bit, surely this was too harsh. From now he averted his gaze, looking at his lap while ignoring the certain fluster from both the old outburst and his stupid move. Anyway, he already looked like shit, this wasn’t going to change.

He felt it, Yi’s gaze on him after the move. No idea what he thought about it because Yasuo didn’t dare to look back. Instead, he grabbed a tissue and blew his nose, this was too much going on for a time. Then he stayed right there, like an idiot. Red eyes, dried tears over his face and stupidly dodging the latter’s gaze. Maybe he helplessly thought Yi would give up and resume the movie as if nothing happpened in the last minutes. _Maybe_.

« It’s alright. I know it’s never fun to show a lot but I won’t say anything. »

Probably he was acting like a child now it and showed. At least Yi was kind enough not to comment on this and instead calmed his fears.

« Thanks. » He couldn’t say more, there was nothing in his mind and if he tried, he might fall again in some sad crap. Yasuo didn’t want to risk it, fists closed and gaze stuck on his lap.

No other attempt from Yi came but there was still a move made. Yasuo didn’t dare looking back, he didn’t feel so good about seeming so vulnerable, even with a dear friend. He did react though when in fact Yi came closer and carried a sleepy Lily to put her on his lap. She was still curled into a ball, probably as she had been napping on the other side of the couch. Now here she was, left gently on Yasuo’s lap as she looked around curiously. _Oh…. _

It was too much for his heart, both because of the cute sight of a cat right there but also because of the intention. Yi did this on purpose, probably to cheer him up or give a distraction. Now he was petting Lily, either to keep her entertained and behaved or just to show him it was fine. So Yasuo followed and petted her too, still trying not to brush Yi’s hand by accident. _She’s so cute…_

No doubt it was quite the waking for the cat but she took it well and stretched before settling for good on Yasuo’s lap. A sign that she was comfortable right there.

« Do you want to go to sleep ? I can go to my room. » Whispered close, since they were both busy petting this small lady looking far too satisfied with this situation.

No idea why it made him shiver slightly. _Stop_. There was no use. And it was already taking too long for a quick reply.

« Ah errr nah, it’s fine. You can finish your movie. » So clumsy but really he was getting dragged from one hell to another topic, difficult to follow.

« Alright. » Again this was rather close. Yi gave a last time of affection to Lily then he returned to his spot, under the blanket.

The movie resumed, noise filling the living room and Yasuo got lost in his thoughts. Really, it could get weird how his need for contact played sometimes, finding any form of closeness strange then regretting it as soon as it ended. _Why am I like this ?_ At least it worked in distracting him from all this crap happening since he woke up. By the way, it made him thing about it and as soon Yasuo smothered that, no need to cry twice in front of Yi.

_Fuck…._

Yasuo just wanted to lie down and pretend to be one with the couch. At least he wouldn’t be judged for his emotions and weak crying. Eyes on the screen he still registered nothing of the movie. Inner sigh. What an evening.

Needless to say, when everything was over and Yi went to sleep after a warm goodnight, Yasuo couldn’t stay up any longer and plainly collapsed in bed before falling asleep as quick. Not even time to think about his fears and sadness, crush and craving. Just sleep, dragging him with strenght.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beware, another round planned for next day~


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
hdfjhdghjkg this AU getting me hyped for every chapters!
> 
> hope you'll like it and thanks for reading!

Moves nearby. This was the first thing Yi noticed in this blurry time between sleep and consciousness. Something happened and it woke him up. _Hmm_.

Yi stretched a little, feeling sleep leaving little by little as he still tried to keep it but it was useless. _Alright_. When he did move and opened his eyes, there was the reason of this waking. A cat. A fluff ball that had managed to sneak under his arm during his sleep. That same ball moved a little, obviously awake and busy grooming while being still close to Yi. _I see_.

A bit lazily he petted Lily, catching her attention as quick. It didn’t take long before she returned lied down, purring happily on this new day.

« Good day to you, my lady. » A small kiss to her head since she was close then he pulled her gently to hug.

Lily didn’t protest, more than pleased to be petted and loved right now._ Good_. A few minutes went in the most perfect peace before Yi looked for his phone. _Ah, a bit late_. It was around 11, nothing dramatic but it put the usual dilemma of breakfast or lunch. _I don’t know. Oh, maybe pancakes_. This was the idea of the day and it was sunday, he had time to cook whatever he wanted.

After this moment of affection Yi got up, despite the heartbreaking cry Lily made when she realized he was moving. He still took care to cover her partially with the blanket, just to keep her a little warm and tuck her in like a kid. _Cute_. Lily looked at him sadly but again, she was free to move if she wanted.

Getting out of his room, Yi could just aprpeciate the calm in their flat. It was sunday, the end of the morning and the day seemed rather beautiful, despite the many clouds in the sky. Like a few times he went to the door of the living room, leaving it open enough for a cat to pass and glanced shortly inside. Yasuo was still there, sprawled without care on the couch while holding his pillow close. Not that his guest would disappear overnight but Yi had the small habit to check, to see that indeed he wasn’t alone. That was good, the latter was still here, no issue. He could go on his business.

_Shower time_.

~

This sunday went well. After a quick shower and some lingering thoughts about the latest evening, Yi got dressed and headed to the kitchen. Then it was time to cook them lunch, with still the idea to make some pancakes once he got lunch done if Yasuo wasn’t up yet. It happened sometimes and honestly, he wouldn’t blame him to need some rest after such difficult day.

_I wonder what happened_.

Not a new question, it had been on his mind for a few months since he had heard of the brothers’ fight. Sometimes he learned a few things but it wasn’t nearly enough to understand the issue. Latest night though changed a few things. This was the first time he saw Yasuo cry and could be present to help.

These thoughts ran in his mind while he watched over their food, preparing pancakes aside. There was nothing else to think about, Lily seemed to be quite happy to return to bed despite her first complaint at the bathroom door. So Yi’s thoughts returned to Yasuo and these late confessions.

It was painful to hear. Obviously there were a lot of things to unpack and dig up but Yi didn’t know if it was correct from him to ask. Yone himself said he wouldn’t tell, this was Yasuo’s issues. So it implied that the reason they fought was mainly about Yasuo more than his brother. He was the more upset about it, since Yone had tried to reach out for him before. _I don’t know_. All this was mere hypothesis, he couldn’t be sure unless he asked his friend. Maybe it was worth a shot, after such night. If not, then Yi would drop it.

_Maybe_.

Before asking he would still see how Yasuo was doing. Obviously if he reacted like saturday, no way Yi would ask about it. His first intention was to help his friend and give a place to vent, share his problems. No need to sour his mood for nothing.

Some time later, lunch was ready and no sign of life from Yasuo. It was a bit after noon, no big deal. So Yi followed his small plan and started the pancakes. After all, the whole flat smelled of food, it was impossible to miss such sweet thing. Sooner or later Yasuo would wake up and follow the call of hunger.

A noise caught his attention while he was close to finish the last pancakes. _Ah ?_ When he turned around, Yi didn’t expect to find Yasuo as well as Lily, at the corner.

« Oh hello ! I didn’t expect so many guests. Did you sleep well ? » Quiet laugh as he focused back on the pan, while keeping a bit of attention on the latter.

« Yeah, sorry, slept like the dead. Damn it smells good… » Merry tone, with still a touch of apologies for this late waking. Yasuo came closer to look at what he was doing.

This was good to hear, the latter didn’t seem impacted like last day and more peaceful like his usual self. And by that, it meant he was loud and cheerful, impossible to miss. Yi took comfort in that, it seemed to mean Yasuo was doing better. Obviously when he felt too bad he didn’t act so loudly. Aside he still remembered all this time in highschool his friend had hidden everything, so it didn’t mean he was completely free of worries or anything.

« Lunch is ready, you can start. I still have to finish this. »

For the following minute it was simply Yi taking care of the pancakes while Yasuo hummed merrily, serving food in their plates. Only a few curses left out when Lily rushed on his path for whatever cat reason and he tried to dodge her.

« Is that a tiny pancake ? It’s for peanut ? » Yasuo was back to his side, leaning next to his shoulder to take a good look at that final pancake.

« It’s to finish it, there isn’t enough for a big one. But yeah, I think we can give it to her. Later. » Difficult to suppress that smile. Indeed it was a tiny tiny pancake and surely it wouldn’t hurt her. « And you go eat ! It gonna get cold. »

« Nah, waiting for you. » The latter went to his chair, sitting there as he indeed waited for Yi to finish.

A small sigh went but it was fine, they would have time to clean up later. « Fine, I’m here. »

There, they could have lunch now.

Lily stayed there, meowing like always for her wet food but like every time she wouldn’t get it. _Tonight_. It was still part of the animation in the kitchen while they ate.

After she gave up and went for the bowl of usual food, they shared a laugh for Yasuo’s small comment. It was fine, the day was good and they had pancakes as dessert.

When came a certain pause in the conversation, Yi wondered if he could ask. It went on in his mind then he gathered a bit of courage and did it, deeming the risk not very high.

« Hey, I know the topic isn’t easy but would you like to talk about last night ? I don’t mean to pry, I just want to help you because this seems too much to deal with alone. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter gonna be good


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!  
let's get our weekly dose of hurt/comfort xD
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Fuck_.

Yasuo wasn’t expecting that topic, at least not so soon. He wasn’t stupid enough to hope for it, especially after such desastrous night. Of course Yi would ask, sooner or later. Now he had to face the consequences of his breaking and many other disagreable things that had happened.

« Errrrr I don’t know. » Because this was true, he didn’t know.

It had been less than an hour since he woke up and so far Yasuo didn’t think much about the latest day, its drama and down moments. Just he didn’t have time to think about it yet, that was all. And now Yi was asking gently about it.

« It’s alright, I understand you need time. I shouldn’t have asked. » Quick to back off, obviously. Yi never showed a lot, at least not strongly and now this was just light worry.

« No, that’s not what I mean ! Erm, just I don’t really know. For now it’s fine but… » No idea what was holding him back.

For now there was none of this panick for breaking into pieces in front of Yi, or of that terrible sadness in duo with anger when he thought about the issue. Nothing since he had woken up. Probably last night had allowed to purge a little these strong emotions for a time.

Would that be a bad idea ? By principle it could be good, nothing wrong in talking to someone close. Even considering his previous experience in talking his feelings out, Yasuo thought it wouldn’t be as bad. _Why not ?_ He kept asking himself if he was doing another mistake, if that would only make things worse. But it would be with Yi, always so calm and peaceful about everything. It sounded like it wouldn’t become another mess of yelling.

While they ate Yi kept a curious gaze on him, surely he paid attention to the end of the sentence but there was none. Yasuo didn’t know what to tell. _Idiot_.

He sighed, a bit defeated not to be good with his words or just with his brain. « Sorry. I’d say, why not ? But I don’t know how far I’ll be able to go. It’s…painful. » What an understatement.

« No worries, I won’t force you into anything. I’m free if you want to talk, whenever you want. » Of course Yi wouldn’t push, he was far too nice and cautious.

« After lunch, maybe. Unless you have more important to do. »

« As I said, whenever you want. We’ll do that after the dishes. »

Yasuo simply nodded, getting his attention back of his food. He didn’t know what to think about all this, it was weird. In a way he wasn’t distressed or anything, while earlier he might have freaked out about telling Yi anything. Yet now the latter had given several examples on occasions to trust him. Plus last night when he had soothed everything he could, it showed there was no real risk. Still, Yasuo didn’t know why he was doing so well for now, if not slightly anxious. Maybe his brain wasn’t realizing yet.

_We’ll see_.

~

Later in the beginning of afternoon Yasuo was free at last. It wasn’t such a burden, just everyone had to do their part of the chores and since he hadn’t been the one making lunch, he had to do the dishes. It was fine though, Yi stayed with him all the time in the kitchen, keeping an eye over Lily while she kept trying to get their attention. Visibly one tiny pancake wasn’t enough for the lady of these lands and she required more.

Now he could return to whatever activities he had on his days off, which most of times ended up being a good nap or internet. Yet he wouldn’t do that, he remembered. _The talk. Yup yup yup_. Still not anxious about it and he was almost worried for that, because no doubt it was going to sting, even just a little.

_It will be fine._

« Yi ? Let’s go ? » After the short break he went to knock at Yi’s door, even though it was always slightly open to let the cat in or out.

« Alright, I’m coming. »

Yasuo returned on his couch and sat there, head empty to his great worry. _Is it right ?_ He wasn’t sure. Yet on the other hand he was certain it would help in the end, at least to vent a little. No risk for this to reach other people, Yi would keep this for himself.

Speaking of, the latter joined him in the living room quickly after, carrying a box of tissues and Lily in his arms. _Oh ? _Yasuo watched him do while he sat on the couch too and kept the cat on his lap. She didn’t seem too fazed, probably curious about this change of place. Soon enough she got up then sat down as quick, settling there at last. Alright. Now the two of them faced each other, sitting on the couch.

« Emergency supplies. Just in case. » Yi spoke softly, petting Lily a little after he handed him the box of tissues.

Yes, that was probably smart. However it still made Yasuo a bit scared despite himself. The intention was good yet the flashbacks of the night arrived.  _Hmm_ . He’d rather not cry, even though it was likely to happen.

« Still good ? Tell me if you don’t want anymore. » Such concern just in case was quite nice, as many warnings as possible.

« Yup. Don’t worry, sure I’ll tell you when it’s too much. » Deep breath taken, exhale. Yasuo braced himself so shortly. Sooner or later the awful mood would strike, it was only a matter of time. 

This was actually what scared him, the point when everything would seem dark and painful. It was like being forced under water, only to be allowed a few times out to breathe. Memories were harsh on him but it was Yi, he wouldn’t judge. He already knew a few bits of it. 

« Go on, take your time. » 

It was peculiar as moment, Yi talking to him softly while he petted Lily, yet not once he took his gaze off Yasuo. 

« I…I don’t know where to start. Ask, maybe it’s better. »

«  Alright. » There was a small pause, while Yi seemed to think about a question. Then he spoke : « You said you hurt them, your mother and brother I supposed. Were you talking about the incident and the reason you left ? »

There, it started quickly, a hard blow.  Yasuo took it, there was no reason to back off so fast. There was a small silence used to think about what he could reply. Yi didn’t know a lot, couldn’t know all that was at stake that day. 

« Not just that. But yeah, this is one of the occasions I hurt them. » It was important not to let it get to him too fast and before anything, not to let it show in his voice. Soon it would happen but Yasuo wanted to keep this as late as possible.

« What else ? Did you two fight often ? » 

Strong no, shaking his head. « Of course no, you know us. I still like Yone, even with all that crap going on. » Deep breath, Yasuo looked away. It was already a bit difficult between delving into hateful memories and finding the right words to explain : « The problem is difficult, I didn’t hurt them directly, it wasn’t my choice. »

« What happened ? » Yi was more than calm and quiet, surely keeping his gaze on him even thought Yasuo averted his.

This was the worst part. The origin of everything. How to explain this briefly ? Yasuo also felt like trembling a little, it was strange to talk about it to someone that never heard of it in the first place. So much of their struggle had come from the fact that too many people knew about one detail. And now he told someone that was unaware all this time. 

Getting tense and keeping his gaze down, Yasuo gathered some courage : « I hurt them by existing. » His voice threatened to break again, just because of a vulnerable detail. Before Yi could say anything else, he continued : « Mom raised us alone, she never got a lot of help and I…I definitely ruined her situation. » 

«  How ? I don’t really understand. » It was clear Yi sensed his strong emotions meddling in the tone, the stance, everything. « I don’t see how simply existing can cause troubles. Even if you did, it can’t be your fault. »

« N-No, it’s not that easy. » Why couldn’t he say it clearly ? Why was it so difficult to say he had always hated himself over the circumstances of his upbringing ? Hoping to be clear, and surely a little desperate with his own words, Yasuo made eye contact and gave what he had over his heart : « We don’t have the same father. Yone’s is dead, he was our mom’s husband. Mine  is some asshole that fucked off as quick. You know why I hurt them just by existing ? Because I’m some bastard kid and half of the family kicked our mom out after I was born. » 

Saying this was painful, like spilling all that he bottled up for years. Hopefully it wasn’t as bad as when he did it to his family but it was still violent when anger took over more he spoke.  Now he stared at Yi, feeling a mix between rising anger and repressed sadness. This was happening again and he couldn’t prevent it. 

The latter seemed to register everything that was said, standing his gaze with serious. Suddenly Yasuo felt a bit bad, he didn’t exactly lash out at him but he would have if he was in a worse state, like last day.

« I see. May I ask more details ? I apologize, obviously this is still painful for you. »

« It’s fine. » Yet as he said it, Yasuo’s voice cracked in a way too telling of his state. He breathed deeply before telling more : «  You know Yon is my big bro. His dad died when he was a baby, he doesn’t even have any memories of him. Mom got a hard time grieving, she said she met a guy and that’s why I’m here. But when I was born the in-laws cut off any contact and she struggled to raise us. That’s why…why I really made their lives hell. Just because I’m here. »

The tears happened. It was meant to happen at some point and now Yasuo could just acknowledge it, wipping his eyes angrily even though it didn’t stop. While he was struggling quietly the latter gave him a tissue, the right reaction at the moment. Yi didn’t miss any of it but he said nothing.

«  I didn’t realize it was that deep. I remember you two mentionned your mother sometimes but I didn’t even notice there was no question of a father. I’m sorry for you, it must have been difficult to grow up in these conditions and mindset. »

T his was how it was supposed to go the day he’d tell everything to their mother. Sadly it didn’t happen and instead he  had fought with Yone about the impact of such childhood. Yasuo could just nod after such statement, trying to stop any sob from coming out.

After he was done with the tissue, Yi came closer and put Lily on his lap, like he had done before. This was a good distraction indeed. 

«  It’s still wrong though. I’m aware only you know how this felt but I don’t think it’s your fault. This wasn’t your choice or even your actions. »

«  Then tell that to everyone else. Mom went through hell just to keep us alive and happy, and instead of being understanding people talked shit about her. » Again a spike of anger. It was difficult to control, even as he reminded himself Yi didn’t deserve this. He was just trying. Yasuo sighed and it got a bit shaky : « Sorry. Just, it wasn’t fun everyday and people can be assholes sometimes. »

There was a bit of silence and Yasuo averted his gaze again. Both knew what they were doing when this discussion was brought up but it didn’t mean he had a free pass to be mean or anything. 

«  Of course. Again, I’m sorry to hear that and you have every right to feel angry. I remember some time ago that Yone mentioned you were bullied. This was the only thing he ever told me about your issues. »

« What ?? » 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't over~


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
sorry for double update, i needed to work this a little more cuz next work will be an alternate chapter!
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_He said what ??_

So confused and a little hurt, Yasuo stared at the latter.

« I told you Yone texted me before, asking about your whereabouts. As explanation he merely said you were bullied and only you could tell what happened, nothing more. »

Yasuo was still a bit pissed to know his brother told a few things. However he had told this to Yi and Yi was someone they could call close, even before. To say he was bullied didn’t cover everything so it was still understandable as a way to explain but not so much. This would deserve a talk with Yone.

Surely it showed on his face that he didn’t approve any of this but said nothing because there was still no big wrong. It could have been a lot more worse and Yone only said one thing.

Yi sighed : « I’m aware this is personal and Yone shouldn’t have said that but he made it clear it was up to you to retell this, not him. Do you want to stop here ? »

Patience was one of the latter’s biggest qualities and for now it helped a lot, no matter how angry or sad by moments Yasuo could seem. In a way it was still nice to have, it helped to stay a bit rational.

« Yeah, I got it, he didn’t say much. » He sighed too, leaning against the backrest of the couch. By now the tears had stopped but he didn’t feel quite stable yet. « It’s fine, we can continue. »

Lily was still here, on Yasuo’s lap, quite calm despite the sometimes angry tone used in this talk between humans. None of her business. At some point she still decided to get up and jump off the couch._ Ah, goodbye_. Now it was one distraction less. Both watched he go before focusing back on their discussion.

« Well, it seems that our lady has better to do. If I may ask, when were you bullied ? » Quick jump back to their topic, without transition.

« Err…my memories aren’t so good cuz it’s started early. Maybe not kindergarten but just after. »

Going back in these memories wasn’t pleasant. It wasn’t always so clear, more like a global feeling about how his childhood went and what had struck him at the time. Between the soft happiness at home and the cruel words from outside, there was a clear difference. Yasuo remembered both with a lot of bitterness.

« That’s young. Did any adult try to help ? »

« Nah, again I don’t remember a lot but for all the shit these kids said, there wasn’t a single change. You know what we say, kids never really mean it. »

Hello bitterness. Now it consumed him slowly, at the limit of slipping into sadness. Yasuo stayed there, a bit tense as he relived again these awful things. He wished he could forget everything.

« They repeat what their parents say, what everyone around says. This won’t change anything to the past but know that they still had no rights to say that. They should still be held accountable for their words. »

Something still broke inside him when he heard that. It was dumb but all this time Yasuo had to bottle up and endure in silence because what he had been said would hurt their mother. All this time he held the entire blame and bullying all alone because he didn’t want to make their mother sad. So actually no one told him when he was young that this wasn’t valid, that these kids had no rights to insult him and his family like this. Yasuo had to figure this out later, alone. Even Yone never heard of this because luckily or not he wasn’t attacked as much.

Now Yi ackowledged this and told what he had needed to hear when he was a kid. It didn’t change a lot anymore but it would have meant a lot just to hear that an adult, anyone considered this was unfair. His vision got blurry again and this time it was meant to last. It was stupid to break for a few words that could have soothed his pain during his childhood but he couldn’t help it.

Nothing could translate his pain and odd relief to hear that. It was too late anyway but better late than never. Yasuo cried, half hiding behind his hand by pure reflex. It became quickly too much, sobs wrecking through him at the thought of many years of silent suffering.

So much that Yasuo didn’t register the move before it happened and now he found himself again in Yi’s arms, pressed to him closely. _Ah…_ Not even the reflex to go away and retreat because of his damned feelings. Instead he just accepted it and clung to Yi as much as he could, tears streaming down his face from both pain and sadness.

So he let it happen. His heart had already suffered enough, no need to inflict himself some harsh punishment because he felt like taking advantage. Why fight this anyway ? There was always a point when it was useless to struggle. Yi made a choice and he would take the offer.

Hands held him closely, as to protect him. « Shhhh…it’s fine, everything will be ok. »

A few more gentle moves and Yi take him even closer for a proper hug. Not only his gestures but also his words soothed Yasuo, reassuring whispers that didn’t judge him in the slightest. Maybe all wasn’t ruined, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, if everything goes well, tomorrow i'll write/post another alternate chapter~ a bit more feels~


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
now back to the original fic xD let's carry on the feels
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Poor Yasuo, this must have been difficult._

Yi had so little to give in this moment but at least he could offer some attention and a good hug. It wasn’t much but he really meant it. Hearing such sad story had been painful and yet he could just stay aware about how worse Yasuo got it all this time. All this because of circumstances before his birth. Life wasn’t fair sometimes.

_It will be alright._ He would make sure of it. The smallest comfort was to know that Yasuo had managed to get out of this situation, even if it hurt him and his family at the occasion. Such difficult story couldn’t be dealth without pain. From now, more than before, Yi would look after him. Alright, he had been doing that for months since the latter arrived here but now he would try to help on this issue. It wasn’t over, just a transition. No idea if it would even be solved one day, also because a terrible childhood couldn’t be erazed and because it was Yasuo’s issue, feelings and reasons.

All he could do at the moment was to hold him closer and offer someone to trust and talk to. The latter seemed rather shaken, clinging to him. _All good, it’s alright_. With gentle gestures Yi tried to soothe what he could. It demanded such courage just to talk about these topics and he would remember this. Not a lot of persons that he could consider that close to him, it still warmed his heart to see that Yasuo thought the same thing. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here, he wouldn’t have seeked his help. Yi tightened a little the embrace, hoping it was clear he wouldn’t judge, just give time and space.

Silently he still thought about all he just heard. It wasn’t something light, far from it. No doubt it would take some time for him to register every piece of information and all it meant about what he knew of his friends and their family. It felt like he was given an invaluable piece of the puzzle, probably the key to everything. The very reason of Yasuo’s troubles, present and past. It was worth everything and now Yi could hope to fully understand what was at stake. However this required some time to think and right now he prefered to help the latter as much as he could, which meant rubbing his back with a few comforting words.

A shame Lily had left earlier, she would have given such perfect distraction. Nothing better than a cute fluffy cat to pet when feeling down. Sadly she seemed to have urgent business elsewhere and couldn’t be reached for now. _Too bad._ Yi would still see later if she was encline to help, it would still change Yasuo’s mood for the best. Till then he would do with what he had.

Not long after the latter spoke, even though it remained quite low because he didn’t move from their embrace : « Sorry. »

« For what ? Everything is alright, no need to apologize. » Maybe it was said a bit lightly in tone but honestly Yi believed it, everything was fine, unless Yasuo felt otherwise.

Aside he could really guess that it wasn’t fun to tell everything, even to someone close. This was a difficult effort and Yasuo still made it, aware that it would hurt. So it made Yi proud to both being good enough to be trusted and also proud for the latter’s effort. This was the right path to recovery.

« No, I-I mean I’m sorry for…this. I know I’m not a child anymore, I shouldn’t need this. » Beyond the lingering emotions from the previous talk, there was also a bit of shame here.

It made Yi a little curious and and confused, because truly there was no reason to think like this. Obviously Yasuo was overthinking this. It also reminded him strongly of these years in highschool when the latter always seeked a sort of contact with his close friends – literally or not. They had already talked about it briefly before and since then, there had been no request or attempt for contact, Yi realized. Obviously Yasuo still seeked this, despite what he said and did.

« This is fine too. I don’t mind plus I remember you need some contact from time to time. » As he spoke there was a little tensing in the embrace, from Yasuo, then an attempt at moving away. « Hey, no. You can stay. »

« Alright, alright. » It came out so flustered and the latter next move translated that well, returning to the full embrace and keeping his face hidden against Yi.

_He hasn’t come in terms with that._ Yi was still a little puzzled by all this, the sort of fear to take contact when it was given but at the same time obviously needing it. _Something happened._ He wasn’t exactly sure but such stark difference between their years in highschool and now, it almsot stung to consider.

Also now that he had sensitive information about Yasuo’s past, it left him wondering. All this could be linked, a full loop. At least to explain this urge for contact back in the days. Not that he thought that people couldn’t be simply clingy but in the case at hand and knowing Yasuo had quite a difficult childhood, there was a possibility. _Maybe_. Yi wanted to ask but it seemed a bit too much for this day. The latter had given enough, no need to bother him further with personal questions. Even more if it was something that he didn’t realize.

In any case Yi was determined to take care of that too. Maybe another time they would have another talk, there was nothing urgent at the moment. Then he would ask if there were reasons for this. Nothing wrong with being a bit touch-starved sometimes though. _I should ask more._ Every time they came to this, hugging to calm him down, it was clear Yasuo wanted this and yet was scared to ask outside of these sensitive moments. Quiet decision, from now he would ofer from time to time, if there was an occasion to. No need to force Yasuo or make it awkward, he would still chose well the moment.

_Yes, that should help too._ It made him smile a little, hoping for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nah, they will be good, at least for now~


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
let's get this moving!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… _

A bit later, Yasuo wasn’t still over it. The afternoon wasn’t over yet, it was time for a bit of cleaning in the flat. So here he was, overthinking about the previous talk while he took care of the laundry. What a time.

The ‘worst’ was that it wasn’t tragic or anything, just he couldn’t get over the talk in general, all that had been said and given. In itself it was more than he would have hoped for, a weight less to bear. To know it was Yi who helped him was quite soothing and yet it was the same reason why he overthought, Yi knew. So far Yasuo didn’t know if it was a good idea to let the latter know about this, because of his own feelings. Obviously his friend would help or at least hear what he had to say. Like a close friend. Maybe Yasuo feared this might make him rely to much on Yi, already financially then now emotionally. _I don’t know…._

This was supposed to be just a crush, sharing such personal information risked to make him fall further for Yi. _Stop_. At least he knew himself enough not to take the wrong message. Was he ?

All this was stupid, he knew it. Why think that much over nothing ? Yi wouldn’t even find this worth the muss, surely he would say he wanted to help and happened to be right there. He even said that a few times, especially about the hugs.

_Fuck._

Indeed the hugs. As if it wasn’t enough to lay everything bare to see from his past, Yasuo had also surrended to the urge to come closer. Again, Yi’s offer. So there wasn’t much to blame anyone and he still managed to feel bad about this because the latter wasn’t aware of what it meant for him. These feelings made it difficult, always on the way. So difficult to seem casual about it, although it was impossible when he had been crying against Yi’s shoulder. Maybe for the best, he was too focused on his pain to shy away from the hug. This would have been terrible if he did.

Nonetheless, Yasuo still thought about it as he put laundry for a cycle. His conscience wouldn’t let him at peace, not when he had been that close to Yi. Like the few time it happened, it made him still lightly happy, even though it felt like he took advantage. Which was wrong but he couldn’t help feeling this way. Yi had no issue providing the smallest comfort and yet he couldn’t accept it, no matter what.

Long sigh. Can’t do anything. Innerly he wished for more but Yasuo knew this wasn’t so friendly friendly. Asking was still a big no-no. But he heard it again, the _« no, you can stay »_. The way Yi had kept him from going away. Oh no doubt he wouldn’t have forced Yasuo into that but to feel the pull to be kept in place, it warmed his sad heart. The smallest details were the best.

Cherish that, it might not happen again. Except if he broke down again and talked more with Yi. No way to know yet. Yasuo was rather sure it wouldn’t stay there, the latter would still offer to listen to more. In all honesty, he couldn’t tell if he was going to refuse. No matter the pain of the process, the tears and slight shame, it still helped. There was no one else he could tell this kind of things without getting into troubles or being judged. If he kept everything to himself, Yi would notice and give another occasion to let this burden down. So this was the best solution.

_I don’t know._

Quiet steps in the flat, he found Yi busy cleaning his bedroom. The door was still left wide open, a small glimpse of a place Yasuo didn’t know, by politeness.

« Oh, Yasuo. I’ll make some noise soon, gonna vacuum the flat. Can you find Lily ? »

It took him out of these dear thoughts, looking at Yi when he reached the door and asked him. Oh. Okay.

« Aight ! Want me to distract her ? » Easy to seem casual now, they were back to everyday’s life.

« No, she’ll freak out anyway. Just try to move her to another room when I have to move too. »

Fair warning, like always. Yasuo complied and went looking for the beast. She was on her cat tree at the moment, oblivious to the incoming apocalypse. Quickly Yasuo closed the door of the living room and stayed to pet Lily a little.

« Gonna be fine. No reason to be scare, not at all. » Indeed she seemed more than calm, although this was going to change soon.

Indeed a few minutes later Yi started to vacuum his bedroom and the sudden noise startled Lily. It was a bit funny to see but Yasuo tried to distract her all the same, taking her in his arms so when it was time to clean the living room Yi would have no troubles with a distressed cat.

« Bothering, right ? That’s payback for when you wake me up too early. » Playing around, just a little. Yasuo had no hard feelings, nothing would ever stop a cat from meowing.

So went the end of afternoon, in that merry time to clean the flat on a day off. At least it distracted him enough from the serious topics.

~

Once sleep time arrived, Yasuo was back in that flustered state. Nothing too sharp, just he needed time to realize and come in terms with that.

Earlier in the evening, after Lily’s weekly treat, everything seemed to go well. They hadn’t talked again about Yasuo’s issues. Of course, Yi was always so polite and didn’t try to bring up a topic when he thought it was useless.

No, what actually took Yasuo by surprise came later, once the dishes were done. Since it was his turn to cook this evening, Yi took charge of the dishes afterward.

By habit Yasuo stayed in the kitchen in this time, even when technically he had nothing to do anymore. Probably one of the best times of the day. They could chat like always and anything that included Yi was good anyway.

Even right now, in bed and having all the time he need to think, Yasuo couldn’t find how it came to this. Really, he couldn’t find a logic path. After the dishes were done, their paths separated shortly since they had their routines for sleep time. Yi would go to bed rather early, since he had classes early next day.

All that Yasuo could say was that after brushing his teeth and seeing the latter in the corridor on his way to his bedroom, Yi stopped in his tracks. Along that usual goodnight he also opened his arms to him, something that had to be an invitation for a hug.

It was so slow and gentle, surely the mood before sleep on a sunday evening. A clear invitation and nothing forced. At first Yasuo was a little unsure, if he was correctly udnerstanding that. A mere gesture from Yi asking closer made him react and he followed, thoughts gone. Sometimes reflexes were what one truly wanted.

It didn’t last long, merely the time to be hugged indeed and to feel Yi patting his shoulder gently. Then a whispered goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, that part is over, now let's get on next plot


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
sorry for the pause, a lot happening there and i couldn't focus too long on the plot -__-
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Is it alright ?_

Even after a few days, Yi wasn’t really sure about it. Indeed it had been three days since this particular weekend and its strong discussions. Since then had started a time of adaptation, slow but present nonetheless.

One of this light changes was his decision to give a few occasion to fulfil Yasuo’s need of contact. Nothing crude like it may sound, it was just Yi’s conclusion after his long observation, crossed with new information. The latter wouldn’t seek contact anymore, for whatever personal reason. It wasn’t the question right now. _I’ll ask another time_. Yi couldn’t let this escape for too long, it seemed to have an intricate link to his friend’s childhood.

What could make someone back off from certain habits only in the gap of a few years ? Unless it ended up quite bad, there was no reason. Anyway, it was quite interesting to make hypothesis but none of it could be checked without a discussion. This would have to wait another occasion, which Yi relented in seizing before a healthy amount of time. Having Yasuo to open up like he did in the weekend was already more than expected and it just revealed a certain depth of the wound. Better not rush, this would undo all the work.

So since he couldn’t do much but listen and soothe, he might as well offer some comfort. Yasuo had been alone and far from his family for a bit of time now, no doubt it must have been difficult to bear – without taking in count the shyness about contact. This was Yi’s solution : when he thought it was right, he would give small hug. Or contact, whatever seemed fine. Until then he hadn’t found an occasion yet, Yasuo looked rather fine and Yi didn’t want to go like a mother hen. Just being watchful, like a good friend should be._ Am I ?_

Small sigh. What was he doing ? Maybe he shouldn’t meddle in all this and instead guide Yasuo in getting proper help. He wasn’t therapist, far from it. _Is it truly a good idea ?_ Yi had no idea. At least this felt right and helpful, the latter would have said otherwise if there was a real issue in talking about this.

That was what friends were for, no ? Yi clung to this since indeed he meant well, all this was for Yasuo. It didn’t even bother him personally, his life aside was rather quiet with no tragic issue. No need to vent to someone. So yes he was glad to be there and help, for as long as Yasuo needed it. If one day he required or asked some real help he would go with him as support.

What other motivation ? A friend should always hope to see his dear ones thriving, especially someone so close. There had been maybe a gap in their friendship for a time but now it was alright, they got each other back. This also made quite clear the few changes after the years, including Yasuo’s now fear of contact.

Was it fear ? Yi didn’t know. Surely it wasn’t that strong since he hadn’t pushed him away or got startled in spectacular ways when it happened. And yet it was there, when before Yasuo had been so out-going and open to hugs and contact. His personality didn’t seem to have changed, it was just in his actual behavior every day.

Something happened. There was no doubt about it. Only an event or something related could have changed his behavior to that point. Sadly this was part of Yasuo’s past and there was no way to get it soon, if ever. Yi could just hope the latter would open up again, while he kept in mind this was about Yasuo, only him could decide. Until then, he would do like always, give his attention when needed and keep an eye on his dear friend.

At least for now Yi was positive it would go well for some time.

_I hope_.

~

The plan was going well, if indeed it could be called a plan. Really that was nothing too challenging or difficult. By the end of the week, Yi was more than appeased to see the latter go around like his usual noisy self. Impossible to miss how normal he felt.

_That’s good. Really good. _

Yasuo never knew to hide his emotions for too long so when he did feel bad or bummed out, it was basically written all over his face. It was still to prove if everyone was able to see that or if Yi had gotten really good at it over the years. So far the only exception had been all of the latter’s past and family drama, a wonder how he managed to hide something so painful. _He had to cope_. It was sad to realize but it made sense, against such torment Yasuo probably had to bottle up as much as he could since he refused to ever tell their mother. The result was now visible, he wasn’t able to hide his immediate emotions from Yi but he still could conceal as many unbearable things of his childhood. Surely it made sense.

The result was the same, Yi had seen him every day during the week and not once he had caught the latter looking under the weather or just sad. Chances were that indeed Yasuo was fine and possibly the discussions had helped, a way or another.

Another reason to conclude like this was this small success when Yi did find an occasion for a hug. It went a lot more smoothly than the first, merely a discreet invitation while he was cooking and Yasuo wandered not far to chat. The real victory was to see indeed that the latter didn’t looked forced into it or anything, this time he just made a bee line to Yi and closed distance for a short time. More than enough.

I hope it helps.

And if he wasn’t getting his amount of contact at home, it was obvious that Yasuo knew what to do. That Friday night indeed he hadn’t come back from the clubs, a few messages as warning not to worry about him. _Good for him_.

Thinking again, it might be linked too. Yi had strictly no idea what his friend did on these nights or how his romantic life was going, not his business. Surely Yasuo would go out for more contact, the comfort found in social interactions. Or he got someone. Maybe.

Well, if that could help him then all was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh what's coming next?


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
sorry it's a bit late but ahhhhhhhhh so many ideas to explore. dw, i still follow the cycle to keep this updated!
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Damn_.

Yasuo had no idea what he was doing at the moment. It was so normal, daily life following its routine with each day coming one after the other. And he sat there, watching this happen slowly.

It had been two full weeks since he broke a little and talked with Yi. Two weeks and more than enough to soothe the pain felt in that instant, merely leaving a memory of peace. All this was far from over, he still had to work on some of it the best he could but already such a big chunk had been treated, it was more than motivating. It had hurt like a bitch but now it was soothed.

_I don’t really know_.

At the same time he wasn’t ready to share such things about his past but knowing it was Yi changed everything. The risk was minimal and he could actually trust him. Maybe they would talk again although for now the latter hadn’t brought up any of this in their daily conversations. Not a single thing.

It might have never happened except for the rare occasions when Yi initiated contact. That was a big change and yet so discreet, so far he could just remember two times and one of these was the same Sunday of the talk.

A quiet invitation for a hug while Yi was busy cooking. It wasn’t much but a week after Yasuo was still thinking about it, like right now.

_Ahhhh…_

So this seemed to really become a thing. Of course Yi would take a few decisions about what to do to improve daily life and Yasuo’s share of past troubles but this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. Just a hug. For a touch-starved guy like him, it was like giving a water botttle in the middle of summer. Almost a necessity.

Even now it left him a little flustered about the whole thing. It hadn’t been forced or obvious, merely a small gesture that couldn’t be mistaken while Yi kept his attention on the food cooking. As if he didn’t even pay attention to what he offered. Something completely normal. This time it hadn’t taken Yasuo a lot of time to push away his inner fluster and to get in the latter’s arms.

Even now he couldn’t lie about how much it helped him, no matter how faint the help. Beyond the short contact that always managed to calm him, there was the intention. Yi was getting out of his way to give some attention, as trivial as it might be for him. For Yasuo it mattered a lot and his feelings were still lurking, ready to jump on the smallest interaction with the latter to purr about better things. Imagine, being about to hug Yi whenever he could. That was so chaste and sweet, only his dreams could deliver such a thing. In real life, it was a hard no. Yi was already making a very good gesture at soothing his certain longing for contact, asking more would both be impolite and cross the friendly boundary.

That would already do, it was beyond what he would have asked before, if he ever gathered the courage to do so. _Don’t know if I deserve this_.

Of course this was Yi’s initiative, technically he didn’t have to do that. Furthermore they had talked about that several times – or rather Yi asked him about this potential change of behavior over the years. Since Yasuo couldn’t lie to save himself, he had admitted he still longed for whatever contact he may find. What they had right now was without a doubt the result of these talks. Yi was taking direct actions.

Another sigh broke out, like every time Yasuo thought about this. Damn indeed, this was a lot more than he would have accepted. As long as Yi seemed fine with it then it was good.

On the other hand, he tried not to rely too much on that. Take just a small amount, soon he would grow used to it and look for more. He genuinely feared that at some point it wouldn’t be enough, as if it wasn’t already such a luxury. Never forget Yi was just a friend, he was acting out of kindness, in no way that was a sign of fondness toward Yasuo.

_Yes…Don’t forget, dumbass..._

Better not hope. In that idea Yasuo resumed his nightly activities when he could and felt like it. It was far safer to find comfort and contact outside with someone that was gladly giving it away. No conflict, no fear and furthermore, perfect peace. Now he could come back to this and sleep outside, always giving a small message to Yi in case he looked after his return.

Days had gone, up to two weeks and for now he was rather satisfied with the situation, although sometimes thinking about the hugs like right now. It was a bit different to get a hug from his crush and having a one-night stand after the bars, strangely it was the first that left him quietly wondering. Worrying, to say the least. Yasuo needed to get over that crush, it was getting ridiculous if a mere hug could make him overthink for weeks, more than the deep conversation about his childhood. Well, this was about Yi. Nothing was so simple when it came to Yasuo’s behavior in his presence.

_I should stop_. Sooner or later he would get stuck in some stupid situation again and he refused to even risk making it weird for his friend. So far it was fine but what if Yi changed his mind later ? In any case that was why Yasuo had a sort of exit, a safe way to relish some contact without feeling guilty. This was more than alright, these guys seeked the same thing than him. Someone for a night, no feelings, no pain, just a good time.

_No feelings, huh ?_

Really this had to work or Yasuo would have no solution left. All he needed was time, he had to be patient for this to decrease until he felt nothing but wholesome friendship toward Yi. This had to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know it won't work  
alright, i should get on next part of the slow burn


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!!  
alright, there is a plot to move! let's go!
> 
> thank you for reading <3333

_When should I ask?_

This question wasn’t really young, Yi had been wondering for quite some time. Since the first real talk with Yasuo, in fact. More than a month had gone since that moment and he didn’t have any idea if he would ever know more about his friend’s past.

On one hand, it was right because it was Yasuo’s childhood, only him could decide when it was fine to share it, or just if he wanted to. If so far there was no need it was a good sign. On the other hand it was a bit like a small wound, waiting to scar. Potentially he could be pushing this matter aside not to endure the pain of the topic. Yi understood that reflex to prevent more pain but it made him a little sad to know Yasuo could be still suffering in silence.

That was just an hypothesis again, there were actually no way to know if Yasuo was affected at the moment or not. Since the talk he hadn’t looked too bummed out like the time he got back far too early for a Saturday night. Maybe a good sign, maybe not. Being left out of this topic worried Yi, he’d rather know if there was any issue with Yasuo’s family. However he wasn’t that close to him, sadly. He couldn’t pretend to ask that, at least not out of the blue.

So he waited and a month was already added to the pile. No issues, no breakdown, no reaching. In that time Yi had still given a few occasions for a hug though. It worked out rather well, not a single time did Yasuo refuse it. On the opposite each time he accepted and thanked him quietly, huge contrast to any other interaction they had through the day. Despite everything this yearning for contact would always remain a sensitive topic it would seem. Yi wasn’t mad about it or anything, more than glad to see his offers accepted.

These occasions weren’t so often because this was for Yasuo before anything and too many times may put him off. So Yi made these occasions count, most of them occuring in the evening. Once it was on his movie night, a Saturday when Yasuo had decided to stay home with him. Alright this one hug might have been a little different than the others because it last a good hour as Yi had given the silent offer while they watched the movie. Always the possibility not to seize it and yet Yasuo had come closer, ending up leaning against him and since they were watching something, he had remained right there till the end of the movie.

_It was nice_.

What else could he say ? He probably wasn’t as touch-starved as Yasuo but he still appreciated having a dear friend by his side. In the first year alone this would have helped him greatly. _Whatever._ This was over and he had overcome this sense of solitude. The good aspect of it was that now he completely understood Yasuo on that point, leaving family could hurt no matter the intentions of such departure.

In any case these occasions remained rare, Yi wasn’t trying to impose something. That wasn’t the point. Instead he paid attention closely to Yasuo’s behavior and mood every day, looking for a time to talk. If it was to never happen then so be it, he wouldn’t force that neither.

_If really he needs to, he will speak up_. There was no doubt about it.

Until that time Yi would wait patiently, doing his best to help his dear friend.

~

More time went and Yi was close to just drop the topic definitely. It seemed that there was no use in bringing it back since Yasuo looked more than fine. Not once he had an obvious sad moment or just asked to talk. Beyond that, everything showed he was quite happy this latest month.

Life had gotten a lot more stable and it helped him a lot. He still insisted a few times to pay for what he could from their bills but there was no issue in their arrangement so far. Yasuo worked a bit more, went out at night and all was well. Not a single sign of pain to be seen, may it be true and not an attempt at hiding again. _I hope_. It would be a little heartbreaking if Yasuo had resolved himself not to share anything about it.

Yi wouldn’t ask anyway, it never was the right time. Maybe for the best. The most likely was that nothing new happened and Yasuo either avoided contact with his family or they hadn’t made any attempt since the call. No need to bring that up at all.

What he noticed on the other hand was another slow change in Yasuo’s behavior. It was very light but after some time Yi started to pick that up. The latter was getting a little distant but not in a way so drastic. On the opposite, it was very nuanced.

First, Yasuo didn’t linger as much in their more than rare occasions for a hug. Just acceptance then he moved on his life, it would almost pass as being polite. But in itself it wasn’t what caught Yi’s attention on the long run.

Yasuo slept outside a lot more, sometimes a few nights in a row. He always sent a message when he did, to be sure Yi wouldn’t stay awake by concern but the habit was on. That was all, just less contact and more nights out.

If Yi wasn’t too worried about that, it was because daily life wasn’t changedmuch. His friend was still as loud as ever, having his up and down during the weeks, happy moments after getting back fromwork. Yasuo was always himself. And yet he grew distant somehow, even though almost nothing had changed. From the moment he had noticed, Yi didn’t try for a hug as much. Just once, to check and again it was accepted quickly. Part of him was a little sad to see this interaction he had thought to be special become nothing more than a triviality. It was barely a step from turning to fear, he had never wanted to force Yasuo into anything but if that was a chore for him then it had no purpose. So he stopped, unless the latter was clearly initiating it. Which didn’t happen so far.

This was probably not worth the fuss, people could change their mind or simply start to dislike something. No need to worry himself over this. A direct explanation would be that Yasuo got what he wanted elsewhere. It made sense. Potentially he had found a partner and there was no need for help anymore. Then why not mention it ?

Yi didn’t know how to react to this, except by reducing the times he initiated contact. He wouldn’t anymore since it was no longer needed. Out there Yasuo surely had someone for that. Each time he went out Yi wondered quietly, trying not to care for this new sadness.

As long as Yasuo was happy, it didn’t matter. Did it ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhh i made myself sad  
now this should move slowly but get more feels on the way


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
here, get some slow burn xD
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Changes were slow but results happened little by little. Why be surprised about it ? Yasuo knew very well what he was doing and he should have seen the consequences. No more hugs. Better not be shocked about it.

Time had gone indeed since he had made that decision, one that wasn’t supposed to have much effects. It was for the best. If he was to continue, no doubt his crush would have remained forever, even though it wouldn’t be called a crush anymore. He had to, so he had shifted his whole focus on other people or he risked to make Yi uncomfortable. A harsh decision for a better future, huh ?

Since he had arrived at his dear friend’s place, Yasuo had been aware of this crush and how it could be a little dangerous for himself. Yi wouldn’t kick him out of for that but surely it would put a strain on their friendship. He didn’t want that of course so after some time he just decided to go out more often and hook-up, every time he ever felt the need to.

Easy, wasn’t it ? Go outside if he came to yearn. Hopefully he would forget Yi because yes, that was the goal. Of course it wasn’t so drastic, he would always remain his friend but now Yasuo made sure it wouldn’t go beyond friendship. Of course he wouldn’t mind but what he wanted was different from what Yi could want. Did he even wanted something like a relationship ? Yasuo had always wanted to ask but it would bring the attention right on his curiosity and the first need to know. The best way to be found out.

Anyway, this was the plan and after a month he could say it was working, more or less. Yasuo did go out a bit more often than before but that was the price of his peace of mind and Yi’s ignorance. How it should be. And to be fully honest, he was having fun, to say he was making a big sacrifice would be a blatant lie. Just that this wouldn’t have been his to-go source of affection and contact had thing been different. Too many ‘ifs’, no sure facts, no need to dwell on that, Yasuo could just focus on what he had and it was better than nothing. At least this way he could still see Yi every day, no matter how short it could be depending on their respective work times.

A very sweet poison each day. No, that wasn’t fair for Yi. He wasn’t even aware of the struggle Yasuo was going through and he sure as hell wasn’t responsible for this. Feelings never were logical or someone’s fault anyway. Seeing Yi every day could be a little sad for his crush but it was also a sweet occasion, he was lucky to be that close to him already. Some never had the chance.

It was a complex situation because at the same time Yasuo tried not to think about him – too much – while failing a little, he hooked-up when it became a little urgent to have some comfort and most of all he was still very glad to see Yi when he could. Obviously it sounded a bit stupid and like an effort for nothing but he had to. Like he was really hoping to forget Yi but only in the perspective of a crush, not as a friend and God forbid cutting him off, he still wanted to be see him every day. That plan was dumb from the start.

It still had some consequences that he could just witness now. After more time spent outside and some difficult inner conflict each time the latter gave him a hug, Yi had simply stopped offering.

Completely fair, Yasuo couldn’t be surprised to see actions had consequences. It still hurt, for the wrong reasons. All he had done and kept doing was to ‘protect’ Yi in a certain way, to prevent him the discomfort of knowing his very platonic dear friend had a crush on him. A piece of information that could change everything and Yasuo knew that well, he couldn’t risk that, for both of them. Sometimes the right decision hurt and he had to live with it knowing he was right to do so.

The only thing he feared was that it upset or disappointed Yi. From the beginning these quiet hugs had been his decision, not once Yasuo had forced him into anything so it had been quite touching to be given that kind of affection. Be it chaste at max, he didn’t care about the kind because at least he was given a sort of affection willingly. It meant everything, especially too because Yi had been doing this after hearing he missed contact. Cf a specific topic Yasuo wasn’t ready to mention, how could he put it simply that he was clearly less clingy since he had seen Yi after their reunion, giving him a good old crush at the occasion. He just couldn’t, it would reveal everything and he would never be ready for that.

Now Yi had stopped or maybe he hadn’t found a proper occasion for another one. This was a sweet hypothesis but deeply Yasuo knew it was over, the latter had noticed he wasn’t seeking more or anything of the sort. Knowing Yi and his very careful approach of everything, the smallest hint was enough to make him stop. Was that truly the point ? To end the only special interaction he had with Yi ? At first it hadn’t been what Yasuo had in mind but it was part of the issue, he couldn’t pretend forgetting his crush while these hugs happened, his silent yearning had long made a connection between his vain feelings and the quiet times he got a hug. No need to deny it.

He could forget about it too, despite the pain. Go on his daily life, try not to stare at Yi too long to be normal, pretend he didn’t need contact anymore. That was some bullshit, Yi wouldn’t forget the time he admitted it and he wouldn’t think it was gone miraculously. He was smart, he would know something was up and soon he would worry because that was what Yi did, overthinking and caring even when he wasn’t supposed to. How could Yasuo lose his dumb crush when the latter was that watchful ? It seemed impossible.

For now he would stay low and pray silently for this crush to go away since it was close to ruin everything. Fast if possible or Yasuo would seriously think he had a far worse issue at hand than a mere crush. It would be hell if that was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, let's get yi right in the feels~


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooooooooooo  
sorry, that chapter gonne sting a little!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

Life was easy, wasn’t it ? At least Yi’s daily life. Wake up far too early, take care of Lily, have breakfast, take a shower, ask politely Lily to be more quiet, get ready for classes and go. The rest of the daywas as simple as its morning, always the same thing. Yes it could get a little boring sometimes but his cat was a good distraction, life wasn’t difficult since she was there. And now he had a dear friend too that he could maybe consider as a roommate.

Months and months had gone since Yasuo got here and not once it had been an issue in this happy flat. He could be a very considerate guest. Anyway it wasn’t like Yi would complain, he enjoyed company although he never tried to seek it.

It was nice because he didn’t like living alone. Lily was the most enjoyable person to have blessed this flat but sometimes a mere conversation with another friend was all he wanted. So he had it, for months and months.

Life was easy because it was so much like a routine. Yasuo was part of this daily life and every day Yi was glad to see him even when it was barely for one hour because their work hours were too different. That was life too, it couldn’t be perfect but one had to find a way to be happy with how it was. What Yi preferred in this new routine was Sunday, it had both the advantage not to work that day and to actually see his friend for more than a hour. At least he could relax and do whatever they wanted.

Life was good until Yi started to notice these light changes. This wasn’t new, he had first seen how Yasuo didn’t seem to want any of the rare hugs given. It was fine, anyone could change their mind and Yi wouldn’t hold it against him that Yasuo had said once that he was still rather touche-starved. Everyone had their reasons and he would respect it.

Next changes could be found in the time actually spent together. Week after week Yi wasn’t sure if Yasuo had spent more then two nights at the flat. Again, that was his choice. Then he wasn’t a lot at home anymore, more like he lived outside. That part hurt little by little.

It stung to see that time had gone and Yasuo too. Not that much at home anymore, although was Yi’s flat really his home ? It was more like his default place to rest, somewhere he would always be welcome because Yi despised the idea of this poor young man that had fled his childhood home alone in the streets. This way Yasuo had a guaranted roof. Was it still needed now ? Sometimes he thought about that and the fact that indeed Yasuo wasn’t meant to stay here. They both knew it, this was just a solution until he got on his feet. One day he would be definitely gone and Yi felt like it was almost the case already.

How could something already known and planed hurt that much ? It would be a lie to say he wasn’t going to miss Yasuo, it was the opposite. He was going to miss him so much, Yi feared he might not get over the change. Ridiculous because at the moment Yasuo wasn’t that present in the flat. Maybe that was what scared Yi, he already got a taste of what was coming.

He didn’t know much about the reasons but he had a brain and time to think about it. Yasuo had maybe found a place to at last settle down, maybe he was seeing someone and he would move in with them soon. Maybe, maybe. No way to be sure because he felt that asking would be intruding. Was it truly his business ? Again, he was just some critical solution in case Yasuo was homeless, nothing more. Oh yes, a friend too. No idea if that changed anything. Anyway, could he even pretend asking about the latter’s plans ?

A friend wasn’t supposed to feel bad now. It was great, surely Yasuo had found his marks in this new city and he didn’t need help anymore. Awesome. That part only made Yi more sad, feeling guilty for not being so happy about it. Nothing was said yet, it had to be officialized soon. If he was right. But something had to be up or Yasuo wouldn’t be behaving like that. So Yi felt worse by the day. Was he holding him back ? Had he failed to help like a good friend should ? Was there anything wrong that he had missed ? Months before Yasuo had at last confessed a lot of his struggles but then not a single word was raised about it. Was it Yi’s fault ? Did the latter regret even telling him ?

Probably all this didn’t make sense and there was a far more logical reason for Yasuo’s behavior than blaming himself. Yi couldn’t bring himself to ask, possibly Yasuo wasn’t even aware of the changes he was doing. Asking would bring all the attention to this and Yi didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer. A bit of a coward indeed. Their life had been good until he noticed the slow changes, why did he had to overanalyse the smallest thing ?

So he stayed quiet about it and relished the time they did share here. It wasn’t often but it still made it up for his depressing thoughts. Sadly Yi came to think about it even during the day when he saw Yasuo on whatever task he had at hands. Far too aware of the details. Had he done something wrong ? Or on the opposite was everything alright ? He saw Yasuo almost like a ghost in his own flat, someone that would leave soon.

Probably he had gotten used to having Yasuo nearby, that was his own fault. His home wasn’t silent anymore, for a time. Soon it would come back to its initial setting. Yi remembered the time that couch was still his and he felt bad to just imagine the future course of events.

His heart ached. Was friendship supposed to hurt that much ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, tonight one tear was shed xD  
sorry but it's not a slow burn for nothing, it involves a great deal of feels and...overthinking


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
again, i'm back!! let's get this moving!!
> 
> thank you for being so patient <3

Summer time.

Another sign that indeed time never stopped, life always went on no matter what. For Yasuo, it was also a reminder that he was still here, at Yi’s place and that little had changed since his arrival. Same crush, same issues and same yearning. That was his real problem, the crush remained and after months looking for a solution, he was starting to lose hope.

_Please…_

It could be love. It probably was but he wasn’t really up to admit it openly. A crush at least offered an excuse to keep hoping and hide behind that excuse. Now that he thought about it again and again, Yasuo could reluctantly agree it wasn’t infatuation. Yes he had a violent wave of affection and the typical fluster similar to love at first sight but he had known Yi for longer than that and these feelings weren’t so different from what he thought of him back in the days. Sitting on the couch while he considered his life and choices, he had to face reality. He cared about Yi more than he thought.

The real struggle didn’t just lie in acknowledging his feelings, it was also learning to deal with it. What could he ask ? What could he do with it ? Like every sane person, he would follow it and confess to Yi except this was a terrible idea. The latter had never given the smallest sign of interest for anyone. No doubt for him his life was perfect as it was, he had a cat, a flat and a job. No one else. Indeed some people could find happiness while having no one as partner, Yasuo knew that and he thought it was the case for Yi. In any case, he didn’t even know if he was gay too. Asking would be a disaster, nothing better to out his feelings and be rejected right on.

Yes Yasuo was a bit of a coward for that exact point but he preferred to stay on that quiet friendship they had than to break it over unwelcome feelings. Yi was kind but probably not to that point. What if he even accepted just by friendship, to make Yasuo happy ? This thought made him a little sick, it wasn’t right for Yi. He deserved more.

But would friend be enough ?

It was always important to think about the effect of decisions over Yi since they shared daily life. And it was equally important for Yasuo to consider his own well-being. Staying idle in this place he liked, by the side of the man he loved was nice but had a few risks. Obviously he wasn’t loved in return. Anyone deserved to be a little happy, to fill in that lack of affection Yasuo hooked up a lot. This was his solution to bear the otherwise tricky situation he was in. Seeing Yi every day was both a poison and a treat, very sweet but always reminding him of what he could have. Hell, sometimes he was jealous of Lily for being so loved by Yi. Being jealous of a pet really was the lowest point reached, Yasuo wasn’t really proud of himself and yet he craved more attention.

If only he hadn’t screwed up.

Well, at the same time he had it coming. For being so cautious around Yi and keeping rather low ‘contact’, he had successfully driven him away. What a success indeed. This wasn’t what Yasuo wanted, all he asked was for this love to tone down until he could pretend it wasn’t there. The down side was that by reducing the small time he spent at the flat, it had only made Yi less present. They didn’t even meet that much on Sundays. Only a short time before Yasuo got quickly overwhelmed by these affectionate urges and got out. Better take this out on someone willing.

Yi wasn’t really behaving differently but it was nuanced. Yasuo could tell that his actions had consequences, however faint it was. Plus the latter was a lot better at hiding what he thought and felt, it could be anything just to see a small clue.

They met for dinner time when they could. That wasn’t so often because Yasuo had more troubles keeping everything down after realizing his deep feelings. Staying near Yi for too long risked to be bad for himself, better not try. So he went out almost every night and spent as much time outside as he could. At least that would distract him for a time.

Who knows ? Maybe after a few more months this love would fade away. It had to or he was really fucked. His search for a place to sleep was going nowhere, he would always have a place here but did Yi really want to have him around for so long ?

Now indeed it was summer time, the schedule was a little different. Even though the school year was over, now it was time for summer classes. Yi worked on these, it was little change to what he usually did but as he had said, he had already done this before. Somewhen he would be given time off and possibly he could go on a small vacation, his only rest of the year. All this had been shared from time to time, in their rare conversations. It had to be over meaningless topics for Yasuo was shit at pretending he was doing alright.

There was also this suggestion of a shared vacation. Yi did bring that up out of the blue, offering to spend the time he got for whatever Yasuo would like to do. Maybe camping. This was one of the few things that still made him hopeful for the future, Yi wasn’t cold around him, just a little more quiet. He remained the same caring guy. This possible vacation would be another issue for Yasuo’s deep longing but the positive side might be a lot more important. Maybe it would even solve a little this growing tension at home.

All this remained quite complex, Yasuo had to behave a certain way to prevent any harm but on the other hand it meant pushing Yi away slightly. Since it was in the mood and absences, at least he said nothing of it, always acting friendly and happy the few times they saw each other. Every single time Yasuo reconsidered this choice, heart aching of love. But it was for the best, he had to stay away a little.

Better chose the distance between them than being forcefully kicked out of Yi’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, next chapter gonna be a little special
> 
> :3c


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO  
enjoy~
> 
> thanks for reading!!

Saturday night, movie time. That wasn’t new, Yi preferred to stay home unless there was a movie worth going to the theater to watch it. So movie night it was, by himself.

Except this time Yasuo came back. Such a surprise considering the latest weeks but Yi wasn’t shocked, glad to have him home so early. Yasuo wasn’t exactly drunk but indeed a little tipsy, noisily joining him on the couch while he relaxed.

It was fine, they had time and for once he would be spending the night here without sleeping outside. That thought warmed Yi’s heart more than he could admit.

_He’s here…_

The evening felt like a far dream, a bit blurry. Background noise from the movie, Lily being gone God knew where – probably for another nap away as Yasuo had scared her off. Ah yes, Yasuo, so close to him. Alcohol making him quite clumsy and sweet, he ended up leaning against Yi without much care. Yi didn’t mind, for once they had some sort of contact.

Then it slowly changed. Hands moved over him, first in seeminly innocent incidents and then it couldn’t be a honest mistake anymore. This was on purpose. Again, Yi didn’t mind, he was comfy right there on the couch and the latter was far from bothering. Maybe yes it was a bit hot in here because of summer time and this would only warm him but no, he let him do.

Until Yasuo rose from his lazy spot and claimed his lips. Just that, hunger running low in that kiss while Yi accepted it. Was it so strange ? He felt like his thoughts were so slow, a bit fuzzy and yet everything bloomed after that kiss. Not even the time to properly return it, Yasuo pushed him to lie back on the couch, following closely.

_Ah… _

What a nice look indeed. Yi didn’t know much how to react, it was just good to stay there and see Yasuo’s gaze all over him. _Hot… _Nothing else could describe it better, desire burning there. Such passion from a good eyeful really was stunning for Yi.

« Yasuo… ? » Was that him or nothing else mattered for real ? Yasuo was looking right at him and nothing in this world could compete with that.

« Damn you’re so sexy… » It was him, it was his very voice and it sounded so good.

Not even the time to reply something, Yasuo was kissing him again, bending to press him further down on the couch. Yi matched such enthusiasm, holding him back so he wouldn’t go away. From there it only spiraled further, grabbing and hugging until they parted to breathe and then go again in that sweet cycle of joy.

Next thing Yi realized was the lack of clothes, probably stripped bare during their happy embraces. Such lack of care about this fact, Yi just wanted this to continue. Till what ? _I don’t know… _He wanted Yasuo to continue, whatever he might give and take. Hands roamed freely over him, over his chest and front, to then change focus and go lower, stroking more sensitive areas. Arousal was revealed only now and yet it made sense. Yi arched into contact when he was touched, a bit too weak to these gentle words whispered to his ear. It was so nice to feel such care from someone dear.

« Beautiful… »

He wanted to believe it, to trust these words for it rolled perfectly over Yasuo’s tongue after he marked up his neck. Yi was becoming noisy in response, no way to stop that and anyway, did it matter ? He was enjoying himself too much to hold anything back, gently rocked until they surrendered to need.

The haze wouldn’t go away though, everything so hot and yet heavy like moving underwater. Kisses stopped too, for a time. Before he knew it, he was coaxed to roll over and to lie back on his front. Without trying to think anymore he followed the quiet demand and in no time Yi felt him inside. Breathless.

« Y-Yasuo…Mgh... » How could something feel that good ? It overwhelmed him by continuous waves, strong pace that he tried to meet.

« Yes, perfect… You’re doing so well… »

Yasuo sounded so pleased with him, almost some praise that made his heart flutter a little. Then he would forget a little after a deep thrust, clutching at the couch in need for support. Even as he couldn’t see much Yasuo, he heard him and felt him behind, embracing him dearly as he went on the hard pace. Not once he stopped that small worship he seemed to enjoy so much. Many many pecks were left over Yi’s shoulders, nape and neck, as many offerings for him to gladly accept while he slowly lost it.

_I’d rather…see him…_

Just to see. Was it so selfish ? His name sounded so good the way Yasuo whispered it, was he allowed to return everything later ?

Soon it would end, pleasure building up. It was unfair to be that close already but Yi was so happy, held and loved. He met the thrusts, tightening a little, lulled by the heated things said to his hear. May it last forever.

« Yas— »

Waking.

Everything stopped, eyes open.

_Oh_.

Yi stared at the wall, thoughts racing. Did that really happen ? He was still a little short on breath, lying over his front and most of all terribly aroused.

This really was happening.

_Oh fuck. No. _

He did his best to piece everything together but a few things were already fading away, lost memories that weren’t even real. Because that was the issue. This was a dream. Nothing could save him from that, desperately trying to ignore his own need and the terrible things he ‘remembered’. It wasn’t real. It was in his head – or so to say, in his dream. And yet it left him shaking in bed, at the brink of touching himself. _No no no…_

Yi couldn’t even forget what he had said. Even as everything was a dream, it felt like he had spoken already, words ready to slip without any issue.

A name.

_Yasuo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't wait to write more about it~


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY, I NEED TO UPDATE THIS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_No, it can’t be._

In no way in this world this could have happened. This had to be a joke or some hallucinations, terribly intrusive thoughts or whatever might save Yi from this future headache. Although it stayed, persistent images that ran all over again in his mind. Not just images, also sounds and words himself had said in a time he couldn’t even justify. This was hell.

_Why… ?_

Yi hated it, he had barely woken up and he was left there in extreme confusion against his own dream, trembling of need. Difficult to relax, so to say. On reflex he had tensed and now he couldn’t even bring himself to move, this would force him to acknowledge how aroused he was in that instant. Because of a dream.

_Why me ? Why…him ?_

Why Yasuo among anyone else ? This was too far from anything they had, Yi couldn’t even imagine what would lead him into a damned wet dream with a dear friend. A bit of disgust for himself, to even dare imagine Yasuo in such setting. And then shame struck. Because he remembered all he had felt during this and it wasn’t so foreign. It was still him and he could just realize how much he had enjoyed that in that blessed time of ignorance. Anyway his body wouldn’t let him forget, urging him to find the smallest stimulation. Sooner or later Yi would have to deal with that. _Fuck…_

At last he moved and again it made him react to be that hard from a dream, only by cheer will did he stop himself from reaching lower. _Not yet… _

Fumbling around, he looked for his phone. Obviously the sun was already up but it wasn’t helpful in summer. Ah, 9:52. Not so late. Anyway this wouldn’t change anything to his life. Small thought, he was certainly glad that it was Sunday morning and not any other day of the week. Second thing, Yasuo wasn’t home, he was outside. _Well, the opposite would be surprising_. Small hint of bitterness at that thought but for this time it had literally saved Yi a very awkward moment. What if he talked in his sleep or made any kind of suspicious noise ? This would have been so much worse for him and now there were no worries. No risk to see Yasuo for at least a few hours, if not until end of the afternoon.

Why was he thinking about that ? It was so stupid, probably he needed some distraction from the huge issue at hand. And his boner. Reluctantly Yi got up and went to the bathroom. No way for him to do it in his bedroom, he had to clean up anyway. With a lot of shame and confused thoughts he went to the shower, trying not to think about anything but failing anyway. Why was life so unfair with him ?

Standing naked in the shower, it hit him again. Not often that he got so bothered like, he shyly wondered why it had to happen now and in such scandalous manner. Answers wouldn’t help, he was scared of what he might find there. Yi closed his eyes, face red for such train of thoughts and so he went for it, stroking himself in small moves. It didn’t miss, as quick he bucked into his grasp for he was getting desperate for a good release.

For a time it was without issue. Nothing difficult, just take what he yearned despite the clear fact that he shouldn’t have been aroused in the first place. Accidents happened, Yi knew that but it didn’t ease the burn of finding himself all turned after dreaming about Yasuo. _Please, no…_ He didn’t need to remember and yet it was engraved in his memory.

It could have gone smoothly but like many times, his mind wandered again in these far too fresh ‘memories’. It was maddening for Yi to still remember something that wasn’t real, from the sweet words to the delightful stretch for being fucked deeply. He missed that, even now. _Maybe I’m just horny…_ He had no idea he could be but otherwise what excuse did he had ? Nothing. More than two years since his last time, it could be understandable but Yi rarely even needed. This was such a mystery, for later. Not now.

Second by second he got very helpless, unable to hold back any sounds of pleasure. Unfair indeed but at least it would be alright, there was no one home. Little by little he ended up leaning face to the tile, resting there as he worked himself to climax. Heated thoughts, whispers close to him, constant pressure to get him off and a dear embrace. It might have been a dream but he still remembered. _No…_ He didn’t need that, he had to forget. At least for Yasuo, if not for himself. And yet by the second he lost himself and lived these instants again.

« Mmmmh…ahh… » Too good. Memories only made him more desperate, fuel to his forbidden need.

_Yasuo…_

There it was, burning shame. It killed him softly but he couldn’t avoid that, it felt like the only way to get done with it. Touch, words, contact. Everything pushed him over the edge. Yi came suddenly, embracing that end with a lot of pain for later. Soft bliss, only for a few seconds and there came back reality, crushing him.

_What have I done…_

It did feel good but the price to pay was too heavy. Yi did his best to clear his thoughts for a time and got the water running, as to clean any evidencies of what he had done. If only.

The result was still the same, he had come thinking once more about Yasuo. This time was maybe worse because the first was merely a dream, this one was reluctant but done anyway. He shouldn’t have done that. Entertaining shameful thoughts about someone he had never considered in such vulgar way was a big no.

There came thetime for a existential shower. Still, recovering little by little, Yi stood under the spray, considering his life and what could have led him to such point. The blush never left, along the fluster following such waking. At the same time, it could be understandable because he saw Yasuo as a friend. A very good and close one but definitely a friend. Not someone he was lusting after.

Was it truly the case ? It scared him to know himself so little. Could dreams happen without any reason ? All his thoughts were just confusion, spinning around without aim. That was far too many things happening at once. First Yasuo distancing himself day after day and now he was having dreams about him. Was all of it linked ?

_What…is it… ?_

The dream wasn’t just some fling, a quick fuck on the couch. It had a setting, it had a perfectly usual reason to happen in their life and before anything else, it wasn’t cold. Often the first thing one remembered from dream besides a few exact instants was emotions. What it made him feel. And Yi could completely remember what he felt all that time. Joy, peace, care, affection. He had been happy to be right there and even right now he couldn’t help but yearn feeling so happy in one exact moment. The only issue was the circumstances. Did he just miss being with someone ? Did he actually want Yasuo in more than one way ?

A small suggestion and it shook all his beliefs.

_I don’t know…_ That was the problem, he couldn’t say no. Yi couldn’t say that is had nothing to do with Yasuo, while he couldn’t say the contrary either. His thoughts were a mess. He did love Yasuo, as a friend. He had for such a long time, Yasuo wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for their deep friendship. Had he been mistaken all this time ? Did he actually feel something more for his friend ?

_I… _

There was something. It had been there for such a long time and now he started to see what it really was. Just a peek, that was too much. Why now ?

Why did he have to discover all this when Yasuo was actually going away ?

Why be so cruel ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, i'm basically in "fuck this, i'm the rule" mode cuz i just want to get the story moving and dhjhsdkjhdjhdjg lot of stuff happening  
so be ready for maybe a few more updates of this one every two days, i need to ride that damn hype


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, a bit of Yasuo POV cuz this mess won't unfuck itself xD
> 
> thanks for reading~ enjoy the pining~

_Fuck this._

At the same time, the only person Yasuo could blame here was himself but it didn’t change anything to his actual mood, grumbling lowly at the bus station. He deserved it a little. Now he stood there, trying to appreciate the small shade he could find under the unfairly bright summer sun. Always there for good temperatures but staying under it doing nothing could get really tiring.

That was what he got for not planning his moves. It was summer, transports were reduced and he had had the perfectly good idea to hook up once more with a guy that lived on the other side of the city. What a great plan.

_Why… _

Funny how short it was to go to the dude’s home since he had a car but when Yasuo had to go back next day, it was a whole new story. Not exactly stranded but he was in an area he didn’t know, only his phone and feet as a way to go back home. It was so desperately far that there was barely one line of bus nearby.

Next bus in thirty-seven minutes. After noon. In the hottest time of the year. Someone up there must have hated him.

Small thought for Yi but he couldn’t have helped his poor case. No car and anyway, Yasuo didn’t want to bother him with his crap. So far he had been doing good enough not to rely on his friend much.

Speaking of, he was still a bit lost. It wasn’t working yet, feelings remained right where they were. Love. Going out wasn’t helping, not the way Yasuo thought it would. He hooked up, had his fun and every time he got back home it was like starting all over again. A mere glance at Yi and all was remembered. No escape. It was so serious that Yasuo actually tried not to spend much time at the falt, in the limits of the excuses he could find. He stayed a bit longer at the guys’ place, he went out to the clubs a bit earlier, etc. Anything that could help him.

And yet it felt like another fail. Even his heartbeat could agree, always going so slightly faster each time he went on this topic. What a betrayal. Yasuo also wondered how he hadn’t outted himself by then, stupid as he could be on occasions. Usually Yi was so quick to read his thoughts, at least for that it wasn’t so effective. Or possibly he already knew and pretended not to see, for both their sakes. Yes, that sounded like something Yi would do.

… _When will it stop ?_

For real, it would be better for himself and for Yi if these feelings just left. It wasn’t useful and it brought some awkward moment Yasuo hated even now. Every time it felt close to being discovered and now he was doubting it would even leave one day. It felt too powerful.

Another sigh added to the pile on this topic, he wasn’t out of the woods yet. Would he even get some peace once ? All he had were his thoughts and a lot of time ahead to get back home.

This was going to be long.

~

More than one hour to go back. Yasuo was close to just stop caring. At least now he was in the tram and it had AC, otherwise he would have been agonizing under this terrible summer heat outside. So yes he was a bit lucky, in certain limits. Soon he would be home.

_Yi…_

His dear friend hadn’t left his thoughts. After all, that was all he had to avoid so his mind focused on him anyway. Dumb, like always. It always left Yasuo a bit bittersweet now, between the same joy to see Yi and the constant reminder that he was slowly putting a a gap between them. Consequences, again. What Yasuo wanted was out of reach and by accident he only seemed to push away what he could save. Sometimes he could see Yi at home but it reminded him both what he couldn’t have and what he was actually doing to them. And yet his heart fluttered every time Yi looked at him, smiling before he returned to whatever activity he was doing.

How unfair. Yasuo never knew what he was thinking all this time. Yi was always the same, always the same happy grin when he saw him around. Was is to genuine ? Yasuo wasn’t sure anymore because for once he was aware the latter had changed his approach around him. He had stopped offering the hugs, for example. So Yi was always paying attention to the smallest detail despite seeming perfectly normal and peaceful in every interaction. It stung a little to see him so and at the same time it soothed Yasuo, some things wouldn’t change.

Except if he crossed the limit. This wouldn’t happen.

The return back home had this same bittersweet taste, Yasuo couldn’t wait to see him again for the few minutes he could actually bear, then he would go back quickly to his ‘privacy’. Seeing Yi reminded him so much of what he couldn’t have but also was a treat in itself, he enjoyed it as much as he could while reminding himself he’d better forget about this love.

Familiar steps by now, far too known walk to the small building. Not even half a year and it felt like home. _It shouldn’t._ But he had to admit this was his home no matter what, there he had found more than just a roof.

On this rather tender thought Yasuo unlocked the door, glad to be there after such a difficult return. _At last… _

Habits never were forgotten. He got inside, half expecting Lily to rush in hope of exploring the corridor. Not this time, it would seem. _Maybe she’s napping_.

« Hello, I’m hoooooome… » Small call in the flat, that was enough warning for Yi.

Glad no matter what, Yasuo was looking forward to seeing him. The small dose of the day, then he would berate himself for doing not enough in forgetting this crush turned love. He accepted it, being with his friend was still enjoyable while he could pretend he didn’t feel for him.

_Where is he ?_ There was no reply so he started looking after him after taking his shoes off.

_Nevermind._ He found Yi in the bathroom, door opened as he was busy shaving. Bare chest. Of course, since he was shaving. In any case Yasuo stopped in his tracks, softly shocked to see him like this.

It happened, of course, but even considering this Yasuo could count on one hand the number of times he had seen the latter without top or anything.

_Aye aye. Beautiful tattoos…_ No it wasn’t just because he could see the man he loved half naked that Yasuo was struck silent, it was also because of the tattoos that had caught his eyes since the first time. A sham Yi didn’t show it often, these were pretty damn cool.

_Wait. Say something !_

No way this pause hadn’t been noticed. Indeed Yi was now looking at him curiously, surely he had said something but Yasuo was far too in deep to remember what.

« H-Hey ! Just got back, sorry. I was pretty far from the area. » How could he manage to sound so out of place and stupid in a few words ? Yasuo made a good effort at seeming casual but it was difficult when he had a direct view on Yi’s tattoos.

« …I hope you didn’t suffer too much out there, it’s quite hot today. How are you doing ? »

_Ehhhhh, you’re the hot one here_. Thoughts that would never be said aloud. Already Yasuo could tell he was going to fuck up and either say something idiotic or betray himself. So fluster it would be, along a light blush. He deserved as much.

« Yasuo ? »

« Ah errrr yeah, don’t worry ! I’m fine ! » No way to escape Yi’s peculiar gaze after he had cleaned his face, always too mysterious to be read. _Shit…_ « Sorry, it’s just…I didn’t know you had tattoos. These look fucking cool, I swear. »

« Oh. Well, yes, I got them done during college. You know, once I was far from my parents. It was nice to at last be like I wanted. »

It made a lot of sense for Yasuo knew Yi’s life was a bit different from his. Not the same world. He remembered quite well months ago when he had first seen Yi after so many years, all so different from this discreet student and yet still the same. It was a bit heartwarming to hear that at last he could do what he wanted for himself, no longer fearing any consquences from his parents. Yasuo approved, not just because it did make Yi a lot more handsome. This suited him very well.

« It looks good on you. » Said before thinking.

As quick Yasuo wanted to take it back, it sounded far too interested to be a friendly opinion on one’s looks. If it was really needed to make him regret, Yi left a bit of surprise to show before everything was concealed again.

« Thank you. »

A few words and suddenly Yasuo was back on his bullshit, heart beating fast. I have to go… As soon as possible or he would be found out. What a crappy life to have to cut this wonderful moment but at least he had a good eyeful of his love.

« I-I’ll move, not bothering you any longer. See ya. »

With that far too shaky statement, Yasuo left. As simply as that. He got to the living room and closed the door behind him, unable to even give a last glance behind.

_Fuck……Why me…. ?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c  
they still have such a long way to go  
sorry, the burn will get worse


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello  
ahhhhhhhh i'm so tired, head hurts
> 
> thanks for reading!!

This day was a mess.

Yi couldn’t find anything more fitting to describe it. Between the special waking after a dream and the headaches of the afternoon, he was a bit lost. His only comfort was in not being found out, yet. If there was one thing he was good at, it was hiding whatever troubles he was is – which was rare but could happen.

Like when Yasuo came back home.

It had to happen sooner or later since he still lived here but Yi couldn’t know at what time he was come back every time. Each day he seemed to spend less time at the flat. Yi tried not to linger on that topic, it was quite painful.

So Yasuo had come back home and followed another disastrous moment. In that mess of questions, Yi didn’t expect to be actually checked out while he was finishing to shave. Or was it truly the case ? Did he imagine things ? In any case Yasuo had been a bit silent and then asked about his tattoos.

All this to say that Yi was still a bit shaken by the compliment and hours later it wasn’t letting him at peace. As if he needed more issues in his very confused day.

It ‘looked good on him’. That was it. Nothing special, nothing incorrect. And yet it had bothered him in more than one way since. So much that quickly after the encounter Yi had just left for his room and not moved until it was time to make dinner. It was that desperate. What was he supposed to guess from this ? Nothing ? It was just a compliment but it came from his dear friend that he had just seen in a particularly sexy wet dream. No big deal.

Wrong. All the rest of the afternoon Yi had tried to make some sense out of it, supposing it had some. Probably not. But he couldn’t let it pass, not when he was in such confusion for all he was feeling ever since he woke up. There was something the compliment only made it ‘worse’. He felt so many things.

Was it normal to feel like a teenager ? Back in the days he never had that time of stupid questioning, he just wasn’t interested in anyone and no one was interested in him. So why freak out ? Some may say he was too old for this already.

Was Yasuo responsible for all this ?

Of course no. That was Yi’s issue, no his. Plus he would never blame him for bringing such confusion, especially when it was most likely because of Yi’s feelings.

Maybe another day the compliment would have been gladly accepted and forgotten, since it was between friends. Now Yi wasn’t really able to make sense out of everything. He had a wet dream, he had enjoyed something intimate that involved Yasuo, he had felt so happy in that moment. And now it didn’t feel like some triviality, another dream that happened in his life. It opened a door to many many things and exploring it was scary.

What would he find there ?

Most likely, either a crush or lust for his dear friend. The second option sounded crass, he didn’t want that although the result was the same, he had come thinking about Yasuo. So there was a sexual part.

The first option wasn’t so good either. Usually people had a crush and that was new. Not for Yi, he didn’t feel ‘new’ things for Yasuo, it had been there for such a long time. Either he had a low crush on him for all of this time or he had a far more urgent issue. He didn’t know which possibility he preferred.

For now he needed time to figure this out and mostly to compose himself enough not to betray himself. This might become a disaster if it was to happen. Hopefully it would get better.

It had to.

~

Days later, Yi wasn’t calmer about it. If it was possible, it was going worse on his side.

Like usual, Yasuo wasn’t very present in the flat, his days here seemed counted. As he wished. This was his decision and Yi respected it. On the other hand, with his own issues, it only exacerbated the rest.

Yi couldn’t forget. He remembered again and again the dream, sometimes even to the point of getting aroused again. He shouldn’t, there was such an effort to ignore this topic. Most days he didn’t need any relief but now it was completely shaken. The bright side with Yasuo not being home much was that at least he could take care of that without any risk. Aside, shame killed him little by little. There was something wrong with him. Pictures of that dream, specific words and special emotions felt. None of it was gone.

Beyond the memories, there were also these feelings. Yi feared he might have fallen for his dear friend. It was just a possibility but so far nothing could prove it wasn’t the case. The few times he had seen Yasuo, his heartbeat had always gone a little faster. Almost a reflex. Not just that, in daily life the only thing that saved him was his usual facade but otherwise he might have already outted himself.

What was he doing ?

It wasn’t new, he had already been in love but none of it was that powerful. And he only saw Yasuo very rarely, why was he reacting like this ? Yi struggled so much to keep this down and to understand it. In the end, he felt like trusting his guts, this was love. It had been here for such a long time that he hadn’t identified it before. Was he so certain this was friendship ? All it took was one dream and what he believed was no more.

It gave a whole new point of view, along new urges. Now that it was mentioned, he did long to come closer. Why not before ? In a way, he had always wanted that but not with the same intent. What if when he had been offering hugs to help Yasuo he was also finding something in this ? Perhaps. He couldn’t tell. Now every time he saw Yasuo he both remembered the dream and yearned to be accepted the same way. Just to be close, to be held, to feel more until he could be happy. Then he remembered how life actually was and got hit by sadness.

This wasn’t possible. Yasuo was potentially already someone else’s. So distant already. The times they had dinner became rare. Soon he would be gone, it would be the same.

Yi couldn’t ask, Yi couldn’t come closer. Yi could just wait until Yasuo was really gone for good.

Meanwhile, love blossomed in solitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy, this sure is taking  
can't wait to write more!!


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!  
another update!! hype!!
> 
> thanks for reading <3

Not once Yasuo would have been ready for that kind of question before it was asked.

« Err what ? »

It wasn’t often these times that they got to see each other face to face, even dinners became rare because he would try not to risk anything. So it seemed that Yi had kept a serious question for that time while they were eating in mostly silence.

« I apologize, I should have phrased it better. Are you planning to move out soon ? »

No, he wasn’t mistaken. Really, Yasuo didn’t know how to take that question, very alert suddenly. _Ahh ?? What’s that supposed to mean ?_ As quick his instinct screamed that Yi was going to kick him out very soon. Better ask more before panicking though, that would be smart.

« No, why ? » Difficult to hide his confusion slowly pointing to light distress. « I-I should ? »

That was dumb but so far Yasuo had thought he was safe to stay. Even though he was looking regularly in the flats available nearby, he remained on the same thing Yi had said before that he was free to stay as long as needed. To say he was a bit shocked was an understatement, that question couldn’t be coming out of nowhere or curiosity.

Yi seemed to notice that start of panic because he tried to soothe a little the possible harm, genuine worry in his expression : « Ah no, not at all ! » He paused for a time, not even eating. « Sorry if this sounds out of the blue, I didn’t mean to cause you any stress. I simply wondered because you aren’t much at the flat anymore and I supposed you were planning to move in with your partner. Since you sleep outside so often. »

For once Yi didn’t seem so at ease with his words, fumbling a little. But that wasn’t was struck Yasuo first, it was what he was actually saying. _Whaaaaaaat… ? A partner ??_ Obviously either he or Yi were missing something because that didn’t make a lot of sense. _Wait, he thinks I’m in couple with someone ?_ Well, it could make sense since the latter didn’t know much. Had he ever mentioned hooking up ? Yasuo was a bit convinced he had told something at some point but maybe he imagined it. Anyway, it didn’t change the fact that Yi believed that.

The silence must have been remarked, Yi spoke again with a sort of faint haste to correct himself : « Maybe I’m wrong, it just seemed logical since I barely see you during the week. It’s fine though, you do your life. »

«  But I’m not. » Almost saying it like a question, Yasuo was so puzzled by this conversation. First panic and then that, he wasn’t ready at all. « I thought it was already clear that I hook up. »

« Oh. I see. »

Yasuo had no idea how he was supposed to take this answer. All this time Yi had believed he was seeing someone.

« It’s just that, I swear ! I have no interest in romantic relationships. » There, maybe it would be enough to cover his ass for now. Yasuo could still hope but why did he even need to justify everything ?

« It’s alright, it’s alright. Again, you are free to do whatever you want, as long as you respect the others’ boundaries. »

« I do, that’s why I tell you I’m not with someone. No risk of bringing someone home. » Saved, that might be a good excuse.

« I appreciate that, thank you. »

Soon it would turn a little awkward, if it wasn’t already. Yasuo could sense that, he was far too anxious about this whole topic because every time it reminded why at the beginning he started hooking up. Because he wanted to forget this powerful love. Better drown it quick before it could stay rooted forever.

Worry remained.

« Yi ? »

« Yes ? » After that possible end of the topic, Yi now seemed a bit less preoccupied, back to his plate.

« …You thought I was going to move out. Do you want me to ? »

It scared Yasuo a little, even though he was rather sure he wasn’t an issue yet. But what did he know ? The fact that Yi asked made him anxious about this situation. Why mention it to start with ?

« Of course no, my home will be yours for as long as you need and want. Always. »

« Thank you…But why did you ask then ? About me possibly moving out. »

Why couldn’t he just settle for that ? Most likely this was just some curiosity from Yi but it still hurt to hear that he actually noticed him not being so present at home. To bring him to ask, it must have been a little serious. Yasuo felt bad to inflicting that.

Yi didn’t reply as quick, looking away : « To know. I’m allowed to ask what’s going on under my roof. » Then another pause before he resumed : « …I don’t want to be the one holding you back here. You’re free and staying here isn’t supposed to be a punishment. »

_Ah ?_

That was surprising too. Yasuo didn’t know what to think of that. It sounded like genuine worry and yet he couldn’t grasp the reason of such feeling. _What kinda bullshit it that ?_ It didn’t sound right but given how Yi reacted, it seemed that he was really bothered about it.

« How ?? Like, no, you’re not holding me back or whatever. You’re the one letting me stay and helping me, which I’m thankful for. »

Sadness. Very light and yet Yasuo could see in over Yi’s face. For once he wasn’t even hiding it. _Oh no… _

« You’re not here anymore. I guess it’s normal, everyone got their schedule and life but yes, I still noticed that you avoid being home. This is why I asked, in case you would rather be elsewhere. »

Nothing could have saved him from that blow. Of course it wasn’t intentional but the result was the same, painful. That was the result of Yasuo’s actions and he could just witness it by Yi’s words.

He spoke before he could even think, shaking his head no : « Please, don’t think that ! Alright, maybe I got out a bit too often but I can spend a few nights here, like before. I don’t want to be elsewhere. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think, one more update and then alternate chapter :3


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
eheheheheh let's go
> 
> thanks for reading!!

So there were good news and bad news. Enough for Yi not to know how to feel after that one conversation. Time had gone since then but even after a few days he couldn’t get over it completely.

First he had learned that Yasuo wasn’t in couple, with anyone. That might count as some good news considering his increasingly confused feelings toward Yasuo but the friendly part in him wanted to avoid feeling like this, it was quite disgraceful to be so glad. As if he had a chance.

Because on the other side, Yi had also learned that his friend – for lack of a better term – wasn’t interested in romantic relationships. There went his hopes, shattered. How could he pretend not to know what he felt for Yasuo when he got so hurt upon hearing this ? Even now he wasn’t over it, silently mourning something that maybe could have happened if things were different. However, like always, with ifs the world would be too different and they would never know.

_He won’t want to… _

That was incredibly sad for him. By the day since the dream, Yi was slowly realizing the depth of these feelings and every single time he learned a bit more. Like the fact that he was really into Yasuo. Remember that time back in highschool when students would say he was the only one able to stand Yasuo’s presence – besides his own brother, so used to it. Or every single time since Yasuo’s arrival in his life he had found cute details. That was strictly friendly. Or maybe not in fact.

_I’m stupid. _

One of the changes after the conversation that could be seen in the following days was Yasuo’s presence. It seemed that he had understood how absent he was and now he spent more time in the flat, not as much as the first days when he didn’t work at all but a lot more than this desperate time not so long ago. Yi did notice that and it had as side effect to force him to face his feelings. Yasuo, so tired and yet very cheerful when he got back home after work, bringing them their dinner. Was it him or did he only realize how gorgeous he was ? Of course Yi wasn’t blind and he had been gay since way before Yasuo arrived here but it was a whole new thing to see him differently than as a friend. Since that day Yi hadn’t been able to find peace, in both good and bad meaning.

Not exactly easy for him because he saw Yasuo a lot more often now and it was as many occasions where he could fail and let a few things to be seen. Yi wasn’t proud of himself for their serious conversation because that time indeed a few things went through, despite his struggle to keep it for himself. He didn’t mean to react so genuinely and he feared he had both betrayed himself and bothered Yasuo. Probably he wasn’t suspicious about any kind of feelings but it was already too much to show some truth.

_I should hide it better._ Of course but it was easier said than done. What if he got caught ?

It would be hell. No way that Yasuo was interested in him the same way. That was the sad part of the topic, Yi wouldn’t be able to get exactly what he wanted. Yasuo wasn’t in couple, yes, great news but that was because he didn’t seek that and preferred to have one night stands. No relationships. Probably Yi was lucky to be his friend, at least he could see him every day – on the good ones – and yet it wasn’t enough that he had been made aware of this low longing. He wanted Yasuo all for himself, he wanted to hold him close and treat him right. This wasn’t going to happen as he only hooked up.

So now he was considering asking Yasuo, huh ? Wasn’t he busy first figuring out what he felt ? In any case Yi knew it was a mess and that however deep it might be, knowing Yasuo wasn’t dating was wounding. Not against him specifically but Yi wasn’t happy about it, this was a dead end.

Life was unfair. For once he was realizing true love, it had to be for the unreachable one. Yasuo who was always so close to him and yet so far, so kind with him. It was cruel to fall there.

Say it once. _I love him_. It didn’t sound false or hollow. It had to be true and yet it only made him feel empty, sad. Could he even ask Yasuo ? That sounded like a stupid idea since the answer was already known, the latter had insisted on that. No romantic relationship, only hook ups.

One idea came though.

_He’s only looking for sex. Could I… ?_

This was the real question. Yi was really ashamed of himself to think again about that one topic but maybe it was worth a shot. Yasuo had for habit to hook up, what if he suggested himself as potentially interested ?

_I can’t… _How could he even think about that ? In a way, it could possibly work if indeed Yasuo accepted but that was only if he did say yes. That wasn’t guarantied, everyone had standards and specific tastes, even for sex. Being gay wasn’t all it took.

All alone, he thought about it despite his reluctance. What if Yasuo said yes ? Then they would have sex and nothing more. Nothing romantic or affectionate. Was that was he truly wanted to try ? Yi knew it wasn’t enough but just to get intimate was such a step. Could he bring himself to ask ? _No… _Incorrect, vulgar. And yet it was completely fine that Yasuo wanted that kind of relationship, so why did it seem so unbearable to even suggest having sex ? Maybe he still needed time to come in term with his feelings first, then he would wonder quietly about what to do with his sex life. 

_I don’t think so… _

This was hell, why did he have to feel so much ? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S TIME  
so, now i'll start to write an alternate chapter on this exact moment but it will take time so i'll work on the xin/j3 on focus  
to make it clear, i have to post the alternate chapter all at once but i fear it will be like 10k so i can't make a small series of it and i better work on it slowly aside my stuff. the modern AU won't be update until the chapter is out


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joke on me, i can't leave this one non updated while i do the alternate chapter or it will take a month xD  
anyway, for the alternate chapter, you'll have to go back exactly to the previous point but it's not out yet
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_Welp_.

If there was one thing to remember in life, it was that it would never stop happening, even in the most surprising ways. Yasuo just experienced it that same day.

_Whaaaaaaaaat… ?_

Yi had suggested they moved in a new place. This was in the idea of Yasuo at last getting a real bedroom and some privacy. A mere offer that still shok him even after a few hours.

Trying to find sleep, Yasuo couldn’t so easily, thoughts running wild since that first suggestion. _To move in…_ Not going to lie, this worked for him. He’d sign up in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, he was incredibly anxious. This was Yi’s idea and of course it came out of kindness. Of course his friend would do his best to be nice but there was a difference between letting him couch surf for a few months and actually look for a bigger flat.

All this for Yasuo.

Being raised rather poor, it scared him to be given so much. It was far from done and barely an idea thrown randomly during dinner, nothing binding yet. Anyway Yi himself had told him there was no rush, he could think about it for a while. It wasn’t like next morning they would pack up their things and move in a whole new place, all of sudden. But the offer sure was a big surprise.

In that same conversation, Yasuo had already shared his worries about the project. In itself he would be glad to accept but this wasn’t a small thing. His previous fears about being useless and almost mooch Yi were fast to come back. After all, that was a little what he was used to, swim or sink. It could be the exact same, Yi wanting to be a good friend by offering him a more stable roof and him thinking he was really abusing of his kindness.

Yi’s points weren’t helpful in the meaning that he had already thought about it a little and he knew that he could afford to updgrade a little. His current flat was in a rather uninteresting area, quite far of many things like downtown but the tram line still helped. So he explained this was the same place he had stayed for years since it was cheap and he didn’t want his parents to pay too much since they were determined to pay his rent – that until Yi got the job he wanted and made clear he could support himself.

Many words to say he was perfectly able to move in a two bedrooms flat, not in the most pricey areas but something comfortable enough. Yasuo didn’t know if that was reassuring for him or not. If they even were to find a new place together then he wanted to do his part and pay for half, no matter if he had to work more for this.

…_He looks like he really want__s__ to_. And to be fair, Yasuo wanted too. If there weren’t any of his issues like lack of money, being far away from his family and his need to get back on his feet, he would have said yes right away. But again, he didn’t want to cause any issues for Yi.

Most important, he was scared of his own feelings.

The mere offer was enough to make him feel important despite the harsh reality. Really, sometimes Yi acted like the best of friends and it could give his heart the wrong idea about the reasons. _Don’t think about that, he’s just being nice_. To the point of inviting him to move in for an undefinite time, yes. A dear friend, that was all. No need to try and find some hypothetical reasons, it would just break his heart silently.

Yasuo tried to imagine it. In itself, it wouldn’t change a lot of things. They were already set in a good dynamic, their schedule didn’t always worked well but they could share dinner and sometimes movie night. If they were to move into another flat, first he would get his own room. What a luxury but at the same time it was true that he needed a place for himself. After the time spent here, he had kept a few more things bought there and there and soon enough he would need a place to store his clothes and pretend to be tidy. Sleeping on the couch was nice because he got a bed and a roof but again, his back would thank him. _Fuck, we’d need to buy a bed._

Always back to money and its struggles. It never ended.

Knowing Yi, he risked to once more help him get what he needed. Again Yasuo was rather torn on this topic, he didn’t want to be a burden once more. Sadly, he had no real savings, all he earned was used to pay Yi back for his kindness, for groceries and for his few drinks outside. The only solution would be to ask Yi but always the same torment. Yasuo sighed.

Secretly he was glad and so flustered to know his friend would do so much for him. No matter how well off his family was compared to Yasuo’s and so his means to live, Yi was really caring in other ways than open gestures. To be his friend was extremely cool and Yasuo wished to be able to pay back more and to treat him nice from time to time. Imagine being able to make small gifts to him, that would be awesome. So he had to earn more money and for that, to work more.

_This is almost hell_. Almost because he had Yi and no matter how bothering his feelings could be for interfering, Yasuo was glad to have him as dear friend. Unlikely but welcome.

Most important, he knew himself quite well and he was going to accept the suggestions because he had to work harder anyway. Probably this occasion would give him a good opportunity to do the right thing and help as much as he could. There was still time to think about it but Yasuo was rather certain this was going to happen one day or another.

_Imagine, a real bed…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, plot keeps moving~  
about the alternate chapter, i'm 8-9k in, two scenes written and imo i'm just at 10% of it written


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
damn, i really want to work that one to hell and back but there are other series xD
> 
> thanks for reading!!

_It’s fine._

A few days were the minimum required to think about such an important decision, Yi wasn’t expecting him to chose during that time. Furthermore, he had only wanted to put this idea n the table since it could be a good one.

Imagine this, sharing a flat. Technically they had been doing that for many months already but this wouldn’t be the same. First, Yasuo would have his own bedroom. That was the initial reason why Yi started looking in that possibility, if his friend was to stay here in indefinite terms then he might as well have a real bed. Not that the couch was horrible but it wasn’t the same thing.

The second reason was a bit less ‘honorable’. Yi wanted to keep him close. So far he enjoyed Yasuo’s company, to live with him was more than nice so it felt natural to find a place with a second bedroom. Deeply he knew that it wasn’t really good to be selfish like that and Yi feared he might be taking advantage of his unstable situation. And yet nothing forced Yasuo to say yes, this was a mere suggestion.

Would Yasuo say yes ? Good question.

So far he seemed quite on board with the idea although he shared with Yi a few concerns about what it could mean. Himself hadn’t really thought about that part but again, it was merely the early stage, nothing too serious yet. _He’s worried_. That was quite normal, Yasuo’s situation wasn’t the best and he had to start over in a new city without barely anything but his emotional baggage. Since then he had managed to get back a little to his feet but it wasn’t the optimum yet, he had found a small job and he paid what he could. Yi hadn’t seen that coming but he could have expected it. Yasuo was scared to be asking too much, while this had been almost forgotten for a few months, now it was back.

The fear to be a burden.

It was sad to see it could affect Yasuo to the point of even think about turning down the idea because he didn’t feel like he deserved as much. Since the very beginning he had been like that, either trying to go as soon as possible on his own or to find a job to pay Yi back. Always the need to repay everything as if he owed him. Yi had compassion and empathy for him, it was tough to be left all alone in a new city, he could perfectly understand that side however he couldn’t properly grasp such anxiety to be a burden. Sometimes he wondered if was only due to Yasuo’s poor upbringing or also to another issue. Memories of that harsh conversation came up, something that Yi couldn’t forget. _He left them to protect them_. Not once there was a moment when Yasuo was fully independent, able to support himself. Now this could be a reason why he wasn’t keen on letting Yi make yet another expense to help him. Guilt.

In all honesty Yi believed that there was no need to pay back, he was simply offering help to a very good friend. What he was offering to Yasuo was something he would ever give only to his closest friend. Perhaps his own feelings were a bit too involved in that decision but could he be blamed for helping someone he loved ? As long as it came with no strings attached, it was fine.

However if it helped Yasuo to let him work a bit more to pay for groceries and such, it wasn’t an issue. Anything to soothe his worries. Perhaps it was in their different upbringings that Yi couldn’t fully understand such vicious fear but he did all he could to share what he had with Yasuo, be it his flat and food.

All these questions aside, Yasuo had looked quite thrilled by the idea. That was good and Yi could hope in a few months they’d be able to find a place and move in together. Until Yasuo gave his answer he started looking curiously at the listings for two bedrooms in the city.

~

_He said yes !_

One good news for this month, Yi could sleep well now. In itself, it wasn’t a big surprise because Yasuo acutally declining the offer was the least likely thing in this world. But Yi wanted to give him time to think about it and so he had.

The answer was given during the only lunch they shared, on Sunday. It was almost sweet to see Yasuo trying not to seem too happy about that, like a kid thinking in advance about a future treat. Of course several times he had made clear that he would work more to contribute to any costs, like the a new bed and other furnitures. Because yes Yi hadn’t thought about that yet. They really needed to plan this seriously.

Before anything, they had to look for a place. Sunday was a good day because they spent the afternoon that followed in the living room, working on that new project. They chatted and made a list of furniture to buy, anything that Yasuo would need once he got a real bedroom. They also started to define what they wanted to find ideally : first, two bedrooms but if they couldn’t find that then there was no reason to move. Second, close to public transports or to Yi’s work place, downtown could be a good idea except depending of the area it could be pricy. Third, it had to be cat-friendly. No way to let Lily go. Yasuo joked about being a tiny family and it wouldn’t be the same without Lily. For Yi, this was also a really sweet moment and he had to keep his composure or he was in troubles.

Long sigh. _Sometimes it’s not fair_. Yasuo could be adorable on occasions and there was literally nothing Yi could do about it. At least if they managed to find a place and to move in together then he would have Yasuo always with him. A very dear thought.

It was funny to plan all this, his heart would almost believe they were something more while it was just two good friends planning to be official roommates. Sad but Yi couldn’t complain, he was as close to Yasuo as he could ever get.

May the market be merciful and allow them to find a good place to live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's go! (i can't wait to give the full burn soon)


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
mmmm~ pining~
> 
> thanks for reading!

It was done, they had found a flat and all the paperwork was complete.

Really, Yasuo couldn’t believe how fast they had found something but at the same time, his only experience was in looking at lsitings for either a room or a tiny flat. This wasn’t exactly the same budget. For that he could thank Yi because otherwise they would have been looking for a while. In itself they still took weeks chasing every possible offer and a few times visiting flats but it was quite fast.

A two-bedroom situated at the limit of the old town, in a student area. Indeed it wasn’t the most pricey place of the town but all good for them, this was in their price range and public transportation wasn’t so far. Last thing, pets were allowed so this was perfect. If that was a down side, the area was going to be a little noisy at night but that was what they signed up for and Yi insisted he didn’t mind.

So now it was signed and they were going to move in one month since they had to give that notice for Yi’s flat. No issue. It left them enough time to plan everything and to buy furniture for Yasuo since he would really need it.

The fun part would be to actually move in that new place. Lily was going to be so confused. Literally, Yi’s actual flat had been her only home and this was going to change a lot her habits for a time. Yasuo could understand her, it wasn’t fun to be unsure about everything going on. At least hers and his situations were stable.

Thanks to Yi.

It felt like he would never be able to thank him enough. Yasuo was so blessed to be his close friend, for all the support given while he was down. Yi always insisted that it wasn’t a problem but Yasuo would always feel like he owed him everything he had. Such a kind soul. After, he did admit that Yi didn’t have other friends he cared for in such ways, he was the only one. Of course, Yasuo’s feelings were quick to jump on that to suggest he held a special place in his heart but no, better not fall for that. Sometimes people did a lot in honor of friendship.

Speaking of these feelings, he wasn’t as lost as at the beginning. Not that Yasuo was growing used to it and its consequences but he learned to live with that. It was like death and taxes, no way to dodge it. Would it go away one day ? Maybe but not before a really long time and not until he stopped living with Yi, which wasn’t happening any time soon given that they were moving in together. So Yasuo was doomed to the sweetest torment to see his love every day and to be held so high in his grace. It was fine, or so he thought.

Since he wouldn’t get the affection he craved – which he wasn’t entitled to of course – from Yi then he did spend a few nights outside. These were rare because he tried not to be too absent at home and for a more secret reason he had yet to fully admit. It wasn’t helping. Yasuo did get sexual relief and enough contact to recharge his touch starved battery, but it wasn’t doing much for his situation. In the early days, he was going out to forget about that crush soon turned love and obviously he had failed. It was too powerful to be smothered wy distractions.

No use in trying too often. Now he simply hooked up when he felt like it, a bit too horny to behave properly around Yi. Which wasn’t every two days so it was fine.

Days went little by little, happy life just for the two of them. It was a challenge to seem perfectly casual but Yasuo had to or he risked to make their situation awkward. It would be a shame to cause anything now that they were about to move in together. No real incident, just lingering gazes and short contact from time to time, happy surprises.

Also, summer was here. It had been for some time already but it meant a change in Yi’s schedule. He worked for summer trainings which were a bit different but at least at some point he was given some time off.

The idea of going on vacation somewhere had been brought up but after some talk during dinner, it became clear that it wasn’t such a good idea when they were about to move in else where. Instead Yi insisted to have fun downtown a few times while they did some shopping for Yasuo. It was hell. High tourism period so a lot of folks visited and lived there. Nonetheless Yasuo had fun indeed and he cherished these times spent together no matter how dumb it could be to value it so much. Plus it wasn’t often Yi did go out since this wasn’t something he particularly enjoyed. So a very rare treat. A few times they also went to the movies, a really nice time. Peculiar for Yasuo because he loved these times but he had to suppress anything too fond. It wasn’t often he would be given that sort of occasion.

Last thing was going out at night. He had succeeded once to convince Yi to go out to have a few drinks. Possible because he wasn’t working during that period so no issue on that. That night would stay in his memories forever. Not often did he felt so happy right where he wanted, with who he wanted. A good combo. Of course he had been considerate of Yi’s request, once it was enough for his social dose of the day. A few drinks with him, pretending he wasn’t actively falling further for his dear friend. Yasuo had made sure not to drink too much or he risked to let a few things slip. Bad idea.

All was going well, as good as it could be although it wasn’t ideal. Soon they would have a new home and Yasuo was so happy about it.

His home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye, this is going a bit faster for a few updates and then it will go slow in the slow burn xD


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
oh boy, let's make this move to get to THE REAL THING
> 
> thanks for reading!!

The day arrived before they knew it. At the same time, they had both really waited for it and time still went faster than expected.

It was time to move in. A new start.

It couldn’t have taken more time, so many things to do and not to forget because if they did, getting it back would be difficult. Surely the one that got it worse was Lily, seeing the humans put everything into boxes, then to be put in a transport box. That never happened except to go to the vet so yes she was anxious. Yi was sad for her but it had to be done, in the end she would rather be with them in that new flat.

Overall it went quite well although carrying everything up to their flat had taken more time than first expected. Normal but just in case they had a small margin to be safe. The worst was for heavy stuff like the fridge or the couch.

By the end of the day, they were both exhausted despite the help they got from Yi’s colleagues. But it was done, they had a new home. Next day there was the visit for the previous flat then all would be good.

Now Yasuo had a real bed. It was quite endearing to see him go for it as soon as they were at the new flat, so glad to have a room just for him. Yi was glad to see him like that but he tried not to show too much, this wasn’t really friendly. All that mattered was to know his dear friend so happy. There were some good things in this world that made it worth it.

For Lily, it was a big change. They had waited to get her liter and food and cat tree ready and available before they freed her from her box and Yi even got a few treats because indeed it was quite scary for her to be taken to a new place. Yasuo had taken a small video of the moment they unleashed « the beast » and indeed it was quite sweet to see although she decided to sit in the bow for a while after that. This flat was too new but soon enough she would go visit and find her marks. It would take a few days if not more to see if indeed this place was to her taste.

Once evening had come, it was more than tired that they left for their respective bedrooms. Again it was so sweet to see Yasuo so cheerful about having a room on his own, like a kid on school trip discovering the hotel room.

Hopefully this place would soon become their home.

~

Days had gone and slowly they got used to the flat. There were a lot of things to do like redecorating the place to their taste or assemble whatever furniture Yasuo needed for his bedroom. It was fine, they could relax a little. At the same time, it was summer and so it got really hot where they lived. A good reason for Yasuo to let the shirt down for every single day. No issue at all except for Yi’s crumbling composure.

Life wasn’t fair but he was rather lucky. Except for the part about being in love with a man only interested in hook-ups. No way to have everything in life.

Aside these moments of either deep longing or secret lust, everything was fine. Yi mostly knew what he was doing or at least he knew how to pretend this was going fine. No, he wasn’t madly in love with his now roommate, not all. In itself, he could last very long with his composure and surely he was going to keep it forever. Just sometimes it got a bit close when Yasuo was particularly cute or hot, which was a good half of the time.

He had last so far, Yi wouldn’t fail so soon. They had barely moved in together. If these feelings were becoming an issue then he could only blame himself, all was on him. Would it stay forever ? Maybe. In any case he had to keep it down, at least for Yasuo’s comfort. To make him feel uneasy in his own home would be disastrous.

However Yasuo wasn’t helping. He simply behaved like his own damned self and that was enough for Yi to feel his heart reace. Also before and after they moved it he had made a good effort at making Yi go out a bit more often. Of course, Yasuo was so social, someone that needed and like company and so it seemed logical that he would try to have him go out too. This wasn’t so much Yi’s thing but it was a whole new thing to spend time outside with Yasuo. In that intent, he could very well endure some social time outside, it meant he could get some time with his beloved friend. Going to bars on rare evenings or going to the movies, it was rather fine especially because Yasuo didn’t try to get him to stay forever. When it became a bit too much for the day, they got back home. As simple as that.

If he was asked, Yi would say that he was enjoying himself which was quite rare when it involved going out at night. All really came back to Yasuo being the one to go with him, otherwise he would be a lot more peaceful at home with Lily. It was always so strange to pretend to be social like that, to be surrounded by so many people, so much noise. Not always in the bad term, it wasn’t the noise that bothered Yi but more the fact that usual when he had been going out, it was with friends and it wasn’t so peaceful. With Yasuo it was fine, he was the least exhausting person to be around, a paradox because most people found him a little bit too noisy.

These memories would stay forever. Just the two of them sitting at a table, enjoying their drinks while Yasuo chatted about any topic of day, possibly something that had happened at work or in the news. Yi liked to hear him talk, he had enough conversation for two. A bit of alcohol and everything felt a bit better.

It was also one of the good sides of their new flat, it was so close to the lively areas that they could very well walk back home without any issue. Also that become a reason for Yasuo to explain that he could drink a bit more since there was no risk to lose himself or anything adventurous. So a few times he got back home in the early hours a bit dead drunk, just enough to find his way back. Stupid and reckless but he seemed to know what he was doing.

Possibly the only down side was that sometimes Yasuo slept outside. It was normal, he was used to that and he had literally no reason to stop. Yi couldn’t even imagine mentioning this, it wasn’t his business. It did hurt but he shouldn’t feel this way about the man he loved sleeping outside. Instead he tried to focus on all the time spent together while summer last, soon he would have to go back to his classic schedule and their evenings out would become a bit scarce. No big deal, at least now he was living with Yasuo, they would always find a moment to see each other.

What a shame though, to feel so much about someone that didn’t seem to care in the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha, ik this was a lot of time gone but soon we'll get right into the action


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!   
let's keep this one running!
> 
> thanks for reading~

Life was so good, Yasuo couldn’t fully believe it yet. Alright, there were still a few things that could be even better but it was good enough. Now he had a home. Not just a couch that slowly became his after a while but a real home with a bedroom and furniture just for him.

The day he had left his family home felt so far away now and yet everything was barely starting. He tried not to think much about them, it always brought pain to do it and truthfully, he wasn’t ready to face that. At least not so soon. Barely one message to keep his brother updated and that was all. Of course they would want to know more about his situation but he did the minimum and said that he was safe, at last in a stable home.

Yi’s home.

It was both extremely exciting and really sweet to know he would always be welcome here. He mattered a lot for him and even though it was merely as good friends, Yasuo knew he could count on him too. It had worked so far, no reason to stop now.

What about his feelings ? These would need to stay quiet, it risked to make the situation a nightmare. What if Yi heard about it ? He might feel uncomfortable to live with someone that could hit on him, even though he had always said he would welcome Yasuo here. It was the harsh truth, he couldn’t know in advance how Yi would react. Telling him wouldn’t help at all, better keep it down forever.

As time went Yasuo noticed how he was losing hope about these feelings. He had accepted it as part of himself but it hurt to see he couldn’t move on from that. Sleeping outside hadn’t helped at all, he was still struck by love at the smallest thing Yi did or said. How stupid of him to even hope it would go away by hooking up. He didn’t need sex, he needed love and so far he had only found sexual relief which didn’t fill that endless well for affection. At best it could last a few hours, one single night and then gone. What was the point anymore ? He could very well jerk off all alone, at least this wouldn’t make him miserable to know he was lovesick.

No perfect solution, only yearning. But at least he had a permanent roof and food so his most basic needs were covered. It gave time to wonder about love and possibilities that didn’t exist.

What was the point ? It wouldn’t happen.

So Yasuo tried not to be sad in any way and threw himself into lively nights, as long as summer went. Yi accepted to go with him on rare occasions which was always appreciated to its true worth. If only they could be more than mere friends hanging out on a Saturday night. If only he were allowed to go closer, to keep him all for himself.

Sometimes it felt like the universe was really testing him. On few occasions Yasuo had witnessed himself the attention the latter could get, it wasn’t that often but it still made him react the same thinking about it later. To see people that could even dare thinking they had a chance with his most loved friends. There was nothing he could do about it and to his surprise, Yi seemed always as distant to this unwanted attention as ever, curtly sending away the rare attempts at chatting with him.

Yasuo wouldn’t have considered himself very jealous but this struck too deep to pretend the contrary. To his petty comfort he knew that Yi wasn’t interested, he had seen the way every time he dodged it and so Yasuo was glad. This wasn’t correct, he shouldn’t feel relieved to know Yi didn’t date nor seek relationships. As they lived together, Yasuo knew he was single and more than fine like this. Some people just wanted to be by themselves and peaceful. Meanwhile he stayed there, keeping his salty thoughts for himself every time they were interrupted while they chatted in a bar. Yasuo could talk, himself got some attention too and it wasn’t rare that he chatted and more with guys that caught his eyes. However, never during the nights he took Yi out. Never. It would be far too impolite to possibly leave him behind when he knew that Yi was solely out to go with him. Plus Yasuo would rather spend the whole evening chatting with him than maybe spending it with random dudes.

Although these nights weren’t common. Yi preferred to spend his free time at home and Yasuo respected that with all his heart. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t go out himself of course, he was very able to do it on his own. Furthermore, they were now living closer in the city so it was a lot more practical to go and come back afterward. Oh so many nights he had come back rather drunk, barely able to crash on his bed. Next morning would always be harsh but at least he was enjoying himself, thinking about an hypothetical time Yi would accept to come too.

In the end, it felt like fleeing forward. Maybe he was solving his issues for one single night but he didn’t want to hook up anymore, at least not for a while. It did nothing for his case and most of all, he was getting some social interaction anyway. Only when he got horny he would go but at the moment he was mostly longing for Yi.

When moving in meant being so close and yet so far.

What else could he do ? There was nothing left, nothing honest and correct. Yasuo wanted to be a good friend, to be close to him but he had already fucked the situation up so many times. Like that one time when they were literally used to hug on occasions. To put an end to that was so stupid, now Yasuo regretted it so much. At the same time and like always it felt like taking advantage of him, Yi was far too kind with him.

_The kindest…_

What was he going to do ? Drown his love in alcohol ? It wasn’t going to work but at least he could have some fun outside. As long as he had Yi by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly trying to get on my feet, i needed yi's POV  
from that point i hope i'll get to the plot xD


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha here i go with a sneaky update xD
> 
> thanks for reading!

_It’s late_.

As in, late for a Saturday night. Right now Yi was sitting on the couch, binging a series on one of his rare evenings now that it was summer. Yasuo was outside, like so many evenings because that was what he preferred to do, to go out and live his best life. Oh, in no way Yi was against that, on the opposite. It was nice to know the latter was having fun.

Except right now it was indeed rather late, soon 2 in the morning. What worried Yi a little was that he had received no message from Yasuo about sleeping outside. It had been long established that when he did hook-up and didn’t come back home, he would text Yi before that so he knew not to wait for him. They had very well seen the results when he didn’t do that.

_Obviously he forgot_.

It could be the case but there was no way to know until Yasuo came back, which wasn’t so certain given the time. Yi considered his options. Either Yasuo was indeed having a fun night outside and had simply forgotten to text him before that or he was on his way back, a lot later than usual. Now they lived in town, it wasn’t like there was up to one hour to go back home from the clubs. Depending on where Yasuo had gone, it could at max take thirty minutes to come back except if he had decided to go all the way on the other side of the town which was stupid because everything was already here.

_Hmm_.

Usually Yi didn’t message him during the evening and the night because who knew what he could be doing, he didn’t want to bother him. Plus there was the mere want not to think about the man he loved clearly being hit on or sleeping outside. Of course Yasuo was completely free to do what he wanted but so Yi was free to avoid thinking about that too. Always this ugly jealousy not to be good enough. This was also his own fault that he didn’t dare to offer sleeping with Yasuo, maybe they could have had some fun together. _No_.

Lingering on that topic always made him sigh and now he hadn’t been paying much attention to the episode. _Stop thinking about that_. It was useless, it made him bitter for nothing and it was much better to think about next time they could have a few drinks outside. Because yes, Yi didn’t like going out but suddenly, as soon as it involved Yasuo, it was fine for him and he was ready to accept. What a hypocrite. Or maybe it was just the person that mattered.

In any case, it was late and there was no sign of life from Yasuo.

So, was he going to call him ? _No, better not_. It would be awkward if he bothered Yasuo in the middle of something and Yi didn’t like making calls anyway. A text would be enough, he hoped.

**[Hey, do you come back home tonight ? Just to know if I wait for you or not.]**

**[I hope I don’t bother you, take care.]**

There, now maybe he would be get a quick reply and learn that everything was fine. That or Yasuo was going to arrive at the flat in the following minute, making a fool of him. Still better than discovering far too late that Yasuo would be sleeping outside.

Being lonely wasn’t fun, Yi paused the episode to look for Lily. He found her half awake on his bed.

« Sorry, were you napping ? » Gently he picked her up and not once she complained, starting to purr instead in this great paradox.

_Alright._

At least now he felt a little better. Careful like always he brought Lily to the living room, putting her on the pillow so she had a comfy spot during the series. If she agreed to stay indeed but so far she didn’t look displeased, surely just sleepy. Pillow on his lap, Yi could now go back to his series, petting her without any interruption.

Next notable event came around fifteen minutes later. A message. _Oh_.

**[ahhh sry!]**

**[im comign back, dw!]**

**[i legit fell alseep]**

_Awww, he must be drunk_. For Yasuo to fall asleep, indeed he must have been quite drunk which wasn’t so rare. Now Yi got a bit worried. _I should go find him_.

**[Where are you ? I’m coming to find you, it will be safer.]**

**[aww how cute…]**

**[at the gay bar nto far]**

**[ill wait for u]**

Well, it was something to be called cute for worrying but Yi would take it nonetheless. Since Yasuo got the message, he stopped his series to look the bar up on the internet. No idea where it was but it mustn’t have been too far. Indeed after a bit of research, he found the place on the map and so he could getting ready. Instantly Lily meowed like she was getting abandoned when he took her and the pillow she was sleeping on to be put aside.

« Sorry, I have to go look for Yasuo. I’ll be back soon. »

Good thing it was summer, he didn’t have to take a jacket or anything. Merely the time to put his docs, get his keys and phone then he was ready to go. As soon as he made it to the main door Lily jumped to follow him but sadly he had to go, as heartbreaking as it could be to see her.

« See you, keep our home safe please. » Picking her up, he gave her tiny head a peck before letting her go.

So he went, locking the door behind him.

What a strange time to be outside. It was Saturday night and there were still some noise because of it, folks going around having drank a bit too much. Summer had this effect, everyone felt a bit more free. Yi didn’t pay attention to anyone around, focusing on his mission.

Somewhere, Yasuo was waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one update wasn't planned but hey, i got more time today


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight, i wasn't in the right condition for the battle academia AU so here goes an early update of the Modern AU xD  
careful, it's once more Yi POV!
> 
> thanks for reading~

There it was, the gay bar. Not too difficult to find, there were only a few ones in this city and the other was quite far. Yasuo had to be there or really Yi was up for a difficult night. Fleetingly he thought about the fact they had never gone here together when they did go out. Indeed Yi very rarely accepted the request to go for drinks but since Yasuo liked jumping from one bar to another in a same evening, it felt a bit strange that not once they had gone here while they were both fine with that.

_He doesn’t know ?_

That could be a reason but Yi wasn’t so sure. Did he even mention that kind of thing to the latter ? Surely it was all a coincidence, nothing done on purpose but Yi wished they had gone here before, it would feel a bit more comfortable.

_Alright, where is he ?_

Good question. Yi got close to the bar, suddenly feeling that good old anxiety to be around so many people at once. It never changed and he wished he didn’t have to literally walk into a bar so late in the night. _Go, there is no problem._ The bar was still quite lively but he wasn’t so used to going out so he didn’t know if that was a time of activity. Surely there were a lot more people earlier.

The other good news of the night was that it took him barely less than a minute inside the bar to spot Yasuo, who was probably the one who spotted him first.

« Heyyyyyyyyyyyy… You came ! » Drunk, obviously, although he sounded quite happy as he clumsily held Yi.

_Awww… _Yi wasn’t expecting that short hug but he wouldn’t say no to that, far too glad to find the latter alright.

« Of course I did, I wouldn’t let you wander drunk like this. You’d just finish at the police station for the night. »

« But no, I’m fine… »

The hug didn’t last at all, soon Yasuo let go of him although he still leaned against Yi a little.

« Not passed out, that’s good. Now check if you still have your wallet and ID then we can go. »

« Yup, I didn’t lose anything. Alright let’s go… » Indeed he showed Yi his wallet and ID safely kept in there. Everything was there.

Yi hadn’t been paying much attention to everything going on around because it was a bit stressing but as they left, Yasuo called someone nearby.

« Hey Riv, leaving ! Thanks for earlier ! » Waving goodbye, Yasuo came back to Yi so they could leave.

« Yeah, yeah. Next time I won’t babysit you, you’re warned. »

The person in question was a woman, obviously one of the bartender. White hair and strong look, she quickly dismissed Yasuo to focus on her tasks. Annoyed only in words, otherwise she just looked a bit tired by the end of the night but efficient on her job. This was the last thing Yi saw before they left, a bit glad to step away from the bar as it was too much noise at once.

Noises of the late night echoed, this special atmosphere when no one was supposed to be here. They saw some folks possibly going back home, in loud groups or quick lonely walk. In his case, it didn’t take long before Yasuo returned to hold him, maybe for support as he seemed to have drank a lot.

« Babysitting ? » He was curious, possibly they were friend and Yi wanted to know more, at least to fill in that time until home.

« Huh ? »

Not his sharpest time of the day indeed. It didn’t bother Yi, on the opposite he found that kind of cute. Not that he preferred Yasuo when he was drunk but there was something so open about him, so cheerful and nice. As if otherwise he kept a lot to himself. Surely. It was sad but this was how it was, Yi couldn’t force him to share. He would still relish these pure moments when Yasuo got a bit more clingy. Yes, that was one of the other reasons. Even after a few shots, the latter always looked for contact – something Yi would never complain about.

« She said she was babysitting you. Is she your friend ? »

« Oh, Riven… Yeah ! I like her, she can be nice sometimes though I don’t know her that much. Started going to this bar recently and errrr… yeah, she works here. »

It was equally cute to hear Yasuo talk, sometimes getting lost with his words. By now he was supporting himself on Yi, still able to walk but maybe he wanted some contact._ It’s fine_. Such a dear moment to be able to chat while Yasuo got clingy, Yi wished it could last forever.

« I see. She seems to be a nice person. »

« Yup. And she’s fucking strong, like she’s the one going if there is any issue. Ah yeah, she woke me up, that’s why I’m late… »

The last piece of the puzzle. So it would seem that Yasuo had fallen asleep at the bar despite the constant noise and got waken up by his friend. Aside his worry for this reckless act, Yi was glad there was no issue at all and that there was someone else potentially looking after Yasuo. Though it wasn’t that fine, she had better to do than indeed looking after a grown up. Yi would want to save her the trouble but it meant going out every time Yasuo did, which was difficult.

« Then next time I’ll thank her for checking on you. But you know she’s not paid for that, you should stay careful next time. » Useless to say because it was the first time Yasuo had fallen asleep at the bar, it didn’t feel like it would happen often.

« I knoooooooow… Eh, maybe next time you can come and check on me. I’d love to. »

Exactly what Yi had imagined but there were limits, he couldn’t go out that often.

« We shall see but yes, I’ll try to. »

« Aww thank youuuuuu… » And so he hugged Yi strongly, too drunk to care.

_Help_. Yi wanted to be affectionate too but he was sober, never he would dare to do that kind of thing. All he did was return some of the embrace before having Yasuo to resume their walk back home. It was late and he didn’t want to miss on sleep too much. However the tender mood remained.

After that he didn’t dare chatting more unless Yasuo was the one to start it. Stupid indeed but Yi had first to focus on not showing too much, dealing with his drunk friend was the most destabilizing thing in the world. It could potentially be forgotten forever or remembered next day so better not risk it.

They made it home not so long after, welcomed by a curious Lily that porbably hadn’t gone back to sleep after Yi’s sudden departure.

« Hello peanuuuut… What’s up ? »

« Shhhh it’s late, people are sleeping. »

« Oh shit, sorry. » To his credit, Yasuo did get quiet afterward.

Now Yi wasn’t practically carrying him, Yasuo had made a bee line to the couch where he heavily slumped over. Meanwhile he took care of his shoes before checking Lily’s food level for the night. They were home, Yasuo was fine and now they would get some sleep.

« I’m going to sleep. Do you need help ? » He preferred to ask because Yasuo didn’t move from his spot on the couch, staring at the wall.

« Ah errrr no, don’t worry. I’m here, I’m here. »

Here for what ? It didn’t matter, Yasuo took his shoes off and quickly joined Yi in the corridor heading to their bedrooms. First he wouldn’t have thought nothing of it but Yasuo came far too close, almost leaning against him once more as he spoke lowly.

« Thanks, good night… »

Again, it was surely nothing but it was what Yi’s thoughts decided to focus on until he fell asleep later.

_Ahh…. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha it's getting closer~  
yeah, i needed Yi POV for that one but we'll resume the usual alternation


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES ANOTHER UPDATE  
LET'S GO

_Fuck this._

The first thought of the day, feat far too bright light coming from the window. Well, Yasuo deserved it for forgetting to close his curtains but it was too late this time, the sun was up and it had to fall right on his face. He tried rolling on his other side to escape the glare but somehow he was kept from it.

_What ?_

His head hurt, his thoughts were blurry so nothing helped him. Annoyed, he opened his eyes and found Lily, quietly sitting on him in a ball.

« Uhhh it’s just you… » Long sigh, he had his answer but at the same time he didn’t know what to do with that.

To have a visit from Lily wasn’t exactly rare but indeed it was the first night in the new flat and Yasuo’s bedroom that she did so. Yasuo had good reasons to be surprised but not so much, she used to do that when he slept on the couch before. _Not napping at Yi’s ?_ Surely he would have loved that kind of visit another day but right now it felt like he was hungover.

Nonetheless he petted her a little, she couldn’t know that he was in a sad state. Aside Yasuo wondered how she had been able to stay here, considering he moved often in his sleep. Either she kept him in place like a rock or she came here recently.

_Mmmh… _ His head  mildly hurt so he looked for some water, trying not to bother Lily although she could very well go away if she didn’t like it. The soft surprise was to find not just his water bottle but also a box of painkillers and a bucket right next to his bed.  _ Awww… _ No way his drunk self got this before going to bed, it had to be Yi and instantly it made him melt from the attention.

_So kind…_

Yasuo accepted the offering gladly, taking one pill with some water before he relaxed back in bed, minus the constant presence of a cat that believed to be lighter than that. _Nah_. It didn’t matter, Yasuo could have been pissed off but right now he just felt like staying in bed forever. Just the two of them, nap buddies for the eternity. Lily started to purr soon enough after he resume the petting on reflex.

After a while, he couldn’t fall asleep again and his thoughts wandered instead. It was a bit like a risky game to try to remember everything from the night before when he knew he had been drinking. Not that it happened often that he drank too much and forgot but he preferred to check. The first thing that came to his mind was Yi. Would he ever leave his thoughts ? Never, that was a fact. Beyond that, Yasuo felt a bit like he had fucked up or risked to at least.

_Wait, what did we do ?_ No, they hadn’t gone out together, now he remembered a little. The memory of seeing Yi at the bar confused him lightly but it made sense because the latter had found him there to help him back home. This left him both softly endeared and then mortified to know that Yi came to pick him up at the bar. A gay bar, among everything.

_Fuckkkkk…_ All he could hope was that it didn’t bother Yi too much.

Aside from that, Yasuo didn’t remember being particularly horrible, at least he hadn’t outed himself. This was the biggest risk indeed because sometimes he could get a bit too expressive after a few drinks. Especially when Yi wasn’t supposed to find him like this. _Ahhh, I’ll be more careful next time_. This was an open door for problems.

All this was quite important but Yasuo heard some noise from the kitchen, which suddenly made him aware of his hunger. _Ohhh…_ It must have been quite a late waking if Yi was already making lunch. The call of food was too strong, Yasuo surrendered. A bit carefully he picked Lily up to put her comfortably on the vacated pillow, at least this was going to be as comfortable he hoped.

« Sorry, I’m hungry so I have to go. See ya later. »

The look on her cute was was sad but Yasuo really wanted to go eat something. As soon as he stood Yasuo got a light time to adjust, not close to collapse back in bed but he had gone too fast. _Fuck_. As soon as he was good he made his way to the kitchen more than happy to smell bacon.

Finding Yi in the kitchen had a strange sense of domesticity that made Yasuo almost forget they weren’t a thing at all. It was sad but he liked that moment, as simply as that. In any case he hid it, nothing good would come from feeling down for nothing.

« Hey ! » Yasuo had to resist the urge to come and embrace him from behind, it would have been so easy but he couldn’t afford to make such a bad move. Plus he respected Yi too much to do that to him.

Oh, what a precious look when Yi turned from the stove to greet him, smiling. _I love him so much…_ It was blinding, almost breaking his heart at the occasion because it was so pure. Good thing he hadn’t acted inappropriately in Yi’s presence last night.

« Hello ! Sorry, maybe I woke you up with all the noise I made. »

Yasuo caught himself before he could follow the urge to come closer, even for a few seconds. Instead he took his chair and sat.

« Ah no, don’t worry ! I woke up without issues. Oh and Lily is in my bed, found her here. » No way to hold back that laugh, it was adorable to find the peanut in the morning.

« I guess she wanted a companion for her naps. Tell me, do you feel alright ? You looked like you had drank enough last night. »

« I’m fine, head hurts but I got the painkillers you left. Thanks, by the way, that was quite nice. »

« You’re welcome, I supposed you’d need some. »

« Ha, I was drunk to that point ? » Yasuo a bit joking but as he asked, he got a bit scared. There might be things he didn’t remember.

The way Yi paused a little before answering didn’t help either.

« Mmh a little yes but don’t worry, there was no issue. You just acted a bit silly, that was funny. »

_Ahhhhhhh…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh head hurts but next i'll have to work on my other fics


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!  
small update cuz i didn't have much time for anything else xD
> 
> thanks for reading!

Time had gone since that ‘incident’ and yet it never truly changed. If at first Yi had thought it was indeed a mere incident and that it wouldn’t happen again, he was soon enough proven wrong. It happened a few times, with varying degree of seriousness.

Yasuo would go out, get rather drunk and so cause these happy accidents that made their lives so interesting. It didn’t even feel on purpose, Yi was sure this was an honest mistake that added on and added on. Depending on the night the latter might go back noisily from the clubs and relax a little in the living room or he would try to convince Yi to have some fun together.

It was sweet, as reckless as it was.

In a few more weeks Yi would have to go back to his usual schedule so he did his best to enjoy summer while it last. Of course it didn’t mean that he went out often but more than once he followed Yasuo during the day or on the evening for the movies. Noisy but nice nonetheless.

What he preferred in all this were the evenings when he stayed home, either too tired to put up with folks outside or just preferring to stay at home with Lily. It wasn’t much the setting of the evening that he liked but Yasuo’s return, bringing joy to the flat.

Also Yi noticed that Yasuo wasn’t sleeping outside anymore. Maybe he was wrong but as far as he remembered it had been a while since his friend had actually texted him because he planned not to come back for the night. To be happy about it was forbidden but secretly Yi wondered about that. He would have thought that since summer was probably the best time to have fun outside, Yasuo would spend most of his nights accordingly. Surprisingly, no. Maybe it was because since then they had moved to a new area or maybe all this time Yasuo did that to enjoy a proper bed. No, that last one was ridiculous, it couldn’t be that. In either case, Yi couldn’t deny feeling faintly relieved to know he could have his friend just for himself. When Yasuo didn’t hook-up, he came back home in such a dear mood, it made Yi’s heart melt every time.

So much for being a good friend, now he was lowly hoping that Yasuo wouldn’t sleep outside. Bad bad look for Yi, he shouldn’t think that.

In any case, he tried to make the best of this late summer and Yasuo was doing exactly the same. He still worked but took also some time aside to chill a little and be able to live his life. Their arrangement went well, nothing to say about their financial situation. It could go on forever, Yi wouldn’t be mad. More like glad. He had no idea if indeed it would stay like this for a long time but they had barely moved in together, he was allowed to relish the company of his friend in this lively flat. A small family, as he had joked before.

If only.

What was the harm in dreaming ? Maybe one day Yasuo would get tired of one night stands and would look for romantic relationships. Maybe one day he would start to consider Yi. However he thought a little and probably he was considered like his best friend or something close. Sweet indeed but not what Yi longed for. It wasn’t something he could have a say over, to be that close to Yasuo was a chance and he would cherish it. When he made them lunch on Sunday, when he helped the latter when he got back far too drunk and needed support, when it was time to share some sad memories about his past. Yi would always be there and it broke his heart to know he wouldn’t find the best thing he wanted but he got the second best and that was enough.

Sometimes he felt like confessing but he didn’t have enough alcohol in his blood to truly do it. It wouldn’t do him any good so he tried to avoid being as drunk as Yasuo. but he already had such control over his life and thoughts so Yi doubted he would spill the beans so easily.

So it would stay like this, Yasuo barging into the flat late in the night to crash on the couch by Yi’s side. Once he even rested his head on Yi’s lap until the end of the movie. Oh what a dear feeling but then next morning there were some genuine apologies about making him uncomfortable. Of course he reassured Yasuo every time that there was no harm done but not once he would openly admit that he didn’t mind because only in these moments did Yasuo get almost affectionate on him. This would stay untold, to lull him to sleep later. To dream about cheerful hugs and perfectly friendly words.

To be bitter or sad would never help, better focus on what they had. Even when Yasuo got clingy late at night, only not to remember about it next day. Even when he asked Yi to go out for drinks and so his gaze would lit when it was accepted. Even when once he got gloomy about his family and let Yi comfort him through it.

It was life and it would go on.

And sometimes life could offer some surprises, events he couldn’t have seen coming. It happened on a late night, one of the few when Yi stayed home because there was nothing better than a quiet place with a cat and a series. Like always he had been expecting Yasuo to come back more or less drunk. And so he did, at the difference that this time he got some help to go back home.

It led to this rather confused if not awkward moment of having someone knock at the door at 3, carrying a half passed out Yasuo. So here came Riven, obviously too tired for this kind of crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly setting everything for the final stage~


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what i should update, i just wanna write while lockdown goes xD
> 
> thanks for reading!

_Fuck._

« Oh dear… Let me help you. »

Yi didn’t know what to say but he had a guest at the door and Yasuo looking quite out. On reflex he came closer to carry his friend.

« Thanks. He’s heavy. » Her tone was somehow not too harsh for that kind of comment, surely exhausted by her day.

No need to say more, Yi got her to take Yasuo in the living room, to sit on the couch. Not the easiest thing ever done but it could have been worse.

« Hey, Yasuo. Can you hear me ? »

Worry was quick to kick in, like always. It would be really stupid if he was in a serious state but since Riven had taken him here and not called an ambulance, Yi could safely guess it wasn’t that bad. Indeed, Yasuo could still react a little.

« Heyyyyyy… »

« Yeah, really drunk but he will be fine. I found him asleep in a corner again though he couldn’t even walk straight this time. He showed me the way back home. »

« Ah ? » Yi gave Yasuo a curious look, indeed this was lightly concerning but all turned out fine.

« Yup… Riv was nice, she helped me… » Indeed he sounded alright, really drunk but able to move and speak.

« Of course, you wouldn’t have gone far all alone. »

Almost banter, it was nice. Obviously this wasn’t the first time Riven had seen such behavior and she was used to it.

« Thaaaaanks… » So cheerful while there was no reason to. It was almost endearing.

« Indeed thank you, this is really appreciated. »

« Well, it was the closing time of the bar, I couldn’t leave this idiot in the street. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go home and sleep. »

Understandable, it was quite late and she had had a full shift.

« Of course, we won’t keep you here forever. »

Since Riven had to go, Yi went with her to the door, indeed leaving Yasuo to slowly recover on the couch.

« I hope you’ll make it home safely. Thank you again for bringing Yasuo home. I know it might be too much but would it be fine for you if I gave you my phone number in case this happens again ? We will try to prevent it if possible but I think it would be a lot less bothering to send a text than to carry a dead weigth for half an hour. »

« Ah, don’t worry about it. I know it sounds like I can’t stand him but he’s a good one, I try to keep an eye on him. » Riven seemed to think a little, leaning against the door. « Mmh, yeah, give me your number. Who knows ? »

« Just one second to get some paper, I’ll be back. »

Indeed it didn’t take long for Yi to look in the kitchen for post-its, quickly scribling his number. As soon as possible he returned to Riven and held out the note.

« Here. And thank you, I guess it can be tiring to look after Yasuo but you’re of great help. Please text me if anything happens another time. »

« Heh, don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on your boyfriend. Good night to you too~ »

_Hey no_. This side was surprising too but she could be a little playful if she wanted, giving a sly smile.

« Roommate. Good night and good return. »

« Yeah yeah, we say that. » Again a light laugh as she stepped into the common corridor.

Yi waited for her to be really gone on her way to close and lock the door. Now it wasn’t time to consider his life and actions, Yasuo would need some help again. _Forget, forget… _

When he came back in the living room, he indeed found the latter fallen on his side over the couch, staring at nothing in front of him. Lily watched the scene from her spot on the cat tree like a hawk.

« Hey, still here ? »

« Hey baby… Nah, will be fine. » And yet he didn’t move from his spot although he lazily looked at Yi when he sat down on the floor to be on his level.

…_Why ?_ It felt like everyone had decided to drive him crazy this night, first Riven implying things and now Yasuo being so drunk that he used pet names. It was nice but Yi had to remind himself that they were nothing like this. Why was it even mentioned ? It would be easier for him if he could simply bury these feelings and pretend he didn’t feel so much for the man right now lying like Lily on a late afternoon nap.

« At least take off your shoes, not to dirty our home. I’ll bring you some water. »

« Uhhhh aight… »

Be it done or not, Yi made a small trip in the kitchen to get some fresh water. He poured himself a glass too because summer could be quite hot. Soon enough he returned to the living room with the bottle and a glass for Yasuo, only to find him taking off his shirt too.

_Ah. _

Was there someone up there trying to make fun of him ? This would almost get old. Yi did like always and pretended not to see, giving Yasuo a glass of water while remaining careful so he couldn’t spill any of it by accident.

« How do you feel for now ? Do you think you’ll need a bucket ? »

Yasuo answered after her second glass, indeed he seemed quite thirsty.

« Tired… Dunno, maybe yes. »

Already more responsive than when the two arrived at the flat, this was good. Yi sighed a little before he took the bottle and glass to the kitchen, grabbing the bucket at the occasion. _It will be fine for now but tomorrow gonna sting_. Pure logic.

As soon as he came back he remembered about Yasuo being half naked and once more he had to ignore it to save himself from a blush. Better not go further.

« Sleep time now. Get up, I’ll help if you need. »

« Okayyyyy… »

And indeed it was needed. Yasuo didn’t seem very sure on his feet, clinging a bit to Yi for support. To be held like this gave some comfort but he found himself so pathetic to yearn for that kind of stupid contact. They made it to Yasuo’s bedroom without trouble and he flopped down without any elegance. Like a stone. Yi took care to bring him the bucket along as well as a water bottle and the painkillers. Of course he would be awake before Yasuo next day and would have time to do that but this was to be safe.

Surprisingly or not, Yasuo had fallen asleep not so long after. He was a bit in a silly position in bed but as long as it didn’t put him at risk, it was fine. Yi finished what he had to do and then left him to rest.

Then he could get on his night routine, which consisted on giving Lily some food, turning every light off and overthinking.

_Why… ?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly~

**Author's Note:**

> Uni being what it is, I won't be able to update dayly but I'll try at least once per week!
> 
> And if interested about yisuo, my writing or just any topic like LoL, come find me:  
> tumblr: aracdo.tumblr.com  
> twitter: @niceswordboots


End file.
